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The friend zone, or occasionally friendship zone, is a dating term describing a situation in which one partner wants to become intimate romantically while the other prefers to be just friends. It is generally regarded as a negative development, particularly for a man. The sense is that once this has happened to a relationship, it's difficult to undo, although there are differing views about whether it's possible to leave the friend zone and how this might be accomplished.

The zone

The friend zone can be used to describe somebody with whom you want to spend time but not necessarily pursue sexually. Marshall Fine, of the Huffington Post, suggested that it was "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."

There are differing explanations about what causes the friend zone to happen. One report suggested that some women don't see their male friends as potential love interests because they fear that deepening their relationship might entail a loss of the romance and mystery as well as enable possible rejection. A Chicago Tribune writer suggested there were several causes in which a man might become corralled to the friend zone: (1) the woman is not sufficiently attracted to the man, (2) the woman perceives signals coming from the man about whether to deepen the relationship as ambiguous, (3) there is sexual repulsion (but not enough to block a friendship). The writer described the relationship in these terms:

When a guy agrees to be friends, he's forced to stifle his attraction while regularly seeing and talking to the woman he's attracted to. She discusses her love life and has the audacity to ask his advice on it. He performs occasional "manly" household and automotive favors for the women. Essentially, he does everything a boyfriend would do – without the benefits.

— Gina B., Chicago Tribune, 2007

Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as Justfriendistan, and wrote that it's a "territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the western Sahara, the Atacama desert, and Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell."

A key is avoiding the friend zone to begin with. One man described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them. On the other hand, a report in Cosmopolitan magazine suggested that a friend-only relation could change into a sexual one, and based this finding on a 2001 Match.com survey in which 71% of respondents hoped that they would fall in love with a friend. It has also been suggested that women may also become victims of the "friend zone", that is, in which a man treats them as only a friend, while the woman prefers a more intimate relationship. But it was suggested that it was easier for women to escape the friend zone, and move the relation to an intimate one with sex, than it was for men to escape the zone.

There is general agreement that once a man is in the friend zone, that it is difficult to get out. A platonic relationship has formed without sex and can continue indefinitely. Accordingly, dating advisers and coaches have suggested that one should never get in the friend zone to begin with. Several advisers urged men, during the initial dates, to touch women physically in appropriate places such as elbows or shoulders as a means of increasing the sexual tension. Authors of the book How to Succeed with Women explained the logic:

Touching a woman casually and non-intrusively establishes a precedent that will help you touch her more intimately later. It gets her used to accepting your touch, and even shows her that it can feel good. These touches are quick, gentle, and over with before she has a chance to get uncomfortable.

— Ron Louis, David Copeland, How to Succeed with Women, 2009

Adviser Ali Binazir agrees, and suggested for the man to be a "little bit dangerous", not in a violent sense, but "with a bit of an edge to them", and be unpredictable and feel "comfortable in their skin as sexual beings." A woman speaking about a previous date in a report in the Boston Globe confirmed that she relegated her date to the friend zone because he lacked an "edge"; she needed "excitement." Binazir suggested that a man, ensnared in the friend zone, is free to experiment and try new things, since there's nothing to lose.

Popular culture

The term friend zone was popularized by a 1994 episode of the television sitcom Friends, where the character Ross, who was lovesick for Rachel, was labeled "mayor of the Friend Zone". The question of whether a man can ever "escape The Friend Zone and begin dating one of his female friends" was a prime ingredient in making the Ross and Rachel pairing interesting to watch; one writer described the two as a "geek dream couple". The term friend zone was a reference to a TV show several decades earlier called The Twilight Zone which often featured regular people caught in weird or macabre situations, and who were sometimes stuck in time or space.

Comedian Chris Rock performed a memorable routine about women keeping platonic friends on 1996's Bring The Pain, where he talked about men being trapped in the "Friend Zone".

The television show Scrubs uses the term friend zone on the first season episode of "My Best Friend's Mistake". J.D. explains that once something important, a turning point, occurs between a guy and a girl, they have 48 hours to do something about it or else the guy will be stuck in the girl's "friend zone" forever. J.D. doesn't get to finish kissing Elliot in 48 hours, so he enters an imaginary hospital room called "Friend Zone" with a room full of guys who used to like Elliot, but Elliot didn't like them back in the same way.

The 2005 film Just Friends deals with the "friend zone" and how it impacts on the main character of the film (played by Ryan Reynolds) when he re-unites with his female friend from high school (played by Amy Smart) for the first time in 10 years after an incident at a high school graduation party at her home in which she said that she loves him "like a brother", dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend. The movie When Harry Met Sally explored the theme of whether men and women could be friends without being lovers.

In May 2011, MTV announced a new show entitled "FriendZone", produced by 495 Productions cast by Doron Ofir. Created by Damon Epps and SallyAnn Salsano.

In an interview with a national publication, Mr. Epps is quoted as saying, "The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too."

See also

• Attachment in adults
• Platonic love
• Nice guy
• Bad boy (archetype)

References

1. Michael Klopman (October 19, 2010). "[[Lindsay McCormick]], Mark Sanchez 'Just Friends': Report". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help); URL–wikilink conflict (help)
2. ^ Ali Binazir M.D. M.Phil. (February 2011). "How to stay out of the Friend Zone". taoofdating.com. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
3. ^ Dr. Alex Benzer (April 2, 2009). "How Rich Guys Screw Up Their Chances with Women". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
4. Marshall Fine (May 10, 2010). "HuffPost Review: Just Wright". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
5. ^ GINA B. (January 12, 2007). "What's so bad about the friend zone?". Chicago Tribune. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
6. Mastin Kipp (June 3, 2010). "Choosing a Better Kind of Love". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
7. "When you fall for a guy pal: the "just friends" zone is like relationship quicksand, but you can get out with a few strategic maneuvers". Cosmopolitan. 2006-06-01. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
8. "Just friends - why it happens?", AskMen.com
9. Emily Yahr (July 25, 2010). "The CW's 'Plain Jane,' a not-so-extreme makeover show". Washington Post. Retrieved 2011-02-24. she harbors a hard-core crush on her buddy Ty, who has categorized her in "the friend zone" since college. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
10. ERIC V. COPAGE (June 6, 2010). "For New Pickup Lines, Pay $377 and Go Practice". The New York Times. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
11. ^ Ron Louis and David Copeland (2009). "How To Succeed With Women: Revised and Updated". Prentice Hall Press. ISBN 078-1-440-66211-9. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Check |isbn= value: invalid prefix (help); Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
12. Interview with Kevin and Kajka (April 25, 2010). "Date Lab: And we hang our heads in matchmaking shame". Boston Globe. Retrieved 2011-02-24. {{cite news}}: Italic or bold markup not allowed in: |publisher= (help)
13. "Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap". TV.com. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
14. "IGN's Top 10 Favorite TV Couples". IGN. Retrieved 2008-01-14.
15. "Amy Smart on Just Friends", RadioFree.com Interviews (Nov. 5, 2005)
16. "FriendZone Casting Site"

• Intimate relationships
• Interpersonal relationships
• Love