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{{Short description|Inability to move from a platonic relationship into a romantic one}}
{{tone|date=January 2012}}
{{Other uses}}
The '''friend zone''', or occasionally '''ninth circle of hell''', is a ] term describing a situation in which one partner wants to become intimate romantically while the other prefers to be just friends.<ref name=twsFebX25>{{cite news
{{pp|small=yes}}
|author= Michael Klopman
{{Use dmy dates|date=December 2021}}
|title= ], Mark Sanchez 'Just Friends': Report
]
|publisher= ''Huffington Post''
{{Close Relationships|types}}
|date= October 19, 2010
{{Love sidebar|all}}
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/19/lindsay-mccormick-mark-sa_n_768533.html
{{Emotion}}
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref>
It is generally regarded as a negative development, particularly for a man.<ref name=twsFebX19/> The sense is that once this has happened to a relationship, it's difficult to undo,<ref name=twsFebX19/><ref name=twsFebX27/> although there are differing views about whether it's possible to leave the friend zone and how this might be accomplished.


In popular culture, the '''friend zone''' (or '''friendzone''') is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual ] wishes to enter into a ] with the other person, while the other does not.<ref>{{Citation |title=Oxford English Dictionary |url=http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20131129154332/http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone |url-status=dead |archive-date=29 November 2013 |contribution=friend zone |quote=...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other... |access-date=22 January 2014}}</ref> The person whose romantic advances were rejected is then said to have "entered" (or to have been "put in") the friend zone, with the sense that they are stuck there. The friendzone has a strong presence on the Internet; for example, on ], dating sites, and other social media platforms. However, over time the term has expanded into middle schools, high schools, and colleges where young people are discovering their identities when it comes to dating and romance.<ref>Buchler, Chelsea (5 January 2014). "The "Friendzone": Renegotiating Gender Performance and Boundaries in Relationship Discourse". ''University of Colorado Boulder''.</ref>
==The zone==
]
The ''friend zone'' can be used to describe somebody with whom you want to spend time but not necessarily pursue sexually. Marshall Fine, of the '']'', suggested that it was "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."<ref name=twsFebX24>{{cite news
|author= Marshall Fine
|title= HuffPost Review: Just Wright
|publisher= ''Huffington Post''
|date= May 10, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-fine/huffpost-review-ijust-wri_b_569896.html
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref>


The concept of the friend zone has been criticized by some as ], because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should be romantically involved with men in whom they have no interest, simply because the men were nice to them,<ref name="6 reasons">{{Cite web |last=Dickson |first=E.J. |date=12 October 2013 |title=6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die |url=http://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ |access-date=26 April 2015 |website=] }}</ref><ref name="Marcotte">{{Cite web |last=Marcotte |first=Amanda |date=27 May 2014 |title=The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone" |url=http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/ |website=] |access-date=7 June 2014 |archive-date=1 August 2014 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20140801110241/http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/ |url-status=dead }}</ref> though the term refers to all forms of unrequited affection, not necessarily a man liking a woman. It is also closely associated with so-called "]".<ref>{{cite news|first=Rachel|last=Hosie|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/nice-guy-syndrome-dating-tactics-persona-men-women-relationships-a7476651.html|title=The sinister logic behind 'Nice Guy Syndrome', explained by psychologists|newspaper=]|date=16 December 2016|accessdate=March 17, 2024}}</ref>
There are differing explanations about what causes the friend zone to happen. One report suggested that some women don't see their male friends as potential love interests because they fear that deepening their relationship might entail a loss of the romance and mystery as well as enable possible rejection. A '']'' writer suggested there were several causes in which a man might become corralled to the friend zone: (1) the woman is not sufficiently attracted to the man, (2) the woman perceives signals coming from the man about whether to deepen the relationship as ambiguous, (3) there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship).<ref name=twsFebX18>{{cite news
|author= GINA B.
|title= What's so bad about the friend zone?
|publisher= ''Chicago Tribune''
|date= January 12, 2007
|url= http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref> The writer described the relationship in these terms:


The term was originally popularized in the American sitcom television series '']'' (1994). In the seventh episode of the first season, "]", ] is lovesick for ], but ] informs him that, when two people meet, there is a short period in which there is potential for a romantic relationship that Ross has gone beyond. After this time, if they continue to see each other, they are in the "friend zone" and so a romantic relationship is effectively impossible, even if one of the parties wants to be the other's lover.<ref>{{cite web|first=Sarah-Louise|last=Kelly|url=https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/people-are-just-realising-where-the-term-friend-zone-came-from-and-were-stunned_uk_65e9cde8e4b0c77c74157b33|title=People Are Just Realising Where The Term 'Friend Zone' Came From And We're Stunned|website=]|date=March 7, 2024|accessdate=March 16, 2024}}</ref>
{{cquote|When a guy agrees to be friends, he's forced to stifle his attraction while regularly seeing and talking to the woman he's attracted to. She discusses her love life and has the audacity to ask his advice on it. He performs occasional "manly" household and automotive favors for the women. Essentially, he does everything a boyfriend would do&nbsp;– without the benefits.|author=Gina B.|source=''Chicago Tribune'', 2007<ref name=twsFebX18/>}}


==Terminology==
Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as '']'', and wrote that it's a "territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the western Sahara, the Atacama desert, and Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell."<ref name=twsFebX19>{{cite news
The term friendzone can be ], as in the sentence "So, she's friend-zoned you."<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://thejambar.com/the-friend-zone-less-innocuous-than-it-seems/|title=The Friend Zone: Less Innocuous than it Seems? - The Jambar|date=February 2018 }}</ref> It is described as " situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other."<ref>Shields, Giorgia (12 January 2017). "A place where every decent guy will find himself eventually": delineating the friend zone as a site of sexual violence". ''The University of Texas at Austin''.</ref> Although the term is apparently gender-neutral, the friend zone is often used to describe a situation in a male-female relationship in which the male is in the friend zone and the female is the object of his ], or vice versa, where the female is being friend-zoned by the male, although less common.<ref>{{Cite news |date=12 October 2013 |title=6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die |language=en-US |work=Salon |url=https://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ |access-date=25 October 2017}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/men-friend-zone-women|title=Women Get Friend-Zoned Too – And Men Still Sleep With Them Anyway|first=Natalie|last=Gil|website=www.refinery29.com}}</ref> The person who does the friend-zoning is referred to as the ''friend-zoner'', whereas the person who gets friend-zoned is called the ''friend-zonee''.
|author= Ali Binazir M.D. M.Phil.
|title= How to stay out of the Friend Zone
|publisher= ''taoofdating.com''
|date= February 2011
|url= http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref>


The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in ] literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males.
A key is avoiding the friend zone to begin with. One man described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.<ref name=twsFebX21>{{cite news
|author= Mastin Kipp
|title= Choosing a Better Kind of Love
|publisher= ''Huffington Post''
|date= June 3, 2010
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mastin-kipp/love-choosing-a-better-ki_b_598693.html
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref> On the other hand, a report in '']'' magazine suggested that a friend-only relation could change into a sexual one, and based this finding on a 2001 ] survey in which 71% of respondents hoped that they would fall in love with a friend.<ref>{{cite news
|url=http://www.accessmylibrary.com/coms2/summary_0286-15951082_ITM
|title=When you fall for a guy pal: the "just friends" zone is like relationship quicksand, but you can get out with a few strategic maneuvers.
|publisher=]
|accessdate=2008-01-14
| date=2006-06-01}}</ref> It has also been suggested that women may also become victims of the "friend zone", that is, in which a man treats them as only a friend, while the woman prefers a more intimate relationship.<ref>, AskMen.com</ref><ref name=twsFebX22>{{cite news
|author= Emily Yahr
|title= The CW's 'Plain Jane,' a not-so-extreme makeover show
|publisher= ''Washington Post''
|quote= she harbors a hard-core crush on her buddy Ty, who has categorized her in "the friend zone" since college.
|date= July 25, 2010
|url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/22/AR2010072206828.html
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref> But it was suggested that it was easier for women to escape the ''friend zone'', and move the relation to an intimate one with sex, than it was for men to escape the zone.


== Research ==
There is general agreement that once a man is in the ''friend zone'', that it is difficult to get out.<ref name=twsFebX27/> A platonic relationship has formed without sex and can continue indefinitely. Accordingly, dating advisers and coaches have suggested that one should never get in the friend zone to begin with. Several advisers urged men, during the initial dates, to touch women physically in appropriate places such as elbows or shoulders as a means of increasing the sexual tension.<ref name=twsFebX23>{{cite news
Binghamton University did a study on undergraduates from a midsize university in the northeastern United States. There were 562 participants with 305 identified as female and 257 as male. Of the 562 participants, 427 were exclusively heterosexual while 113 were not exclusively heterosexual. The participants were asked "Have you ever friend-zoned someone else?" and "Have you ever been friend-zoned?" The study found that 65.7% of exclusively heterosexual males have friend-zoned someone while 92.6% of exclusively heterosexual females have friend-zoned someone. The study also found that 75.2% of exclusively heterosexual males have been friend-zoned before while only 41.2% of exclusively heterosexual females have been friend-zoned before.<ref>Harrington, Lillian, et al. (2017).</ref>
|author= ERIC V. COPAGE
|title= For New Pickup Lines, Pay $377 and Go Practice
|publisher= ''The New York Times''
|date= June 6, 2010
|url= http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/nyregion/07dating.html
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref><ref name=twsFebX32/> Authors of the book ''How to Succeed with Women'' explained the logic:


== Background ==
{{cquote|Touching a woman casually and non-intrusively establishes a precedent that will help you touch her more intimately later. It gets her used to accepting your touch, and even shows her that it can feel good. These touches are quick, gentle, and over with before she has a chance to get uncomfortable.|author=Ron Louis, David Copeland|source=''How to Succeed with Women'', 2009<ref name=twsFebX32>{{cite news
Writer Jeremy Nicholson in '']'' suggested that a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected upfront, uses a ploy of acting friendly as a "back door" way into a hoped-for relationship. When this method does not work, the pursuer consequently is placed in the ''friend zone''.<ref name="twsPsychToday5">{{Cite journal |last=Nicholson |first=Jeremy |date=1 March 2013 |title=Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend |url=http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201302/avoiding-the-friend-zone-becoming-girlfriend-or-boyfriend |journal=] |page=3}}</ref>
|author= Ron Louis and David Copeland
|title= How To Succeed With Women: Revised and Updated
|publisher= ''Prentice Hall Press''
|year= 2009
|url= http://books.google.com/books?id=pHzb7_bZTSwC&pg=PT205&lpg=PT205&dq=%22ron+louis%22+touch+woman+date+%22how+to+succeed+with+women%22#v=onepage&q&f=false
|isbn= 078-1-440-66211-9
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref>}}


According to some psychologists, the man in a ] is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.<ref name="twsTheGuardian2" /><ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Bleske-Rechek |first1=April |last2=Somers |first2=Erin |last3=Micke |first3=Cierra |last4=Erickson |first4=Leah |last5=Matteson |first5=Lindsay |last6=Stocco |first6=Corey |last7=Schumacher |first7=Brittany |last8=Ritchie |first8=Laura |date=August 2012 |title=Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship |journal=] |volume=29 |issue=5 |pages=569–596 |doi=10.1177/0265407512443611 |s2cid=4991872}} </ref>
Adviser Ali Binazir agrees, and suggested for the man to be a "little bit dangerous", not in a violent sense, but "with a bit of an edge to them", and be unpredictable and feel "comfortable in their skin as sexual beings."<ref name=twsFebX27>{{cite news
|author= Dr. Alex Benzer
|title= How Rich Guys Screw Up Their Chances with Women
|publisher= ''Huffington Post''
|date= April 2, 2009
|url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/how-rich-guys-ruin-their_b_181386.html
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref> A woman speaking about a previous date in a report in the '']'' confirmed that she relegated her date to the friend zone because he lacked an "edge"; she needed "excitement."<ref name=twsFebX26>{{cite news
|author= Interview with Kevin and Kajka
|title= Date Lab: And we hang our heads in matchmaking shame
|publisher= ''Boston Globe''
|date= April 25, 2010
|url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/04/15/AR2010041504997.html
|accessdate= 2011-02-24
}}</ref> Binazir suggested that a man, ensnared in the ''friend zone'', is free to experiment and try new things, since there's nothing to lose.<ref name=twsFebX27/>


==Criticism of the term==
==Popular culture==
] writers such as Rivu Dasgupta and ] have argued that the friend zone concept is ].<ref name="maneater"/><ref name="Marcotte"/><ref>{{Cite web |last=Moore |first=Tracy |date=2 November 2014 |title=Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog) |url=http://jezebel.com/hey-dude-youre-not-stuck-in-the-friendzone-cuz-you-dre-1653403664 |access-date=26 April 2015 |website=] |publisher=]}}</ref><ref name="6 reasons" /> Dasgupta sees the friend zone as being rooted in ].<ref name="maneater"/> The '']'' concept has been criticized as a ] with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward.<ref name="maneater">{{cite web|last1=Dasgupta|first1=Rivu|title=The Friend Zone is Sexist|url=http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2014/2/13/friend-zone-sexist/|website=The Maneater|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20141205161105/http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2014/2/13/friend-zone-sexist/ |archive-date=5 December 2014|accessdate=20 May 2024}}</ref> Dasgupta and Marcotte say that the concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection.<ref name="maneater"/> A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.<ref name="maneater"/> Ryan Milner of the ] argued that the ''friend zone'' concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of ] authority and male domination.<ref name=twsFiberCulture4>{{cite journal|last1=Milner|first1=Ryan M.|title=FCJ-156 Hacking the Social: Internet Memes, Identity Antagonism, and the Logic of Lulz|journal=The Fiberculture Journal|date=2013|issue=22, 2013|page=16|url=http://twentytwo.fibreculturejournal.org/fcj-156-hacking-the-social-internet-memes-identity-antagonism-and-the-logic-of-lulz/|accessdate=6 November 2014}}</ref>
] played the role of Rachel on the TV show ''Friends''.]]
] played Ross on the show.]]


'']'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage reflects a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He places blame on ingrained gender roles.<ref name="twsTheGuardian2">{{Cite news |last=Fogg |first=Ally |date=8 January 2013 |title=Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys |work=] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/friends-friend-zone |access-date=29 November 2014}}</ref> Being rejected by a potential partner does not mean a person has been friend-zoned; it means that potential partner does not want to pursue a romantic relationship.<ref>Williamson, Carlos. . ''Chicago Tribune''. January 30, 2018.</ref>
The term ''friend zone'' was popularized by a 1994 episode of the ] ] '']'', where the character ], who was ] for ], was labeled "mayor of the Friend Zone".<ref>{{cite web
|url=http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html
|title=Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap
|publisher=]
|accessdate=2008-01-14}}</ref> The question of whether a man can ever "escape ''The Friend Zone'' and begin dating one of his female friends" was a prime ingredient in making the Ross and Rachel pairing interesting to watch; one writer described the two as a "geek dream couple".<ref>{{cite web
|url=http://tv.ign.com/articles/764/764349p2.html
|title=IGN's Top 10 Favorite TV Couples
|publisher=]
|accessdate=2008-01-14}}</ref> The term ''friend zone'' was a reference to a ] several decades earlier called '']'' which often featured regular people caught in weird or macabre situations, and who were sometimes stuck in time or space.


==In popular culture==
Comedian ] performed a memorable routine about women keeping platonic friends on 1996's ], where he talked about men being trapped in the "Friend Zone".
The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom '']'' entitled "]", where the character ], who was ] for ], was described by character ] as being the "mayor of the friend zone".<ref>{{Cite web |title=Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap |url=http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20081205051857/http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html |archive-date=5 December 2008 |access-date=14 January 2008 |publisher=]}}</ref>


The 2005 romantic comedy film '']'' main plot device is that the protagonist Chris Brander (played by ]) is "friend-zoned" by his best friend (and secret love interest since school) Jamie Palamino (played by ]).
The television show '']'' uses the term ''friend zone'' on the first season episode of "My Best Friend's Mistake". J.D. explains that once something important, a turning point, occurs between a guy and a girl, they have 48 hours to do something about it or else the guy will be stuck in the girl's "friend zone" forever. J.D. doesn't get to finish kissing Elliot in 48 hours, so he enters an imaginary hospital room called "Friend Zone" with a room full of guys who used to like Elliot, but Elliot didn't like them back in the same way.


] mentions the term in his 1996 "Bring the Pain" skit. He says that women have male friends but these men are friends with women they "haven't fucked yet". Then claims that men who have platonic friends is because of an accident and ending up in the friend zone is because of a "wrong turn somewhere".<ref name="auto">Michael, Cherish Krista. "Perceptions of Healthy and Respectful Relationships and Friend Zone Phenomena." PhD diss., Arizona State University, 2015.</ref>
The 2005 film '']'' deals with the "friend zone" and how it impacts on the main character of the film (played by ]) when he re-unites with his female friend from high school (played by ]) for the first time in 10 years after an incident at a high school graduation party at her home in which she said that she loves him "like a brother", dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend.<ref>, RadioFree.com Interviews (Nov. 5, 2005)</ref> The movie '']'' explored the theme of whether men and women could be friends without being lovers.


] aired a reality show entitled '']'' from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees" but want to begin relationships with them.
In May 2011, ] announced a new show entitled "FriendZone", produced by ] cast by ]. Created by Damon Epps and ].


The ] series '']'' brings up and shows the friend zone on a regular basis, as one of the show's main characters, Mordecai, and his friend Margaret experience shifts in their relationship.
In an interview with a national publication, Mr. Epps is quoted as saying, "The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too." <ref></ref>


==See also== ==See also==
{{Portal|Human sexuality}}
* ] * ]
* ] * ]
* ] * ]
* ] * ]
* ]
* ]


==References== ==References==
{{Reflist}} {{Reflist|30em}}

{{Friends}}


]
] ]
] ]
] ]

]

Latest revision as of 16:43, 17 September 2024

Inability to move from a platonic relationship into a romantic one For other uses, see Friend zone (disambiguation).

Two partygoers demonstrating the "friend zone"

Relationships
(Outline)
Types
Genetic or adoptive
By marriage
Partner(s)
Intimate and sexual
Activities
Endings
Emotions and feelings
Practices
Abuse
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Love
Red-outline heart icon
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Types of love
Social views
Concepts
Part of a series on
Emotions
Emotions

In popular culture, the friend zone (or friendzone) is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other does not. The person whose romantic advances were rejected is then said to have "entered" (or to have been "put in") the friend zone, with the sense that they are stuck there. The friendzone has a strong presence on the Internet; for example, on Facebook, dating sites, and other social media platforms. However, over time the term has expanded into middle schools, high schools, and colleges where young people are discovering their identities when it comes to dating and romance.

The concept of the friend zone has been criticized by some as misogynistic, because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should be romantically involved with men in whom they have no interest, simply because the men were nice to them, though the term refers to all forms of unrequited affection, not necessarily a man liking a woman. It is also closely associated with so-called "nice guy syndrome".

The term was originally popularized in the American sitcom television series Friends (1994). In the seventh episode of the first season, "The One with the Blackout", Ross Geller is lovesick for Rachel Green, but Joey Tribbiani informs him that, when two people meet, there is a short period in which there is potential for a romantic relationship that Ross has gone beyond. After this time, if they continue to see each other, they are in the "friend zone" and so a romantic relationship is effectively impossible, even if one of the parties wants to be the other's lover.

Terminology

The term friendzone can be verbified, as in the sentence "So, she's friend-zoned you." It is described as " situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other." Although the term is apparently gender-neutral, the friend zone is often used to describe a situation in a male-female relationship in which the male is in the friend zone and the female is the object of his unrequited desire, or vice versa, where the female is being friend-zoned by the male, although less common. The person who does the friend-zoning is referred to as the friend-zoner, whereas the person who gets friend-zoned is called the friend-zonee.

The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in pick up artist (PUA) literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males.

Research

Binghamton University did a study on undergraduates from a midsize university in the northeastern United States. There were 562 participants with 305 identified as female and 257 as male. Of the 562 participants, 427 were exclusively heterosexual while 113 were not exclusively heterosexual. The participants were asked "Have you ever friend-zoned someone else?" and "Have you ever been friend-zoned?" The study found that 65.7% of exclusively heterosexual males have friend-zoned someone while 92.6% of exclusively heterosexual females have friend-zoned someone. The study also found that 75.2% of exclusively heterosexual males have been friend-zoned before while only 41.2% of exclusively heterosexual females have been friend-zoned before.

Background

Writer Jeremy Nicholson in Psychology Today suggested that a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected upfront, uses a ploy of acting friendly as a "back door" way into a hoped-for relationship. When this method does not work, the pursuer consequently is placed in the friend zone.

According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.

Criticism of the term

Feminist writers such as Rivu Dasgupta and Amanda Marcotte have argued that the friend zone concept is misogynistic. Dasgupta sees the friend zone as being rooted in male narcissism. The nice guy concept has been criticized as a gender trope with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward. Dasgupta and Marcotte say that the concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault. Ryan Milner of the College of Charleston argued that the friend zone concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of patriarchal authority and male domination.

TheGuardian.com contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage reflects a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He places blame on ingrained gender roles. Being rejected by a potential partner does not mean a person has been friend-zoned; it means that potential partner does not want to pursue a romantic relationship.

In popular culture

The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom Friends entitled "The One with the Blackout", where the character Ross Geller, who was lovesick for Rachel Green, was described by character Joey Tribbiani as being the "mayor of the friend zone".

The 2005 romantic comedy film Just Friends main plot device is that the protagonist Chris Brander (played by Ryan Reynolds) is "friend-zoned" by his best friend (and secret love interest since school) Jamie Palamino (played by Amy Smart).

Chris Rock mentions the term in his 1996 "Bring the Pain" skit. He says that women have male friends but these men are friends with women they "haven't fucked yet". Then claims that men who have platonic friends is because of an accident and ending up in the friend zone is because of a "wrong turn somewhere".

MTV aired a reality show entitled FriendZone from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees" but want to begin relationships with them.

The Cartoon Network series Regular Show brings up and shows the friend zone on a regular basis, as one of the show's main characters, Mordecai, and his friend Margaret experience shifts in their relationship.

See also

References

  1. "friend zone", Oxford English Dictionary, archived from the original on 29 November 2013, retrieved 22 January 2014, ...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other...
  2. Buchler, Chelsea (5 January 2014). "The "Friendzone": Renegotiating Gender Performance and Boundaries in Relationship Discourse". University of Colorado Boulder.
  3. ^ Dickson, E.J. (12 October 2013). "6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die". Salon.com. Retrieved 26 April 2015.
  4. ^ Marcotte, Amanda (27 May 2014). "The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone"". The Raw Story. Archived from the original on 1 August 2014. Retrieved 7 June 2014.
  5. Hosie, Rachel (16 December 2016). "The sinister logic behind 'Nice Guy Syndrome', explained by psychologists". The Independent. Retrieved 17 March 2024.
  6. Kelly, Sarah-Louise (7 March 2024). "People Are Just Realising Where The Term 'Friend Zone' Came From And We're Stunned". Huffington Post UK. Retrieved 16 March 2024.
  7. "The Friend Zone: Less Innocuous than it Seems? - The Jambar". February 2018.
  8. Shields, Giorgia (12 January 2017). "A place where every decent guy will find himself eventually": delineating the friend zone as a site of sexual violence". The University of Texas at Austin.
  9. "6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die". Salon. 12 October 2013. Retrieved 25 October 2017.
  10. Gil, Natalie. "Women Get Friend-Zoned Too – And Men Still Sleep With Them Anyway". www.refinery29.com.
  11. Harrington, Lillian, et al. "The Friend zone: An Infinite Place Where Nothing Good Happens: A Comprehensive Study of Friend zoning Across Varying Genders and Sexual Orientations." (2017).
  12. Nicholson, Jeremy (1 March 2013). "Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend". Psychology Today: 3.
  13. ^ Fogg, Ally (8 January 2013). "Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys". The Guardian. Retrieved 29 November 2014.
  14. Bleske-Rechek, April; Somers, Erin; Micke, Cierra; Erickson, Leah; Matteson, Lindsay; Stocco, Corey; Schumacher, Brittany; Ritchie, Laura (August 2012). "Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship". Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 29 (5): 569–596. doi:10.1177/0265407512443611. S2CID 4991872. Pdf.
  15. ^ Dasgupta, Rivu. "The Friend Zone is Sexist". The Maneater. Archived from the original on 5 December 2014. Retrieved 20 May 2024.
  16. Moore, Tracy (2 November 2014). "Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog)". Jezebel. Univision Communications. Retrieved 26 April 2015.
  17. Milner, Ryan M. (2013). "FCJ-156 Hacking the Social: Internet Memes, Identity Antagonism, and the Logic of Lulz". The Fiberculture Journal (22, 2013): 16. Retrieved 6 November 2014.
  18. Williamson, Carlos. "In the friend zone? Here's what you need to know". Chicago Tribune. January 30, 2018.
  19. "Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap". TV.com. Archived from the original on 5 December 2008. Retrieved 14 January 2008.
  20. Michael, Cherish Krista. "Perceptions of Healthy and Respectful Relationships and Friend Zone Phenomena." PhD diss., Arizona State University, 2015.
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