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{{Short description|Inability to move from a platonic relationship into a romantic one}}
{{Other uses}} {{Other uses}}
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{{Close Relationships|types}}
{{Love sidebar|all}}
{{Emotion}}


In ], the '''friend zone''' is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.<ref name="twsFebX22">{{cite news |last= Yahr | first = Emily |title= The CW's 'Plain Jane,' a not-so-extreme makeover show | work = ] |quote= ...she harbors a hard-core crush on her buddy Ty, who has categorized her in "the friend zone" since college |date= 25 July 2010 |url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/22/AR2010072206828.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref><ref>{{citation | contribution = friend zone | title = Oxford English Dictionary | url = http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone | access-date = 22 January 2014 | quote = ...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other... }}</ref><ref name="maneater"/> It is generally considered to be an undesirable or dreaded<ref>{{cite news |last= Kaufman | first = Amy | title = 'The Bachelor' recap: Girls get wild in Anguilla | url = http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2011/02/the-bachelor-recap-episode-six-brad-womack.html | work = ] | date = 15 February 2011 | quote = ...the dreaded friend zone... }}</ref> situation by the rejected person.<ref name=twsFebX19/> The sense of ''zone'' is one of being stuck in an unwanted and distant relationship. The rejected person is said to have been put "in" the object of their affection's "friend zone", and this can be ], as in the sentence "So, she's friendzoned you."<ref name="twsFiberCulture4"/> In popular culture, the '''friend zone''' (or '''friendzone''') is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual ] wishes to enter into a ] with the other person, while the other does not.<ref>{{Citation |title=Oxford English Dictionary |url=http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20131129154332/http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone |url-status=dead |archive-date=29 November 2013 |contribution=friend zone |quote=...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other... |access-date=22 January 2014}}</ref> The person whose romantic advances were rejected is then said to have "entered" (or to have been "put in") the friend zone, with the sense that they are stuck there. The friendzone has a strong presence on the Internet; for example, on ], dating sites, and other social media platforms. However, over time the term has expanded into middle schools, high schools, and colleges where young people are discovering their identities when it comes to dating and romance.<ref>Buchler, Chelsea (5 January 2014). "The "Friendzone": Renegotiating Gender Performance and Boundaries in Relationship Discourse". ''University of Colorado Boulder''.</ref>


The concept of the friend zone has been criticized as ], because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should have sex with men whom they have no interest in, simply because they were nice to them.<ref name="6 reasons">{{cite web | url=http://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ | title=6 reasons the “friend zone” needs to die | website=] | publisher = Salon Media Group Inc. | date=12 October 2013 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Dickson |first= E.J,}}</ref><ref name="Marcotte">{{cite web|title=The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone"|url=http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/|last=Marcotte|first=Amanda | website = ] |date=27 May 2014}}</ref><ref>{{cite web | url=http://jezebel.com/hey-dude-youre-not-stuck-in-the-friendzone-cuz-you-dre-1653403664 | title=Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog) | website =] | publisher = ] | date=2 November 2014 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Moore | first = Tracy}}</ref> This is closely associated with so-called "] syndrome". The concept of the friend zone has been criticized by some as ], because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should be romantically involved with men in whom they have no interest, simply because the men were nice to them,<ref name="6 reasons">{{Cite web |last=Dickson |first=E.J. |date=12 October 2013 |title=6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die |url=http://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ |access-date=26 April 2015 |website=] }}</ref><ref name="Marcotte">{{Cite web |last=Marcotte |first=Amanda |date=27 May 2014 |title=The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone" |url=http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/ |website=] |access-date=7 June 2014 |archive-date=1 August 2014 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20140801110241/http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/ |url-status=dead }}</ref> though the term refers to all forms of unrequited affection, not necessarily a man liking a woman. It is also closely associated with so-called "]".<ref>{{cite news|first=Rachel|last=Hosie|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/nice-guy-syndrome-dating-tactics-persona-men-women-relationships-a7476651.html|title=The sinister logic behind 'Nice Guy Syndrome', explained by psychologists|newspaper=]|date=16 December 2016|accessdate=March 17, 2024}}</ref>


The term was originally popularized in the American sitcom television series '']'' (1994). In the seventh episode of the first season, "]", ] is lovesick for ], but ] informs him that, when two people meet, there is a short period in which there is potential for a romantic relationship that Ross has gone beyond. After this time, if they continue to see each other, they are in the "friend zone" and so a romantic relationship is effectively impossible, even if one of the parties wants to be the other's lover.<ref>{{cite web|first=Sarah-Louise|last=Kelly|url=https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/people-are-just-realising-where-the-term-friend-zone-came-from-and-were-stunned_uk_65e9cde8e4b0c77c74157b33|title=People Are Just Realising Where The Term 'Friend Zone' Came From And We're Stunned|website=]|date=March 7, 2024|accessdate=March 16, 2024}}</ref>
== Causes ==


==Terminology==
A '']'' writer suggested there were a few situations in which someone might become relegated to the friend zone:
The term friendzone can be ], as in the sentence "So, she's friend-zoned you."<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://thejambar.com/the-friend-zone-less-innocuous-than-it-seems/|title=The Friend Zone: Less Innocuous than it Seems? - The Jambar|date=February 2018 }}</ref> It is described as " situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other."<ref>Shields, Giorgia (12 January 2017). "A place where every decent guy will find himself eventually": delineating the friend zone as a site of sexual violence". ''The University of Texas at Austin''.</ref> Although the term is apparently gender-neutral, the friend zone is often used to describe a situation in a male-female relationship in which the male is in the friend zone and the female is the object of his ], or vice versa, where the female is being friend-zoned by the male, although less common.<ref>{{Cite news |date=12 October 2013 |title=6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die |language=en-US |work=Salon |url=https://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ |access-date=25 October 2017}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/men-friend-zone-women|title=Women Get Friend-Zoned Too – And Men Still Sleep With Them Anyway|first=Natalie|last=Gil|website=www.refinery29.com}}</ref> The person who does the friend-zoning is referred to as the ''friend-zoner'', whereas the person who gets friend-zoned is called the ''friend-zonee''.


The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in ] literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males.
* person A is not sufficiently attracted to person B
* person A misinterprets ] from person B signaling their interest in deepening the relationship
* person B does something that is a ] to person A, such as making offensive statements.<ref name=twsFebX18/>


== Research ==
Writer Jeremy Nicholson in '']'' suggested that when a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected up front, uses a ploy of friendly acts as a "back door" way in to a hoped-for relationship that this approach rarely works. When it doesn't work, the pursuer consequently finds themselves in the ''friend zone''.<ref name=twsPsychToday5>{{Cite journal | last = Nicholson | first = Jeremy | title = Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend | journal = ] | page = 3 | publisher = Sussex Publishers | date = 1 March 2013 | url = http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201302/avoiding-the-friend-zone-becoming-girlfriend-or-boyfriend | ref = harv | postscript = .}}</ref> (However, see "gender differences" section below.)
Binghamton University did a study on undergraduates from a midsize university in the northeastern United States. There were 562 participants with 305 identified as female and 257 as male. Of the 562 participants, 427 were exclusively heterosexual while 113 were not exclusively heterosexual. The participants were asked "Have you ever friend-zoned someone else?" and "Have you ever been friend-zoned?" The study found that 65.7% of exclusively heterosexual males have friend-zoned someone while 92.6% of exclusively heterosexual females have friend-zoned someone. The study also found that 75.2% of exclusively heterosexual males have been friend-zoned before while only 41.2% of exclusively heterosexual females have been friend-zoned before.<ref>Harrington, Lillian, et al. (2017).</ref>


== Background ==
The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in ] literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males; however, PUA theories are controversial and have been criticised by feminists.
Writer Jeremy Nicholson in '']'' suggested that a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected upfront, uses a ploy of acting friendly as a "back door" way into a hoped-for relationship. When this method does not work, the pursuer consequently is placed in the ''friend zone''.<ref name="twsPsychToday5">{{Cite journal |last=Nicholson |first=Jeremy |date=1 March 2013 |title=Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend |url=http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201302/avoiding-the-friend-zone-becoming-girlfriend-or-boyfriend |journal=] |page=3}}</ref>


According to some psychologists, the man in a ] is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.<ref name="twsTheGuardian2" /><ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Bleske-Rechek |first1=April |last2=Somers |first2=Erin |last3=Micke |first3=Cierra |last4=Erickson |first4=Leah |last5=Matteson |first5=Lindsay |last6=Stocco |first6=Corey |last7=Schumacher |first7=Brittany |last8=Ritchie |first8=Laura |date=August 2012 |title=Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship |journal=] |volume=29 |issue=5 |pages=569–596 |doi=10.1177/0265407512443611 |s2cid=4991872}} </ref>
== Descriptions of the friend zone ==
One man likened being "in the friend zone" to being a "]" and having only a ] relationship with a woman. In another instance, a woman described her male friend, someone she was comfortable with as if he was one of her girlfriends, but their relationship became problematic when he wanted their relationship to develop romantically but she did not.<ref>{{cite news |last= King | first = Susan | title = Following his life into the 'love zone' | url = http://articles.latimes.com/2005/nov/21/entertainment/et-weekmovies21 | work = ] | date = 21 November 2005 | access-date = 22 January 2014 | quote = ...I was the third wheel who would listen to all of her problems, and we would have platonic sleepovers like in the movie... }}</ref>

Marshall Fine of '']'' suggested that the friend zone is "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."<ref name="twsFebX24">{{cite news | last = Fine | first = Marshall |title= HuffPost Review: Just Wright |work= Huffington Post |date= May 10, 2010 |url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-fine/huffpost-review-ijust-wri_b_569896.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as '']'', and wrote that it is a:
:"territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the ], the ], and ]."<ref name="twsFebX19">{{cite web |last= Binazir | first = Ali |title= How to stay out of the Friend Zone |website= taoofdating.com |date= February 2011 |url= http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/ |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref>
] of the '']'' described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.<ref name="twsFebX21">{{cite news | last = Kipp | first = Mastin |title= Choosing a Better Kind of Love |work= ''Huffington Post'' |date= June 3, 2010 |url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mastin-kipp/love-choosing-a-better-ki_b_598693.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref>

==Gender differences==
According to a ''Chicago Tribune'' writer, in a friendship between two people, being relegated to the friend zone can happen to either person.<ref name="twsFebX18">{{cite news | last = B. | first = Gina |title= What's so bad about the friend zone? | work = ] |date= January 12, 2007 |url= http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref>

According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.<ref name=twsTheGuardian2/><ref>{{Cite journal | last1 = Bleske-Rechek | first1 = April | last2 = Somers | first2 = Erin | last3 = Micke | first3 = Cierra | last4 = Erickson | first4 = Leah | last5 = Matteson | first5 = Lindsay | last6 = Stocco | first6 = Corey | last7 = Schumacher | first7 = Brittany | last8 = Ritchie | first8 = Laura | title = Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship | journal = ] | volume = 29 | issue = 5 | pages = 569–596 | publisher = ] | doi = 10.1177/0265407512443611 | date = August 2012 | url = http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407512443611 | ref = harv | postscript = .}} </ref>


==Criticism of the term== ==Criticism of the term==
] writers such as Rivu Dasgupta and ] have argued that the friend zone concept is ].<ref name="maneater"/><ref name="Marcotte"/><ref>{{Cite web |last=Moore |first=Tracy |date=2 November 2014 |title=Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog) |url=http://jezebel.com/hey-dude-youre-not-stuck-in-the-friendzone-cuz-you-dre-1653403664 |access-date=26 April 2015 |website=] |publisher=]}}</ref><ref name="6 reasons" /> Dasgupta sees the friend zone as being rooted in ].<ref name="maneater"/> The '']'' concept has been criticized as a ] with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward.<ref name="maneater">{{cite web|last1=Dasgupta|first1=Rivu|title=The Friend Zone is Sexist|url=http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2014/2/13/friend-zone-sexist/|website=The Maneater|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20141205161105/http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2014/2/13/friend-zone-sexist/ |archive-date=5 December 2014|accessdate=20 May 2024}}</ref> Dasgupta and Marcotte say that the concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection.<ref name="maneater"/> A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.<ref name="maneater"/> Ryan Milner of the ] argued that the ''friend zone'' concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of ] authority and male domination.<ref name=twsFiberCulture4>{{cite journal|last1=Milner|first1=Ryan M.|title=FCJ-156 Hacking the Social: Internet Memes, Identity Antagonism, and the Logic of Lulz|journal=The Fiberculture Journal|date=2013|issue=22, 2013|page=16|url=http://twentytwo.fibreculturejournal.org/fcj-156-hacking-the-social-internet-memes-identity-antagonism-and-the-logic-of-lulz/|accessdate=6 November 2014}}</ref>


'']'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage reflects a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He places blame on ingrained gender roles.<ref name="twsTheGuardian2">{{Cite news |last=Fogg |first=Ally |date=8 January 2013 |title=Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys |work=] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/friends-friend-zone |access-date=29 November 2014}}</ref> Being rejected by a potential partner does not mean a person has been friend-zoned; it means that potential partner does not want to pursue a romantic relationship.<ref>Williamson, Carlos. . ''Chicago Tribune''. January 30, 2018.</ref>
Feminist bloggers such as Rivu Dasgupta and ] have argued that the friend zone concept is misogynistic.<ref name="maneater"/><ref name="Marcotte"/> Dasgupta sees the friend zone as being rooted in ].<ref name="maneater"/> The '']'' concept has been criticized as a ] with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward.<ref name="maneater">{{cite news|last1=Dasgupta|first1=Rivu|title=The Friend Zone is Sexist|url=http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2014/2/13/friend-zone-sexist/|work=] (student publication) | publisher = ] |accessdate=1 November 2014}}</ref> Dasgupta and Marcotte say that the concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection.<ref name="maneater"/> A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.<ref name="maneater"/>


==In popular culture==
What feminists object to is that acts of "serial kindness" are not done in a spirit of selfless friendship, but as favors demanding compensation, favors which impose on the woman a reciprocal obligation of sexual reward.<ref name="maneater"/> Further, some feminists are bothered that the agenda in such relationships is driven by men's needs for sex rather than women's needs for friendship. Ryan Milner of the ] argued that the ''friend zone'' concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of ] authority and male domination,<ref name=twsFiberCulture4/> and wrote how women could be seen negatively as a result:
The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom '']'' entitled "]", where the character ], who was ] for ], was described by character ] as being the "mayor of the friend zone".<ref>{{Cite web |title=Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap |url=http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20081205051857/http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html |archive-date=5 December 2008 |access-date=14 January 2008 |publisher=]}}</ref>


The 2005 romantic comedy film '']'' main plot device is that the protagonist Chris Brander (played by ]) is "friend-zoned" by his best friend (and secret love interest since school) Jamie Palamino (played by ]).
{{Quote|Women who put ‘nice guys’ in the friend zone were accused of abuse, manipulation, and neglect ... Friend Zone Fiona is premised on this perceived injustice. Fiona ‘loves you ... like a brother’, ‘totally wants you ... to meet the right girl someday’, and ‘invites you over ... to fix her computer’. The image juxtaposes the first clause premise and the second clause punch line to elevate hopes, and then crush them.|Ryan Milner, 2013<ref name=twsFiberCulture4>{{Cite journal | last = Milner | first = Ryan M. | title = Hacking the Social: Internet Memes, Identity Antagonism, and the Logic of Lulz (FCJ-156) | journal = The Fiberculture Journal | volume = 22 | page = 62–92 | publisher = ] | date = 2013 | url = http://twentytwo.fibreculturejournal.org/fcj-156-hacking-the-social-internet-memes-identity-antagonism-and-the-logic-of-lulz/ | ref = harv | postscript = .}} </ref>}}


] mentions the term in his 1996 "Bring the Pain" skit. He says that women have male friends but these men are friends with women they "haven't fucked yet". Then claims that men who have platonic friends is because of an accident and ending up in the friend zone is because of a "wrong turn somewhere".<ref name="auto">Michael, Cherish Krista. "Perceptions of Healthy and Respectful Relationships and Friend Zone Phenomena." PhD diss., Arizona State University, 2015.</ref>
'']'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage does reflect a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He speculates these men don't feel entitled to sex, thus accept and even expect the rejection they receive. He places blame on ingrained gender roles that expect men to be the ones to initiate romantic advances and place an undue burden on more shy and reserved men. Fogg says, "it requires a particularly bleak view of human nature to assume that this means the friendship was never genuine, or that he secretly believes the woman should have been obliged to have sex with him," warns that "there is a danger in labeling men like this as misogynists or creeps", and says that the shaming of sexually reserved men is related to shaming of sexually assertive women.<ref name=twsTheGuardian2>{{cite news | last = Fogg | first = Ally | url = https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/friends-friend-zone | work = ] | publisher = ] | title = Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys | date = 8 January 2013 | accessdate = 29 November 2014 }}</ref>


] aired a reality show entitled '']'' from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees" but want to begin relationships with them.
==Popular culture==
The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American ] '']'' entitled "]", where the character ], who was ] for ], was described by character ] as being the "mayor of the friend zone".<ref>{{cite web
|url=http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html
|title=Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap
|publisher=]
|accessdate=14 January 2008}}</ref> The question of whether a man can ever "escape the friend zone and begin dating one of his female friends" helped make the "geek dream couple"<ref>{{cite web
|url=http://tv.ign.com/articles/764/764349p2.html
|title=IGN's Top 10 Favorite TV Couples
|publisher=]
|accessdate=14 January 2008}}</ref> of Ross and Rachel storyline dramatically compelling, according to viewers. {{Fact|date=March 2017}} The person that does not reciprocate romantic interest is sometimes termed a ''friendzoner''.<ref>Philippine Daily Inquirer, February 9, 2013, , Retrieved March 20, 2017</ref>


The ] series '']'' brings up and shows the friend zone on a regular basis, as one of the show's main characters, Mordecai, and his friend Margaret experience shifts in their relationship.
Since then, the ''friend zone'' concept has often been a plot element in television shows and films. The 2005 film '']'' features a main character, played by ], reunited after ten years with his friend played by ], who informs him that she loves him "like a brother", essentially dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend.

] aired a reality show entitled '']'' from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees", but want to begin relationships with them. In an interview with a national publication, a producer said:

{{Quote|The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too.|an MTV producer<ref></ref>{{failed verification|date=December 2014}}}}


==See also== ==See also==
{{Portal|Sexuality}} {{Portal|Human sexuality}}
* ]
* ] * ]
* ] * ]
* ]
* ]
* ] * ]
* ] * ]


==References== ==References==
{{Reflist|30em}} {{Reflist|30em}}


]
] ]
] ]

Latest revision as of 16:43, 17 September 2024

Inability to move from a platonic relationship into a romantic one For other uses, see Friend zone (disambiguation).

Two partygoers demonstrating the "friend zone"

Relationships
(Outline)
Types
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Partner(s)
Intimate and sexual
Activities
Endings
Emotions and feelings
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Abuse
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Emotions

In popular culture, the friend zone (or friendzone) is a relational concept, describing a situation in which one person in a mutual friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship with the other person, while the other does not. The person whose romantic advances were rejected is then said to have "entered" (or to have been "put in") the friend zone, with the sense that they are stuck there. The friendzone has a strong presence on the Internet; for example, on Facebook, dating sites, and other social media platforms. However, over time the term has expanded into middle schools, high schools, and colleges where young people are discovering their identities when it comes to dating and romance.

The concept of the friend zone has been criticized by some as misogynistic, because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should be romantically involved with men in whom they have no interest, simply because the men were nice to them, though the term refers to all forms of unrequited affection, not necessarily a man liking a woman. It is also closely associated with so-called "nice guy syndrome".

The term was originally popularized in the American sitcom television series Friends (1994). In the seventh episode of the first season, "The One with the Blackout", Ross Geller is lovesick for Rachel Green, but Joey Tribbiani informs him that, when two people meet, there is a short period in which there is potential for a romantic relationship that Ross has gone beyond. After this time, if they continue to see each other, they are in the "friend zone" and so a romantic relationship is effectively impossible, even if one of the parties wants to be the other's lover.

Terminology

The term friendzone can be verbified, as in the sentence "So, she's friend-zoned you." It is described as " situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other." Although the term is apparently gender-neutral, the friend zone is often used to describe a situation in a male-female relationship in which the male is in the friend zone and the female is the object of his unrequited desire, or vice versa, where the female is being friend-zoned by the male, although less common. The person who does the friend-zoning is referred to as the friend-zoner, whereas the person who gets friend-zoned is called the friend-zonee.

The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in pick up artist (PUA) literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males.

Research

Binghamton University did a study on undergraduates from a midsize university in the northeastern United States. There were 562 participants with 305 identified as female and 257 as male. Of the 562 participants, 427 were exclusively heterosexual while 113 were not exclusively heterosexual. The participants were asked "Have you ever friend-zoned someone else?" and "Have you ever been friend-zoned?" The study found that 65.7% of exclusively heterosexual males have friend-zoned someone while 92.6% of exclusively heterosexual females have friend-zoned someone. The study also found that 75.2% of exclusively heterosexual males have been friend-zoned before while only 41.2% of exclusively heterosexual females have been friend-zoned before.

Background

Writer Jeremy Nicholson in Psychology Today suggested that a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected upfront, uses a ploy of acting friendly as a "back door" way into a hoped-for relationship. When this method does not work, the pursuer consequently is placed in the friend zone.

According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.

Criticism of the term

Feminist writers such as Rivu Dasgupta and Amanda Marcotte have argued that the friend zone concept is misogynistic. Dasgupta sees the friend zone as being rooted in male narcissism. The nice guy concept has been criticized as a gender trope with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward. Dasgupta and Marcotte say that the concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault. Ryan Milner of the College of Charleston argued that the friend zone concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of patriarchal authority and male domination.

TheGuardian.com contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage reflects a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He places blame on ingrained gender roles. Being rejected by a potential partner does not mean a person has been friend-zoned; it means that potential partner does not want to pursue a romantic relationship.

In popular culture

The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom Friends entitled "The One with the Blackout", where the character Ross Geller, who was lovesick for Rachel Green, was described by character Joey Tribbiani as being the "mayor of the friend zone".

The 2005 romantic comedy film Just Friends main plot device is that the protagonist Chris Brander (played by Ryan Reynolds) is "friend-zoned" by his best friend (and secret love interest since school) Jamie Palamino (played by Amy Smart).

Chris Rock mentions the term in his 1996 "Bring the Pain" skit. He says that women have male friends but these men are friends with women they "haven't fucked yet". Then claims that men who have platonic friends is because of an accident and ending up in the friend zone is because of a "wrong turn somewhere".

MTV aired a reality show entitled FriendZone from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees" but want to begin relationships with them.

The Cartoon Network series Regular Show brings up and shows the friend zone on a regular basis, as one of the show's main characters, Mordecai, and his friend Margaret experience shifts in their relationship.

See also

References

  1. "friend zone", Oxford English Dictionary, archived from the original on 29 November 2013, retrieved 22 January 2014, ...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other...
  2. Buchler, Chelsea (5 January 2014). "The "Friendzone": Renegotiating Gender Performance and Boundaries in Relationship Discourse". University of Colorado Boulder.
  3. ^ Dickson, E.J. (12 October 2013). "6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die". Salon.com. Retrieved 26 April 2015.
  4. ^ Marcotte, Amanda (27 May 2014). "The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone"". The Raw Story. Archived from the original on 1 August 2014. Retrieved 7 June 2014.
  5. Hosie, Rachel (16 December 2016). "The sinister logic behind 'Nice Guy Syndrome', explained by psychologists". The Independent. Retrieved 17 March 2024.
  6. Kelly, Sarah-Louise (7 March 2024). "People Are Just Realising Where The Term 'Friend Zone' Came From And We're Stunned". Huffington Post UK. Retrieved 16 March 2024.
  7. "The Friend Zone: Less Innocuous than it Seems? - The Jambar". February 2018.
  8. Shields, Giorgia (12 January 2017). "A place where every decent guy will find himself eventually": delineating the friend zone as a site of sexual violence". The University of Texas at Austin.
  9. "6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die". Salon. 12 October 2013. Retrieved 25 October 2017.
  10. Gil, Natalie. "Women Get Friend-Zoned Too – And Men Still Sleep With Them Anyway". www.refinery29.com.
  11. Harrington, Lillian, et al. "The Friend zone: An Infinite Place Where Nothing Good Happens: A Comprehensive Study of Friend zoning Across Varying Genders and Sexual Orientations." (2017).
  12. Nicholson, Jeremy (1 March 2013). "Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend". Psychology Today: 3.
  13. ^ Fogg, Ally (8 January 2013). "Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys". The Guardian. Retrieved 29 November 2014.
  14. Bleske-Rechek, April; Somers, Erin; Micke, Cierra; Erickson, Leah; Matteson, Lindsay; Stocco, Corey; Schumacher, Brittany; Ritchie, Laura (August 2012). "Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship". Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 29 (5): 569–596. doi:10.1177/0265407512443611. S2CID 4991872. Pdf.
  15. ^ Dasgupta, Rivu. "The Friend Zone is Sexist". The Maneater. Archived from the original on 5 December 2014. Retrieved 20 May 2024.
  16. Moore, Tracy (2 November 2014). "Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog)". Jezebel. Univision Communications. Retrieved 26 April 2015.
  17. Milner, Ryan M. (2013). "FCJ-156 Hacking the Social: Internet Memes, Identity Antagonism, and the Logic of Lulz". The Fiberculture Journal (22, 2013): 16. Retrieved 6 November 2014.
  18. Williamson, Carlos. "In the friend zone? Here's what you need to know". Chicago Tribune. January 30, 2018.
  19. "Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap". TV.com. Archived from the original on 5 December 2008. Retrieved 14 January 2008.
  20. Michael, Cherish Krista. "Perceptions of Healthy and Respectful Relationships and Friend Zone Phenomena." PhD diss., Arizona State University, 2015.
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