Misplaced Pages

Revision as of 01:24, 13 October 2005

Saint Francis High School is all-boys, anti-llama, anti-Canadian Catholic preparatory high school in La Cañada-Flintridge, CA. Founded in 1946 on the lands bought from a golf club, it is currently owned and directed by the Capucian-Franciscan friars of the Western American Province of Our Lady of Angels. Its unofficial motto, "A Catholic Tradition of Enriching the Mind and Heart," serves as the inspiration for the curriculum. Saint Francis' perennial sports strength is soccer, who ended the season of 2005 ranked 4th in DIvision II in C.I.F.'s Southern Section.

It was here that the concepts of 'Privilege' and 'Policy' were fused to create the basis of Neo-Policidy. The twenty-second century practice of yelling "Outbreak" as a form of salutation also began here. Reports of 'Archimedes' are thought to be accurate, but evidence has not been uncovered to prove such outbursts occur.

Notable Faculty

• Michael Tucci of Grease
• Peter Brang of The University of Nebraska
• Dennis McNulty
• Darnell "D-Train" Kelly of The University of Pheonix Please note: Cannot Dunk
• Joseph "Biddy" Bidwell of the Richard McBrien Fan Club
• Theodore "Teddy" Bruins. Notable for an average of ten SAT/AP references per class period, and saying the phrases "Now then..." or "I have seen it..." Discussions concerning cardboard and/or Colorado meteorology are not unheard of.

Notable Alumni

• Peter Vagenas (1996) of the Los Angeles Galaxy and United States Olympic soccer team

• Mark Loretta (1989) of the San Diego Padres, selected to the 2004 National League Major League Baseball All-Star Game.

• Gregg Zaun (1989) of the Toronto Blue Jays

• Gregory St. John (2006) of the Unemployed Work Force, rumored to enjoy gladiator movies

• Matthew Walsh (2006) of the Walken in 2008 Campaign; thought to exert control over at least two of the fundemental forces

• Ian Nunya (TBD) A now famous example of the effects turkish prisons have on the male psyche; has the potential for a negative GPA, once thought to be impossible

• Kevin Mack (2006) Known to local sports reports as The Pain Train Mr. Mack is the subject of a school-wide collage project. He also owns an extensive pet-rock collection. They all have names.

• Alexander Parisky (2006) of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster; future hegemon of North America

• Christopher Saunders (2006) of the Quasi-Lutheran Psudeo-Intellectuals of Papua New Guinea; a known nihilist

• Peter Grace (2006) of the Super-Conservative Association of America; closet liberal. Documented moth-hater

• Christopher Tomaschek (2006) Future serial killer; also a nihilist

• Joseph Camp (2007) of the National Russel Crowe Look-Alike Society

Heroes

• Tony Sidaway is considered by many to be the single greatest being in the history of the world. Having been alive for well over 10,000 years, he has seen and participated in many of the most important events in human history. We all owe him a debt of gratitude for his valiant efforts.

Sworn Enemies

• The most vile and useless creatures known to mankind, llamas have a nasty habit of sticking their lopsided heads into matters they cannot begin to comprehend. All llamas should be shot on site, as per St. Francis bylaws 54.145 and 64.133, as well as 15 SFC 1509.

• Newfie blowhards (pictured left)
• As of October 5th, 2005, St. Francis High School officially declares war on both Canada and Peru. Check below for updates.
• 68.39.174.238, a suspicious sounding IP address. Also slightly amusing, but none the less suspicious.

Warfare

• On October 5, 2005, St. Francis High School officially declared war on both Canada and Peru. Due to unchecked aggression and numerous instances of annoyance, both of these so-called 'soverign nations' will soon be under the control of the Flying Spaghetti Monster's subsidiary eductional institution, St. Francis High School. As both of these nations have yet to develop modern warfare capability, and for that matter modern anything, we expect the war to be concluded in a matter of minutes.

• Update- Approximately 7 minutes after war was declared on Canada, it succumbed to overwhelming ridicule and surrendered. As was expected, the French portions of Canada fell first, as they are in a perpetual state of surrender. Expect major news channels to begin reporting this in the next few weeks, as they only check up on Canada every month or so.

• Update- Despite an attack on our IP address, the wikinerds who we have declared war on have failed to take into consideration that IP addresses can be changed, often with the push of a button on the status screen of my linksys router page about half way down labeled "DHCP Renew". They are reeling.

• Update- The Canadians have been holding our page hostage for some time now, but in their infinite wisdom, they have now opened it back up to editing.

• On October 12, 2005, St. Francis High School declared war 68.39.174.238. He actions impede progress and upset His Noodliness. He obviously doesn't understand that suburban high school boys are subtle, and quick to revert.

• Private schools in California