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| *{{tq|professional sumo may seem to pay its athletes poorly}} may '''seem''' to | |||
| *{{tq|paid according to this system of accumulation of money}} accumulation of payment/salary/income? | |||
| *{{tq|they won}} redundant | |||
| *{{tq|in compensation for the salary}} in compensation for the lack of salary? | |||
| *{{tq|Immediately after the match, the winner receives an envelope from the referee with half of his share of the sponsorship,}} is this particularly theatrical and a notable feature? If not, probably TMI. | |||
| *{{tq|often compared to those between a child asking his parents for pocket money}} Can you give me the quote for this? | |||
| *{{tq|(from lightest to heaviest punishment)}} redundant | |||
| *{{tq|was then eventually added to the dismissal, allowing}} -> {{tq|allows}} or introduce that there was a change, and when, when the "extraordinary" measure was introduced. | |||
| *{{tq|The only cases of expulsion was in 1873, with the expulsion of Koyanagi and Takasago.}} avoid two uses of expulsion | |||
| *{{tq|in that no wrestler had been formally excluded from the association since its foundation}} this is repetition | |||
| *{{tq|the latter setting a precedent in the association's history by}} yes, if he was in a group that was the first to be dismissed, he will be the first to be reinstated by lawsuit. | |||
| *{{tq|On the subject of violence, a yokozuna involved will therefore be subject to a sanction at least equal to a recommendation to retire due to their "social responsibility", a sekitori will not have sanctions lower than a suspension when makushita wrestlers or lower normally risk a suspension at the most}} I know this would have been hard to reword, but it's very clunky. | |||
| *{{tq|on the basis of the success of their career}} concise | |||
| *{{tq|people of responsibility}} awkward | |||
| *{{tq|nonetheless exercise subordinate functions}} reword | |||
| *{{tq|They serves according to the instructions of other superiors}} reword | |||
| *{{tq|This makes their situation complex, as when they enter the job market they find themselves competing with other employees of the same age group who do, however, have much more professional experience.}} this is inferred | |||
| *{{tq|Some former sumo wrestlers tried their luck competing}} is this ongoing ? | |||
| ==== Numbers ==== | |||
| *{{tq|These days}} more specific, i.e. since the 90s | |||
| ==== Foreign-born rikishi ==== | |||
| *{{tq|as is the case for Japanese wrestlers who are registered by prefecture of origin}} a lot more concise given previous sentence implies most of this. | |||
| *{{tq|managed to join the ranks}} -> joined / joined sumo | |||
| *{{tq|and fortune in sumo}} did he achieve fortune? | |||
| *{{tq|Hawaii-born 287 kilograms (633 lb) mega-weight Konishiki, of ethnic Samoan descent}} I don't know if this name can be trimmed, but it is very long. | |||
| *{{tq|to draw a parallel with the Americans who had conquered both the country and sumo}} specify in the 19th century, and remove reference to conquering sumo. | |||
| *Can I get quotes for Japan has a xenophobic culture? Actually, it should probably be removed per ]. | |||
| *{{tq|However, all wrestlers involved in professional sumo are treated the same once they have joined the stables}} this directly contradicts the previous sentence. Maybe clarify "formally"? | |||
| *{{tq|for racial reasons}} is this a euphemism for racism? | |||
| *{{tq|He explained}} WP:SAID | |||
| *{{tq|there would be ten Hawaiian wrestlers in the same stable living in their own "little clique," not learning Japanese, so the rule "protects the culture of stables."}} is this his prediction of the future or what he thinks is happening? | |||
| *{{tq|This occurred when Hisanoumi changed his nationality from Tongan at the end of 2006, allowing another Tongan to enter his stable, and Kyokutenhō's change of citizenship allowed Ōshima stable to recruit Mongolian Kyokushūhō in May 2007.}} only need to list one, as an example | |||
| *{{tq|although the restriction has never been challenged in court.}} update source if you're going to make this claim | |||
| *{{tq|if a foreigner wishes to remain in the Sumo Association}} is this true? From what I've read it seems like them becoming Japanese citizens is optional/unusual | |||
| ==== Health effects ==== | |||
| *{{tq|and the rikishi are therefore athletes with an imposing body fat}} redundant | |||
| *{{tq|ensures the health of its wrestlers}} it doesn't do a very good job of this if they're dying so young. Can remove. | |||
| *{{tq|due to the enormous amount of body mass and fat that they accumulate}} redundant | |||
| *{{tq|Those having a higher body mass are at greater risk of death}} I feel like this has already been said when you say the fattest rikishi get diabetes and have heart attacks | |||
| *Gloss heya | |||
| *{{tq|giving rise to numerous concerns about the number of wrestlers affected by the virus}} because they got COVID, or concerns over the number that would get it? | |||
| === Sources === | |||
| ] needed for: | |||
| *Arthritis | |||
| *Long-term cognitive problems | |||
| *Susceptibility to viral infections | |||
| Spot Check | |||
| *Ref #10 {{n}} What makes you think this is "the first accounts of matches held during the Yamato kingship period" | |||
| *Ref #17 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #18 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #27 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #56 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #75 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #80 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #83 {{n}} directly contradicts source | |||
| *Ref #110 {{y}} | |||
| === Other === | |||
| *No problems with broadness (exceptional), detail is fine {{y}} | |||
| *No COPYVIO/OR (earwig 7.4%, and quotes) {{y}} | |||
| *Neutral {{y}} | |||
| *Stable {{y}} | |||
| *Images: All appropriately tagged from PD, Flickr, Twitter and own work {{y}} | |||
| === Suggestions === | |||
| *{{tq|It has been noted by many authors interested in sumo}} Better attribution | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|didn't}} ] | |||
| **{{Done}}. | |||
| *{{tq|to hold a tournament after proposing a new etiquette associated with tournaments}} avoid repeating tournaments here. Associated with tournaments may even be redundant. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *Glosses on some Japanese terms such Kibyōshi, daimyo; ] | |||
| *{{tq|In recent years, sumo has developed}} ] | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|lit. 'ginko-leaf topknot') because it resembles the leaf of the ginkgo tree}} can you put a wikilink inside the translation? Because it is silly to have the translation repeated immediately after. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|Compensation paid to lower-ranked wrestlers varies according to their rank}} try to avoid double use of rank | |||
| *{{tq|Since Yokozuna Kakuryū's retirement in 2021, the presidency of the rikishi-kai is currently vacant}} MOS:DATED | |||
| *{{tq|The number of newcomers to the sport has never been so low since the introduction of the six-tournament-a-year system}} MOS:DATED | |||
Latest revision as of 15:36, 26 December 2024
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