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The fisrt crusade was launched by a famous man by the name of Luke Skywalker in the year 6969. He and his fellow jedi knoights marched to the lands of jerusalem to get the land back from those damn jews. They easily massacred the jews because they had light sabers. There was only one casualty on the Jedi side which was of Yoda. The jews hated the way he talked so they captured him and his lightsaber and locked him in a dungeon. As yoda kept speaking his jiberish words, the other fellow jedi knights marched deep into the heart and town of Jerusalem. They massacred all the men, women and children as they possibly could. This made god very unhappy, but then he remembered that they were just jews. But then, the jedi fleet was met by a young handsome man by the name of Darth Vader. He wore a mask so that no one could see his awesomely good looks. The jews had given yodas lightsaber to him. after trying to put this lightsaber up his butt hole, he realized it really hurt. So he now used this lightsaber as his personal weapon (he did not try to stick it up his butt ever again). Him and Luke Skywalker met in the middle of the town. Luke thought it was going to be an easy victory until he saw darth vader pop out the Light Saber. They had a long, hard, thick, uncut, epic battle, but in the end, Darth Vader's head go cut off. He couldnt see so he walked off a cliff. In conclusion, all the jedis were reunited (including yoda). Yodas greatful lightsaber was returned to him, however it was covered in poo from darth vader. In return for killing the jews, god sent the jedis back home. He also corected yodas speeking so that he didnt sound like a god damn retard. This concludes the First Crusade