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TFA blurb review

The Royal Naval Division Memorial is a First World War memorial located on Horse Guards Parade in central London, and dedicated to members of the 63rd (Royal Naval) Division killed in that conflict. Sir Edwin Lutyens designed the memorial as an obelisk in the form of a fountain. The base bears carvings of unit insignia, dedicatory inscriptions, battle honours and an excerpt from the poem III: The Dead by Rupert Brooke. The memorial was unveiled on 25 April 1925 by Major-General Sir Archibald Paris, the division's first commanding officer. Winston Churchill, the division's creator, gave a rousing speech. The memorial was dismantled in 1939 to allow the construction of the Admiralty Citadel. It was re-erected in 1951, in the grounds of the Royal Naval College in Greenwich. Following a campaign, the memorial was moved back to its original location, where it was unveiled by Prince Charles in 2003. The memorial was designated a grade II listed building in 2008 and upgraded to grade II* in 2015. (Full article...)

Carcharoth and HJ Mitchell: Are you guys interested in doing this one? It's from May 2018. - Dank (push to talk) 15:12, 6 December 2019 (UTC)

I got it down to 1014 characters and added an image (which may need reviewing). The last sentence could be shortened to just say it is a listed building. Carcharoth (talk) 16:51, 6 December 2019 (UTC)

Looks great, thanks. I'll check links now. - Dank (push to talk) 17:15, 6 December 2019 (UTC)

@Dank and Carcharoth: Perhaps this is my failure in writing the lead, but I think the blurb misses the significance of the memorial. Granted, the back story is a little complicated and the peculiarity of the RND is largely out of scope for the article, never mind a micro-summary like a TFA blurb, but I feel, but we could make more of the famous names associated with it. The chairman of the committee, Arthur Asquith was the prime minister's son; the division was the brainchild of one Winston Churchill (already a household name by this point and later famously the prime minister during WWII); Rupert Brooke's poem wasn't chosen at random—Brooke died en route to Gallipoli with the RND. And that's all ignoring it being designed by the most eminent architect of the day. I feel we should entice the reader with some of these titbits so they click through and want to read the whole article. Also, it's well worth including a mention of Gallipoli because that campaign holds strong emotional pull for certain parts of Britain and especially for Aussies and Kiwis. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 20:18, 8 December 2019 (UTC)

That all makes sense, but the blurb is currently at 1022 characters, and 1025 is the max ... if you and Carcharoth can agree on what to take out, you're welcome to add anything you like. - Dank (push to talk) 20:22, 8 December 2019 (UTC)

I was working from the article lead and editing that down. To have the TFA blurb take a different angle on things may need a rewrite from scratch. The obvious thing to drop would be the removal and reinstating of the memorial, and shorten other bits. The way to do it would probably be to present the memorial and its history through the lens of the RND (its creation, its service in Gallipoli and elsewhere , and the RND figures that helped create the memorial). Churchill is already mentioned as the division's creator, but that could be emphasised more. Lutyens is already mentioned - how did the TFA blurbs for the other Lutyens memorials treat this? Did they do more than just name him? I'm not going to be able to draft anything immediately, so will wait and see what is suggested. Carcharoth (talk) 01:38, 9 December 2019 (UTC)