| Revision as of 14:32, 26 July 2017 view sourceEl cid, el campeador (talk | contribs)Extended confirmed users, New page reviewers, Pending changes reviewers, Rollbackers27,962 edits →Popular cultureTag: Visual edit← Previous edit | Revision as of 14:36, 26 July 2017 view source El cid, el campeador (talk | contribs)Extended confirmed users, New page reviewers, Pending changes reviewers, Rollbackers27,962 edits →Gender differences: deleting awful thingsTag: Visual editNext edit → | ||
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| {{See also|Unrequited love}}{{Other uses}} | {{See also|Unrequited love}}{{Other uses}} | ||
| In ], the '''friend zone''' is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.<ref>{{citation | contribution = friend zone | title = Oxford English Dictionary | url = http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone | access-date = 22 January 2014 | quote = ...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other... }}</ref> It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.<ref name=twsFebX19/> | In ], the '''friend zone''' is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.<ref>{{citation | contribution = friend zone | title = Oxford English Dictionary | url = http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone | access-date = 22 January 2014 | quote = ...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other... }}</ref> It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.<ref name="twsFebX19">{{cite web|url=http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/|title=How to stay out of the Friend Zone|last=Binazir|first=Ali|date=February 2011|website=taoofdating.com|accessdate=24 February 2011}}</ref> | ||
| The sense of ''zone'' is one of being stuck in an unwanted and distant relationship. The rejected person is said to have been put "in" the object of their affection's "friend zone", and this can be ], as in the sentence "So, she's friendzoned you."<ref name="twsFiberCulture4" /> The concept of the friend zone has been criticized as ], because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should have sex with men whom they have no interest in, simply because they were nice to them.<ref name="6 reasons">{{cite web | url=http://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ | title=6 reasons the “friend zone” needs to die | website=] | publisher = Salon Media Group Inc. | date=12 October 2013 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Dickson |first= E.J,}}</ref><ref name="Marcotte">{{cite web|title=The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone"|url=http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/|last=Marcotte|first=Amanda | website = ] |date=27 May 2014}}</ref><ref>{{cite web | url=http://jezebel.com/hey-dude-youre-not-stuck-in-the-friendzone-cuz-you-dre-1653403664 | title=Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog) | website =] | publisher = ] | date=2 November 2014 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Moore | first = Tracy}}</ref> This is closely associated with so-called "] syndrome". | The sense of ''zone'' is one of being stuck in an unwanted and distant relationship. The rejected person is said to have been put "in" the object of their affection's "friend zone", and this can be ], as in the sentence "So, she's friendzoned you."<ref name="twsFiberCulture4" /> The concept of the friend zone has been criticized as ], because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should have sex with men whom they have no interest in, simply because they were nice to them.<ref name="6 reasons">{{cite web | url=http://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ | title=6 reasons the “friend zone” needs to die | website=] | publisher = Salon Media Group Inc. | date=12 October 2013 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Dickson |first= E.J,}}</ref><ref name="Marcotte">{{cite web|title=The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone"|url=http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/|last=Marcotte|first=Amanda | website = ] |date=27 May 2014}}</ref><ref>{{cite web | url=http://jezebel.com/hey-dude-youre-not-stuck-in-the-friendzone-cuz-you-dre-1653403664 | title=Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog) | website =] | publisher = ] | date=2 November 2014 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Moore | first = Tracy}}</ref> This is closely associated with so-called "] syndrome". | ||
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| The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in ] literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males. | The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in ] literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males. | ||
| ⚫ | According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.<ref name="twsTheGuardian2" /><ref>{{Cite journal|last2=Somers|first2=Erin|last3=Micke|first3=Cierra|last4=Erickson|first4=Leah|last5=Matteson|first5=Lindsay|last6=Stocco|first6=Corey|last7=Schumacher|first7=Brittany|last8=Ritchie|first8=Laura|date=August 2012|title=Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship|url=http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407512443611|journal=]|publisher=]|volume=29|issue=5|pages=569–596|doi=10.1177/0265407512443611|postscript=.|ref=harv|last1=Bleske-Rechek|first1=April}} </ref> | ||
| == Descriptions of the friend zone == | |||
| One man likened being "in the friend zone" to being a "]" and having only a ] relationship with a woman. In another instance, a woman described her male friend, someone she was comfortable with as if he was one of her girlfriends, but their relationship became problematic when he wanted their relationship to develop romantically but she did not.<ref>{{cite news |last= King | first = Susan | title = Following his life into the 'love zone' | url = http://articles.latimes.com/2005/nov/21/entertainment/et-weekmovies21 | work = ] | date = 21 November 2005 | access-date = 22 January 2014 | quote = ...I was the third wheel who would listen to all of her problems, and we would have platonic sleepovers like in the movie... }}</ref> | |||
| Marshall Fine of '']'' suggested that the friend zone is "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."<ref name="twsFebX24">{{cite news | last = Fine | first = Marshall |title= HuffPost Review: Just Wright |work= Huffington Post |date= May 10, 2010 |url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-fine/huffpost-review-ijust-wri_b_569896.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as '']'', and wrote that it is a: | |||
| :"territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the ], the ], and ]."<ref name="twsFebX19">{{cite web |last= Binazir | first = Ali |title= How to stay out of the Friend Zone |website= taoofdating.com |date= February 2011 |url= http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/ |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> | |||
| ] of the '']'' described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.<ref name="twsFebX21">{{cite news | last = Kipp | first = Mastin |title= Choosing a Better Kind of Love |work= ''Huffington Post'' |date= June 3, 2010 |url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mastin-kipp/love-choosing-a-better-ki_b_598693.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> | |||
| ==Gender differences== | |||
| According to a ''Chicago Tribune'' writer, in a friendship between two people, being relegated to the friend zone can happen to either person.<ref name="twsFebX18">{{cite news | last = B. | first = Gina |title= What's so bad about the friend zone? | work = ] |date= January 12, 2007 |url= http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> | |||
| ⚫ | According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.<ref name=twsTheGuardian2/><ref>{{Cite journal |
||
| ==Criticism of the term== | ==Criticism of the term== | ||
| Feminist bloggers |
Feminist bloggers have argued that the friend zone concept is misogynistic,<ref name="Marcotte"/> and being rooted in ].<ref name="maneater"/> The '']'' concept has been criticized as a ] with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward,<ref name="maneater">{{cite news|last1=Dasgupta|first1=Rivu|title=The Friend Zone is Sexist|url=http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2014/2/13/friend-zone-sexist/|work=] (student publication) | publisher = ] |accessdate=1 November 2014}}</ref> and that this concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection.<ref name="maneater"/> A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.<ref name="maneater"/> | ||
| What feminists object to is that acts of "serial kindness" are not done in a spirit of selfless friendship, but as favors demanding compensation, favors which impose on the woman a reciprocal obligation of sexual reward.<ref name="maneater"/> Further, some feminists are bothered that the agenda in such relationships is driven by men's needs for sex rather than women's needs for friendship. Ryan Milner of the ] argued that the ''friend zone'' concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of ] authority and male domination,<ref name=twsFiberCulture4/> and wrote how women could be seen negatively as a result: | |||
| {{Quote|Women who put ‘nice guys’ in the friend zone were accused of abuse, manipulation, and neglect ... Friend Zone Fiona is premised on this perceived injustice. Fiona ‘loves you ... like a brother’, ‘totally wants you ... to meet the right girl someday’, and ‘invites you over ... to fix her computer’. The image juxtaposes the first clause premise and the second clause punch line to elevate hopes, and then crush them.|Ryan Milner, 2013<ref name=twsFiberCulture4>{{Cite journal | last = Milner | first = Ryan M. | title = Hacking the Social: Internet Memes, Identity Antagonism, and the Logic of Lulz (FCJ-156) | journal = The Fiberculture Journal | volume = 22 | page = 62–92 | publisher = ] | date = 2013 | url = http://twentytwo.fibreculturejournal.org/fcj-156-hacking-the-social-internet-memes-identity-antagonism-and-the-logic-of-lulz/ | ref = harv | postscript = .}} </ref>}} | |||
| '']'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage does reflect a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He speculates these men don't feel entitled to sex, thus accept and even expect the rejection they receive. He places blame on ingrained gender roles that expect men to be the ones to initiate romantic advances and place an undue burden on more shy and reserved men. Fogg says, "it requires a particularly bleak view of human nature to assume that this means the friendship was never genuine, or that he secretly believes the woman should have been obliged to have sex with him," warns that "there is a danger in labeling men like this as misogynists or creeps", and says that the shaming of sexually reserved men is related to shaming of sexually assertive women.<ref name=twsTheGuardian2>{{cite news | last = Fogg | first = Ally | url = https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/friends-friend-zone | work = ] | publisher = ] | title = Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys | date = 8 January 2013 | accessdate = 29 November 2014 }}</ref> | '']'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage does reflect a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He speculates these men don't feel entitled to sex, thus accept and even expect the rejection they receive. He places blame on ingrained gender roles that expect men to be the ones to initiate romantic advances and place an undue burden on more shy and reserved men. Fogg says, "it requires a particularly bleak view of human nature to assume that this means the friendship was never genuine, or that he secretly believes the woman should have been obliged to have sex with him," warns that "there is a danger in labeling men like this as misogynists or creeps", and says that the shaming of sexually reserved men is related to shaming of sexually assertive women.<ref name=twsTheGuardian2>{{cite news | last = Fogg | first = Ally | url = https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/friends-friend-zone | work = ] | publisher = ] | title = Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys | date = 8 January 2013 | accessdate = 29 November 2014 }}</ref> | ||
Revision as of 14:36, 26 July 2017
See also: Unrequited loveFor other uses, see Friend zone (disambiguation).In popular culture, the friend zone is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an undesirable situation for the rejected person.
The sense of zone is one of being stuck in an unwanted and distant relationship. The rejected person is said to have been put "in" the object of their affection's "friend zone", and this can be verbified, as in the sentence "So, she's friendzoned you." The concept of the friend zone has been criticized as misogynistic, because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should have sex with men whom they have no interest in, simply because they were nice to them. This is closely associated with so-called "nice guy syndrome".
Causes
Writer Jeremy Nicholson in Psychology Today suggested that when a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected up front, uses a ploy of friendly acts as a "back door" way in to a hoped-for relationship. When this method does not work, the pursuer consequently finds themselves in the friend zone.
The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in pick up artist (PUA) literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males.
According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.
Criticism of the term
Feminist bloggers have argued that the friend zone concept is misogynistic, and being rooted in male narcissism. The nice guy concept has been criticized as a gender trope with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward, and that this concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has an obligation to return his affection. A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.
The Guardian contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage does reflect a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He speculates these men don't feel entitled to sex, thus accept and even expect the rejection they receive. He places blame on ingrained gender roles that expect men to be the ones to initiate romantic advances and place an undue burden on more shy and reserved men. Fogg says, "it requires a particularly bleak view of human nature to assume that this means the friendship was never genuine, or that he secretly believes the woman should have been obliged to have sex with him," warns that "there is a danger in labeling men like this as misogynists or creeps", and says that the shaming of sexually reserved men is related to shaming of sexually assertive women.
Popular culture
The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American sitcom Friends entitled "The One with the Blackout", where the character Ross Geller, who was lovesick for Rachel Green, was described by character Joey Tribbiani as being the "mayor of the friend zone".
The 2005 film Just Friends features a main character, played by Ryan Reynolds, reunited after ten years with his friend played by Amy Smart, who informs him that she loves him "like a brother", essentially dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend.
MTV aired a reality show entitled FriendZone from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees", but want to begin relationships with them.
See also
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References
- "friend zone", Oxford English Dictionary, retrieved 22 January 2014,
...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other...
- Binazir, Ali (February 2011). "How to stay out of the Friend Zone". taoofdating.com. Retrieved 24 February 2011.
- Cite error: The named reference
twsFiberCulture4was invoked but never defined (see the help page). - Dickson, E.J, (12 October 2013). "6 reasons the "friend zone" needs to die". Salon.com. Salon Media Group Inc. Retrieved 26 April 2015.
{{cite web}}: CS1 maint: extra punctuation (link) CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link) - ^ Marcotte, Amanda (27 May 2014). "The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone"". rawstory.com.
- Moore, Tracy (2 November 2014). "Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog)". Jezebel. Univision Communications. Retrieved 26 April 2015.
- Nicholson, Jeremy (1 March 2013). "Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend". Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers: 3.
{{cite journal}}: Invalid|ref=harv(help)CS1 maint: postscript (link) - ^ Fogg, Ally (8 January 2013). "Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys". The Guardian. Guardian Media Group. Retrieved 29 November 2014.
- Bleske-Rechek, April; Somers, Erin; Micke, Cierra; Erickson, Leah; Matteson, Lindsay; Stocco, Corey; Schumacher, Brittany; Ritchie, Laura (August 2012). "Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship". Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 29 (5). Sage: 569–596. doi:10.1177/0265407512443611.
{{cite journal}}: Invalid|ref=harv(help)CS1 maint: postscript (link) Pdf. - ^ Dasgupta, Rivu. "The Friend Zone is Sexist". The Maneater (student publication). University of Missouri. Retrieved 1 November 2014.
- "Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap". TV.com. Retrieved 14 January 2008.