Revision as of 05:38, 8 July 2020 editSxologist (talk | contribs)Extended confirmed users2,240 edits →IntroductionTag: 2017 wikitext editor← Previous edit |
Revision as of 05:38, 8 July 2020 edit undoSxologist (talk | contribs)Extended confirmed users2,240 edits →IntroductionTag: 2017 wikitext editorNext edit → |
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I wasn't convinced the introduction was a good summarization of the effect, so I wrote one which essentially covers everything important. It is a little long, so perhaps the last paragraph could be trimmed off and moved into overview. I have seen a lot of people dismiss the FBOE as quackery because they aren't aware it only occurs with biological older brothers. I think an introduction which covers the main points as to why it's thought to be a biological mechanism is important. Let me know if we can improve/trim this or if it's adequate in some form. . Happy for you to duplicate the paragraph in the sandbox, make changes, and then comment here which changes you made and why, or, just leave the comments here. ] (]) 02:14, 8 July 2020 (UTC) |
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I wasn't convinced the introduction was a good summarization of the effect, so I wrote one which essentially covers everything important. It is a little long, so perhaps the last paragraph could be trimmed off and moved into overview. I have seen a lot of people dismiss the FBOE as quackery because they aren't aware it only occurs with biological older brothers. I think an introduction which covers the main points as to why it's thought to be a biological mechanism is important. Let me know if we can improve/trim this or if it's adequate in some form. . Happy for you to duplicate the paragraph in the sandbox, make changes, and then comment here which changes you made and why, or, just leave the comments here. ] (]) 02:14, 8 July 2020 (UTC) |
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:Okay, I made edit in the sandbox. Actually, I see now you didn't invite me to do that specifically, but I have done that in a past collaboration with another editor. You can of course undo my edit and work on it from there if you want. Basically, I don't think we need to go into detail on how the mechanism works in the lead; that sort of thing is article body content. I also noticed that some of the content there does not exist yet in the article body here; that content should also be added to the body, per ]. (Other articles are not always good about following "lead follows body", but they should). Otherwise, it looks good to me. <span style="font-family:Palatino">]</span> <sup>]</sup> 04:57, 8 July 2020 (UTC) |
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:Okay, I made edit in the sandbox. Actually, I see now you didn't invite me to do that specifically, but I have done that in a past collaboration with another editor. You can of course undo my edit and work on it from there if you want. Basically, I don't think we need to go into detail on how the mechanism works in the lead; that sort of thing is article body content. I also noticed that some of the content there does not exist yet in the article body here; that content should also be added to the body, per ]. (Other articles are not always good about following "lead follows body", but they should). Otherwise, it looks good to me. <span style="font-family:Palatino">]</span> <sup>]</sup> 04:57, 8 July 2020 (UTC) |
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::That's totally fine – striking it is a good start. I put a small extension on the last sentence about sexual differentiation of brain, and it should be pretty easy to fit in there. Agree on body of text. The body is a bit out of date and needs replacing with secondary sources. ] (]) 05:38, 8 July 2020 (UTC) |
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::That's totally fine – striking it is a good start. I *might* add a small extension on the last sentence about sexual differentiation of brain, and it should be pretty easy to fit in there. Agree on body of text. The body is a bit out of date and needs replacing with secondary sources. I'll wait and see what other editors say. ] (]) 05:38, 8 July 2020 (UTC) |
I wasn't convinced the introduction was a good summarization of the effect, so I wrote one which essentially covers everything important. It is a little long, so perhaps the last paragraph could be trimmed off and moved into overview. I have seen a lot of people dismiss the FBOE as quackery because they aren't aware it only occurs with biological older brothers. I think an introduction which covers the main points as to why it's thought to be a biological mechanism is important. Let me know if we can improve/trim this or if it's adequate in some form. I put it in a sandbox here. Happy for you to duplicate the paragraph in the sandbox, make changes, and then comment here which changes you made and why, or, just leave the comments here. Sxologist (talk) 02:14, 8 July 2020 (UTC)