This is an old revision of this page, as edited by Newman Luke (talk | contribs) at 12:40, 15 February 2010 (wikify - give me a chance to add the context before complaining). The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.
Revision as of 12:40, 15 February 2010 by Newman Luke (talk | contribs) (wikify - give me a chance to add the context before complaining)(diff) ← Previous revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)Shiddukhin (Hebrew: matching) is the Jewish term for finding a marital partner. It is not to be confused with the closely related term shiddukhim, which refers to a formal form of match-making.
Forbidden relationships
The Torah criticises intermarriage with a Canaanite.
It also forbids such marriage, and Ezra later definitively extended the rule to forbid intermarriage between a Jew and any non-Jew.
However, it was also possible to be too closely related, and the Holiness Code (twice), and the Deuteronomic Code (once), list relationships which they regard as incestuous, and forbidden. These prohibit most kinship relations involving just one degree of affinity or of consanguinity. The result is roughly the same as the rules followed in early (pre-Islamic) Arabic culture.
Social intercourse
The descriptions of marriages in the early parts of the bible appear to suggest that it was customary for the groom's parents to be the ones which formally make the marriage proposal. However, from the Biblical accounts of the romances between Rachel and Jacob, and that of David and Michal, it appears that there was comparatively free social intercourse between men and women, in early Israelite society; thus it was possible for a man and woman to meet naturally, and form a mutual attachment, before a marriage had been decided upon.
Sought qualities
The Talmudic writers argue that marriage should not be rushed into.
They prefer a man to marry the daughter of a respectable family, to the point of selling all one's posessions if necessary to secure marriage to the daughter of a learned man. Conversely, the family of a very unlearned man was, according to them, to be avoided. They praise any man who causes his daughter to marry a learned man. They also say that a man should choose a woman below him in status. Marriages with a large age gap between the spouses (eg. between a young man and an old woman) were thoroughly opposed by the classical rabbis. The Talmudic writers claim that a marriage should occur for no other purpose than that of doing the will of God
Although many cultures value the aphorism that beauty is only skin deep, the talmud commends the benefits of having a beautiful wife, and claims that if she had beautiful eyes, she would need no further recommendation. In the classical era, the maidens of Jerusalem frequently gathered together singing that the highest attribute of a woman is her beauty. The Talmud instructs that a man should not marry a bride without first seeing her. A concern for superficial appearance is also expressed in the disfavour it shows to marriage between people resembling one another, in their height, or in their physical complexion.
Match making
A midrash tells the parable of a Roman matron who encountered a rabbi, the latter claiming that God arranged all marriages; the matron argued that she had the ability herself, and, for the sake of demonstration, paired off all of her slaves, but each subsequently returned to her with complaint about the partner they had been given. It was argued that even God finds the task difficult, a task which the talmud claims that God carried out for each child, forty days before it was born.
References
- Genesis 24:2–4
- Genesis
- Deuteronomy 7:3
- Ezra 10:10–11
- Nehemiah 10:31
- Leviticus 18:7–11
- Leviticus 20:11–21
- Deuteronomy 22:30
- Deuteronomy 27:20–23
- ^
This article incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Singer, Isidore; et al., eds. (1901–1906). "marriage". The Jewish Encyclopedia. New York: Funk & Wagnalls.
- Genesis 24
- Genesis 34:4–6
- Genesis 29:9–12
- Genesis 29:18
- 1 Samuel 18:20
- 1 Samuel 18:28
- Yebamot 63a
- Baba Bathra 109b
- Pesahim 49
- Ketubot 111b
- Pesahim 49b
- Berakhot 34b
- Kiddushin 49a
- Yebamot 44a
- Sanhedrin 76a
- Sotah 12a
- Berakhot 57b
- Ta'anit 24a
- Ta'anit 31a
- Kiddushin 41a
- Bekhorot 45b
- Genesis Rabbah, 68:3-4
- Genesis Rabbah, 68:3-4
- Sotah 2a
- Sanhedrin 22a