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Kinship and Marriage.

In the earliest Hebrew history endogamy prevails; particular care is taken that Isaac and Jacob shall contract marriage only with their own kin. The Canaanite wives of Esau were "a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah" (Gen. xxvi. 34-35; comp. xxvii. 46). Some of the sons of Jacob also departed from this custom (Gen. xxxviii. 1-2, xli. 45). Moses married outside his own people, but he was a fugitive, and became an adopted member of his wife's tribe (Ex. ii. 21; comp. iv. 18). It was, nevertheless, looked upon as right and fitting that marriage should take place within the circle of one's own kindred (Gen. xxiv. 2-4, xxix. 19; comp. Judges xiv. 3).

However, the changed conditions subsequent to settlement in Canaan made an intermingling of races inevitable (see Judges iii. 6; Ruth i. 4; II Sam. xi. 3; I Kings vii. 14; I Chron. ii. 17; II Chron. xxiv. 26), and the custom of the kings in making foreign alliances by marriage favored this (II Sam. iii. 3; I Kings iii. 1, xi. 1, xvi. 31). The Deuteronomic law forbids marriage with the Canaanites, but, apparently, makes an exception to the endogamous rule in favor of the Edomites and Egyptians (Deut. vii. 3, xxiii. 7; comp. Ex. xxxiv. 16). The period of the Exile and the century following was also a period of laxity, but strict laws prohibiting marriage with the foreigner were enforced in the time of Ezra and Nehemiah (Ezra ix. 10; Neh. xiii. 23-30).

The older custom of intermarriage within the circle of kinship was governed by no strict rules. Of course marriage with a daughter or uterine sister was not tolerated, but there was no bar to union with close relatives on the father's side, and even down to the Babylonian exile such unions appear to have been common (Gen. xx. 12; Ex. vi. 20; Num. xxvi. 59; II Sam. xiii. 13; Ezek. xxii. 10-11). Deuteronomy prohibits certain marriages with near relatives (xxii. 30; xxvii. 20, 22-23), but the most elaborate legislation in this direction is found in Leviticus (xviii. 7-17, xx. 11-21). According to this law a man may not marry his mother, stepmother, mother-in-law, father's sister, mother's sister, paternal uncle's wife, half-sister, stepsister (daughter of stepmother and her former husband), sister-in-law (brother's wife), living wife's sister, daughter-in-law, stepdaughter, granddaughter, or daughter of stepson or stepdaughter. It is clear that marriage with a deceased wife's sister is not forbidden, but it has been argued that the near relatives of the wife equally with those of the husband are within the forbidden degree to him and that, as the wife's mother and daughter are barred, so also, by analogy, is the wife's sister. Whatever its anomalies or defects, there is no doubt that by this law a high ideal of domestic and social purity was maintained. The pre-Islamic Arabic custom, authorized by Mohammed, was closely similar. See Incest.

Betrothal and Nuptial Rites.

The initial steps, it appears, were customarily taken by the parents of the suitor, who formally made the proposal (Gen. xxiv., xxxiv. 4-6; Judges xiv. 2, 10). Not infrequently, however, in the comparatively free social intercourse of those days, the young man and woman had met and formed a mutual attachment resulting in a love-match (Gen. xxix. 9-12, 18; I Sam. xviii. 20, 28).

Choice of Wife.

One should be careful in selecting a wife. A sayingcurrent among the Rabbis was, "Hasten to buy land; deliberate before taking a wife; descend one step in choosing a wife; ascend one step in choosing the best man" ("shushbin"; Yeb. 63a). One should first establish a home and plant a vineyard, and then marry (Soṭah 44a). The pursuit of the study of the Law, however, should be postponed until after marriage, when a man is settled in mind and can devote himself entirely to that vocation (Yoma 72b; Men. 110a; comp. Ḳid. 29b).

To marry a woman for her wealth was deprecated by the Rabbis (Ḳid. 70a; "Seder Eliyahu Zuṭa," ch. iii., ed. Friedmann, Vienna, 1902; Shulḥan 'Aruk, Eben ha-'Ezer, 3, 1, Isserles' gloss; "Sefer Ḥasidim," §§ 1094, 1096, ed. Wistinetzki, Berlin, 1891; see Dowry). The daughter of a respectable family is most to be desired (B. B. 109b); especially should the brothers of the bride be good and respectable men, for the character of the children is like that of the brothers of the mother (B. B. 110a; "Sefer Ḥasidim," §§ 1092, 1099, 1100). One should sell all he possesses in order to marry the daughter of a learned man (Pes. 49a, b; Ket. 111b; Yalḳ., Ex. 269; comp. Yoma 71a). A marriage between the daughter of a priest or of a learned man and an ignoramus ("'am haareẓ") will not be a successful one (Pes. 49a). All the promises of the Prophets will be fulfilled upon him who gives his daughter in marriage to a learned man (Ber. 34b); it is as if he united himself with the divine presence itself ("Shekinah"; Ket. 111b). It is deemed advisable that the wife should not be of a higher rank than the husband, in accordance with the homely saying, "A shoe that is larger than my foot I do not 5..desire" (Ḳid. 49a). The Rabbis were very much opposed to marriage between an old man and a young woman, or vice versa (Yeb. 44a; Sanh. 76a, b); they also advised against marrying a divorced woman or a widow (Pes. 112a). Marriage should be contracted with no other intention than that of doing the will of God (Soṭah 12a; "Seder Eliyahu Zuṭa," ch. iii.).

Physical beauty in woman was highly appreciated by the Rabbis; a beautiful wife is one of the things that contributes to man's happiness (Ber. 57b; comp. Yoma 74b). A woman that has beautiful eyes needs no further recommendation (Ta'an. 24a). "The highest attribute of a woman is her beauty" was the song of the maidens of Jerusalem at their gatherings on the Fifteenth of Ab and the Day of Atonement when wishing to attract the attention of the assembled youths (Ta'an. 31a). While it is commendable to marry soon after betrothal (Midr. Shemuel xvii. 4 and note, ed. Buber, Cracow, 1893), no one should marry a woman unless he has seen her beforehand (Ḳid. 41a; "Sefer Ḥasidim," § 1143). Similarity in stature or in complexion between the man and the woman was regarded with disfavor. A tall man should not marry a tall woman, nor a short man a short woman; a dark man should not marry a dark woman, nor a fair-complexioned man a fair-complexioned woman (Bek. 45b).

Marriages Made in Heaven.

The proverb that "marriages are made in heaven" is illustrated by a story in the Midrash. A Roman matron, on being told by R. Jose ben Ḥalafta that God arranges all marriages, said that this was an easy matter, and boasted that she could do as much herself. Thereupon she assembled her male and female slaves and paired them off in couples; but on the morrow they all went to her with complaints. Then she admitted that divine intervention is necessary to suitable marriages (Gen. R. lxviii. 3-4). Even God Himself finds it as difficult an undertaking as the dividing of the Red Sea. Forty days before a child is born its mate is determined upon (Gen. R. lxviii. 3-4; Soṭah 2a; Sanh. 22a; comp. M. Ḳ. 18b; "Sefer Hasidim," § 1128).

Reference

 This article incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Singer, Isidore; et al., eds. (1901–1906). "marriage". The Jewish Encyclopedia. New York: Funk & Wagnalls.