| Revision as of 09:37, 31 July 2015 editJohanna (talk | contribs)Autopatrolled, Extended confirmed users, Pending changes reviewers, Rollbackers7,037 edits rsp← Previous edit |
Revision as of 16:36, 3 August 2015 edit undoBlueMoonset (talk | contribs)Autopatrolled, Extended confirmed users, Pending changes reviewers, Rollbackers72,587 edits hook issuesNext edit → |
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* ... that when 120 kg (265 lb) Israeli ] and ] medalist ''']''' was a child, his older brother used to hit him to demonstrate who was boss? |
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* <s>... that when 120 kg (265 lb) Israeli ] and ] medalist ''']''' was a child, his older brother used to hit him to demonstrate who was boss?</s> |
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:::{{ping|Epeefleche}} Maybe this would be better. Also, his weight is irrelevant. ]]<sup>]</sup> 09:37, 31 July 2015 (UTC) |
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:::{{ping|Epeefleche}} Maybe this would be better. Also, his weight is irrelevant. ]]<sup>]</sup> 09:37, 31 July 2015 (UTC) |
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:::'''ALT1''': *... that when Israeli ] and ] medalist ''']''' was a child, his older brother used to hit him to demonstrate his superiority? |
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:::*'''ALT1''': <s>... that when Israeli ] and ] medalist ''']''' was a child, his older brother used to hit him to demonstrate his superiority?</s> |
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::::*] I have to say that a hook that implies that Alon demonstrated his superiority to Or by hitting him is not ideal; at best, Alon demonstrated physical superiority, and it's a poor reflection on him that he'd beat up his younger brother. Alon is also a judoka and is national team captain, but the article doesn't note how well Alon does in competition, which makes a hook along the lines of who is getting better results infeasible unless the information is added (and a secondary source offers a comparison; inferring from results is ]); they don't seem to have competed against each other at the same weight class in Israel, at least, but it might be interesting to note that Alon typically competes at Under 90kg, so he's now the smaller brother by weight. (Don't know about height.) One point on the article: the second paragraph of the body ends abruptly; it isn't at all clear what "refused" means, and needs to be. ] (]) 16:35, 3 August 2015 (UTC) |
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New enough, long enough, QPQ done. Hook cited in article but could not be verified because the presumed source in full is only available to subscribers. The phrase "demonstrate who was boss" is very informal--if possible could you provide me with the part of the article that states this? If you can't, then at least make the hook a bit more formal. BenLinus1214 01:53, 17 July 2015 (UTC)
I have to say that a hook that implies that Alon demonstrated his superiority to Or by hitting him is not ideal; at best, Alon demonstrated physical superiority, and it's a poor reflection on him that he'd beat up his younger brother. Alon is also a judoka and is national team captain, but the article doesn't note how well Alon does in competition, which makes a hook along the lines of who is getting better results infeasible unless the information is added (and a secondary source offers a comparison; inferring from results is original research); they don't seem to have competed against each other at the same weight class in Israel, at least, but it might be interesting to note that Alon typically competes at Under 90kg, so he's now the smaller brother by weight. (Don't know about height.) One point on the article: the second paragraph of the body ends abruptly; it isn't at all clear what "refused" means, and needs to be. BlueMoonset (talk) 16:35, 3 August 2015 (UTC)