| Revision as of 08:22, 20 February 2017 view sourceHaeB (talk | contribs)Extended confirmed users, Mass message senders, Pending changes reviewers, Rollbackers54,327 editsm Reverted edits by 177.247.149.248 (talk) to last version by Tomwsulcer← Previous edit | Revision as of 23:40, 27 February 2017 view source 2607:fea8:c3a0:655:7cdb:f39b:748b:37b2 (talk) ←Redirected page to Chris ChristieNext edit → | ||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
| #REDIRECT ] | |||
| {{Other uses}} | |||
| In ], the '''friend zone''' is a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.<ref name="twsFebX22">{{cite news |last= Yahr | first = Emily |title= The CW's 'Plain Jane,' a not-so-extreme makeover show | work = ] |quote= ...she harbors a hard-core crush on her buddy Ty, who has categorized her in "the friend zone" since college |date= 25 July 2010 |url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/22/AR2010072206828.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref><ref>{{citation | contribution = friend zone | title = Oxford English Dictionary | url = http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/friend-zone | access-date = 22 January 2014 | quote = ...a situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unrequited romantic or sexual interest in the other... }}</ref><ref name="maneater"/> It is generally considered to be an undesirable or dreaded<ref>{{cite news |last= Kaufman | first = Amy | title = 'The Bachelor' recap: Girls get wild in Anguilla | url = http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2011/02/the-bachelor-recap-episode-six-brad-womack.html | work = ] | date = 15 February 2011 | quote = ...the dreaded friend zone... }}</ref> situation by the rejected person.<ref name=twsFebX19/> The rejected person is said to have been put "in" the object of their affection's "friend zone", and this can be ], as in the sentence "So, she's friendzoned you."<ref name="twsFiberCulture4"/> | |||
| The concept of the friend zone has been criticized as ], because of a belief that the concept implies an expectation that women should have sex with men whom they have no interest in, simply because they were nice to them.<ref name="6 reasons">{{cite web | url=http://www.salon.com/2013/10/12/6_reasons_the_friend_zone_needs_to_die/ | title=6 reasons the “friend zone” needs to die | website=] | publisher = Salon Media Group Inc. | date=12 October 2013 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Dickson |first= E.J,}}</ref><ref name="Marcotte">{{cite web|title=The dangerous discourse of "the friend zone"|url=http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/27/the-dangerous-discourse-of-the-friend-zone/|last=Marcotte|first=Amanda | website = ] |date=27 May 2014}}</ref><ref>{{cite web | url=http://jezebel.com/hey-dude-youre-not-stuck-in-the-friendzone-cuz-you-dre-1653403664 | title=Hey Dude, You're Not Stuck in the Friendzone Cuz You Dress Shitty (blog) | website =] | publisher = ] | date=2 November 2014 | accessdate=26 April 2015 | last=Moore | first = Tracy}}</ref> This is closely associated with so-called "] syndrome". | |||
| == Causes == | |||
| A '']'' writer suggested there were a few situations in which someone might become relegated to the friend zone: | |||
| # person A is not sufficiently attracted to person B | |||
| # person A misinterprets ] from person B signaling their interest in deepening the relationship | |||
| # person B does something that is a ] to person A, such as making offensive statements.<ref name=twsFebX18/> | |||
| Writer Jeremy Nicholson in '']'' suggested that when a romantic pursuer, in order to avoid being rejected up front, uses a ploy of friendly acts as a "back door" way in to a hoped-for relationship, this approach rarely works - and when it doesn't work, the pursuer finds themselves in the friend zone.<ref name=twsPsychToday5>{{Cite journal | last = Nicholson | first = Jeremy | title = Avoiding the Friend Zone: Becoming a Boyfriend or a Girlfriend | journal = ] | page = 3 | publisher = Sussex Publishers | date = 1 March 2013 | url = http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201302/avoiding-the-friend-zone-becoming-girlfriend-or-boyfriend | ref = harv | postscript = .}}</ref> (However, see "gender differences" section below.) | |||
| The term "friend zone" is sometimes used in ] literature, where it forms part of PUA theories about female sexual attraction to males; however, PUA theories are controversial and have been criticised by feminists. | |||
| == Descriptions of the friend zone == | |||
| One man likened being "in the friend zone" to being a "]" and having only a ] relationship with a woman. In another instance, a woman described her male friend, someone she was comfortable with as if he was one of her girlfriends, but their relationship became problematic when he wanted their relationship to develop romantically but she did not.<ref>{{cite news |last= King | first = Susan | title = Following his life into the 'love zone' | url = http://articles.latimes.com/2005/nov/21/entertainment/et-weekmovies21 | work = ] | date = 21 November 2005 | access-date = 22 January 2014 | quote = ...I was the third wheel who would listen to all of her problems, and we would have platonic sleepovers like in the movie... }}</ref> | |||
| Marshall Fine of '']'' suggested that the friend zone is "like the penalty box of dating, when your only crime is not being buff and unobtainable."<ref name="twsFebX24">{{cite news | last = Fine | first = Marshall |title= HuffPost Review: Just Wright |work= Huffington Post |date= May 10, 2010 |url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-fine/huffpost-review-ijust-wri_b_569896.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> Dating adviser Ali Binazir described the friend zone as '']'', and wrote that it's a "territory only to be rivaled in inhospitability by the ], the ], and ]."<ref name="twsFebX19">{{cite web |last= Binazir | first = Ali |title= How to stay out of the Friend Zone |website= taoofdating.com |date= February 2011 |url= http://taoofdating.com/how-to-stay-out-of-friend-zone/ |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> ] of the Huffington Post described himself as always having girlfriends who were "girls" but were only his "friends", meaning there was no sex between them.<ref name="twsFebX21">{{cite news | last = Kipp | first = Mastin |title= Choosing a Better Kind of Love |work= ''Huffington Post'' |date= June 3, 2010 |url= http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mastin-kipp/love-choosing-a-better-ki_b_598693.html |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> | |||
| ==Gender differences== | |||
| According to a ''Chicago Tribune'' writer, in a friendship between two people, being relegated to the friend zone can happen to either person.<ref name="twsFebX18">{{cite news | last = B. | first = Gina |title= What's so bad about the friend zone? | work = ] |date= January 12, 2007 |url= http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2007-01-12/news/0701120408_1_new-friends-attraction-friendship |accessdate= 24 February 2011 }}</ref> | |||
| According to some psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship.<ref name=twsTheGuardian2/><ref>{{Cite journal | last1 = Bleske-Rechek | first1 = April | last2 = Somers | first2 = Erin | last3 = Micke | first3 = Cierra | last4 = Erickson | first4 = Leah | last5 = Matteson | first5 = Lindsay | last6 = Stocco | first6 = Corey | last7 = Schumacher | first7 = Brittany | last8 = Ritchie | first8 = Laura | title = Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship | journal = ] | volume = 29 | issue = 5 | pages = 569–596 | publisher = ] | doi = 10.1177/0265407512443611 | date = August 2012 | url = http://dx.doi.org/10.1177/0265407512443611 | ref = harv | postscript = .}} </ref> | |||
| ==Criticism of the term== | |||
| Feminist bloggers such as Rivu Dasgupta and ] have argued that the friend zone concept is misogynistic.<ref name="maneater"/><ref name="Marcotte"/> Dasgupta sees the friend zone as being rooted in ].<ref name="maneater"/> The '']'' concept has been criticized as a ] with an underlying message that kind acts demand a sexual or romantic reward.<ref name="maneater">{{cite news|last1=Dasgupta|first1=Rivu|title=The Friend Zone is Sexist|url=http://www.themaneater.com/stories/2014/2/13/friend-zone-sexist/|work=] (student publication) | publisher = ] |accessdate=1 November 2014}}</ref> Dasgupta and Marcotte say that the concept implies that if a woman and a man have a platonic friendship and the man becomes romantically attracted to the woman, then the woman has a ] to return his affection.<ref name="maneater"/> A woman who does not return her "nice guy" male friend's affection is viewed negatively or seen to be at fault.<ref name="maneater"/> What feminists object to is that acts of "serial kindness" are not done in a spirit of selfless friendship, but as favors demanding compensation, favors which impose on the woman a reciprocal obligation of sexual reward.<ref name="maneater"/> Further, some feminists are bothered that the agenda in such relationships is driven by men's needs for sex rather than women's needs for friendship. Ryan Milner of the ] argued that the ''friend zone'' concept is a nuanced and harmful aspect of ] authority and male domination,<ref name=twsFiberCulture4/> and wrote how women could be seen negatively as a result: | |||
| {{Quote|Women who put ‘nice guys’ in the friend zone were accused of abuse, manipulation, and neglect ... Friend Zone Fiona is premised on this perceived injustice. Fiona ‘loves you ... like a brother’, ‘totally wants you ... to meet the right girl someday’, and ‘invites you over ... to fix her computer’. The image juxtaposes the first clause premise and the second clause punch line to elevate hopes, and then crush them.|Ryan Milner, 2013<ref name=twsFiberCulture4>{{Cite journal | last = Milner | first = Ryan M. | title = Hacking the Social: Internet Memes, Identity Antagonism, and the Logic of Lulz (FCJ-156) | journal = The Fiberculture Journal | volume = 22 | page = 62–92 | publisher = ] | date = 2013 | url = http://twentytwo.fibreculturejournal.org/fcj-156-hacking-the-social-internet-memes-identity-antagonism-and-the-logic-of-lulz/ | ref = harv | postscript = .}} </ref>}} | |||
| '']'' contributor Ally Fogg argues that while the friend zone does not exist in a literal sense, men who use the term "friend zone" are not necessarily misogynists who feel entitled to sex. He states the term's usage does reflect a genuine emotional experience for straight men with low self-esteem and self-confidence. He speculates these men don't feel entitled to sex, thus accept and even expect the rejection they receive. He places blame on ingrained gender roles that expect men to be the ones to initiate romantic advances and place an undue burden on more shy and reserved men. Fogg says, "it requires a particularly bleak view of human nature to assume that this means the friendship was never genuine, or that he secretly believes the woman should have been obliged to have sex with him," warns that "there is a danger in labeling men like this as misogynists or creeps", and says that the shaming of sexually reserved men is related to shaming of sexually assertive women.<ref name=twsTheGuardian2>{{cite news | last = Fogg | first = Ally | url = https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jan/08/friends-friend-zone | work = ] | publisher = ] | title = Not all men in the 'friend zone' are bad guys | date = 8 January 2013 | accessdate = 29 November 2014 }}</ref> | |||
| ==Popular culture== | |||
| The term was popularized by a 1994 episode of the American ] '']'' entitled "]", where the character ], who was ] for ], was described by character ] as being the "mayor of the friend zone".<ref>{{cite web | |||
| |url=http://www.tv.com/friends/the-one-with-the-blackout/episode/351/recap.html | |||
| |title=Friends: The One With the Blackout Recap | |||
| |publisher=] | |||
| |accessdate=14 January 2008}}</ref> The question of whether a man can ever "escape the friend zone and begin dating one of his female friends" helped make the "geek dream couple"<ref>{{cite web | |||
| |url=http://tv.ign.com/articles/764/764349p2.html | |||
| |title=IGN's Top 10 Favorite TV Couples | |||
| |publisher=] | |||
| |accessdate=14 January 2008}}</ref> of Ross and Rachel storyline dramatically compelling, according to viewers. | |||
| Since then, the ''friend zone'' concept has often been a plot element in television shows and films. The 2005 film '']'' features a main character, played by ], reunited after ten years with his friend played by ], who informs him that she loves him "like a brother", essentially dashing any hopes of him having her as a girlfriend. | |||
| ] aired a reality show entitled '']'' from 2011 to 2013. Each episode is based around "crushers" who are friends with the "crushees", but want to begin relationships with them. In an interview with a national publication, a producer said: | |||
| {{Quote|The idea for the show came out of my own experience. Unfortunately, I know the pain of telling the girl of your dreams you love them and want to take the relationship to the next level only to be told they don't feel the same. I figured if it happened to me, it might be something others could relate to as well. If it works, you have the beginnings of a great love story. If it doesn't, well, pain and humiliation make great TV, too.|an MTV producer<ref></ref>{{failed verification|date=December 2014}}}} | |||
| ==See also== | |||
| {{Portal|Sexuality}} | |||
| * ] | |||
| * ] | |||
| * ] | |||
| * ] | |||
| * ] | |||
| ==References== | |||
| {{Reflist|30em}} | |||
| ] | |||
| ] | |||
| ] | |||
Revision as of 23:40, 27 February 2017
Redirect to: