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Episode Details

Episode Number: 299 First Aired: January 12, 2003 Production Code: EABF03 Writer: Matt Selman Director: Mark Kirkland

Synopsis

Homer fails to get the birthday present that Lisa wanted. The gift he gets her instead makes it obvious that he knows nothing about his daughter and that makes her disappointed in him. To win Lisa back, Homer hires a private detective to find out everything about her. The private detective comes through with information that restores Homer's relationship with Lisa. Homer refuses to pay the detective's $1000 expenses; to get even the detective arranges it so that Lisa is framed for a crime she didn't commit. When the police arrive outside the Simpson home, Homer takes Lisa on the run. While they are holed up in a cabin, Homer confesses what he did to learn more about Lisa. The police trace them there and Homer and Lisa's subsequent escape leads them to a circus, where they find evidence that will exonerate Lisa of the crime. Only first together they must deal with the crooked detective.

Quotes

Bart (after stealing Lisa's electroshock diary with a pair of tongs): Dad, can you read me a bedtime story? Homer: Sure, can you hand me that book you got? (As Homer holds the book with his hand, the diary slams shut on him and as the diary goes "UNAUTHORIZED READER!!!", it electroshocks him) Lisa: Just buy me the friggen toy.

Ralph: Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school. Detective: You already said that. What else do you know? Ralph: I picked my nose until it bleeded. Detective: About Lisa! Ralph: Lisa Simpson is a girl at my school!

Homer: Mmmmm... McNuggets.

Flanders (listing Rod's hobbies for the kiosk movie): "Being quiet on trips, clapping along with songs, and diabetes!"

Lou:We got a location,Chief. Wiggum:Great.We'll leave right after dinner.(Wiggum,Lou,and Eddie all smile at Marge)

Marge (answering phone): Hello? Homer: Hello! This is a phone survey. If the election were held today, would you vote for: A. The cops are there or B. Your free to talk? Marge: Uh, A. And I'd like to add that proposition "Hug Lisa for Me" has my full support. Homer: No, Marge, you're not getting it. It's me, Homer. Simpson. (Marge hangs up and smiles nervously)

Willie: Hey, that's not your locker. PI: You know, you're the spiting image of the aberdeen strangler. Willie: Moving on......

Activist: "What do we want!?" Crowd: "The gradual phase-out of animal testing over the next three years?" Activist: "When do we want it!?" Crowd: "Over the next three years!"

(Lisa's face is pasted on a cowgirl's body.) Cowgirl: Howdy, pardners! My name is sheriff... Homer voiceover: Lisa Simpson! Cowgirl: I sure am hungry for my favorite food... Homer voiceover: McNuggets! Lisa: I don't like McNuggets! I'm a vegetarian! Homer: Still? Well then you're not gonna like your other present! (A wrapped turkey) (In the film a cowboy rides up) Cowgirl: Why it's my best friend... Homer voiceover: Maggie! Lisa: Huh? Bartender: Bad news sheriff... Homer voiceover: Lisa Simpson! Bartender: Some Indians took all the... Homer voiceover: McNuggets! Mmmm McNuggets... haughughalughalugh! Cowgirl: I'll get those no good Indians, just as sure as my favorite book is... Homer voiceover: Magazines! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Bart voiceover: Wake up, Dad! Homer voiceover: Wha wha wha wha wha? (Static fills the screen)

Diary: UNAUTHORIZED USER!!!!!! ACCESS DENIED!!!!! (The book causes electrical sparks znd zaps anyone who holds the book at this time.)

Homer: Oh, Lisa's still mad at me. Bart: I'm still mad at you for chopping up my skateboard with an axe! Homer: I told you! It was for the insurance money!

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