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"Mayored to the Mob" is the ninth episode of The Simpsons' tenth season. It aired on December 20, 1998.

Synopsis

Template:Spoiler

While watching Roger Corman's version of Titanic, the family sees a commercial for the "Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con", a science-fiction convention featuring Mark Hamill, ALF, and robots from Battlestar Galactica and Star Wars. The family agrees to go to the convention, but it is crowded, and Homer resents that the convention is full of nerds. When Mark Hamill and Mayor Quimby, at the convention, are in danger of being trampled by a riot (over who should play Obi-Wan Kenobi in a skit with Mark Hamill), Homer comes to the rescue to save them. In appreciation, Mayor Quimby makes Homer his new bodyguard.

Homer goes to "Leavelle's Bodyguard Academy", where he learns how to become a bodyguard. After his graduation, wherever Mayor Quimby goes in Springfield, Homer follows him, even if it means taking a bribe. One day, Mayor Quimby makes a deal with Fat Tony to have him provide milk to the schools of Springfield. When Homer finds out that the milk Fat Tony is delivering to the schools is really rat's milk, he confronts Quimby and accidentally knocks him out the window. Discovering Quimby hanging on the ledge, Homer makes him promise to expose Fat Tony in exchange for pulling him back inside.

Mayor Quimby puts Fat Tony and his goons in jail, but Fat Tony threatens Quimby's life on the news. Homer takes Mayor Quimby to the dinner theatre to see Mark Hamill play Nathan Detroit in Guys and Dolls. Fat Tony is there with his henchman, Louie, who tries to stab Quimby but is stopped in a scuffle with Homer and Hamill (who is dressed like Luke Skywalker). During the struggle, however, Fat Tony savagely beats Quimby with a baseball bat. At the end, Homer and Hamill escape from the paparazzi á la The Bodyguard.

Trivia

• Mayor Quimby's bodyguard's names are Ernie and Big Tom.
• To date, this is the last episode of The Simpsons to be animated overseas by Anivision.

Cultural references

• The song "Luke be a Jedi" is a parody of the song "Luck be a Lady" from Guys and Dolls.
• The watermelons used to represent protectees are labeled Sting, Madonna, Al Gore and Ann Landers.
• One of the cardboard Stormtroopers Mark Hamill knocks down with his plastic lightsaber is actually a cut-out of Wonder Woman.
• The title of this episode is parody of Married to the Mob.
• The maître d' at the dinner theater is patterned after Frank Nelson, a character actor who had a recurring role on The Jack Benny Program and later appeared on "I Love Lucy".
• The scene where Homer, horrified, watches the kids drinking rat milk, references Soylent Green.
• When the bodyguard instructor lays on top of the wagon that has a green mound on it holding a sniper rifle, it parodies the grassy knoll theory of the Kennedy assassination.

Quotes

• Neil Armstrong's publicist: People, this man actually went to space.
  Edna Krabappel: Eh, nobody cares.
  Neil Armstrong (to his publicist): This is one small step towards firing your ass!

• Mayor Quimby: Welcome futurists, cyberphiles, and the rest of you dateless wonders.

• Mayor Quimby: You call yourselves bodyguards? Your're fired!
  Ernie: Fired, huh? Who else you gonna fired to take a bullet for ya?
  Big Tom: Or have his genitals hooked up to a car battery?
  Mayor Quimby: I'll tell ya who! Him (he points to Homer, standing with his family)!
  Homer: Woo-hoo!
  Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what he just-
  Homer (stern): I said, woo-hoo.

• Homer (dives in front of the pretended bullet): No!
  Leavelle: Well, your dive wasn't bad, but I just didn't believe your "Noooo!" You gotta sell it! Remember, your "Nooo!" is what gets you your next job. Now drop and give me twenty.
  Homer: NOOOOO!!!
  Leavelle: Better.

• Homer: Hold it, what's your clearance?
  Bart: We just want to get a snack.
  Homer: Access denied.
  Bart: But Da- (Homer pinches Bart and Lisa's shoulders, causing them to pass out.)
  Marge: Homer, I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children.
  Homer: They'll be fine in half an hour.
  Marge: That's not the point. And another thing: I asked you to take out the garbage three days ago and you still haven't- (Homer pinches Marge's shoulder and she passes out. He then looks at his watch.)
  Homer: Hmmm. Still half an hour 'til dinner. Oh, well... (Homer pinches his own shoulder, causing him to fall over and strike his head on the kitchen table.)

• Homer: Excuse me...
  Usher: Yeeeeeeeesssssss?
  Homer: Do you have a table for the mayor?
  Usher: Yeeeeeeeesssssss!
  Homer: Why do you talk like that?
  Usher: I had a strooooooke!

• Mayor Quimby: We're screwed! Use your lightsaber!
  Mark Hamill: What and break it?! You know George Lucas makes me pay for these.

• Mark Hamill: (to Louie who has performed award-winning dance) Hey, pal. That's my headshot up there next to the pepper steak, and don't you forget it.
  Louie: You're all talk, Hamill! You never even finished Jedi school! (crushes Mark with a backdrop)

• Mark Hamill: Homer, use the for...
  Homer: The Force?
  Mark Hamill: The forks! Use the forks!

• Homer: I think I saw him in Rent or Stomp or Clomp or some piece of crap.

• Mayor Quimby: Oh god, can't this town go one day without a riot. (Hide's behind Mark Hamill) Yaaahhh Gadzooks! Where are my bodyguards!?
  (The Mayor's bodyguards are lying on the trunk of their car)
  Bodyguard One: Is there anything fluffier than a cloud?
  Bodyguard Two: If there is I don't want to know about it.

• Homer (after knocking the mayor out the window): Oh my god, I killed the mayor. All right, stay calm. I'll just use the body to stage an elaborate farce à la Weekend at Bernie's...

• Fat Tony: I want the mayor dead, I want his wife dead, I want his cat and dog dead.
  Louie: Wait, wait, wait, who was before the cat?
  Fat Tony: Just kill the mayor.
  Louie: You're not mad at me, are you?

External links

• "Mayored to the Mob episode capsule". The Simpsons Archive.
• "Mayored to the Mob" at IMDb

• The Simpsons episodes, season 10