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Shorter lede
The function of the lede is to define the term and to give an overview of the content of the article. The current lede is long and detailed. I wrote a new version of the lede, which was promptly deleted. The suggested lede is shown below.
The composition of the electronic cigarette aerosol varies with the liquid that is used, the device employed to heat it up (electronic cigarette or vaping device), and parameters that depend on vaping style. The aerosol is a mixture of gas, liquid droplets and particles. Common ingredients of the vaping liquids (glycerol, propanediol, nicotine, other legal drugs and various substance that influence flavor), solids from the vaping device and their reaction products are detected in the aerosol of legal products. Aerosol from illegal products may also contain illicit drugs.
--Theislikerice (talk) 17:08, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- The lede does summarise the body and it is just three concise paragraphs. Unsourced content should not replace sourced content. QuackGuru (talk) 17:33, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- In the edit, the sourced content was moved, not deleted. The content in the revision was general, and is sourced in the detailed sections of the article. Theislikerice (talk) 17:46, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- There was only sourced content in the lede. You added unsourced content to the lede and added new content not found in the body. QuackGuru (talk) 17:53, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- In the edit, the sourced content was moved, not deleted. The content in the revision was general, and is sourced in the detailed sections of the article. Theislikerice (talk) 17:46, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
Things that should be improved in first paragraph of current lede
Here are some comments on the first paragraph. It needs serious revisions.
- The composition of the electronic cigarette aerosol varies across and within manufacturers.
The aerosol is not made by a manufacturer, the device and the liquid are.
- Limited data exists regarding their chemistry.
That is true for any set of samples, so it does not convey information.
- The aerosol of e-cigarettes is generated when the e-liquid reaches a temperature of roughly 100–250 °C within a chamber, which is thought to cause pyrolysis of the e-liquid and could also lead to decomposition of other liquid ingredients.
There is some pyrolysis, but also a lot of boiling and evaporation. Otherwise the main ingredients glycerol and propylene glycol would not be detected in the aerosol, but they are.
- The aerosol (mist) produced by an e-cigarette is commonly but inaccurately called vapor.
This is an important correct statement, and maybe should come much earlier.
- The e-cigarette vapor simulates cigarette smoke, but without tobacco combustion.
What aspect of cigarette smoke does it simulate (nicotine delivery, taste sensation, sensation of nicotine in back of throat)? Why is tobacco combustion relevant (source of many carcinogens)?
- The e-cigarette vapor looks like cigarette smoke to some extent.
Depending on device and style, the aerosol is hardly visible (stealth effect) or much more pronounced than cigarette smoke (cloud chasers).
- E-cigarettes do not produce vapor between puffs.
If the connection to passive smoking is omitted, this sentence does not add value.
- The e-cigarette vapor usually contains propylene glycol, glycerin, nicotine, flavors, aroma transporters, and other substances.
What are "aroma transporters" and "other substances"? How about just saying what the main ingredients are?
- The levels of nicotine, tobacco-specific nitrosamines (TSNAs), aldehydes, metals, volatile organic compounds (VOCs), flavors, and tobacco alkaloids in e-cigarette vapors vary greatly.
The first sentence already says there is great variation. How about saying the following substances have been detected in some or all aerosols?
- The yield of chemicals found in the e-cigarette vapor varies depending on, several factors, including the e-liquid contents, puffing rate, and the battery voltage.
How about adding temperature of the coil to the list. If you say battery voltage, you also have to mention coil resistance.
Theislikerice (talk) 17:47, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- Adding content to the lede requires sources rather than general recommendations. QuackGuru (talk) 17:53, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- I notice that every sentence in the lede does have a source. I don't think that each sentence is actually supported by the referenced source, and I don't think the sources chosen reflect the current knowledge. Also, other ledes have no sources at all, they rely on the sourced material in the body of the article.Theislikerice (talk) 18:11, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- Every sentence in the entire article is supported by each source. You don't think the sources chosen reflect the current knowledge, but you have not provided any newer MEDRS-compliant sources. Almost all the e-cig articles have sources in the lede. QuackGuru (talk) 18:18, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- I notice that every sentence in the lede does have a source. I don't think that each sentence is actually supported by the referenced source, and I don't think the sources chosen reflect the current knowledge. Also, other ledes have no sources at all, they rely on the sourced material in the body of the article.Theislikerice (talk) 18:11, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
The citations were changed. Now both sentences fail verification. Please don't remove the failed verification tag without fixing the problem. QuackGuru (talk) 23:48, 5 November 2019 (UTC)
- When I look at it, all the references in the quotes have the correct references, and the references after them are off by one. Looking at the history, this problem goes far back (I checked March this year and citations were off by one).Theislikerice (talk) 20:01, 7 November 2019 (UTC)
- The notes use a difference citation to verity each notes claim. QuackGuru (talk) 20:06, 7 November 2019 (UTC)
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