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{{Short description|Attempt to influence others through displays of affection}}
'''Love bombing''' is the deliberate show of affection or friendship by an individual or a group of people toward another individual. Critics have asserted that this action may be motivated in part by the desire to recruit, ] or otherwise ].
]


'''Love bombing''' is an attempt to ] a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes.<ref name="Richardson2004" /> Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a ] and have warned against it. It has also been described as ] in order to create a feeling of unity within a group against a society perceived as hostile.<ref>{{cite book|first1=Dennis|last1=Tourish|first2=Tim|last2=Wohlforth|authorlink2=Tim Wohlforth|title=]|publisher=M.E. Sharpe|location=Armonk, New York|date=2000|isbn=978-0765606396|page=19}}</ref> In 2011, ] ] advocated love bombing in his book ''Love Bombing: Reset Your Child's Emotional Thermostat'', as a means for parents to rectify emotional problems in their children.<ref>{{cite web|first=Oliver|last=James|authorlink=Oliver James (psychologist)|url=https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/oliver-james-love-bombing-children|title=All you need is love bombing|newspaper=]|date=September 21, 2012}}</ref>
As of ], the phrase can be used in two slightly different ways.
*Members of the ], and perhaps members of other groups, use or have used the phrase themselves to mean a genuine expression of friendship, fellowship, interest, or concern.
*] use the phrase with the implication that the "]" is feigned and the practice is ]. "Love bombing" is often cited by critics as one of the methods used by some cults and religions to recruit and retain members.
==History of term==


==Definition and analysis==
The term was used within, and is often associated with, the ], especially the San Francisco Bay area church known as the "Oakland family." In 1999 testimony to the Maryland Cult Task Force, Ronald Loomis, Director of Education for the ], reflecting his belief that the term was not invented by critics, asserted: "We did not make up this term. The term 'love bombing' originated with the Unification Church, the Moonies. It’s their term. Another group that’s active on many Maryland campuses, the International Churches of Christ, also uses that term."<ref>{{cite web| url=http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/cultsect/mdtaskforce/loomis_testimony.htm| title=1999 Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis to the Maryland Cult Task Force}}</ref>
The expression "love bombing" was coined by members of the ] during the 1970s<ref>{{cite web| url=http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/cultsect/mdtaskforce/loomis_testimony.htm| title=1999 Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis to the Maryland Cult Task Force| url-status=dead| archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20040818214228/http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/cultsect/mdtaskforce/loomis_testimony.htm| archive-date=2004-08-18}}</ref> and was also used by members of the ].<ref>{{cite web| url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/688317.stm| title=Eyewitness: Why people join cults | work=] | date=March 24, 2000 | access-date=January 5, 2010}}</ref><ref>{{cite book|title=The Children of God - The Inside Story By The Daughter Of The Founder, Moses David Berg|first1=Deborah|last1=Davis|first2=Bill|last2=Davis|date=1984|publisher=]|location=Grand Rapids, Michigan|isbn=978-0310278405|url=http://www.exfamily.org/art/exmem/debdavis/debdavis07.shtml|via=exfamily.org}}</ref> Psychology professor ] reported on the concept.<ref name = Richardson2004>{{cite book|title=Regulating Religion: Case Studies from Around the Globe|first=James T.|last=Richardson|year=2004|publisher=]|location=New York City|isbn=0-306-47887-0|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BhscdzDrCfQC&pg=RA1-PA479|page=479}}</ref> In her 1996 book, ''],'' she writes:


⚫ {{quote|As soon as any interest is shown by the recruits, they may be ''love bombed'' by the recruiter or other ] members. This process of feigning friendship and interest in the recruit was originally associated with one of the early youth cults, but soon it was taken up by a number of groups as part of their program for luring people in. Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members' flooding recruits and newer members with ], verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing—or the offer of instant companionship—is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives.<ref>{{cite book|first=Margaret|last=Singer|authorlink=Margaret Singer|date=2003|origyear=1996|title=Cults in Our Midst|publisher=]|location=New York City|isbn=0-7879-6741-6}}</ref>}}
Though the term was already widely used by the media at the time, the Unification Church used it at least as early as 1978. ], founder of the Unification Church, used the term "love bomb" in a July 23, 1978 speech (translated):


==Abusive relationships==
<blockquote>
Modern ] can intensify the effect of love bombing since it gives the abuser nearly constant contact and communication with the victim.<ref name = "archer"/> One of the signs of love bombing in the start of a relationship is intense attention during a short period of time and pressure for very rapid commitment.<ref name = "BusinessInsider"/>
Unification Church members are smiling all of the time, even at four in the morning. The man who is full of love must live that way. When you go out witnessing you can caress the wall and say that it can expect you to witness well and be smiling when you return. What face could better represent love than a smiling face? This is why we talk about love bomb; Moonies have that kind of happy problem.<ref>{{cite web| url=http://www.unification.net/1978/780723.html| title=Sun Myung Moon (1978) "We Who Have Been Called To Do God's Work" Speech in London, England}}</ref>
</blockquote>


Psychiatrist ] identifies the phases of love bombing with the acronym IDD: "Intense ], Discard (Repeat)", and the process of identifying this behavior pattern as SLL: "Stop, Look, and Listen", after which breaking off contact with the abuser can become more possible by also seeking support from family and friends.<ref name = "archer"/>
"Love bombing" by Unification Church members has reportedly influenced recruits to prolong a visit to Unification Church centers or camps. Church opponents criticize the practice as contrived; more severe critics condemn it as ] and, when used, an insidious element of ]. Based on his own personal experience as a Unification Church member, ] describes the process of "love bombing" in his book '']''.


Another sign of love bombing is being intensely showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with the predator so that the victim feels or is made to believe that all this is a sign of "]". Since such signs of affection and affirmation may meet felt needs and not look harmful at the surface, the excitement of such a new relationship often does not appear as cause for alarm.<ref name="BusinessInsider"/> However, after the initial excitement, when the victim shows interest or care about anything beyond their new partner, the manipulator may show anger or ], or accuse the victims of selfishness. If the victim does not comply with demands, the devaluation stage begins: the abuser withdraws all affection or ] and instead punishes the victim with whatever they feel is appropriate—shouting, beratement, ], ], or even ].<ref name="BusinessInsider">{{Cite magazine|last=Dodgson|first=Lindsay|title=Manipulative people hook their victims with a tactic called 'love bombing' — here are the signs you've been a target|url=https://www.businessinsider.com/what-is-love-bombing-2017-7|date=February 26, 2018|access-date=March 29, 2021|magazine=]}}</ref><ref name="Cosmopolitan">{{Cite magazine|last=L'Amie|first=Lauren|date=March 29, 2019|title=Are You Being Love Bombed?|url=https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26988344/love-bombing-signs-definition/|access-date=March 29, 2021|magazine=]|language=en-US}}</ref>
Former members of the ], including ], daughter of the founder of the Children of God,<ref>{{cite web| url=http://www.exfamily.org/art/exmem/debdavis/debdavis07.shtml| title=The Children of God: The Inside Story}} Term used in memoir about the 1970s Texas Soul Clinic, predecessor of the ].</ref> and ], daughter of an early member,<ref>{{cite web| url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/688317.stm| title=Eyewitness: Why people join cults}} Term used by Kristina Jones in recollections of her mother, an early ]</ref> have used the term in describing the early days of the organization.


The expression has been used to describe the tactics used by ] and ] to ] their victims.<ref>{{cite book|title=Gangs and Girls: Understanding Juvenile Prostitution|first1=Michel|last1=Dorais|first2=Patrice|last2=Corriveau|publisher=]|location=Montreal, Quebec, Canada|date=2009|isbn=978-0773534414|page=38}}</ref>
==Criticism of love bombing and response==
Critics of ]s often cite love bombing as one of the features that may identify an organization as a cult. When used by critics, the phrase is defined to mean affection that is feigned or with an ulterior motive and that is used to reduce the subject's resistance to recruitment.<ref> When people perceive that someone likes them or cares about them, they listen less critically to what is told to them and are also less apt to think negatively about the communicator.</ref>


==Benign occurrences==
The term was popularized by psychology professor ], who has become closely identified with the love-bombing-as-brainwashing point of view.<ref>
Excessive attention and affection does not constitute love bombing if there is no intent or pattern of further abuse. Archer explains:
{{cite book|title=Regulating Religion: Case Studies from Around the Globe|first=James T.|last=Richardson|year=2004|publisher=Springer|id=ISBN 0306478870}} : "One particular California psychologist, Margaret Singer, has been involved in offering testimony supporting cult brainwashing theories in over 40 such cases.... Such testimony, even though apparently effective, has drawn the ire of some scholar studying newer religions. These scholars claimed that such testimony should be disallowed because it does not represent a consensus position of scholars in the relevant fields of study, and it disregards considerable evidence that participation is virtually always a volitional act."
</ref> She used the term in 1981 when testifying in a lawsuit on behalf of the '']''. (The ] had sued the newspaper for libel, in regard to stories the newspaper had published about ]'s experiences with the church).<ref>"Moon's Sect Loses Libel Suit in London," '']'', ], ] p. A1: Singer using the term in testimony.</ref> In her testimony Singer said that she had interviewed over five hundred members of various sects, about half of them members of the Unification Church. She said that the church's use of a showering of intense affection was more effective than the ] techniques used by the ]s on prisoners of war. In a 1996 book entitled ''Cults in Our Midst,'' she described the technique thus:


{{quote|The key to understanding how love bombing differs from romantic courtship is to look at what happens next, after two people are officially a couple. If extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely, if actions match words, and there is no devaluation phase, then it's probably not love bombing. That much attention might get annoying after a while, but it’s not unhealthy in and of itself.<ref name = "archer">{{cite magazine|first=Dale|last=Archer|authorlink=Dale Archer|url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201703/the-manipulative-partners-most-devious-tactic|title=The manipulative partner's most devious tactic|magazine=]|location=New York City|date=March 6, 2017}}</ref>}}
{{Quotation|
⚫ As soon as any interest is shown by the recruits, they may be ''love bombed'' by the recruiter or other cult members. This process of feigning friendship and interest in the recruit was originally associated with one of the early youth cults, but soon it was taken up by a number of groups as part of their program for luring people in. Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members' flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing - or the offer of instant companionship - is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives.<ref>Singer, Margaret (1996; 2003) ''Cults in Our Midst.'' Revised edition, 2003. Wiley. ISBN 0-7879-6741-6</ref>
}}


British author and psychologist ] recommended love bombing as a technique for parents to help their troubled children. He described it as, "dedicating one-on-one time spoiling and lavishing your child with love, and, within reason, pandering to their every wish."<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/love-bombing-kids-to-get-happy-results/story-fn6b3v4f-1226009612216|title=Love bombing kids to get happy results|newspaper=]|location=Sydney, Australia|date=February 22, 2011}}</ref><ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/features/over-to-you-kid/story-e6frg8h6-1226585874865#|title='Love bombing' reminds parents how much fun it is to be with kids|newspaper=]|date=March 2, 2013}}</ref> In 2011 Heidi Scrimgeour, a reporter for '']'', tried the technique with her son and reported:
This view of love bombing is strongly rejected by the groups involved, who take exception to the assertions that the interest and friendship are "feigned," that it is a "coordinated effort," that it amounts to "verbal seduction," that it is "part of program for luring people in," or that it is a "deceptive ploy."


{{quote|It's not rocket science that showering a child with affection will impact positively on their behaviour but what surprised me was how much my behaviour changed. Love bombing enabled me to see my child through a fresh lens, my disposition towards him softened and he seemed to bask in the glow of positive attention.<ref>{{cite news|first=Heidi|last=Scrimgeour|url=http://www.express.co.uk/expressyourself/255817/It-took-one-day-to-change-my-son-s-bad-behaviour|title=It took one day to change my son's bad behaviour|newspaper=]|location=London, England|date=June 30, 2011}}</ref>}}
Damian Anderson, a member of the Unification Church and a prominent promoter of it on the ] writes:


⚫ ==See also==
{{Quotation|
{{columns-list|colwidth=15em|
One man's love-bombing is another man's being showered with attention. Everyone likes such care and attention, so it is unfortunate that when we love as Jesus taught us to love, that we are then accused of having ulterior motives.<ref>{{cite web| url=http://www.unification.net/faq/uniffaq20.html| title=Damian Anderson (1996) "Responses to Questions on Unificationism on the Internet - Volume 20"}}</ref>
⚫ * ]
}}
* ]
==] perspective==
* ]

⚫ * ]
Some, if not most, of those who practice love bombing are sincere. But when considering the effects on the recipient of "love bombing," the intentions or sincerity of those supplying the attention are immaterial.
* ]

* ]
] has attempted to explain in evolutionary psychology terms how love bombing works. It is based on the idea that the brain evolved in a social context and that attention from others acts as a reward for reasons rooted in stone age evolution.
* ]

* ]
{{Quotation|
"It should come as no surprise that this powerful ] can be taken over by drug-induced rewards, but this is not the only way the brain reward system can be hijacked. ] . . . which manifest as cults and related social movements, have "discovered" the brain's reward system as well. Successful cult memes induce intense social interaction behaviour between cult members. This trips the attention detectors. Tripping the detectors causes the release of reward chemicals . . . . Anyone who has ever had the feeling of being higher than a kite after giving a public speech is well aware of the effects of attention.<ref>From , The Human Nature Review, 2002 Volume 2: 343-355.</ref>
}} }}


==References== ==References==
{{reflist}}
<div class="references-small">
<references />
</div>

⚫ == See also ==
⚫ {{cult mind control links}}
{{Sun Myung Moon}}


⚫ {{Unification Church}}
]
⚫ {{Authority control}}
]
]
⚫ ]
⚫ ]
]


]
⚫ ]
]
]
]
]
]

Latest revision as of 08:39, 2 December 2024

Attempt to influence others through displays of affection
While used for positive and negative purposes, love bombing is identified as a possible part of a cycle of abuse.

Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it. It has also been described as psychological manipulation in order to create a feeling of unity within a group against a society perceived as hostile. In 2011, clinical psychologist Oliver James advocated love bombing in his book Love Bombing: Reset Your Child's Emotional Thermostat, as a means for parents to rectify emotional problems in their children.

Definition and analysis

The expression "love bombing" was coined by members of the Unification Church of the United States during the 1970s and was also used by members of the Family International. Psychology professor Margaret Singer reported on the concept. In her 1996 book, Cults in Our Midst, she writes:

As soon as any interest is shown by the recruits, they may be love bombed by the recruiter or other cult members. This process of feigning friendship and interest in the recruit was originally associated with one of the early youth cults, but soon it was taken up by a number of groups as part of their program for luring people in. Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members' flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing—or the offer of instant companionship—is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives.

Abusive relationships

Modern social media can intensify the effect of love bombing since it gives the abuser nearly constant contact and communication with the victim. One of the signs of love bombing in the start of a relationship is intense attention during a short period of time and pressure for very rapid commitment.

Psychiatrist Dale Archer identifies the phases of love bombing with the acronym IDD: "Intense Idealization, Devaluation, Discard (Repeat)", and the process of identifying this behavior pattern as SLL: "Stop, Look, and Listen", after which breaking off contact with the abuser can become more possible by also seeking support from family and friends.

Another sign of love bombing is being intensely showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with the predator so that the victim feels or is made to believe that all this is a sign of "love at first sight". Since such signs of affection and affirmation may meet felt needs and not look harmful at the surface, the excitement of such a new relationship often does not appear as cause for alarm. However, after the initial excitement, when the victim shows interest or care about anything beyond their new partner, the manipulator may show anger or passive-aggressive behavior, or accuse the victims of selfishness. If the victim does not comply with demands, the devaluation stage begins: the abuser withdraws all affection or positive reinforcement and instead punishes the victim with whatever they feel is appropriate—shouting, beratement, mind games, silent treatment, or even physical abuse.

The expression has been used to describe the tactics used by pimps and gang members to control their victims.

Benign occurrences

Excessive attention and affection does not constitute love bombing if there is no intent or pattern of further abuse. Archer explains:

The key to understanding how love bombing differs from romantic courtship is to look at what happens next, after two people are officially a couple. If extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely, if actions match words, and there is no devaluation phase, then it's probably not love bombing. That much attention might get annoying after a while, but it’s not unhealthy in and of itself.

British author and psychologist Oliver James recommended love bombing as a technique for parents to help their troubled children. He described it as, "dedicating one-on-one time spoiling and lavishing your child with love, and, within reason, pandering to their every wish." In 2011 Heidi Scrimgeour, a reporter for The Daily Express, tried the technique with her son and reported:

It's not rocket science that showering a child with affection will impact positively on their behaviour but what surprised me was how much my behaviour changed. Love bombing enabled me to see my child through a fresh lens, my disposition towards him softened and he seemed to bask in the glow of positive attention.

See also

References

  1. ^ Richardson, James T. (2004). Regulating Religion: Case Studies from Around the Globe. New York City: Springer. p. 479. ISBN 0-306-47887-0.
  2. Tourish, Dennis; Wohlforth, Tim (2000). On the Edge: Political Cults Right and Left. Armonk, New York: M.E. Sharpe. p. 19. ISBN 978-0765606396.
  3. James, Oliver (September 21, 2012). "All you need is love bombing". The Guardian.
  4. "1999 Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis to the Maryland Cult Task Force". Archived from the original on 2004-08-18.
  5. "Eyewitness: Why people join cults". BBC News. March 24, 2000. Retrieved January 5, 2010.
  6. Davis, Deborah; Davis, Bill (1984). The Children of God - The Inside Story By The Daughter Of The Founder, Moses David Berg. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan. ISBN 978-0310278405 – via exfamily.org.
  7. Singer, Margaret (2003) . Cults in Our Midst. New York City: Wiley. ISBN 0-7879-6741-6.
  8. ^ Archer, Dale (March 6, 2017). "The manipulative partner's most devious tactic". Psychology Today. New York City.
  9. ^ Dodgson, Lindsay (February 26, 2018). "Manipulative people hook their victims with a tactic called 'love bombing' — here are the signs you've been a target". Business Insider. Retrieved March 29, 2021.
  10. L'Amie, Lauren (March 29, 2019). "Are You Being Love Bombed?". Cosmopolitan. Retrieved March 29, 2021.
  11. Dorais, Michel; Corriveau, Patrice (2009). Gangs and Girls: Understanding Juvenile Prostitution. Montreal, Quebec, Canada: McGill-Queen's Press. p. 38. ISBN 978-0773534414.
  12. "Love bombing kids to get happy results". The Daily Telegraph. Sydney, Australia. February 22, 2011.
  13. "'Love bombing' reminds parents how much fun it is to be with kids". The Australian. March 2, 2013.
  14. Scrimgeour, Heidi (June 30, 2011). "It took one day to change my son's bad behaviour". The Daily Express. London, England.
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