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"Scuse Me While I Miss the Sky" is an episode from the fourteenth season of The Simpsons that aired March 30 2003. The title is a punning reference to the line "'Scuse me while I kiss the sky" from the song "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix.

Synopsis

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The episode starts in the Springfield Elementary auditorium, where Principal Skinner is addressing the kids, asking them to not to use school computers to access websites that poke fun at him. He then introduces a Declan Desmond (voiced by Eric Idle), a no-nonsense British filmmaker, whose documentaries are hard-hitting and, sometimes, a bit distorted. He shows the kids a clip from one of his documentaries about Krusty Burger, "Do You Want Lies With That?", in which he interviews Homer, who is standing in line in Krusty Burger, about his awareness of the fact that the meat contains mad cow-tainted beef. Also, he has hidden camera footage showing Krusty stapling half-eaten burgers back together to sell. After the clips are finished, Declan informs the kids that he is now shooting a documentary in Springfield Elementary and wants them all to act as they normally do.

Along with his cameraman (Simon), he goes around the schoolyard, capturing the kids playing and frolicking, and settles on Bart, who is making mudballs (to chuck at nerds, girls he likes...). All of a sudden, Bart himself gets splattered on his head by a mudball, made by Nelson and the other bullies. Bart cries and tries to hide from the camera. Just like that, his popularity in school, Declan notes, has gone the way of English masculinity. Declan then interviews the hall monitors, Milhouse (who is acting way too melodramatically) and Ralph (who is acting... well, just like Ralph). Skinner interrupts the interview and leads Declan away from them and opens "a random door", leading to a rather Victorian-style room, filled with books, with Bach playing in the background, and Lisa sitting on a big armchair, reading a book. Skinner pushes Declan to sit with the "typical student" and talk with her. After Skinner leaves, Declan voices his suspicions of the surroundings. Lisa, trying to be cool, leans back in her armchair and knocks over all the "bookcase" props, exposing the room to be a storage room. Declan asks Lisa what her hobbies are. She rattles off quite a few, which he mocks saying that she needs to have one major passion. She realises that he's right.

Meanwhile, Bart is having trouble regaining his popularity. He sees the other kids cooing over Nelson's new fad - tying a car's hood ornament around his neck. Bart realises that to regain his popularity, he must do what Nelson did, and better.

The next day, Lisa cycles around to try and find a good hobby. She goes to the museum, where she contemplates whether to become a paleontologist or a geologist. Finally, she settles on becoming an astronomer, after watching a rather inspiring Astronomy show. The next day, she pleads with Homer to buy her a telescope, which he does by writing a questionable cheque. That night, using Ed McMahon's astronomy book, she finds out that she will be able to view Venus and Jupiter. When she tries to see them with the telescope, she finds that the bright lights from the stadium (holding a Beach Boys concert, as Good Vibrations can be heard) and a motel (which is frequented by Mayor Quimby) are too much to properly view them. When she goes to the top of a hill, near the observatory, much to her disappointment and frustration, she finds that the bright lights of Springfield are just too much to see even a single star. Professor Frink tells her that they can't see stars because of light pollution. She decides to start a petition to stamp out light pollution. So she goes around collecting signatures (even Declan Desmond signs the petition, after a rather intellectual exchange).

Once she gets enough signatures, she hands over the list to Mayor Quimby, who obliges by turning off the streetlights in Springfield. Lisa, now able to see the stars, tells the people to wonder at the sight. Mr. Burns sees a dollar sign, Cletus sees a cent sign, Lenny sees Carl's face, and Carl sees... the same thing. Flanders looks up and sees the Star of David (the symbol for Judaism). He then rubs his eyes in horror, then looks back up to see a Crucifix. Lisa sees the stars spelling out "Thank You, Lisa" and is flattered.

Unfortunately, since there's no light, kids (especially the bullies) run around cutting off hood ornaments from cars. Bart tries to get in on the action, but he's too late. That is until he sees a '30s Stutz Bearcat-style car drive past, sporting a beautiful hood ornament (a golden angel holding a globe, resembilng an Emmy). Bart decides to get it, no matter what. As the car drives, a bird sits on the hood ornament. The car stops and Fat Tony and his goons get out and beat the hell out of it. Bart sees it and gulps.

Meanwhile, the people of Springfield have had enough of all the lawlessness due to the absence of light and demand they be switched on again. Quimby decides to oblige them again, despite Lisa's objections, since there is a meteor shower coming soon. Bart and Milhouse disguise themselves as mustached valet parking attendants and offer to park Fat Tony's car when he pulls into Luigi's for dinner and he accepts. When the goons find out from Luigi that he does not have parking attendants, they run outside but can't see Bart or Milhouse because of the dark. At City Hall, Mayor Quimby turns on the lights and turns the dimmer to "Perma-Noon", so that this time they burn even brighter. Bart and Milhouse, now fully visible, run off.

The lights are so bright that no one can sleep due to the glare. One week later, the Simpsons are going nuts from the lack of sleep. Bart still has his heart set on getting Fat Tony's hood ornament. Lisa complains that the only thing they can see in the sky is the decrepit Fox satellite. They decide to work together to reduce the light in Springfield. That night, they drag a sleep-deprived Homer to the Nuclear Power Plant, so that he can get them in. There, they overload the generators, causing a power outage. Now that all the lights are out, the sleep-deprived animals fall asleep. Homer is ecstatic as well. Bart and Lisa watch the stars. But angry townsfolk move threateningly towards them, angry about the power outage. Suddenly, Lisa points to the sky where the meteor shower has started. The people, on seeing it, calm down and appreciate it. A meteorite just misses Professor Frink, who finds carbon molecules on it, but the alien inside runs off with the meteorite. The Simpsons watch the meteor shower peacefully at home.

Clips from Declan Desmond's documentary "American Boneheads: A Day in the Life of Springfield Elementary" are shown. Ralph declares that he wants to live with Underground Grandma; Jimbo Jones says that he's going to technical school, which prompts Dolph and Kearney to beat him up calling him a sell-out and soccer-mom; Milhouse says he wants to hit .352 in the Major League, and during practice, he can't hit even one ball to save his life; finally, Declan says he's going to Moe's.

Cultural references

• The recording from Springfield Museum mentions the star Rigel VII which is a fictional planet from the Star Trek universe, and the apparent home of Kang and Kodos from the show.

Quotes

• Machine voice: Since the dawn of time, travelers looking for guidance have turned to the heavens. Polaris, star of the North. The mighty Orion's Belt. The majestic Milky Way, home to a familiar blue planet we call...Rigel VII, not too far from Earth. We have only touched the vastness of the universe. Who will discover the wonders that lie beyond our galaxy? Will it be you, you, or...you? (The machine shines a light on each chair, the final one landing on Lisa).
  Lisa: That's it! Lisa Simpson, Astronomer! (leaves)
  Machine voice: Now, who's going to press my reset button? Will it be you, you, or...you? (Again the lights show in the same sequence, only Lisa is not there).

• Declan Desmond: Does it make you feel smart to question other people's motives?
  Lisa: Yes.

• Declan: While I make this documentary, I want everyone to be yourselves. I want to see trouble children brooding, bullies dishing out what-for...
  Milhouse (sitting with the "Super Friends" {in other words, the nerds} while acting cool): What about us cool kids? Should we just chill out?
  Declan: You're doing great. (to Simon, his cameraman) Stay with the dink.

• People of Springfield: Two, four, six, eight! It's time to re-illuminate!

• Fat Tony: That boid (bird) just touched my car. You know what to do.
  Legs: You're gonna be drinking woims (worms) through a straw!
  (the goons start beating up the bird)

• Milhouse (in disguise, to Fat Tony): Have-a da cheese pizza. Issa greasy like you.

• Marge: I haven't slept in seven days and I've gotten so much ironing done! Live from New York, it's Saturday night!
  Lisa: Dad, all the light is making Mom and Maggie crazy.
  Homer: Don't you think you're overreacting, talking gumball machine?
  (A nod to Mystery Science Theater 3000; specifically the robot Tom Servo)
• Lisa: Mr. Mayor, you can't flip-flop like this! We'll miss the meteor shower!
  Quimby: I don't know how you keep getting past security.
• (Moe and Selma are making out on a park bench when the lights come on)
  Selma: Hey! You're not John Ritter!
  Moe: And you ain't that gorilla from the zoo!
  Both: Meh. (they continue making out)
• Lisa: Forget it Bart. It's so bright out that the only thing in the sky you can see is the Fox satellite.
  (A damaged satellite held up by balloons is shown)
  

• Lisa: With my brain, and your..uh...your...assistance...
  Bart: You can say it. I add nothing.

• Bart: How did you get Dad to go along with this?
  Lisa: (to Bart) He can be quite manipulative in his sleep-deprived state. (to Homer) Okay, Dad. You're playing patty-cake with Maggie. (Playing Patty-cake, Homer places his palm in the palm-reader)
  Machine: Palm recognized. Access granted.
  Homer: Aw, my baby's first words.

• Bart: Gandhi also said, less talk, more rock.

• Otto: (Observing meteor shower) Whoa, I don't need drugs to enjoy this! Just to enhance it.

• Professor Frink: Great glavin in the Gladbag!

• Professor Frink: Astronomers are like hermit crabs, the second I leave another one will slide right in. Oh, there's one now. I SEE YOU! (throws a microscope, which causes the astronomers to run)
  Astronomer: You said he was out of microscopes!

• Moe: Alright, you boozebags! It's closin' time! (wipes up the beer with a rag and twists the beer into a "re-use" jar) So, who's the designated driver?
  Lenny: It was Andy. (points to two paramedics taking a body away)
  Moe (laughs): No one has ever won "Moe's Drink A Gallon of Gin Contest" and no one ever will. (posts a picture of Andy being taken away on a "In Memory" section of the wall) Oh, life is good.

• Homer: I wish God was alive to see this.

• Fat Tony: (upon hearing that Luigi's has no valet service) You're saying that the 10 year old with the mustache is a fake?

In American Boneheads

• Ralph: I'm going to live with my underground grandma.

• Jimbo Jones: I'm going to a two-year technical school, then work in a garage. (Jimbo's friends start beating him up).
  Kearney: Sell-out!
  Dolph: Soccer-mom!

• Milhouse: I'm going to hit .352 in the Major League. (He misses all the pitches; he hits the catcher; he uses t-ball; manages to knock the ball, then trips.)
  Declan Desmond: Did you get that Simon?
  Simon/Cameraman: (nods)
  Declan Desmond: Brilliant! Lets go to Moe's.

In Do You Want Lies With That?

• Declan: Did you know Krusty uses Mad Cow beef to save money?
  Homer: No, because he passes the savings onto me, the consumer. (goes into a wave of bizarre movement)
• Krusty: (After stapling together two leftover Krusty burgers.) Good as new. (Trademark Krusty laugh)
• Declan Desmond: Do you like the fact you have sold yourself to sub-standard foods?
  Krusty: Look. I offer people a meat-like burger and some kind of cola and they still get change back from their fifty.

• Simpsons episodes
• Light pollution