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Revision as of 08:32, 29 October 2006 by 218.186.9.5 (talk)(diff) ← Previous revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff) The correct title of this article is Jimbo on Wales!!! It appears incorrectly here due to technical restrictions.
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(QHE STOOD NEXT TO ME . . . AT THE URINAL ONCE. LET'S JUST SAY . . . THAT HE'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY . . . ABOUT BEING CAUGHT IN HIS ZIPPER, . . . AND THEN LEAVE IT AT THAT.)
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“Generally known to be a Jimbo who comes from Wales.”
~ A Highschool Textbook on Jimbo Wales
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- This article may have something to do with The lore and faerie tale of Wikiland and its noble and majestik King Jimbo I. Then again, it might not. Who knows?
James Bo "Jimbo" Wales (Welsh for bastard) is a well-known huckster, con-man and dictator of Wikiland, who has adopted a lifestyle of libertinage, debauchery, international travel, and Ferrari connoisseurship by standing on the shoulders of a million nerds. He is a high-ranking member of the GNAA, and frequently trolls the satirical "encyclopedia" Misplaced Pages as part of his official duties. He is well known for his amusing stunts. These include editing his own biography to pretend that he actually came up with the whole idea, and accusing people of killing JFK. His account has been locked thricewise and twain for vandalism and replacing entire pages with the phrase TROLLS AER THE 13347 several hundred times. His most memorable vandalism was his repeated claim on the Misplaced Pages page for Uncyclopedia that Uncyclopedia was, in fact, a parody site of Misplaced Pages. Even though, in fact, it is the other way around, Jones imprinted some kind of malicious code on the edit page, locking the statement in place for all to see. For a brief time, he was thought to have been directly involved in the Kennedy assassinations of both John, and his brother, John 2.0. Nothing was ever proven.
Jimbo now lives on the Moon Colony Abraxis with his wife, Helga, and 1,600 slaves and interior decorators who change the look of his mansion every single day.
Early Life and Childhood
Jimmy was born and raised St. Louis, Louisiana. His father worked in a grocery store. His mother and grandmother operated a tiny private school called the House of Learning, which Wales and his three siblings attended. He spent most of his days on the playgrounds, where he was so bad at basketball that all the other kids refused to let him join in their reindeer games. Shunned, teary-eyed, crippled (both emotionally, and, after the other kids saw him cry, physically), he ran home and hid in his room, crying for hours, writing in his diary, seeing that his tears were washing away the ink in his diary. He tried going on the computer to cheer him up, but all the websites he found was just his quote-unquote "friends" going on about how he sucked so bad. And so he thought, "If only there was some way to change what it said on the internet. To—dare I say it?—edit it!" And so, he created Misplaced Pages, the Internet's second free-content editable encyclopedia. Then he was sued for plagiarism from Nupedia. They would've won, if not for the fact that Nupedia fell into a wormhole, and everyone forgot about it, forever. Misplaced Pages went on to be second only to Uncyclopedia in popularity and awesomenemnity, due to its annoying habit of having articles that are just useless, nonsensical crap.
Lonely teenage years
Prior to entering the dubious online encyclopedia industry, Wales made his first fortune in pornography. He cofounded Hustler magazine with Larry "Sanger" Flynt, but eventually left to pursue his dream of an online pornographic resource that would be free and to which contributions could be made by anyone. "Flynt" has since disavowed any claims of Jimbo's to a role in Hustler, and Jimbo considers this defeat too embarassing to admit -- hence discussion of it is banned on Misplaced Pages. He later became a pedophile.
Next, Jimmy Wales started Bomis.com, an erotic directory for young males too timid or too Google-illiterate to find real porn on the internet. This aspect of Wales's past is considered a roadblock to his aspirations for global political office; hence, any discussion of it is strictly verboten on Misplaced Pages, if you know what's good for you. Wales is said to refresh and read his biography on Misplaced Pages at least 5 times an hour to make sure this unfortunate fact doesn't slip in. Speaking of unfortunate facts, did you hear that he paid John Seigenthaler Sr. to personally kill John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, Ronald McDonald, several prominent critics of Ayn Rand, and his own mother?
His mortal enemy- (might be good to try and contact) Larry Sanger, born Lawrence Mark Sanger July 16, 1968 in Bellevue, Washington and raised in Anchorage, Alaska, was employed by Jimmy Wales with Bomis, founder of Nupedia and Misplaced Pages, as Editor-in-Chief of Nupedia. Sanger is widely considered the co-founder of Misplaced Pages alongside Wales; however, Wales rejects crediting Sanger with the honorary appellation, instead preferring to describe Sanger's role as "the office sea monkey".
Pointless adult life
After being introduced to the concept of a wiki, Sanger proposed applying it to an encyclopedia. His proposition to Wales directly led to the setup of the website. Sanger was the only paid editor of Misplaced Pages, a status he held from January 15, 2001, until his resignation on March 1, 2002. Sanger received his B.A. in philosophy from Reed College in 1991 and Ph.D. in philosophy from Ohio State University in 2000. His doctoral thesis concerned Epistemic Circularity: An Essay on the Problem of Meta-Justification. Just so you'll know that WE are better investigators than any of the Bullshido clowns, LOL
In his spare time he just loves to be naked. He thinks it feels good and every time he wears clothes it makes him itch and wishes he was a dolphin.
He has a small black beard.
It should be noted, that as a divorced peeress, he is styled Jimbo, Princess of Wales and not Princess Jimbo, as is the form prevalent in the media, which is reserved for princesses by birth. Also, he is not entitled to the style of His self-Righteous Highness (HRH).
The Cult of Jimbo
Wikipedophiles look to His Holiness Jimbo Wales as a Divine Being, who rallied nerds from attics and basements of world suburbia in a unified community. Devout wikipedophiles will frequently take a break from arguing succinctly on Pokémon and anarchy Talk Pages to worship His Lord and Master, Creator of All and Font of All Knowledge.
Offerings of contributions must be made to His Lordship Jimbo Wales, usually in the form of fondling His privates on the article dedicated to Him. The Truly Inspired will be gifted with Knowledge from the Source and go on to create beautiful articles about Soul Calibur characters and documented uses of the Wilhelm Scream in every movie since Them! (1954).
The hierarchy of the Cult of Jimbo is simple: at the very top is His Godhead Jimbo Wales, followed by the Liberal Cabal of Misplaced Pages and the Wikipedian Jewish Alliance. At the bottom are the squirming masses of Wikipedophiles, continually improving articles on Star Wars characters and ritually pleasuring themselves to WikiCommon's gallery of women's lingerie.
Powers
Jimbo Wales is a semi-sentient being whose power and ego are directly proportional to the number of Misplaced Pages articles in existence, hence the reasoning behind his cult's dedication to documenting every single person, object, and idea in existence. As Misplaced Pages's size increases, so does Wales' manhood. Eventually, he will poke all our eyes out with it -- ironic, considering hysterical blindness is one of several known side effects of spending too much time on Misplaced Pages.
Jimbo claims to be running Misplaced Pages for the benefit of children in Africa, but the truth is, nothing could please Jimbo more than an African child served with his morning coffee. Jimbo adds +1 to his Natural Defence for every five African children consumed. Jimbo also gains +1 Spell Power for every three Asian children devoured.
Did You Know?
- Jimbo Wales does know it all.
- Jimbo Wales (also known as Jimbo X) holds the world record for most suckas capped.
- Jimbo Wales believes everything he reads.
- Jimbo Wales has never seen a horse like the Tennessee Stud.
- Jimbo Wales means well.
- Jimbo Wales lets it ride on red.
- Jimbo Wales sees you and raises you ten.
- Jimbo Wales hits on sixteen and stays on seventeen.
- Jimbo Wales has never known the touch of a woman.
- Jimbo Wales masturbates frequently to snuff films.
- Jimbo Wales invented the electric car.
- Jimbo Wales loves the cock with his cat.
- Jimbo Wales was involved in the assassination of JFK and later lived in Soviet Russia, where he was officially declared a Ruskie by pro wrestlers everywhere.
- Jimbo Wales is the name of a county in the Southern United States, where a different citizen (unknown to him) is allowed to kill John F. Kennedy and Robert Kennedy EVERY DAY.
- Jimbo Wales is related to Stalin, and believes in communism.
- Jimbo Wales once did the tango with the Devil.
- Jimbo Wales sleeps in the nude, preferring to "air his privates" at night.
- JIMBO IS WATCHING YOU
It should be noted that notourious vandal Willy On Wheels is, in fact, Jimbo Wales vandalizing pages out of boredom; he considers it a test of loyalty for his disciples.
Extra Facts
- Jimbo Wales is just Waiting to get you.
- Charlotte Church comes from (Jimbo) Wales.
- Jimbo Wales has no pr0n collection. Instead, he routinely visits the article written about Him and His Holy Achievements.
- Saying the name "Jimbo" should make you feel stupid.
- Joined the Mesler Sisters gang while disguised as Kristen Beasly, a former Clarenceville High School student. Alongside of that, he contributed information about the gang members to Misplaced Pages due to the infamy of the gang.
- Addresses himself in third person E.G. Jimbo really wants a turkey sandwich.
- Only known person in the entire galaxy to be born with two anuses.
- Banned in China for being a douchebag.
- Owns 14 DVD copies of the movie Christmas With The Kranks.
- Drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
- Set himself on fire in 2003 to see how long it would take someone to notice.
- Will only eat while blindfolded.
- Sleeps in a coffin with pictures of zebras painted on the inside.
- Knows the entire Klingon alphabet.
- Holds the world record for "Longest Amount Of Time Browsing Misplaced Pages" (34 days, 14 hours, 16 minutes 2 seconds).
- Tried out for, but was rejected, as a cast member on The View.
- Can juggle knives, but only when drunk.
- He became pregnant with the child of Michael Jackson in 2004. The baby popped out 9 months later. He called it WikiBaby, and licensed it under GPL.
- Jimbo can actually curdle a man's blood by staring at him.
- Jimbo is a fan of glamour photography, but not child glamour photography.
- Jimbo Wales is the only known human to be proven to have lucid dreams. We know it's true because he said so.
See also
- Jimbo, Wales.
- Jimbo Whales
- Non-Jimbo
- Sockpuppet
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Douchebag
- Moron
- Adolf Hitler
- Misplaced Pages
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