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| === Prose and content === | |||
| ==== Lede ==== | |||
| *{{tq|are heirs to traditions dating}} less idiomatic | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|as it has been in freefall since the 90s}} redundant, and too dramatic. It has already been noted that the numbers have been declining since the 90s. | |||
| **{{Done}} Simplified. | |||
| ==== Terminology ==== | |||
| *{{tq|a priori relevant}} simplify | |||
| **{{Done}} Rephrased. | |||
| *{{tq|In the old days}} less colloquial, more specific | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| ==== History ==== | |||
| *{{tq|Sumo has its origins in traditions already present on the Asian continent}} awkward, present at the time of founding | |||
| **I tried to develop, let me know if it's ok | |||
| *gloss Nihon Shoki | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|were introduced at court}} is this the Heian court or general courts? If it the former it should be preceded with "the". | |||
| **{{Done}}. I was indeed talking about the imperial court. | |||
| *{{tq|as it was Japan's only metropolis at the time}} → {{tq|as it had been Japan's only metropolis}}. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|veritable}} what does this mean here? | |||
| **Misleading. Iirc, I was trying to say that the wrestlers suites were institutionalized to such an extent that they were comparable to real royal households. It's a weird phrazing, I deleted it. | |||
| *{{tq|put their martial skills}} put their martial art skills? | |||
| **That's the meaning yes, I added "art" but I still think "martial" was sufficient on its own | |||
| *{{tq|created conflicts over money}} awkward, "came into conflict over money"? | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *You refer to these fighters as wrestlers for most of the article instead of rikishi. Given the terminology section criticises the term wrestler for them, is there a reason for it? | |||
| **It's true, and I've asked myself the same question. The question of the term is raised in two books I've read on the subject of rikishi, so I still think that mentioning this conflict of terms is a good thing for the article. Most press sources on sumo, however, use the term "wrestler", so I've followed that convention, especially as biographies use the term "wrestler" more often. | |||
| *{{tq|In 1684, these movements bore fruit}} idiom | |||
| **{{Done}}. Rephrased. | |||
| *{{tq|by the name of}} concise | |||
| **{{Done}}. | |||
| *{{tq|They were allowed to participate as special guests to official tournaments}} participate in? if not, attend? | |||
| **{{Done}}. To participate '''in'''. | |||
| *{{tq|During sumo's first golden age}} give a time period | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|Social movements in sumo did not cease, however}} this implies their reforms were successful, is this true? | |||
| **Yes it was. It's explained in the continuation of the sentence | |||
| *Gloss on {{tq|ōzeki or yokozuna}} | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| ==== Lifestyle ==== | |||
| *Change the section heading to just "Lifestyle" | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|The life of a rikishi is first and foremost a gravitation of strict rules oriented towards absolute obedience and respect for superiors and seniors}} What does a "gravitation" mean here? | |||
| **I don't quite understand why I phrased it like that now... I rephrased the sentence. | |||
| *{{tq|that may seem outdated or feudal... in reality}} editorialising | |||
| **The terms are the one chosen by the source (Cuyler p.138). I've added quotation marks for better understanding. | |||
| *{{tq|defining exactly how a wrestler dresses, how much he earns and how he will be treated by his peers}} concision, i.e. determining dress, earnings and treatment from peers. | |||
| **{{Done}}. | |||
| *{{tq|(as of January 2024)}} rearrange sentence, substitute Today | |||
| **{{Done}}. | |||
| *{{tq|In this extremely demanding sport, statistics shows that}} Redundant | |||
| **{{Done}}. Simplified. | |||
| *{{tq|on behalf of his superior}} on behalf of the sekitori or tsukebito's superior? | |||
| **On behalf of the sekitori. A sekitori is always the superior of a tsukebito. | |||
| *{{tq|The treatment a wrestler receives in his stable is based exclusively on his ranking}} Redundant | |||
| **{{Done}}. Rephrased. | |||
| *{{tq|fighting spirit}} less colloquial | |||
| **It's the term used by the source (Cuyler p.141). I've added quotation marks for better understanding. | |||
| *{{tq|Sekitori-ranked wrestlers always turn up last at training sessions}} redundant | |||
| **Removed some "training" and rephrased to make it less redundant. | |||
| *{{tq|When the sekitori practice is at its height}} I had to reread this a few times to understand, reword for clarity | |||
| **Rephrased, the source doesn't go into much detail about what it means by sekitori training, so I prefer to stick to a description close to what the source says. | |||
| *{{tq|The sekitori are served by makushita wrestlers, who are in turn served by sandamme wrestlers, and so on down to the youngest apprentices}} summarise | |||
| **Rephrased. | |||
| *{{tq|who were up and working before anyone else}} redundant | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|and gone upstairs}} are all stables multistory? | |||
| **Most of them are. Sumo stables are mostly located in Tokyo's Ryogoku district (in Sumida Ward iirc). Most of them look like small apartment buildings. Nowadays, however, they are appearing in municipalities bordering Tokyo, due to rising prices. I've reworded to reflect this reality, even if the source does mention that you take a nap "upstairs". | |||
| *{{tq|siesta-like}} redundant | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|loincloths over the years}} what does over the years mean here? | |||
| **Training mawashi are not changed often, so the more time you spend in the sekitori ranks the more yellow-ish your mawashi looks like. Senior sekitori have worned out mawashi yellowed by the years they spent at that rank. | |||
| *{{tq|When wrestlers are ranked as jūryō and above, the sagari are rigid and made from strings of silk, whereas for makushita wrestlers and below, the sagari are dangling and made of cotton.}} dupe of table content, merge. | |||
| **{{Done}}. | |||
| === Suggestions === | |||
| *{{tq|It has been noted by many authors interested in sumo}} Better attribution | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|didn't}} ] | |||
| **{{Done}}. | |||
| *{{tq|to hold a tournament after proposing a new etiquette associated with tournaments}} avoid repeating tournaments here. Associated with tournaments may even be redundant. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *Glosses on some Japanese terms such Kibyōshi, daimyo; ] | |||
| *{{tq|In recent years, sumo has developed}} ] | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|lit. 'ginko-leaf topknot') because it resembles the leaf of the ginkgo tree}} can you put a wikilink inside the translation? Because it is silly to have the translation repeated immediately after. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
Revision as of 10:04, 6 August 2024
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