Misplaced Pages

This is an old revision of this page, as edited by LadyofShalott (talk | contribs) at 09:45, 1 July 2008 (→The Funeral Speech: comment). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere. Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

This video was made for Isaac on our 15 anniversary, If anyone with more technical expertise can embed this I would profoundly grateful, Jeffpw (talk) 23:45, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

To Jeff, in memory of Isaac

Dear Jeff,

My heart goes out to you, and I'm sending my deepest thoughts, prayers and sympathy. May the coming months be as kind to you as possible, and I hope you will find sustenance and comfort in your fond memories of Isaac. I am so so sorry for your loss and will be thinking of you. Love, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:49, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Jeff I am so sorry for your loss. Viridae 22:33, 27 June 2008 (UTC) Jeff,

My condolences, Jeff. May you find the inner peace that you need during this time. SirFozzie (talk) 22:42, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

I'm very sorry for your loss Jeff, and you will be in my thoughts. Remember all of the love and good times you shared with your husband. APK 23:06, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Peace be with you, Jeff. I would be lost and truly alone without my wife. Return when you feel like it. We'll miss you. --Moni3 (talk) 23:10, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Even though I've retired from Misplaced Pages, I had to log in when I heard of this. My condolences to you Jeff, as well as to your family and friends and your husband's family and friends. You are in my thoughts man and while there's just really no appropriate words for situations such as this, just know many respect and admire you and are here for you. - ✰ALLST☆R✰ 05:22, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

My most heartfelt condolences. Haiduc 5:06, 28 June , 2008 (UTC)

Jeff, I'm so sorry to hear of this. In this grief-stricken period, please accept my best wishes getting over the tragedy. Best. TONY (talk) 06:25, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Words are so inadequate sometimes. I am so deeply sorry for your loss, Jeff. You and yours are in my heart. And please take care of yourself and let others help you get through this. — Becksguy (talk) 08:15, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

oh my god... jeff... i'm so sorry...

i just don't know what to say... i can't even begin to imagine the pain you're going through

all i know, is that from that picture I saw of you two together on wiki, you were happy together, and that's what matters. love isn't something that dies - it will carry on with you for the rest of your life. what counts is that you both loved eachother, and you will never forget that. you were happy and in love with eachother during the time you were together - something that not all couples can say they were.

Your husband loved you and wouldn't have wanted you to be unhappy, so even in this circumstance, you must carry on strong, as that is what he would have wanted, was it not?

There are no words that can describe this. But your love for Isaac will always stay with you, and most importantly, the memories you have of him. You are a beautiful person jeff (inside and out), and there are many, many people in this world that also love you - and i am one of them.

xxxx Iamandrewrice 08:55, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Jeff, I extend my heartfelt condolences on your loss of Isaac. -Spotted Owl (talk) 09:11, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Sorry to here about your loss, good luck, Godspeed, and stay strong. MBisanz 00:10, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

My thoughts are with you, Jeff. - Dan Dank55 (talk)(mistakes) 10:59, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

I've admired your work on wikipedia from afar. We've never spoken directly but I wanted to give my condolences. I hope you find peace and happiness. Best Wishes. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 11:06, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

My condolences. Horologium (talk) 11:09, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

I don't know you, but any friend of Moni3 is a friend of mine. I send my condolences; I hope that the loving time you spent together built a foundation of strength that can help you through the darkness. – Scartol • Tok 11:29, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

		Love and Loss
		Lost and found, my up and down; My lowly wondrous joy, my tightly bound; The breath to my lips, the kiss of my soul; My heartbeat within and pride of my whole; Shadows of his love, sparkles of his touch; The way we were and yet to follow; Life's luck and time's curse - so much; I have the love left behind to have and hold. For Jeffpw from Banjeboi

You have my deepest sympathy. Banjeboi 13:42, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

I'm so sorry. --Gwib (talk) 16:39, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

While we've never worked with each other, I have a few words of wisdom: Don't be afraid to reach out to people you've only known through the internet. The roughest patch of my life was made bearable because of an online friend. As anonymous and impersonal as the internet can be, I find it can be a wonderful way to be honest and truly express oneself. Even though the people around you may seem boneheaded and arrogant in debates, there really is a lot of good out there, and it's not hard to find. Peace be with you. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 22:25, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

Oh Jeff, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Don't know what to say. I'm not a praying person, but you and Isaac are both in my thoughts right now. You have my deepest sympathies, Jeff - Alison 06:28, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

And Jeff, just reading what you said on Will's talk page just now, I'm glad you have Isaac at home with you right now. That was so important to me and my family, too, when my dad passed away. I know it's hard, but having him back with you - his family - is so important right now, and will mean a lot to you, too, in later times. You are both still so very much in my thoughts right now - Alison 20:12, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

My condolences, Jeff. Being the "strong, silent type", I struggle to find words to express my sympathy but I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I'm with you in spirit. --AliceJMarkham (talk) 09:25, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. My condolences go out to you. -- Rmrfstar (talk) 18:14, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

“ You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love. ” — Henry Drummond No greater joy than to be loved; no greater sadness than love lost. So hold your memories close and protect them at any cost. Garner strength from knowing that, though he has gone, In your heart and soul, your love for him lives on. Take time to recall both the beauty and the sorrow, Knowing peace will eventually find you one morrow. In the interim, fear not the support of those you know here, For we may be at a great distance, but we honestly do care. In this time of mourning, I extend my deepest sympathies to you. And know that your families are in my thoughts, too. Jeff, though we've had few interactions that I can think of, Please accept this token from me, LaraLove|Talk 07:50, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

My deepest and most heartfelt condolences for your loss - keep your head up. Kindest regards, east.718 at 08:14, June 30, 2008

My deepest heartfelt condolences, Jeff. I wish you the best, and will be praying for you and isaac at my religious services this week. Shapiros10 _{My work} 15:01, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Remember that no-one can remove those great memories. My condolences. Rudget (logs) 15:02, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

You have no need to repay me. Don't worry about it. Sincere regards, Rudget (logs) 17:09, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Everything I'd say has been expressed clearer and better above. I'll say only that our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. Best, UltraExactZZ ~ Evidence 15:18, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Jeff, I am so sorry. I realise that nothing people can say will makes things better but I wanted you to know that your are in my thoughts. My condolences and warmest wishes. Hugs, Will (WjBscribe) 19:31, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

I just now was linked to this page via someone else's talkpage that I watchlist. I wish I could say "I can't imagine how you're feeling", but I can. You and I have absolutely nothing in common other than our grief for a loved one lost. The grief is exquisite and seemingly neverending. Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it" or "move on". You get to decide that, no one else. Grieve, my friend. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but my eyes are welling up for you right now as I remember fondly and poignantly my lost relative/loved one, and my grief pales in comparison to yours as yours is closer to home than mine is. Grieve and cry and punch walls and scream and act irrational and cry some more and scream. It won't help anyone understand, and it won't help you feel any better, but you should do it anyway. I'm so very sorry for your loss. An empathetic new friend, Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 23:16, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

(repeated from my talkpage): :I'm glad I could help you in some trivial and small way. Be well. Be sure to eat something now and then (you won't feel like it), and be sure to sleep when you can (you won't feel like it). Isaac would want nothing less from you than to continue to let your heart beat and let your lungs breathe, and let your feet move and, eventually, let your soul sing once again. All in good time, there is no hurry. (and I'm absolutely bawling for you right now as I remember my own grief). Be well Wikiepedian...Keeper | 76 | Disclaimer 23:59, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

Exactly, Keeper. I also was crying. Keeper's advice is good advice. Don't let others tell you how to grieve, Jeff, or how long to grieve. It's your life and your feelings. Deal with loss the way you need to, and move on when you are ready, knowing that your love will never die. And take care of your self. When my mother was dying, my brother dragged me out of the hospital and took me to eat. Best thing he did since I had lost 17 pounds in less than one week. Don't let that happen to you. You can get sick from grief. Let others take care of you also. Many big hugs. — Becksguy (talk) 01:43, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

I echo all that's been said above. I don't know you, but we share a common grief and it's of the kind that only varies in detail, not in the depth and profundity of the pain. You and Isaac look happy in that picture, and it's clear from your words that you had a happy life with him. Remember that happiness, when you can; remember what he would have wanted for you, and the things you wanted for each other; and embrace that shared vision as a tribute to him. (And now -I'm- crying, too.) Take care of yourself, as Keeper said, no matter how little importance the mundane things seem to have right now--and cherish your friends, and your family if you've got one, and all the people who love you. People do care about your loss--yes, even people who are just words on a screen, names on a website. We are here for us if you need us. You have my good thoughts...Gladys J Cortez 02:18, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Please accept my deepest condolences. And please remember the words of someone who had no hatred for any man: "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted." Ecoleetage (talk) 02:31, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

The Fat Man is on your side, Jeffpw. The singular love of a best friend/partner/mate is not easy to come by, and I cannot pretend to imagine the loss you're enduring right now. But do look around and see the love that remains, love for you, love for the departed, love for life itself; you can even feel it on this page. Be good to yourself, The Fat Man Who Never Came Back (talk) 03:06, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Thank you is insufficient

The beautiful words I have received here have given me so much comfort, you cannot imagine. I am still in a shock stand, but I am able to take in what you all have said. Later, when there is time, I will thank everybody individually. I am sometimes cynical about the Project, but this experience has shown me that through our collaborative working, we have built a bond, and are a sort of family. Thank you for being my internet family. It means more to me than you will ever know. The funeral is on Thursday, and I am sure that it will be beautiful. I love you all for being there for me in this impossible time. Jeffpw (talk) 05:59, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Dear Jeff,

This is not time to trouble yourself over that tempest in a teapot. All is well here, and all will be well. Take care of yourself at this special time. Haiduc (talk) 17:15, 29 June 2008 (UTC)

Deepest condolences

Jeff, why don't you post that video here. I saw it and it's so very very moving. It shows your love for Isaäc in a transcendent way. Music has always connected with the heart more than the mind. Share the love you have for your husband and let people grieve with you. You will always have an Isaäc shaped hole in your heart but sharing that loss will make it easier to bear. I think everyone would be honored to see the pictures. Don't feel like you are imposing. — With love, Becksguy (talk) 23:35, 30 June 2008 (UTC)

I as well offer my deepest sympathies for your loss. We have not alays seen eye to eye, but that's just discussion. Please take care of yourself and come back when and if your feel like it. - Arcayne () 02:32, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

The Best...

I don't know you, but I saw your post on Keeper's talk page and followed it here. While I know that every situation is different and I cannot begin to imagine what you're feeling, I wanted to share something that comforted me at this time a few years ago. A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands to rest.
God broke our hearts
to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

Take the time you need to grieve and know you'll always carry Isaac in your heart and memory. Do what he'd want you to do. Feel free to drop me a note if there's anything at all I can do for you. _{TravellingCari} 01:20, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Thoughts and prayers

Jeff, words are poor at times like this, but they are all we have in this medium. Just to let you know that your loss will be in the thoughts of my family. Trusting that with support from every area of your life you will be able to move forwards, cherishing the warmest memories of your husband in your heart. Sincerest best wishes. Pedro :  Chat  06:57, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

The Funeral Speech

Good morning. As most of you know, I am Jeff, and Isaac was my beloved husband. I know he would be happy to see so many people here who cared enough to wish him bon voyage on his journey away from us.

I came to Nederland in 1992 an extremely unhappy man. Life had not worked out according to my plans (when does it ever cooperate?), and thought a holiday in Holland would cheer me up. It didn't. I was even more unhappy, and was about to return to California. Then, on an evening at a cafe in the Kinkerstraat, I happened to notice somebody pass by me and smile shyly. I was immediately struck by his shyness and his beautiful blue eyes. I smiled back, but we didn't speak. This happened twice more, until he summoned his courage to actually say hello.

There is a cliché called "love at first sight". That was the case for us. From the moment I saw him I fell in love and my heart began to mend. My usual cynicism melted away, and I felt my heart enlarge from a seed to an oak in full glory. That was the power and magic of this man. His charisma, his sensitivity and his beauty, both inner and outer, had the power to transform whatever he touched.

I learned so many things about Isaac in the 16 years we spent together: He was an artist; he was an intellectual; he was a philosopher; a Philanthropist. And, when need be, he was the rock of Gibraltar. His quiet strength went unnoticed by many, but strong he was. When he set his mind to something, he virtually always achieved his goal.

As an artist, I am still in awe of all he created. Costumes for theater productions; clothing for family and friends, and in his last year, beautiful silk cushions in the form of American patchwork quilts that he designed and sewed himself. He even went so far as to learn HTML code so that he could build his own website to promote his work. His website will stand as a memorial to his manifold artistic contributions to our world.

As an intellectual, I am still amazed at the variety of subjects he could claim expertise in. If one had questions about art, be it 16th Century painting or the work of modern artists, he had the answers, and strong opinions of the work and artist. These opinions he could defend with rational arguments as to why he felt as he did. Although the Dutch educational system in the 1950s did not afford him the opportunity of pursuing a University degree, this did not stop him. He studied on his own, and mastered every subject which interested him. I marvel at his capacity for learning, and his everlasting quest to absorb as much as he could what the great thinkers of the world had to offer him.

As I mentioned, he was also a philosopher. Though an atheist, his interest in religion of all sorts, and the thoughts of the great Philosophers through the ages, fascinated him. He had the Bible, the Torah and the Koran side by side on the bookshelf, and I often saw him thumbing through them in an effort to find an answer to a question that puzzled him. He also read all of the works of Bertrand Russell, and could with ease explain to me the thoughts and different opinions of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle. I thought of him as my living, breathing encyclopedia.

As a Philanthropist, Isaac was convinced that we, as citizens of a shared world, had to help each other. What follows is a list of the charities which Isaac supported: The International Rescue committee for Darfur; Artsen Zonder Grenzen; Greenpeace; The committee to rescue Iranian gay refugees; Human Rights Watch; the AIDS Fond; the United Jewish Appeal; Amnesty International; Cordaid Kinder Stem; the United Nations Food Bank; UNICEF and the Amsterdam Film Museum. Isaac and I decided together one day that though Tithing was an archaic religious construct, the idea behind it was worthy, and as such we gave 10% of our salaries to charities we thought would help to improve the world for the most vulnerable.

In short, Isaac could be called a Renaissance Man. He was consumed with passion for all aspects of life, both large and small, and needed no formal training to master any subject.

A few short thoughts about Isaac which will always stand out in my mind: our beautiful garden, which he lovingly tended throughout the year. It is in its full glory now, and stands as a monument to both his artistry and knowledge of botany. I promise you, Isaac, I will care for it as lovongly as you did. His love and passion for Ella Fitzgerald and Jane Austen. His determination to see every Oscar nominated film each year in order to judge for himself what film should be given a prize.

Last year, when the famous photographer Spencer Tunik came to Amsterdam to do one of his series of public nude photographs, Isaac was one of the first to sign up as a model. Though his body had been damaged by his long illness, he had not a moments hesitation about disrobing in public and posing for posterity. After all, he said, we are creating art, and the human body comes in all forms. I admired him deeply for that, and it gave me the courage to follow his example and pose along side of him and 5000 others on a busy Amsterdam street. It was a glorious morning I will never forget.

In terms of his illness, Isaac was a fighter who never gave up. Though admitted to the hospital more than 20 times, sometimes in critical condition, he always said, "when I come home I have so much work to do". He never doubted that he would bounce back and resume all of his interests. I have never seen a patient who was so determined to battle his disease, and who did so with such remarkable ingenuity. As a nurse, I am impressed and inspired by this courage.

Isaac was also a man of quiet kindness. One example: though my father and I do not get along, Isaac secretly arranged each year for my father to receive a birthday present, a father's day present and a Christmas gift. Always with my name on the card. Isaac felt it imperative that the band between my father and myself, though strained, should remain intact. And he managed this.

Isaac was also enormously proud of the fact that Holland was the first nation on earth to allow people of the same gender to marry, and marry we did. Three times, in fact. First a civil union, then the official marriage. Shortly thereafter we became the first gay divorce in Holland, but we never for a day stopped thinking of each other and caring. So much so that we married again. There is a beautiful song called "Love is wonderful the second time around". I suppose one could say we broke that record.

In this most difficult of times, it is the small mercies that God has shown us which give me the greatest solace. The loving and professional care he received from the nurses and doctors in the Intensive care unit of Slootervaart Ziekenhuis; the unity our family has shown in the face of this tragedy. The fact that Isaac and I could say goodbye before he was sedated for his final days.

Isaac, the world without you is a colder, darker place. I see no more stars, and I no longer feel the sun. I no longer believe in heroes or miracles. I am frightened, bereft, and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I know you would not want me to feel this way. To honor you, and honor the love we shared, my life will continue as it was before you died. Ella and Louis receive the same love and attention they had while you were here with us, and my work will go on as we planned it together. This is the last gift I can give to you, my darling, and I hope I can remain worthy of your respect. Rest in peace, my angel, and I know I will see you again. Jeffpw (talk) 08:52, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Jeff, that is a beautiful tribute to Isaac, the life he lived, and the love you shared. Aleta 09:45, 1 July 2008 (UTC)