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List of Humorous Quotes
Keeping for the writing of the article.
Anachronisms
How can I help you?
I've come to see Omitsu...
I've come to order pizza.
I don't doubt it...
*Omitsu* is the eauty of
this town.
We've got no such thing!
Impact: Well,
I have to get going, we're filming a *movie*...
Impact: First I have to get
to *America*!
Impact: If you need me again,
*call me!*
Hmm... The air conditioner is on... and you don't have to ask for things... This is the best place for a quick rest.
I hate *airplanes* and that's why I chose to be transferred at the Tourist Center... That was *no* transfer! It was heck of a lot more horrifying than airplanes!!
I saw a *fish monster* arise out of the ocean! It looked like a *monster* that would come out in a SFX movie.
I hear that *food* is disappearing recently from all over the place. Just the other day, the *foie gras* and *can of caviar* I'd been saving for a special occasion disappeared. Blast it!
Breaking the Fourth Wall
Gate keeper: That's it for us!
If only the title to this game was "*Starring Gate keeper*" rather than "*Starring Goemon*". Then, we'd have a lot more fun! Awww!
Gate keeper: We'll
just keep standing here until you clear the game. ... ...kinda painful... ... ...kinda depressing...
~
Chuppy loves going for walks! Like now, he'll just keep on walking!
(making fun of the way NPCs are programmed to do that)
I heard from *Princess Yuki* that something strange is happening at Oedo Castle... I just have to see the *dumplings* running up and down the hallway! (making fun of the monsters)
John: The *secret device* is
activated by lighting the *torch* of the *red Dharma*, arf... ...Hey! Why am I saying something that sounds *important*, arf...?
~later~
John: Don't let my appearance
deceive you... I was the *first* folk dancing Champion, arf... ...Hey! Why am I saying something that is *not important*, arf...?
(making fun of NPC speecH)
~
Lily: What are YOU doing here!
Dancin': I just thought,
since I've only been in a few *scenes*...
~
You have something to ask me?
Who is Kihachi?
What's Kihachi's favorite food?
Well, it's a bit complicated...
He was saying something
about popping up at the end
of the game and running off
with the best part!
Surrealist Humor
That huge *peach* that just came flying... What in the world was that?! Who in the world is going to eat such a huge *peach*!
What's the fuss? Everyone's in a tizzy over some Flying Peach... You won't be able to steal my heart using just a Flying Peach!
If you're going to dance anyway, dance the *folk dance*. If this place is called the *Hercules Goliath Beetle*... So does that make the folkd ance here the *Hercules Goliath Bettle folk dance*?
Edo people aren't too fussy, all we want is a hot bath and a nice bed! **Get to Sleep!**
Kihachi loves the *cucumber* made by the *son* of the priest at the *Oolden Temple*... On the other hand, he doesn't like *cockroaches*... ... ... Well, I don't know anyone who does!
Jokes in General
Ebisumaru: *Peach Mountain*?
Goemon: Huh!
I don't care if we're talking *Peach Mountain* or...
Goemon: *Chestnut Mountain*...
Goemon: ...or even
a *Pear Mountain*. (laughs)
~
Narrator: Ever since
the *Achilles' heel* was thrown at Benkei...
Narrator: Achilles' heel was meant
to be the *weak point* of someone.
Ebisumaru: There's something fishy
about that story... (laughs)
~
I have been studying long and hard about *Turtle Stones*, but there's one thing that's always bothered me. Why are they *Turtle Stones*?! ... Why not, like, *Rabbit Stones*?!
~
Goemon: That would help
tremendously! But, I have no idea how to play the *flute*...
Yae: I know how to play
the flute.
Ebisumaru: Me too!
Goemon: Okay then, *Yae*,
I'll hand this flute to *you*!
Ebisumaru: Why not me?! (laughs)
~
It's *Kompira*!
Not *Campari*!
...
...
...
Well, that's beside the point,
put into the *offertory
chest* at the *shrine*!
If you do this,
you will receive help from *God*!
Oh, you've come to
ask me again?
Okay, one more time.
Put into the *chest* at
the *shrine*!
Then *God* will...
...
Why should I have to repeat myself?
~
Every single day... a *dragon* flies above the village. He makes this really scary "*Gyoow!*" sound, like *my father*.
~
John: The *secret device* is
activated by lighting the *torch* of the *red Dharma*, arf... ...Hey! Why am I saying something that sounds *important*, arf...?
~
Are you looking for the *dwarfs*? Wel, dwarfs are *small*, so they may be difficult to find... **Look! Loooook!** Right there! That's you're *stepping on*! That's... ... ... **My foot!**
~
Goemon: Who are you?!
Mystery man: Aha!
Mystery man: I'm the *leader* of
the *Peach Mountain Shoguns*!
Mystery man: In the fresh
*spring breeze*, sha, la, la, I come *alive*! La, la...
Mystery man: These beautiful
visions appear before my eyes, la, la...
Mystery man: Yes!
Mystery man: I am... you know
I am... the one they call...
*Spring Breeze* **Dancin'!**
Ebisumaru: What an *intro*...
~
Goemon: Hey, you...
what's your face, *Dancin'* something or whatever!
Goemon: What do you *have up
your sleeves*?!
Dancin': Up my *sleeves*?
Dancin': You mean...
like my *armpits*? (laughs)
~
Ebisumaru: We're not talking
about that kinda *sleeve*... (Oooh...)
Dancin': Pretty sharp, *Antonio*,
you caught on to my joke!
Ebisumaru: *Antonio*?
Who's *Antonio*?
Colon: Sir Dancin' will choose
a *name* for you himself if he feels it suits the person.
Yae: You can't just... (laughs)
Dancin': Colon!
We're done with this place!
Dancin': We've got to prepare for
our *next plan*. Return at once!
Colon: Yes sir!!
Dancin': Bye for now, *Fernandez*!
We shall meet again!
Goemon: Wait a minute...
who's *Fernandez*? (laughs)
Ebisumaru: He was looking at *you*
when he said it... (laughs)
~ Colon: Remember!
I will not let you get in the way of...
Colon: Our *Great Stage Plan*!
Goemon: What's
a *Gorilla Steak Plan*?
Colon: That's not what I said!
It's the *Great Stage Plan*!
Colon: Anyway! Don't come to
the *Chugoku Region* no matter what! (laughs)
Ebisumaru: Oh no!
He's getting away again by *spinning* himself!
Yae: Yes... but first...
Yae: ...we must focus on getting
to the *Chugoku Region*!
~
Goemon: Oh no! Another *weirdo*!
I can't believe it... (laughs)
Mystery woman: Who are you calling
a *weirdo*?!
Mystery woman: I don't blame you
for calling *Dancin'* a weirdo, but *me*?!
Mystery woman: I guess you need
to get to know *me* better.
Goemon: No... err... not really... (laughs)
~
Ebisumaru: We went through
all that trouble to get this far...
Ebisumaru: Did *Omitsu* come
all this way with those *dumplings*? (laughs)
Goemon: Maybe she's a lot tougher
and *stronger* than she seems...
~
Gate keeper: The notheast!
Metal chest! The notheast! Metal chest! 's *Metal chest*! Wait, maybe I am being a bit too obvious.
~
Witch: Hee, hee, hee...!
I've been in this for *120* years! All I need to do is look at your face, and I know exactly what you're thinking of! ... ... ...Ah! There's something! I can see something!
Ebisumaru: What?
Ebisumaru: is my *fly open*?
Witch:
*That's not where I'm looking!* (laughs)
~
Dancin': ...*ouch!* (laughs)
Dancin': Uh, well, w-why don't
you use the *deivce* to get rid of those guys!
Dancin': ...*ouch, I say!*
~
Omitsu: But the door's *rigid* and
*cannot be opened* easily.
Ebisumaru: Then I'll *huff*,
and I'll *puff*, and I'll *blow* the door down. (laugh)
Sasuke: We've got no time
for *dumb jokes*!{laugh)
~
Wise Man: You couldn't be further
from the truth! Just look at me, I'm as *healthy* as ever!
Goemon: Then *who* was the spirit
the *Witch* called for us? (laughs)
Yae: Yes, there is something
strange about that, but let's not worry about it now. (laughs)
~
Ebisumaru: What's this extra
confidence I sense? (laughs)
~
Goemon: Whew!
What was that...
Ebisumaru: I, I can't believe it...
Ebisumaru: I don't know...
but I think I'm... becoming *a die hard fan*... of *Dancin'* and *Lily*...
Non Sequitur
The officer's duty is to defend the peace of this town. By the way, I have no job!
Sexual Innuendo
Officer: Anyone planning to
cause trouble...
will fall victom to
my *Atomic Stick*!
Mokubei: *Pipe*?
Let me think...
well let's see...
...YES!!
I know!
Take this!
I'm honoured to hand you my *Pipe*!
It attaches to the *block* with
the !
Goemon
receives the !
With this, it is now possible to
attach this to the *Star Mark* and
across large gaps!
Mokubei: Train yourself well...
until the girls cheer for you saying *"Oh my! That Pipe of you have is so fashionable!"*
Awful Puns
It's *a UFO*! It's *a Flying Peach*! This has got to be the Alien Invasion! I'll bet whoever's riding that UFO is speaking kinda peachy.
Chiyomaru: These are the *upper*
reaches of Duck Creek, woof! IF you go down the Creek, you'll reach *Midstream*, and then a little further is *Downstream*, woof! Which would mean that since I'm here, I must be up the Creek without a *paddle*!! Woof!
~
Whew, I finally got back
from the Flake gang's place
in Shikoku Region!
There's no place like home!
So why are you here?
Who closed that door?
Why were you kidnapped?
I've got no idea!
Maybe it's because my name is
*Dancin Alnite*!
~
Goemon: But Wise Man!
How do you know?!
Wise Man: Ahem!
That's because I'm...
Wise Man:
**The WISE MAN!**
~
Dancin': By the way,
the word *scenes*...
Dancin': Has nothing to do with
my name, cuz my name is not *Dan-scene*, la, la...! (Oooh...)
~
Kihachi: Try carving the word
"*WORLD*" in that piece of rock...
Kihachi: And tell me out loud
what you have...
Ebisumaru: Hey, that's pretty
tough, it's no easy task to carve "*WORLD*" on here!
Goemon: It's a tough world! (laughs)
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