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"Simpsons Tall Tales" is the season finale and twenty-first episode of the twelfth season of The Simpsons. It aired on May 20, 2001.

Synopsis

Template:Spoiler

After the Simpsons win a trip to Delaware, Homer is asked to pay a $5 airport tax for his flight, but he does not want to pay the tax. The family jumps onto a freight train and meets a singing hobo who tells them three tall tales. They are as follows:

Paul Bunyan

Homer plays Paul Bunyan in this story (he also fights with a Japanese movie monster in a godzilla-like fashion). Paul is a great burden on local townspeople, as he crushes their houses and consumes all their food. Eventually, the townspeople drug him and drag him out of their town. Out of loneliness, he carves a block of stone from the mountains into a a blue ox that he calls Babe, which becomes alive after being struck by lightning. However when a meteor is soon to hit the town, the townspeople call Paul back to help them. Paul obliges and throws the meteor towards Chicago, starting the Great Fire there.

After the hobo has told this story, he asks for a sponge bath as compensation. Homer is forced to oblige.

Connie Appleseed

The hobo's second tall tale is loosly based on the legend of Johnny Appleseed, except Lisa portrays him, and her name is adapted to "Connie Appleseed." Connie is part of a wagon train, and all of the travellers shoot and eat buffalo. Connie is against the practice because "If you aren't careful, you'll wipe the species off the face of the earth." She is worried that no one is eating a renewable source of food and finds some apples for the pioneers to eat, but they reject them. Eventually, she changes her last name to "Appleseed", and leaves her family to journey across America and plant apple seeds wherever she goes. Meanwhile, the Simpsons change their surname to "Bufflekill" and they succeed in killing all the buffalo. Just as they are about to cannibalize Homer, Connie returns and offers them apples. They like them, and Homer is spared.

Tom and Huck

Though it is not actually a tall tale, the hobo tells this tale based on Mark Twain's story about Tom Sawyer, whom Bart portrays, and Huckleberry Finn, which Nelson has the role of. Huck is caught holding hands with Becky (Lisa) and is forced to marry her. He dodges this marriage and goes on the run with Tom, leaving Missouri for Missoura. However, there are chased by townspeople and their families. Tom and Huck are later caught and unceremoniously hung.

The family arrives in Delaware and disembarks the train, except Homer, who has to give the hobo two more sponge baths as repayment for the tall tales the hobo told them.

Trivia

• The sentences in the opening scene of the episode have been eared in the last minutes of the episode Behind the Laughter. They were presented with other images as "preview of the last season of the Simpsons".
• This was the last episode to air before 9/11.

Quotes

• (This dialogue was first heard "behind the scenes" in "Behind the Laughter".)
  Marge: I can't believe it! We won another contest!
  Homer: The Simpsons are going to Delaware!
  Lisa: I want to see Wilmington!
  Bart: I want to visit a screen door factory!

• Hobo: I'm not a stabbin' hobo, I'm a singin' hobo! (sings) Nothin' beats the hobo life / Stabbin' folks with my hobo knife! / I gouge them...

• Hobo: You know, I do 400 sit-ups a day.
  Homer: Oh, it shows! I was gonna say something, but I thought it might sound, you know...queer.
  Hobo: Oh, not at all. I like it when people say nice things about my body.
  Homer: And it's important to feel good about yourself. Okay, spread your toes. Ew...do you know how much glass is in between here?

Paul Bunyan

• Moe (after feeding Homer/Paul Bunyan): Okay, let's get started on lunch. Hey, where's Lenny?
  Lenny (inside Homer/Paul): Carl? Moe? (camera cuts to Lenny inside Homer/Paul's stomach) Can anybody hear me?
  Willie: I think I found a way out. It's not pretty, but it'll do.

• Frink: Oh God! That meteor is headed straight for us! With the fire and the impact and the 100% chance of PAIN! Pain in the glavin!!!!

• Homer/Paul: Oh, I get it! When I'm crushing and killing you, you don't like me, but when I can save your lives, suddenly, I'm Mr. Popular.
  Lenny: Yeah, thats pretty much it.
  Homer/Paul:Woo-hoo! I'm Mr. Popular!

• Homer/Paul Bunyan (preparing to knock a meteor "right out of the park"): Come on, right across the plain, show me what ya got! This one's for the little crippled boy...that I crippled.

Connie Appleseed

• Lisa/Connie: Listen to me! If you continue this slaughter, you will wipe out the buffalo.
  Dr. Hibbert: Wipe out an entire species? That's impossible! (everyone laughs, including three buffalo)

• Lisa/Connie Appleseed (carrying several apples): Papa! Look what I found!
  Homer: Oh boy! Buffalo testicles! (starts chomping on them enthusiastically)
• Lisa/Connie Appleseed : No, they´re apples! (Homer starts spitting them out, disgusted.)

• Homer: I haven't had buffalo in six hours. Marge, how about whipping up some buffalo sausage, huevos buffaleros, and some fresh-squeezed buffal OJ.
  Marge: The buffalo are gone. I think you shot them all.
  Homer: Oh God, Connie was right! We wiped out the entire species! What have I done?! What have I done?!
  Bart: Calm down, Pa. There's two left.
  (two buffaloes are seen chewing the grass, they are shot)
  Homer: (putting down shotgun)What have I done? What have I done?!

• Lisa/Connie Appleseed: Stop, everybody! I've got apples! Delicious, nutritious apples! And, there's enough for everyone.
  Sideshow Mel (takes a bite): Sweet! It's like a hootenanny in my mouth!
  Skinner: We're saved!
  Ned: It's a miracle!
  Carl: Hooray for Connie Bufflekill!
  Moe (emerging from inside Homer's coat with a forkload of flesh): What? So now we're not eating Homer?

• Hobo: And thanks to that little girl, today you can find apples in everything that's good: Apple wine, apple whiskey, apple schnapps, apple martinis, uh, Snapple with vodka in it, apple nail polish remover...
  Lisa: Don't forget apple sauce.
  Hobo: Yeah...I suppose you could grind some pills into it.

Tom and Huck

• Nelson/Huck: I'm considerable hungry. We got any food left?
  Bart/Tom: (checks his sack) Hmm, looks like we're out of cornpone, fatback, hardtack, fatpone, corntack...
  Nelson/Huck: Any tackback?
  Bart/Tom: Tackback?
  Nelson/Huck: I mean, fattack.
  Bart/Tom: Plumb out.

• Apu: One jug of whiskey, three plugs of tobaccy, and extra strength opium. That will be two cents boys.
  Bart/Tom: Two cents?!!?!
  Apu: If you think my prices are high, go across the street! (points to a 99 cent store selling expensive things such as pianos and chandeliers)

• Bart/Tom: Dang, he put the lard pone on top of the egg pone.

• (Bart/Tom and Nelson/Huck go down rapids like an amusement park ride. At a dock, photos of various people going down the ride are being sold)
  Man at photo stand: Mr. Silas, this young lady's flashing her privates. (The woman is exposing her ankles)
  Silas: Well, I'll dispose of this. (takes the photo, then tucks it into his jacket) (salaciously) All for Silas, all for Silas!

• Krusty: Well, I see President Fillmore's in the news again. Glug, glug, glug!

External links

• "Simpsons Tall Tales episode capsule". The Simpsons Archive.
• "Simpsons Tall Tales" at IMDb

• The Simpsons episodes, season 12