| Revision as of 10:10, 14 August 2024 editOtharLuin (talk | contribs)Extended confirmed users9,797 edits →SourcesTag: Reverted← Previous edit | Revision as of 10:12, 14 August 2024 edit undoOtharLuin (talk | contribs)Extended confirmed users9,797 edits ←Replaced content with '{{User sandbox}}'Tags: Replaced Manual revertNext edit → | ||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
| {{User sandbox}} | {{User sandbox}} | ||
| *{{tq|professional sumo may seem to pay its athletes poorly}} may '''seem''' to | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|paid according to this system of accumulation of money}} accumulation of payment/salary/income? | |||
| **{{Done}}. Simplified. | |||
| *{{tq|they won}} redundant | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|in compensation for the salary}} in compensation for the lack of salary? | |||
| **No. Todays wrestlers are paid with a salary but the mochikyūkin continues to be paid as a complement. I rephrased it. | |||
| *{{tq|Immediately after the match, the winner receives an envelope from the referee with half of his share of the sponsorship,}} is this particularly theatrical and a notable feature? If not, probably TMI. | |||
| **You could say it's theatrical and notable yes. The idea behind it is that this question is asked a lot by sumo newcommers ("what are those envelopes the gyoji hands out at the end of the match?"). I'm keen to keep it. | |||
| *{{tq|often compared to those between a child asking his parents for pocket money}} Can you give me the quote for this? | |||
| **The quote is the source directly related to it (Kenrick, p. 120) | |||
| *{{tq|(from lightest to heaviest punishment)}} redundant | |||
| *{{tq|was then eventually added to the dismissal, allowing}} -> {{tq|allows}} or introduce that there was a change, and when, when the "extraordinary" measure was introduced. | |||
| **My paragraphs were weirdly organized and I feel it played a role in your understanding. Let me know if it's good now. | |||
| *{{tq|The only cases of expulsion was in 1873, with the expulsion of Koyanagi and Takasago.}} avoid two uses of expulsion | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|in that no wrestler had been formally excluded from the association since its foundation}} this is repetition | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|the latter setting a precedent in the association's history by}} yes, if he was in a group that was the first to be dismissed, he will be the first to be reinstated by lawsuit. | |||
| **I imagine you're saying this to point out a repetition or a logical link that doesn't merit development, but I'm still inclined to keep it. | |||
| *{{tq|On the subject of violence, a yokozuna involved will therefore be subject to a sanction at least equal to a recommendation to retire due to their "social responsibility", a sekitori will not have sanctions lower than a suspension when makushita wrestlers or lower normally risk a suspension at the most}} I know this would have been hard to reword, but it's very clunky. | |||
| *{{tq|on the basis of the success of their career}} concise | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|people of responsibility}} awkward | |||
| **Went for 'managers'. | |||
| *{{tq|nonetheless exercise subordinate functions}} reword | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|They serves according to the instructions of other superiors}} reword | |||
| **Went to simplify the whole thing. I deleted it. | |||
| *{{tq|This makes their situation complex, as when they enter the job market they find themselves competing with other employees of the same age group who do, however, have much more professional experience.}} this is inferred | |||
| **I don't completely agree and would like to keep this notion of age group. | |||
| *{{tq|Some former sumo wrestlers tried their luck competing}} is this ongoing ? | |||
| **As far as I know, there have been no rikishi in wrestling or pro wrestling lately. The conjugation is more there to standardize the paragraph. | |||
| ==== Numbers ==== | |||
| *{{tq|These days}} more specific, i.e. since the 90s | |||
| **{{Done}}. Went for the 2020s. | |||
| ==== Foreign-born rikishi ==== | |||
| *{{tq|as is the case for Japanese wrestlers who are registered by prefecture of origin}} a lot more concise given previous sentence implies most of this. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|managed to join the ranks}} -> joined / joined sumo | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|and fortune in sumo}} did he achieve fortune? | |||
| **I rephrased it. | |||
| *{{tq|Hawaii-born 287 kilograms (633 lb) mega-weight Konishiki, of ethnic Samoan descent}} I don't know if this name can be trimmed, but it is very long. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|to draw a parallel with the Americans who had conquered both the country and sumo}} specify in the 19th century, and remove reference to conquering sumo. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *Can I get quotes for Japan has a xenophobic culture? Actually, it should probably be removed per ]. | |||
| **The term is the one used in the sources (Hall, p. 16 and Buckingham, p. 66) and it has already been noted that Koreans and other foreigners have been slow to gain a real foothold in the sport. So I think the phenomenon is well enough documented for the term "xenophobic" to remain in the article. | |||
| *{{tq|However, all wrestlers involved in professional sumo are treated the same once they have joined the stables}} this directly contradicts the previous sentence. Maybe clarify "formally"? | |||
| **It's a paradox yes. I rephrased it a bit. | |||
| *{{tq|for racial reasons}} is this a euphemism for racism? | |||
| **I rephrased it. | |||
| *{{tq|He explained}} WP:SAID | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|there would be ten Hawaiian wrestlers in the same stable living in their own "little clique," not learning Japanese, so the rule "protects the culture of stables."}} is this his prediction of the future or what he thinks is happening? | |||
| **Gunning explains what would happen if the rule on foreigners in the stables was not enforced. | |||
| *{{tq|This occurred when Hisanoumi changed his nationality from Tongan at the end of 2006, allowing another Tongan to enter his stable, and Kyokutenhō's change of citizenship allowed Ōshima stable to recruit Mongolian Kyokushūhō in May 2007.}} only need to list one, as an example | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|although the restriction has never been challenged in court.}} update source if you're going to make this claim | |||
| **After checking the source, it appears that the end of the sentence is in fact not stated anywhere in the article. I deleted the end. | |||
| *{{tq|if a foreigner wishes to remain in the Sumo Association}} is this true? From what I've read it seems like them becoming Japanese citizens is optional/unusual | |||
| **They can stay as wrestlers but if they want to become a coach they must be Japanese citizens. I clarified the sentence. | |||
| ==== Health effects ==== | |||
| *{{tq|and the rikishi are therefore athletes with an imposing body fat}} redundant | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|ensures the health of its wrestlers}} it doesn't do a very good job of this if they're dying so young. Can remove. | |||
| **I rephrased it a bit. Let me know if it's ok. | |||
| *{{tq|due to the enormous amount of body mass and fat that they accumulate}} redundant | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|Those having a higher body mass are at greater risk of death}} I feel like this has already been said when you say the fattest rikishi get diabetes and have heart attacks | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *Gloss heya | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|giving rise to numerous concerns about the number of wrestlers affected by the virus}} because they got COVID, or concerns over the number that would get it? | |||
| **Their was concern about what would happen if a spectator gave COVID to a wrestler, given that the heya system is a "virus farm" because of the rikishi's lifestyle. I rephrased the sentence a bit, let me know if it's ok. | |||
| === Sources === | |||
| ] needed for: | |||
| *Arthritis | |||
| *Long-term cognitive problems | |||
| *Susceptibility to viral infections | |||
| **I don't think a scientific literature is necessary for a quick mention of the risks of physical activities on wrestlers. The terms are used in sources that are derived from reliable secondary sources. | |||
| Spot Check | |||
| *Ref #10 {{n}} What makes you think this is "the first accounts of matches held during the Yamato kingship period" | |||
| **In the source, the first mention of ritual sumo performances are said to have been held in the Yamato court. Nomi no Sukune and Tama no Kehaya match is the first one to be documented. | |||
| *Ref #17 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #18 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #27 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #56 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #75 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #80 {{y}} | |||
| *Ref #83 {{n}} directly contradicts source | |||
| **I deleted it. Can't find back where I saw the information. | |||
| *Ref #110 {{y}} | |||
| === Other === | |||
| *No problems with broadness (exceptional), detail is fine {{y}} | |||
| *No COPYVIO/OR (earwig 7.4%, and quotes) {{y}} | |||
| *Neutral {{y}} | |||
| *Stable {{y}} | |||
| *Images: All appropriately tagged from PD, Flickr, Twitter and own work {{y}} | |||
| === Suggestions === | |||
| *{{tq|It has been noted by many authors interested in sumo}} Better attribution | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|didn't}} ] | |||
| **{{Done}}. | |||
| *{{tq|to hold a tournament after proposing a new etiquette associated with tournaments}} avoid repeating tournaments here. Associated with tournaments may even be redundant. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *Glosses on some Japanese terms such Kibyōshi, daimyo; ] | |||
| *{{tq|In recent years, sumo has developed}} ] | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|lit. 'ginko-leaf topknot') because it resembles the leaf of the ginkgo tree}} can you put a wikilink inside the translation? Because it is silly to have the translation repeated immediately after. | |||
| **{{Done}} | |||
| *{{tq|Compensation paid to lower-ranked wrestlers varies according to their rank}} try to avoid double use of rank | |||
| *{{tq|Since Yokozuna Kakuryū's retirement in 2021, the presidency of the rikishi-kai is currently vacant}} MOS:DATED | |||
| *{{tq|The number of newcomers to the sport has never been so low since the introduction of the six-tournament-a-year system}} MOS:DATED | |||
Revision as of 10:12, 14 August 2024
 | This is the user sandbox of OtharLuin. A user sandbox is a subpage of the user's user page. It serves as a testing spot and page development space for the user and is not an encyclopedia article. Create or edit your own sandbox here. Other sandboxes: Main sandbox | Template sandbox Finished writing a draft article? Are you ready to request review of it by an experienced editor for possible inclusion in Misplaced Pages? Submit your draft for review! |