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Bondage (BDSM)

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In the context of BDSM, bondage involves people being tied up or otherwise restrained for pleasure. Bondage is usually, but not always, a sexual practice. The paraphilia of being sexually aroused by bondage is sometimes known as vincilagnia.

Studies in the U.S. have shown that about three quarters of all men find the idea of bondage to be erotic; many women do as well. As with any study of sexual thoughts and behavior, the available studies are not well controlled and the best studies are now out of date.

BDSM subcultures

It is worth noting that bondage has sexual appeal to persons of both sexes and all sexual orientations. However, a subculture of gay men, sometimes called leathermen, were arguably among the first group to make obvious hints of their tastes in bondage in public.

The growth of the gay leather subculture parallels the biker culture that arose after World War II -- a number of early leathermen were WW2 veterans, and the military traditions of discipline and structure were an important influence in Old Guard leather. While the bikers were not identified as homosexual, the leathermen admired their toughness, tenacity, and willingness to ignore mainstream social mores. Consequently, they adopted the biker style of dress, particularly the use of black leather. While this served a utilitarian purpose for the bikers, in providing warmth and protection from "road rash", it was primarily of fashion and fetishistic value to the leathermen, who for the most part did not ride motorcycles extensively (although there have been and are numerous gay leather motorcycle clubs).

Beginning in the late 1960s, heterosexual groups began to come together to explore bondage and power exchange. With time, these groups have grown and have raised their profile somewhat, to the point where most U.S. cities of any size have one or more such groups. A major goal of most of these groups is to provide semi-public opportunities for BDSM, in an effort to provide a safe environment for relative strangers to engage in such activities. As such, these groups attach high importance to objective safety rules, such as the use of safewords.

Couples and bondage

Although reliable data are unavailable, the financial success of companies that market bondage equipment testifies to the fact that it is more than fantasy to many; it is plausible that a sizeable proportion of couples have made regular use of bondage in their sexual activities at some point in their relationships. This is especially plausible considering that common household items can be used for play, such as rope for restraint or a padlock for a ball lock.

For the most part, such bondage games end in sex. In contrast, bondage games between more casually acquainted players in the BDSM subculture frequently end in masturbation only, or in some cases include no sexual release at all. In the case of a ball lock, the male is capable of intercourse, but remains bound indefinitely.

Safety rules followed by couples in a committed relationship are frequently more subjective and trust-based. These differences can lead to culture clash where a couple with a history of bondage games together encounters the BDSM subculture: the couple can't understand the insistence on safewords, while the members of the subculture can't understand the focus on sexual intercourse.

Bondage erotica

Two women tapegagged and cuffed to iron bars

Studies of men's sexual fantasies have shown that the fantasy of being bound during intercourse is second in frequency only to the basic fantasy of sex with a voluptuous nude woman. Consequently, it should be no surprise that bondage themes have been present in pornography for some time.

Bondage pornography for heterosexual men almost overwhelmingly depicts bound women, rather than bound men, despite the most common fantasy in both sexes being one of being bound. One theory for this is that many heterosexual males are uncomfortable become aroused by the sight of another male, and it is easier for them to let themselves become aroused by a female.

Early examples of bondage erotica include:

Recent changes:

  • Steady growth in quantity and production values of niche producers
  • Increasing prevalence and acceptance of bondage in more mainstream publications (e.g. Penthouse)
  • The rise of the Internet as a distribution medium

Technique

Bondage can be divided into six main categories:

  • Bondage that pulls parts of the body together (rope, straps, harnesses).
  • Bondage that spreads parts of the body apart (spreader bars, x-frames).
  • Bondage that ties the body down to another object (such as chairs or stocks).
  • Bondage that suspends the body from another object (suspension bondage).
  • Bondage that restricts normal movement (hobble skirts, handcuffs, pony harness).
  • Bondage that wraps the whole body or a part of it in bindings such as cloth or plastic (saran wrap or cling film "mummification") as well as sleepsack bondage.
Rope is a commonly used bondage device

Some of the large variety of restraints used in bondage:

Some simple bondage techniques:

  • Verbal bondage, in which (as the name suggests) the top simply tells the bottom to do something.
  • Simply tying the hands together in front or behind.
  • Anchoring the hands to the front, back or sides of a belt at the waist.
  • A spread eagle, with the limbs splayed out and fastened by wrists and ankles to bedposts, door frame or some other anchoring point.
  • A hogtie securing each wrist to its corresponding ankle behind the back (wider, padded restraints such as bondage cuffs are recommended for this).
  • A ball lock involves fastening a padlock around the male testicles, leaving the male at his partner's mercy for what could be a prolonged period, in private or concealed in public.
  • The crotch rope involves pulling a rope between the labia to apply pressure to the female genitals. Sometimes a knot is placed in the rope at the position of the clitoris to intensify the sensation.

Some more complex techniques:

  • The reverse prayer position (not recommended unless the subject has flexible shoulders).
  • An over-arm tie, in which the arms are brought over the head, and the wrists fastened together behind the head and then by a length of rope, chain or strapping to a belt at the waist.

There are also some common fantasy settings in which bondage is often played:

  • Rape fantasy: The top fictitiously abducts the consenting bottom and has complete control to do what he/she pleases.
  • Domination/slavery: A training session occurs in which rewards for obedience and punishment for defiance are given. Humiliation is usually involved.
  • Predicament bondage: The bottom is given a choice between two tortures. For example, caning on the rear or flogging on the chest. If the bottom cannot stand one any longer, the top will start the other. This can also be done mechanically, like having a bottom squat and rigging a crotch rope to tighten if they attempt to stand.

Bondage is often combined with other sexual and BDSM techniques. See list of bondage positions and list of bondage equipment for more details.

Technique in self-bondage is more complex, involving special methods to apply the bondage to oneself, and also to effect a release after a lapsed period of time. Self-bondage is also notably risky: see the safety notes below.

Safety

Many people regard bondage as safe when conducted between sober, trusted partners who are fully aware of the risks involved and the precautions necessary to ensure safety. Partners who are in committed relationships may have a greater basis for trusting each other. Performing acts in a supervised location, such as a dungeon, or with a group of trusted friends may also increase safety.

There is also a subculture of people who seek out others interested in bondage and pursue such activities with people who they do not know well. This subculture has given rise to the safe, sane and consensual credo.

Safety precautions include:

  • The use of a "safeword", or some clear way for the subject to indicate genuine distress and a wish to abort.
  • Never leaving a bound person alone.
  • Avoiding positions or restraints which may induce postural asphyxia.
  • Making sure that the subject changes positions at least once an hour (to avoid circulation problems).
  • Making sure that the subject can be released quickly in an emergency.
  • Avoiding restraints which impair breathing. (Gags or hoods which block the mouth can become asphyxial hazards if the subject vomits or the nose becomes otherwise blocked.)
  • Remaining sober; alcohol and drugs should be avoided.

One very simple safety measure is to ask the subject every so often if he or she is all right. Another is to check body parts like hands and feet for numbness or coldness, which can happen if nerves have been pinched or blood circulation has been blocked. Another is to check for skin discoloration. Skin that does not get enough oxygen turns bluish. If blood can get in, but can't get out because one of the veins has been blocked, that part of the body turns purple.

If the subject has been gagged or can otherwise not verbally communicate, a different form of the safeword is needed. For instance, they may hum a simple tune, or opening and closing one or both hands repeatedly, or releasing an object held in one hand(such as a rubber ball, or a scarf).

Some simple preparations may also be helpful:

  • Food. It is surprisingly common for people (especially those on diets) to faint during a long session. Having a regular meal beforehand is recommended; being fed small snacks during play may also help avoid fainting.
  • Cutting tools. A pair of EMT scissors is recommended (useful for safely cutting rope and tape off skin).
  • Keyed-alike padlocks, if chains are being used.

It should be noted that scenes depicted in bondage photographs and videos are chosen for their visual appeal and fantasy value. In most cases they cannot be "acted out" with good results.

Self-bondage carries a higher risk, particularly because it violates the first principle of bondage safety: to never leave a bound person alone. Without someone to release them in the event of an emergency or medical crisis, self-bondage can be lethal to its practitioners. It has been estimated in the medical literature there are around 500-1000 deaths every year in the United States due to autoerotic asphyxia (self-strangulation) alone.

Why bondage?

Man in leather cuffs and chains during street fair

People who find it erotic to be tied up find it so for a variety of reasons:

  • The most frequently cited reason is a mental freedom from inhibitions and responsibility since they have, in a way, given up control of the sexual situation to follow. This is sometimes referred to as a "power exchange."
  • Some like the tactile feeling of restraint, that is, the feeling of pressure or pulling.
  • Some enjoy the feeling of helplessness for its own sake. Some like to struggle aggressively against their bonds, particularly when being sexually or otherwise stimulated. There are some in this category who play bondage games that do not include a significant sexual component.
  • To intensify the experience of orgasm control or of orgasm denial.
  • Some derive pleasure from symbolic degradation (less common). People who enjoy role playing prison or mental hospital situations probably fit best in this category.
  • Fetishistic interest in the mechanics of bondage, with particular interest in the equipment and restraints used. Some of these people are interested in the look, feel, and aroma of leather and rubber restraints. Others are fascinated by the relationship between the geometry of the tie, the degrees of freedom remaining and the feelings elicited.
  • As an adjunct to other BDSM activities
  • Like hang gliding or mountaineering, some feel that bondage allows them to do something potentially dangerous in a safe way.
  • Extreme forms of bondage such as mummification some people enjoy because it is like being placed in a sensory deprivation tank and may allow the person being placed in extreme bondage to experience an Out-of-body experience.
  • In the wide range of human sexual experience, there are probably a few other reasons.

People who enjoy tying other people up are motivated by a variety of reasons, including:

  • Taking pleasure in the erotic submission of their partner
  • The feeling of trust which comes from another person placing their physical freedom in their hands
  • Wishing to please their partner, and the stimulation engendered by their partner's pleasure in it
  • Fetishistic interest in the elegance of bondage, with particular interest in the geometric patterns and symmetry (or artistic asymmetry) of the restraint
  • Using bondage as an adjunct to other BDSM activities
  • Enjoyment of the power and control one has over a restrained partner; people for whom this is a principal motivation may have trouble making it much fun for the other person.

Bondage philosophy

Perhaps the most interesting and ardent "bondage philosopher" was Michel Foucault. While it is believed Foucault had only a limited personal involvement in the practice of bondage, he wrote a number of intellectual explorations of BDSM culture. He was particularly interested in the power relations that bondage brought to the surface, and how these relations reflected upon a larger societal discourse. Of further interest was the notion of a "Limit Experience", wherein the participant attempted to navigate the line between the most intense pleasure and nearly unbearable pain. While some have derided "Limit Experience" as a perverse manifestation of the Freudian "death instinct", Focault believed bondage could provide a safe and telling environment for studying this concept.

Bondage and relationships

The mechanics of bondage are trivial compared to the relationship issues.

  • Start with a committed relationship with a lot of trust and plenty of sexual activity together.
  • Talk things through first.
  • Start slow and easy.
  • Take turns being the one being tied up.
  • Take the simple safety precautions listed above.

Some members of the BDSM subculture take another route and seek out partners who share their interest in bondage. Many act out their bondage fantasies within the confines of private "play" parties where overt genital contact is not allowed between participants.

Some bondage practitioners go through a process often called "negotiation" with potential partners, be they long time partners or more casual relationships. Negotiation is essentially a conversation conducted well before any sexual activity has begun in which each party frankly outlines what they are interested in and what their boundaries are, and out of that shared information comes to a mutual agreement about potential bondage play in upcoming sexual activity. Although some people may find this embarrassing at first, this frank and forthright exchange allows both parties to feel confident about bondage activity and to understand their partner's needs. Due to the vast range of activities and intensities that are possible in bondage play and fetish sex, negotiation is an excellent technique to make sure both parties have realistic expectations and that the anticipated acts will be enjoyable to all involved.

Depictions of bondage in popular culture

Bondage received a positive (if brief) treatment in The Joy of Sex, a mainstream sex manual popular in the 1970s. The publication of Madonna's book, Sex, which included photographs of bound nudes, did a great deal to improve public awareness and acceptance of bondage.

By the 1990s, references to bondage could be found in mainstream prime-time television series such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, where equipment such as handcuffs or collars and concepts such as the safeword were included as a matter of course.

Movies

Sexual bondage is also featured in the following mainstream movies (among others):

Video games

Video games have also featured dominatrices, such as one of the characters for the fighting game, Soul Calibur II(Ivy), for PlayStation 2, GameCube, and Xbox. True Crime: Streets of LA also featured an entire mission based around this practice. On one mission on Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, the player has to obtain a keycard for a rival casino from one of the employees. The player ends up following her to a sex shop, where she dresses up in bondage clothing. The player then has to dress in a gimp suit to disguise himself as the man she has ordered for sex with her in order to obtain the keycard. Postal² features a gimp in the game, and at some point Postal Dude is taken hostage by some rednecks and forced to wear a gimp suit. Dungeon Keeper 2 features a character called Mistress.

TV shows

  • ReBoot, the first totally computer-animated television series, featured characters who were personifications of the different aspects of a computer. ReBoot was featured on the Cartoon Network. Although the series was rated c7, the character, Hexidecimal's appearance in the third season was based on the BDSM culture. The use of a collar to control her, and the use of bondage to control her. It should be noted that this was not for any erotic reason, and it was not consensual at all. It was more related to torture than BDSM, although it is very obvious some aspects were based on BDSM culture. It is later revealed in the "Mend and Defend" arc of the third season, that with her power, Hexidecimal should have been able to free herself (Episode 3.1.4). It was supposed by Herr Doktor and Megabyte that she may have been enjoying her predicament, but this was something neither wished to discuss further.
  • One episode of Jackass featured a stuntman being tied up, gagged, and whipped by two dominatrices.
  • An episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force shows Frylock in a gimp mask telling Meatwad to insult him for sexual pleasure.
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation features a recurring dominatrix character, Lady Heather.
  • In the Let's Go to the Hop episode of Family Guy, Lois and Peter Griffin, a cartoon couple frequently depicted as having an active and playful sex life, are shown having a mundane conversation while donning dominatrix and gimp outfits and preparing for a sex act, including Lois giving Peter a safeword. Action figures depicting Lois and Peter in their BDSM outfits from this scene have been manufactured.

Music

Artists

Songs

  • The Korn song, Freak on a Leash, used the imagery of a gimp as a metaphor for the treatment of musicians by the music industry.
  • Puddle of Mudd's Control has the line "I like it when you chain me to the bed"
  • Eve 6's Beautiful Oblivion contains the line "Tie me to the bedpost."
  • Stroke 9's Do It Again has the line "I can be anything that you want me to be and you can have me in every position that you dreamed." as well as "Let me do what I want to do with you. Let me tie you down, pick you up, and flip you all around."
  • Paula Cole's Feelin' Love includes the line, "And you would open the door and tie me up to the bed."
  • Depeche Mode also has been known to include elements of BDSM and bondage in their lyrics. Their video Master and Servant featured bondage imagery and their video In Your Room was allegedly banned by the American MTV station for bondage imagery.
  • Merzbow has frequently put out bondage-related Tapes and LPs / CDs, most prominently his "Music for bondage performance" (Parts 1 and 2).
  • Justin Timberlake's Sexyback contains the lyrics "Dirty Babe. You see these shackles. Baby, I'm your slave. I'll let you whip me if I misbehave."
  • The Mission's Evangeline is centered around the Dominant Evangeline character.
  • Green Day's Blood, Sex and Booze and Dominated Love Slave are both centred around bondage and domination in sex.
  • The Dave Matthews Band's song Crash into Me features the opening lyrics: "You've got your ball, you've got your chain. Tied to me tight - tie me up again. Who's got their claws in you my friend? Into your heart I'll beat again."
  • Britney Spears had a song called I'm a Slave 4 U on the album Britney.
  • Adam Ant's Beat My Guest featured lyrics: "Well tie me up and hit me with a stick".
  • Guns N' Roses's song Pretty Tied Up from Use Your Illusion 2 is presumably about bondage, featuring the lyrics, "She's pretty tied up /Hanging upside down / Pretty tied up / And you can ride her."

Music videos

  • Nine Inch Nails songs "Sin", "Happiness In Slavery", and "Closer" featured elements of bondage and masochism. The cover of a Flogging Molly CD, an Irish Punk band, did also.
  • "Human Nature" by Madonna (dressed in a black catsuit and stiletto heels) features many rope- and chain bondage scenes, as well as the use of a gag, spreader bar, strappado bondage using a monoglove, and a riding crop.
  • Probot song "Shake Your Blood" featured many strong images of bound women performing masochistic/sadistic and lesbian acts. Though the footage has been carefully edited so as not to be explicit, it is still extremely suggestive. Probot is Dave Grohl's Metal Band
  • Iron Maiden's song "Hooks in You" is a tongue in cheek song about extreme bondage
  • Duran Duran's music video for "Come Undone" features a woman restrained in chains and plunged into water. The woman also doubles as the female voice in the song, and escapes the chains (come undone) at the end of the video. The entire video could be said to have been shot entirely underwater, except for footage of band members.
  • Travis's "Why Does It Always Rain On Me?" has a guy in the boot, bound and gagged.
  • Guns N' Roses's "Since I Don't Hve You" has the singer Axl Rose bound and gagged becuase of some devil.

See also

Topics:

People:

References

  • Friday, Nancy (1998). Men In Love. New York: Delta Trade Paperbacks. ISBN 0-385-33342-0. (Broad informal survey of men's sexual fantasies.)
  • Wiseman, Jay (2000). Erotic Bondage Handbook. Oakland: Greenery Press. ISBN 1-890159-13-1.
  • Midori (2001). The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Oakland: Greenery Press. ISBN 1-890159-38-7.
  • Master "K", 2004. Shibari, the Art of Japanese Bondage. Brussels: Glitter. ISBN 90-807706-2-0.
  • Two Knotty Boys, Larry Utley, Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes, Green Candy Press, 2006. ISBN 1-931160-49-X.

External links

There are thousands of web sites with bondage-related content. Most are commercial (charging a recurring membership fee, except for small amounts of sample content). The quality and information content of these commercial sites are, with only a few exceptions, quite low. The few information-oriented bondage web sites that do exist tend to be ephemeral.

Major web portals (Google, Yahoo!, etc) have extensive lists of bondage-related web sites, broken down, to some degree, by topic.

Some practical information on sexual bondage can be found at:

Categories: