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{{Short description|Refraining from sexual experiences to increase erotic arousal}}
{{Citations missing|date=December 2006}}
{{More citations needed|date=September 2018}}
{{Use dmy dates|date=April 2020}}
'''Erotic sexual denial''' is a popular form of sexual activity whereby sexual gratification for one or both partners is delayed or "denied" ] in order to increase ] and/or ].<ref>{{cite book |last=Reagene |first=Dominic Paul |title=BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition |date=2014 |publisher=Muze Management Publishing |isbn=978-1-5070-3399-9 |location=New York |page=46 }}</ref> It is commonly used as sex play within the context of a mild ] relationship, though it can also be a solo practice. When used in the context of dominance and submission, the dominant partner is often encouraged to prioritize their own sexual pleasure over that of their submissive partner. The submissive partner receives gratification from providing sexual pleasure to their partner and from the feelings of vulnerability and tension that come from having their own sexual pleasure controlled by another.<ref name=Hsieh>{{cite magazine|magazine=Cosmopolitan|title=8 Things You Need to Know About Orgasm Denial|url=https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a21271473/orgasm-denial/|first=Carina|last=Hsieh|date=13 June 2018}}</ref> The prohibited sexual experience can be narrowly or broadly defined for a specific or indeterminate length of time, depending on the practitioner. The experience withheld can be any favored or desired sexual activities, such as specific acts or positions, provided it is something the practitioner wants.


Orgasm control practices like ] are well-known varieties of erotic sexual denial in which a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without ].<ref>{{cite book |last=Reagene |first=Dominic Paul |title=BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition |date=2014 |publisher=Muze Management Publishing |isbn=978-1-5070-3399-9 |location=New York |page=82 }}</ref> Edging often ends with a delayed orgasm, unlike the similar practice of '''orgasm denial''' which typically does not lead to orgasm. Chastity devices such as penile ]s, ]es or ]s can be used as a physical barrier to restrict an individual's ability to self-pleasure during periods of sexual denial. {{Gallery
'''Erotic sexual denial''', also known as '''orgasm denial''', is a ] and a form of ] where a person is kept in the ] of the ] for an extended length of time. This is often, but not always, done as part of ], and can be thought of as a more dominant version of ]. Depending on the nature of the game, they may either be allowed an ] at the end (in which case, the orgasm is generally much stronger than normal), or deliberately denied one, in which case they will generally feel strong feelings of ].
|File:Male Chastity Cage Custom.jpg |A 3D printed Chastity Cage meant for long term or permanent denial.}}


Though not necessary to practice tease and denial, some practitioners find that these devices heighten feelings of submissiveness and empowerment between partners.<ref name=Hsieh/> Another frequently mentioned variety is the use of dice or other games of chance by couples to determine how long a person is to be withheld oral and/or penetrative sex, etc., from their partner. Erotic sexual denial is commonly, but not exclusively, practiced in association with ] and ].
An alternative form of orgasm denial is the denial of genital stimulation, either for an extended period or separate from a ]. Lack of stimulation is ensured by using a ] or other device that physically prevents touch and/or (for males) ].


==Other terms for similar practices== ==Denial practices==
⚫ ===Tie and tease===
The basic practice of erotic orgasm denial may also be described by (or is closely associated with) the following terms:
] are commonly used to restrain the person being sexually denied, allowing them to experience their powerlessness more intensely.<ref name=Hsieh/> This practice is typically called "tie and tease" and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of sexual denial. In discussions between BDSM partners, negotiation usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to. Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of ] are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.
⚫ :* "Tie and tease"
⚫ :* "Tease and denial"
:* "Orgasm control"
⚫ :* "Chastity training"
:* "Ruined orgasm" (referencing the actual orgasm rather than the stimulation preceding it)


⚫ ===Tease and denial===
==Short-term denial practices==
]
]]]
Tease and denial is a situation where a person is ] until they are close to orgasm, then stimulation is stopped, keeping the person on the brink of orgasm. It is sometimes referred to as "edging".{{citation needed|date=July 2023}} This is similar to orgasm control, but without the promise of orgasm at the end.


If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a "ruined orgasm",<ref name="Hsieh2019">{{cite news |last1=Hsieh |first1=Carina |last2=Varina |first2=Rachel |date=31 July 2019 |title=Everything You Need to Know About Ruined Orgasms |work=Cosmopolitan |url=https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28539248/ruined-orgasm-bdsm/ |url-status=live |access-date=17 September 2019 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20191010032010/https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28539248/ruined-orgasm-bdsm/ |archive-date=10 October 2019}}</ref> as opposed to being a "denied orgasm" (which can sometimes lead to "]" for both men and women). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the ] of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction ("blocked orgasm"). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.
⚫ ===Ejaculation denial===
A so-called "ruined orgasm" occurs when a person (usually a man) is stimulated in their ] cycle until ] (or orgasm for women) is inevitable, at which point stimulation is abruptly ceased or minimized. If ejaculation still occurs, it brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered "ruined" or "minimized", as opposed to "denied". Alternatively, the release phase (for men) might be prevented by some sort of constriction.


⚫ === Total denial ===
The man is repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm but not quite to ejaculation, causing him feelings of desperation for relief. Eventually, the teaser can choose to allow the man to ejaculate, postpone the ejaculation until a later time (denial), or deny the full experience of ejaculation, as above.
]
The practice of total sexual denial usually includes total avoidance of genital stimulation to the penis or vulva. This often involves the use of a physical barrier or device, such as a ] or ]. Chastity belts or similar locking devices are available for all genders. Depending on the situation, sexual arousal may still be possible regardless of physical barriers to genital stimulation. This, however, depends on the belt used.


=== Male strap-on harness ===
As an alternative technique, it is stated to be possible for a man to be trained to ejaculate, but to do so without achieving orgasm. This requires practice and discipline on the man's part. One key to the technique is to remove all stimulation of the penis at the exact moment when an orgasm would otherwise be achieved; the result is a full expulsion of semen but without the concommitant relief. According to websites on the subject, this technique enables a person to be kept in a state of denial indefinitely, yet maintain prostate health more thoroughly than the alternative technique of ].
A ] may be worn by a male to still allow penetrative vaginal sex to the female while denying the male partner the ability to orgasm, and the male then may also wear a chastity device.<ref>{{Cite web |last=Zenn |first=Saskia |title=Male Dildo Harness - A guide for Men how to wear a strap-on |url=http://www.tickleberry.co.uk/male-chastity/dildo-harnesses-for-men/ |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180831211932/http://www.tickleberry.co.uk/male-chastity/dildo-harnesses-for-men/ |archive-date=31 August 2018 |access-date=31 August 2018 |website=Tickleberry}}</ref> This is distinct from ], as the strap-on in this case replaces the penis of the male. This can be seen as a form of total denial if the strap-on replaces the penis throughout the whole duration of the play, or as a form of teasing if the strap-on is only used during foreplay. In the last case, the strap-on can be used to prolong penetrative sex and thus sexually satisfy the female partner in case the male suffers from ].<ref>{{Cite web |date=March 30, 2014 |title=Beginners Guide: Purchasing Your First Strap-On Harness |url=https://thegrittywoman.com/beginners-guide-purchasing-your-first-strap-on-harness/ |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180809050000/http://thegrittywoman.com/beginners-guide-purchasing-your-first-strap-on-harness/ |archive-date=9 August 2018 |access-date=31 August 2018 |website=Gritty Woman}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |last=Savage |first=Dan |date=Jun 2, 2017 |title=Savage Love Letter of the Day: He's Perfect, But a Premie |url=https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2017/06/02/25185409/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-hes-perfect-but-a-premie |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180830110453/https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2017/06/02/25185409/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-hes-perfect-but-a-premie |archive-date=30 August 2018 |access-date=31 August 2018 |website=The Stranger}}</ref><ref>{{Cite web |author=Rose |date=August 18, 2014 |title=Rose Answers: Premature Ejaculation 101 |url=https://www.purepleasureshop.com/blogs/ask-amy/15152581-rose-answers-premature-ejaculation-101 |url-status=live |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20180830110519/https://www.purepleasureshop.com/blogs/ask-amy/15152581-rose-answers-premature-ejaculation-101 |archive-date=30 August 2018 |access-date=31 August 2018 |website=Pure Pleasure Shop}}{{unreliable source?|date=September 2023}}</ref>


===Erotic denial as a form of incentivization=== ==As a form of control==
Erotic sexual denial is sometimes used by a ] to increase their control over a submissive. Because the submissive is kept in a state of sexual need and vulnerability, they are more likely to take a compliant stance with the dominant; failure to comply can result in additional teasing or an extended period of denial, among other ]s.
Erotic sexual denial, in various forms, is associated with creating a state of constant tension leading to a more pliable agreeable outlook by the denied party towards the party exercising control over their sexual outlets.


Orgasm denial practices can allow the dominant to exercise control over many aspects of the submissive's life. As such, they are often (though not always) practiced as an extension or enhancement of a broader BDSM relationship, or as a means of establishing one. They can allow the dominant to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power, and the submissive can enjoy intense feelings of sexual objectification and submission to the dominant.
===Tie and tease style activities===
Extended stimulation (often whilst incapacitated and unable to avoid the stimulation, is frequently treated as an integral part of erotic denial, with the two going hand in hand.


Orgasm denial can also be used to increase a submissive's tolerance for physical stimulation, as training in holding back an orgasm, or to allow the submissive to orgasm on command; as a way to maintain a heightened state of sexual arousal in the submissive, or as a means of ] desired by either the submissive or the dominant.
'Tie and tease' in this context refers to the ] practice of restraint followed by extended stimulation. It is notable that in ] discussion, ] usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed, not on the emotion generated (unless at an unacceptable level). Tie and tease style activities are inherently an intense psychological activity as well as a physical one, and the activity will often be arranged to add psychological impact by use of ] or communication impediment (] or ]), or alternatively left able to see in order to receive the impact of anticipation, or of their teaser's provocation (for example by dressing in ], or in some cases by having sex with a third person in their restrained presence).


Erotic humiliation can also help enforce the dominant's position in the relationship. Orgasm denial is often accompanied by other forms of erotic humiliation such as forcing the submissive to do chores, crossdress, or consume bodily fluids. These can be used as punishments, as conditions for release, or simply at the discretion of the dominant.
== Long term denial ==
]
] can be kept in denial for extended periods of up to several weeks (periods around 2 - 4 weeks each time are often quoted as being safe subject to proper skincare and regular checking), although there will be an emotional and psychological impact from the artificial suppression of such a powerful drive. However most websites also indicate that this is a long period subjectively for most people, and often informally suggest a shorter period such as 3 days or a week between release instead, especially when starting.


==See also==
The long term consequences for period beyond that are unclear, most sources seem to agree that the body will spontaneously reabsorb sperm, but that the ] ]s should be removed fully and regularly, if not through ] then via internal prostatic massage (known as "]") to reduce the risk of ] and ], ] (orgasm involves the prostate muscles) or tissue damage to the prostate. It is also said that if erection is inhibited for long periods the skin of the ] becomes less elastic which may cause pain or other difficulty in the future.


⚫ *]
The release felt by a man as a result of prostatic milking against a background of denial, is described as long, drawn out, but not reaching a ] as with normal ]. It is therefore said to always leave an edge of not having had full satisfaction, or a yearning for more, as opposed to the "drop" in responsiveness due to satiation after a full orgasm. For people who engage in lifestyle chastity and erotic denial, this may be desirable, since after orgasm a male is sated and released for some days of the tension which builds up with orgasm denial.
*]
*]
*]
*]
*]
⚫ *]
*]
*] — a form of erotic sexual denial


⚫ ==References==
For females, the impact of long term denial seems to be mostly emotional and psychological, since there is no equivalent of prostate buildup or erection denial involved.
{{Reflist}}


== See also == ==Further reading==
* Georgia Ivey Green, ''A KeyHolder's Handbook'', Georgia Ivey Green, 2013
* ]
* Georgia Ivey Green, ''Ultimate Guide to Tease and Denial'', ], 2015
* ]
⚫ * Ken Addison, ''Around Her Finger'', Venus, 2004
⚫ * ]
* Lucy Fairbourne, ''Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders'', Velluminous Press, 2015
* ]
* Elise Sutton, ''Female Domination'', ], 2003
* ]
* Barbara Wright Abernathy, ''Venus on Top'', Oakhill Press, 2010

* Georgeann Cross, ''Sexual Power for Women'', Georgeann Cross, 1997
⚫ ==References==
<references />


{{BDSM}}
⚫ *Addison, K. (2004). ''Around Her Finger.''


] ]
] ]
]

Latest revision as of 02:15, 29 December 2024

Refraining from sexual experiences to increase erotic arousal
This article needs additional citations for verification. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed.
Find sources: "Erotic sexual denial" – news · newspapers · books · scholar · JSTOR (September 2018) (Learn how and when to remove this message)

Erotic sexual denial is a popular form of sexual activity whereby sexual gratification for one or both partners is delayed or "denied" sexual experiences in order to increase erotic arousal and/or tension. It is commonly used as sex play within the context of a mild dominance and submission relationship, though it can also be a solo practice. When used in the context of dominance and submission, the dominant partner is often encouraged to prioritize their own sexual pleasure over that of their submissive partner. The submissive partner receives gratification from providing sexual pleasure to their partner and from the feelings of vulnerability and tension that come from having their own sexual pleasure controlled by another. The prohibited sexual experience can be narrowly or broadly defined for a specific or indeterminate length of time, depending on the practitioner. The experience withheld can be any favored or desired sexual activities, such as specific acts or positions, provided it is something the practitioner wants.

Orgasm control practices like edging are well-known varieties of erotic sexual denial in which a person is kept in a heightened state of sexual arousal for an extended length of time without orgasm. Edging often ends with a delayed orgasm, unlike the similar practice of orgasm denial which typically does not lead to orgasm. Chastity devices such as penile chastity cages, cock harnesses or chastity belts can be used as a physical barrier to restrict an individual's ability to self-pleasure during periods of sexual denial.

  • A 3D printed Chastity Cage meant for long term or permanent denial. A 3D printed Chastity Cage meant for long term or permanent denial.

Though not necessary to practice tease and denial, some practitioners find that these devices heighten feelings of submissiveness and empowerment between partners. Another frequently mentioned variety is the use of dice or other games of chance by couples to determine how long a person is to be withheld oral and/or penetrative sex, etc., from their partner. Erotic sexual denial is commonly, but not exclusively, practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage.

Denial practices

Tie and tease

Bondage techniques are commonly used to restrain the person being sexually denied, allowing them to experience their powerlessness more intensely. This practice is typically called "tie and tease" and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of sexual denial. In discussions between BDSM partners, negotiation usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to. Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of sexual frustration are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.

Tease and denial

Modern chastity cage for men
Chastity piercing

Tease and denial is a situation where a person is stimulated until they are close to orgasm, then stimulation is stopped, keeping the person on the brink of orgasm. It is sometimes referred to as "edging". This is similar to orgasm control, but without the promise of orgasm at the end.

If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a "ruined orgasm", as opposed to being a "denied orgasm" (which can sometimes lead to "blue balls" for both men and women). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction ("blocked orgasm"). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.

Total denial

Pierced inner labia with chastity piercing

The practice of total sexual denial usually includes total avoidance of genital stimulation to the penis or vulva. This often involves the use of a physical barrier or device, such as a chastity belt or cage. Chastity belts or similar locking devices are available for all genders. Depending on the situation, sexual arousal may still be possible regardless of physical barriers to genital stimulation. This, however, depends on the belt used.

Male strap-on harness

A strap-on dildo may be worn by a male to still allow penetrative vaginal sex to the female while denying the male partner the ability to orgasm, and the male then may also wear a chastity device. This is distinct from pegging, as the strap-on in this case replaces the penis of the male. This can be seen as a form of total denial if the strap-on replaces the penis throughout the whole duration of the play, or as a form of teasing if the strap-on is only used during foreplay. In the last case, the strap-on can be used to prolong penetrative sex and thus sexually satisfy the female partner in case the male suffers from premature ejaculation.

As a form of control

Erotic sexual denial is sometimes used by a dominant to increase their control over a submissive. Because the submissive is kept in a state of sexual need and vulnerability, they are more likely to take a compliant stance with the dominant; failure to comply can result in additional teasing or an extended period of denial, among other punishments.

Orgasm denial practices can allow the dominant to exercise control over many aspects of the submissive's life. As such, they are often (though not always) practiced as an extension or enhancement of a broader BDSM relationship, or as a means of establishing one. They can allow the dominant to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power, and the submissive can enjoy intense feelings of sexual objectification and submission to the dominant.

Orgasm denial can also be used to increase a submissive's tolerance for physical stimulation, as training in holding back an orgasm, or to allow the submissive to orgasm on command; as a way to maintain a heightened state of sexual arousal in the submissive, or as a means of erotic humiliation desired by either the submissive or the dominant.

Erotic humiliation can also help enforce the dominant's position in the relationship. Orgasm denial is often accompanied by other forms of erotic humiliation such as forcing the submissive to do chores, crossdress, or consume bodily fluids. These can be used as punishments, as conditions for release, or simply at the discretion of the dominant.

A metal type chastity cage, using an integrated lock instead of the standard padlock

See also

References

  1. Reagene, Dominic Paul (2014). BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition. New York: Muze Management Publishing. p. 46. ISBN 978-1-5070-3399-9.
  2. ^ Hsieh, Carina (13 June 2018). "8 Things You Need to Know About Orgasm Denial". Cosmopolitan.
  3. Reagene, Dominic Paul (2014). BDSM & Fetish Dictionary of Kink, 2nd Edition. New York: Muze Management Publishing. p. 82. ISBN 978-1-5070-3399-9.
  4. Hsieh, Carina; Varina, Rachel (31 July 2019). "Everything You Need to Know About Ruined Orgasms". Cosmopolitan. Archived from the original on 10 October 2019. Retrieved 17 September 2019.
  5. Zenn, Saskia. "Male Dildo Harness - A guide for Men how to wear a strap-on". Tickleberry. Archived from the original on 31 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  6. "Beginners Guide: Purchasing Your First Strap-On Harness". Gritty Woman. 30 March 2014. Archived from the original on 9 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  7. Savage, Dan (2 June 2017). "Savage Love Letter of the Day: He's Perfect, But a Premie". The Stranger. Archived from the original on 30 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.
  8. Rose (18 August 2014). "Rose Answers: Premature Ejaculation 101". Pure Pleasure Shop. Archived from the original on 30 August 2018. Retrieved 31 August 2018.

Further reading

  • Georgia Ivey Green, A KeyHolder's Handbook, Georgia Ivey Green, 2013
  • Georgia Ivey Green, Ultimate Guide to Tease and Denial, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015
  • Ken Addison, Around Her Finger, Venus, 2004
  • Lucy Fairbourne, Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders, Velluminous Press, 2015
  • Elise Sutton, Female Domination, LULU, 2003
  • Barbara Wright Abernathy, Venus on Top, Oakhill Press, 2010
  • Georgeann Cross, Sexual Power for Women, Georgeann Cross, 1997
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