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| '''Shiddukhin''' (]: ''matching'') is the ] term for finding a marital partner. It is not to be confused with the closely related term '']'', which refers to a formal form of ]. | |||
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| Kinship and Marriage. | |||
| ==Forbidden relationships== | |||
| In the earliest Hebrew history endogamy prevails; particular care is taken that Isaac and Jacob shall contract marriage only with their own kin. The Canaanite wives of Esau were "a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah" (Gen. xxvi. 34-35; comp. xxvii. 46). Some of the sons of Jacob also departed from this custom (Gen. xxxviii. 1-2, xli. 45). Moses married outside his own people, but he was a fugitive, and became an adopted member of his wife's tribe (Ex. ii. 21; comp. iv. 18). It was, nevertheless, looked upon as right and fitting that marriage should take place within the circle of one's own kindred (Gen. xxiv. 2-4, xxix. 19; comp. Judges xiv. 3). | |||
| The ] criticises intermarriage with a ]<ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|24:2-4|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis||26:34-35|}}</ref>. | |||
| However, the changed conditions subsequent to settlement in Canaan made an intermingling of races inevitable (see Judges iii. 6; Ruth i. 4; II Sam. xi. 3; I Kings vii. 14; I Chron. ii. 17; II Chron. xxiv. 26), and the custom of the kings in making foreign alliances by marriage favored this (II Sam. iii. 3; I Kings iii. 1, xi. 1, xvi. 31). The Deuteronomic law forbids marriage with the Canaanites, but, apparently, makes an exception to the endogamous rule in favor of the Edomites and Egyptians (Deut. vii. 3, xxiii. 7; comp. Ex. xxxiv. 16). The period of the Exile and the century following was also a period of laxity, but strict laws prohibiting marriage with the foreigner were enforced in the time of Ezra and Nehemiah (Ezra ix. 10; Neh. xiii. 23-30). | |||
| It also forbids such marriage<ref>{{bibleverse||Deuteronomy|7:3|}}</ref>, and ] later definitively ]<ref>{{bibleverse||Ezra|10:10-11|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Nehemiah|10:31|}}</ref>. | |||
| The older custom of intermarriage within the circle of kinship was governed by no strict rules. Of course marriage with a daughter or uterine sister was not tolerated, but there was no bar to union with close relatives on the father's side, and even down to the Babylonian exile such unions appear to have been common (Gen. xx. 12; Ex. vi. 20; Num. xxvi. 59; II Sam. xiii. 13; Ezek. xxii. 10-11). Deuteronomy prohibits certain marriages with near relatives (xxii. 30; xxvii. 20, 22-23), but the most elaborate legislation in this direction is found in Leviticus (xviii. 7-17, xx. 11-21). According to this law a man may not marry his mother, stepmother, mother-in-law, father's sister, mother's sister, paternal uncle's wife, half-sister, stepsister (daughter of stepmother and her former husband), sister-in-law (brother's wife), living wife's sister, daughter-in-law, stepdaughter, granddaughter, or daughter of stepson or stepdaughter. It is clear that marriage with a deceased wife's sister is not forbidden, but it has been argued that the near relatives of the wife equally with those of the husband are within the forbidden degree to him and that, as the wife's mother and daughter are barred, so also, by analogy, is the wife's sister. Whatever its anomalies or defects, there is no doubt that by this law a high ideal of domestic and social purity was maintained. The pre-Islamic Arabic custom, authorized by Mohammed, was closely similar. See Incest. | |||
| However, it was also possible to be too closely related, and the ] (twice), and the ] (once), list ]. These prohibit most ] relations involving just one degree of ] or of ]<ref>{{bibleverse||Leviticus|18:7-11|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Leviticus|20:11-21|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Deuteronomy|22:30|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Deuteronomy|27:20-23|}}</ref>. The result is roughly the same as the rules followed in early ] culture<ref name="JewEncMar">{{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=marriage|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=213}}</ref>. | |||
| Betrothal and Nuptial Rites. | |||
| ==Social intercourse== | |||
| The initial steps, it appears, were customarily taken by the parents of the suitor, who formally made the proposal (Gen. xxiv., xxxiv. 4-6; Judges xiv. 2, 10). Not infrequently, however, in the comparatively free social intercourse of those days, the young man and woman had met and formed a mutual attachment resulting in a love-match (Gen. xxix. 9-12, 18; I Sam. xviii. 20, 28). | |||
| The descriptions of marriages in the early parts of the bible<ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|24|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|34:4-6|}}</ref> appear to suggest that it was customary for the groom's parents to be the ones which formally make the marriage proposal<ref name="JewEncMar" />. However, from the Biblical accounts of the romances between ] and ]<ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|29:9-12|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse||Genesis|29:18|}}</ref>, and that of ] and ]<ref>{{bibleverse|1|Samuel|18:20|}}</ref><ref>{{bibleverse|1|Samuel|18:28|}}</ref>, it appears that there was comparatively free social intercourse between men and women, in early Israelite society<ref name="JewEncMar" />; thus it was possible for a man and woman to meet naturally, and form a mutual attachment, before a marriage had been decided upon<ref name="JewEncMar" />. | |||
| Choice of Wife. | |||
| ==Sought qualities== | |||
| One should be careful in selecting a wife. A sayingcurrent among the Rabbis was, "Hasten to buy land; deliberate before taking a wife; descend one step in choosing a wife; ascend one step in choosing the best man" ("shushbin"; Yeb. 63a). One should first establish a home and plant a vineyard, and then marry (Soṭah 44a). The pursuit of the study of the Law, however, should be postponed until after marriage, when a man is settled in mind and can devote himself entirely to that vocation (Yoma 72b; Men. 110a; comp. Ḳid. 29b). | |||
| The Talmudic writers argue that marriage should not be rushed into<ref>Yebamot 63a</ref>. | |||
| To marry a woman for her wealth was deprecated by the Rabbis (Ḳid. 70a; "Seder Eliyahu Zuṭa," ch. iii., ed. Friedmann, Vienna, 1902; Shulḥan 'Aruk, Eben ha-'Ezer, 3, 1, Isserles' gloss; "Sefer Ḥasidim," §§ 1094, 1096, ed. Wistinetzki, Berlin, 1891; see Dowry). The daughter of a respectable family is most to be desired (B. B. 109b); especially should the brothers of the bride be good and respectable men, for the character of the children is like that of the brothers of the mother (B. B. 110a; "Sefer Ḥasidim," §§ 1092, 1099, 1100). One should sell all he possesses in order to marry the daughter of a learned man (Pes. 49a, b; Ket. 111b; Yalḳ., Ex. 269; comp. Yoma 71a). A marriage between the daughter of a priest or of a learned man and an ignoramus ("'am haareẓ") will not be a successful one (Pes. 49a). All the promises of the Prophets will be fulfilled upon him who gives his daughter in marriage to a learned man (Ber. 34b); it is as if he united himself with the divine presence itself ("Shekinah"; Ket. 111b). It is deemed advisable that the wife should not be of a higher rank than the husband, in accordance with the homely saying, "A shoe that is larger than my foot I do not 5..desire" (Ḳid. 49a). The Rabbis were very much opposed to marriage between an old man and a young woman, or vice versa (Yeb. 44a; Sanh. 76a, b); they also advised against marrying a divorced woman or a widow (Pes. 112a). Marriage should be contracted with no other intention than that of doing the will of God (Soṭah 12a; "Seder Eliyahu Zuṭa," ch. iii.). | |||
| They prefer a man to marry the daughter of a respectable family<ref>Baba Bathra 109b</ref>, to the point of selling all one's posessions if necessary to secure marriage to the daughter of a learned man<ref>Pesahim 49</ref><ref>] 111b</ref>. Conversely, the family of a very unlearned man was, according to them, to be avoided<ref>Pesahim 49b</ref>. They praise any man who causes his daughter to marry a learned man<ref>] 34b</ref>. They also say that a man should choose a woman below him in status<ref>] 49a</ref>. Marriages with a large age gap between the spouses (eg. between a young man and an old woman) were thoroughly opposed by the classical rabbis<ref>'']'' 44a</ref><ref>''Sanhedrin'' 76a</ref>. The Talmudic writers claim that a marriage should occur for no other purpose than that of doing the will of God<ref>Sotah 12a</ref> | |||
| Physical beauty in woman was highly appreciated by the Rabbis; a beautiful wife is one of the things that contributes to man's happiness (Ber. 57b; comp. Yoma 74b). A woman that has beautiful eyes needs no further recommendation (Ta'an. 24a). "The highest attribute of a woman is her beauty" was the song of the maidens of Jerusalem at their gatherings on the Fifteenth of Ab and the Day of Atonement when wishing to attract the attention of the assembled youths (Ta'an. 31a). While it is commendable to marry soon after betrothal (Midr. Shemuel xvii. 4 and note, ed. Buber, Cracow, 1893), no one should marry a woman unless he has seen her beforehand (Ḳid. 41a; "Sefer Ḥasidim," § 1143). Similarity in stature or in complexion between the man and the woman was regarded with disfavor. A tall man should not marry a tall woman, nor a short man a short woman; a dark man should not marry a dark woman, nor a fair-complexioned man a fair-complexioned woman (Bek. 45b). | |||
| Although many cultures value the ] that ''beauty is only skin deep'', the talmud commends the benefits of having a beautiful wife<ref>Berakhot 57b</ref>, and claims that if she had beautiful eyes, she would need no further recommendation<ref>] 24a</ref>. In the classical era, the maidens of Jerusalem frequently gathered together singing that ''the highest attribute of a woman is her beauty''<ref>Ta'anit 31a</ref>. The Talmud instructs that a man should not marry a bride without first seeing her<ref>Kiddushin 41a</ref>. A concern for superficial appearance is also expressed in the disfavour it shows to marriage between people resembling one another, in their height, or in their physical complexion<ref>] 45b</ref>. | |||
| Marriages Made in Heaven. | |||
| ==Match making== | |||
| The proverb that "marriages are made in heaven" is illustrated by a story in the Midrash. A Roman matron, on being told by R. Jose ben Ḥalafta that God arranges all marriages, said that this was an easy matter, and boasted that she could do as much herself. Thereupon she assembled her male and female slaves and paired them off in couples; but on the morrow they all went to her with complaints. Then she admitted that divine intervention is necessary to suitable marriages (Gen. R. lxviii. 3-4). Even God Himself finds it as difficult an undertaking as the dividing of the Red Sea. Forty days before a child is born its mate is determined upon (Gen. R. lxviii. 3-4; Soṭah 2a; Sanh. 22a; comp. M. Ḳ. 18b; "Sefer Hasidim," § 1128). | |||
| A ] tells the ] of a Roman matron who encountered a rabbi, the latter claiming that God arranged all marriages<ref>], 68:3-4</ref>; the matron argued that she had the ability herself, and, for the sake of demonstration, paired off all of her slaves, but each subsequently returned to her with complaint about the partner they had been given<ref>], 68:3-4</ref>. It was argued that even God finds the task difficult<ref name="JewEncMar" />, a task which the talmud claims that God carried out for each child, forty days before it was born<ref>Sotah 2a</ref><ref>Sanhedrin 22a</ref>. | |||
| ==Reference== | |||
| ==References== | |||
| {{Jewish Encyclopedia|article=marriage|url=http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/view.jsp?letter=M&artid=213}} | |||
| {{reflist}} | |||
Revision as of 12:40, 15 February 2010
Shiddukhin (Hebrew: matching) is the Jewish term for finding a marital partner. It is not to be confused with the closely related term shiddukhim, which refers to a formal form of match-making.
Forbidden relationships
The Torah criticises intermarriage with a Canaanite.
It also forbids such marriage, and Ezra later definitively extended the rule to forbid intermarriage between a Jew and any non-Jew.
However, it was also possible to be too closely related, and the Holiness Code (twice), and the Deuteronomic Code (once), list relationships which they regard as incestuous, and forbidden. These prohibit most kinship relations involving just one degree of affinity or of consanguinity. The result is roughly the same as the rules followed in early (pre-Islamic) Arabic culture.
Social intercourse
The descriptions of marriages in the early parts of the bible appear to suggest that it was customary for the groom's parents to be the ones which formally make the marriage proposal. However, from the Biblical accounts of the romances between Rachel and Jacob, and that of David and Michal, it appears that there was comparatively free social intercourse between men and women, in early Israelite society; thus it was possible for a man and woman to meet naturally, and form a mutual attachment, before a marriage had been decided upon.
Sought qualities
The Talmudic writers argue that marriage should not be rushed into.
They prefer a man to marry the daughter of a respectable family, to the point of selling all one's posessions if necessary to secure marriage to the daughter of a learned man. Conversely, the family of a very unlearned man was, according to them, to be avoided. They praise any man who causes his daughter to marry a learned man. They also say that a man should choose a woman below him in status. Marriages with a large age gap between the spouses (eg. between a young man and an old woman) were thoroughly opposed by the classical rabbis. The Talmudic writers claim that a marriage should occur for no other purpose than that of doing the will of God
Although many cultures value the aphorism that beauty is only skin deep, the talmud commends the benefits of having a beautiful wife, and claims that if she had beautiful eyes, she would need no further recommendation. In the classical era, the maidens of Jerusalem frequently gathered together singing that the highest attribute of a woman is her beauty. The Talmud instructs that a man should not marry a bride without first seeing her. A concern for superficial appearance is also expressed in the disfavour it shows to marriage between people resembling one another, in their height, or in their physical complexion.
Match making
A midrash tells the parable of a Roman matron who encountered a rabbi, the latter claiming that God arranged all marriages; the matron argued that she had the ability herself, and, for the sake of demonstration, paired off all of her slaves, but each subsequently returned to her with complaint about the partner they had been given. It was argued that even God finds the task difficult, a task which the talmud claims that God carried out for each child, forty days before it was born.
References
- Genesis 24:2–4
- Genesis
- Deuteronomy 7:3
- Ezra 10:10–11
- Nehemiah 10:31
- Leviticus 18:7–11
- Leviticus 20:11–21
- Deuteronomy 22:30
- Deuteronomy 27:20–23
- ^
This article incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Singer, Isidore; et al., eds. (1901–1906). "marriage". The Jewish Encyclopedia. New York: Funk & Wagnalls.
- Genesis 24
- Genesis 34:4–6
- Genesis 29:9–12
- Genesis 29:18
- 1 Samuel 18:20
- 1 Samuel 18:28
- Yebamot 63a
- Baba Bathra 109b
- Pesahim 49
- Ketubot 111b
- Pesahim 49b
- Berakhot 34b
- Kiddushin 49a
- Yebamot 44a
- Sanhedrin 76a
- Sotah 12a
- Berakhot 57b
- Ta'anit 24a
- Ta'anit 31a
- Kiddushin 41a
- Bekhorot 45b
- Genesis Rabbah, 68:3-4
- Genesis Rabbah, 68:3-4
- Sotah 2a
- Sanhedrin 22a