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This article contains brief biographies for characters from Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. This list consists of human characters. For biographies of noted members of the Discworld's "ethnic minorities" (dwarfs, trolls, undead, etc.), see the articles for those races. Some character biographies are also listed in articles relating to the organisations they belong to. For further Discworld character biographies, see the table below.
Characters are listed alphabetically by name.
71-Hour Ahmed
A Klatchian warrior who accompanies Klatchian envoy Prince Khufurah on a diplomatic journey to Ankh-Morpork in the 21st Discworld novel, Jingo, Ahmed belongs to a vicious but honourable warrior clan called the D'regs. He speaks with a heavy accent and chews cloves. After an attempt on the prince's life, he is suspected of killing the Watch's prime suspect, provoking Vimes and other Watch members to pursue him back to Klatch.
He got his nickname by killing a man (guilty of poisoning a well) one hour before the traditional D'reg three days of hospitality, during which even great enemies should be shown respect.
He is later revealed to be the wali of Klatch, equivalent to Vimes's position as Commander of the City Watch. Educated at the Assassins' Guild, his clove-chewing habit and broken Morporkian were meant to act as a disguise. He confounds Vimes by his fond memories of Ankh-Morpork, even Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler. He and Vimes eventually develop a wary respect for each other as basically honest cops in unenviable positions.
Mavolio Bent
Mr Mavolio Bent is the Head Cashier and all but in charge of the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork. He was introduced to the discworld series in the 36th Discworld novel, Making Money. He has been in employment at the bank since he was thirteen, when he came to the city with a group of travelling accountants. He was born as a clown (Charlie Benito), but his first time performing was severely affected by the audience laughing at him. He fled the show, and he happened upon a group of travelling accountants, and discovered his talent for numbers. From then on, he renounced his clowning heritage, and went to work at the bank.
Mr Bent eventually accepts his clown heritage after having a mental breakdown because (among other things) he made his first mathematical mistake. It appears that he remains at the bank though, in an attempt to honour his clown heritage, he returns to work wearing a red nose.
Mr Bent resided in Mrs Cake's Boarding House. This has likely changed since marrying a 'Miss Drapes' at the Fool's Guild Chapel of Fun by Reverend Brother "Whacko" Whopply, in a 'whitewash wedding'.
He is possibly inspired in part by John Major who was born the son of a music hall performer, but left to join a bank, eventually becoming Prime Minister of the UK 1990–1997. Andrew Rawnsley said that he "ran away from the circus to join a troupe of accountants".
Lieutenant Blouse
Polly Perks's platoon commander in 31st Discworld novel, Monstrous Regiment, Blouse is a rather effeminate aristocrat who previously worked as an administrator in the Quartermaster-General's Blanket, Bedding, and Horse Fodder Department, with no previous experience of field command. He was transferred as a result of Borogravia's ever-decreasing supply of combat-ready men.
His remarkable talent for mathematics and technology, allowed him to give William de Worde several options for improving the clacks system, despite never before having encountered the 'Abomination Unto Nuggan'. Despite his rather feminine manner and distinct lack of martial prowess he is one of the few genuinely male characters, and respectfully admires the women when he learns their true sex, citing examples of female warriors in the history of the Klatchian continent; he informed their captors that " would not trade them for any six men offered ".
Blouse's ambition to have an item of clothing or a food named after him as famous military men did was eventually fulfilled when a fingerless glove is given his name. A major by the end of the book, he contrasts with Jackrum directly. In one scene, he misdirects enemy forces with a signaling device Jackrum would simply have smashed, a sign of Discworld warfare changing as intelligence and technology began to replace bravery and fighting skill.
Brutha
Brutha — pronounced brother — is an Ommnian novice at the Citadel in the city of Kom in the 13th Discworld novel, Small Gods. Omnia is an absolute autocratic theocracy that believes in the Great and only One God, Om. Brutha is a faithful and dutiful lad — his devotion instilled from infancy by being raised by his very strict and pious grandmother — who is word-perfect on Omnian religious texts on account of his eidetic memory, but wholly unable to read or write.
He finds a one-eyed tortoise in the soft soil of his melon patch who is actually the God Om afflicted with temporary amnesia, which recedes in the presence of Brutha. Brutha is the only true believer of Om — as all other 'believers' only go along with the state religion either out of habit or fear of torture, but do not really believe — thus leaving the Great God with almost no godly powers what-so-ever, as shown by his intention of returning in the form of a great ground-crushing bull or something similar, rather than a small and decrepit reptile.
He comes to the attention of the Deacon Vorbis, the chief exquistor in charge of the Quisition, who sees the possibilities that Brutha offers him and his self-serving agenda of taking over the whole of Omnia and its surrounding countries of Klatch on the Circle Sea.
After the failed Omnian invasion of Ephebe that results in the mobilisation of the armed forces of all the other countries along the Klatchian coast against Omnia to crush the country once and for all; Brutha resolved the conflict and became the Cenobiarch, (the theocractic leader) of Omnia, along with being the Eighth Prophet and Prophet of Prophets of Omnianism. Reforming the Church extensively along tolerant, humanist lines as a constitutional religion, he governed for a hundred years, while also rewriting all the lost books from the Great Library of Ephebe burnt to ashes in the failed invasion, which he had saved by remembering each and every scroll.
This course of events, in good part, is guided by little 'nudges' by the History Monk Lu-Tze.
The Canting Crew
The Canting Crew is an informal name for a group of Ankh-Morpork beggars who are too anarchic for the Beggars' Guild, which has a tendency to constrain them with rules. Members of the group can often be found beneath Ankh-Morpork's Misbegot Bridge and are normally accompanied by the talking dog Gaspode.
Death joins the crew in the 16th Discworld novel, Soul Music where he takes the name, Mr Scrub. Death is successful at taking coin and enhancing the group's earning power where he also becomes known as the Grateful Death.
In the 25th Discworld novel, the crew are all recruited by William de Worde as editor of the Ankh-Morpork Times to become street vendors of the newspaper, where they capitalised on the unintelligibility to sell copies.
Foul Ole Ron
Excessively seedy, momentously dirty, overpoweringly smelly and entirely incomprehensible, Foul Ole Ron is the best-known member of the crew. He is often accompanied by Gaspode, the world's only thinking-brain dog (as opposed to a 'seeing-eye dog'). Ron's smell has become strong enough to not only melt earwax but to acquire a separate existence. It is referred to in the text as almost another character entirely, who occasionally arrives ahead of Ron, opts to stick around for a while after his departure.
His 'catchphrase', "Buggrit, millennium hand an' shrimp...", was the result of Pratchett feeding a random text generating program with a Chinese takeaway menu and the lyrics to They Might Be Giants's song Particle Man. His catchphrase (minus 'buggrit') is also used by Mrs Tachyon, a character in the Johnny Maxwell series, also by Pratchett. Foul Ole Ron is in one verse of Sam Vimes's 'City Version' of "Where's My Cow?". Young Sam enjoyed it, but Lady Sybil Vimes disapproved of this version.
Altogether Andrews
Altogether Andrews is a mass of many personalities, none of them named Andrews. Most have considerably higher social status than him; these include Jossi, Lady Hermione, Little Sidney, Mr Viddle, Curly, the Judge, and Tinker. An eighth personality simply known as Burke, was only seen once by the canting crew (though not in any narrative) and they had no desire to ever see him again. The other seven personalities are very careful to keep him buried.
The Duck Man speculates that Andrews was once a mild-mannered psychic, mentally overwhelmed by the other souls. He is generally regarded as one of the most consistently sane of the group, Since at least five of his personalities can hold a sensible conversation with other people. His personalities 'voted' on whether to act as street vendors for The Ankh Morpork Times (in The Truth) and Andrews held up five fingers to indicate the outcome of his personalities' decision.
Coffin Henry
Sometimes spelt 'Coughin' Henry'. He habitual cough gave him his name and is described as sounding 'almost solid'. Like Ron, he has a verse in Where's My Cow?, as adapted by Vimes to fit city life. In it, Henry goes "Cough, gack, ptui".
While Ron asks people for money to stop following them, Coffin Henry makes money by not going anywhere. People send him small sums to not turn up at their parties asking people to look at his interesting collection of skin diseases. He also wears a sign saying "For sum muny I wont follo yu hom".
The Duck Man
The Duck Man, the intellectual of the group, appears to be relatively sane. He seems unaware of the duck on his head and has little memory of life before he joined the Canting Crew and calls it "when I was someone else". Possibly once rich and well educated at some time, he wears the tattered remnants of an expensive suit. As a boy, he "messed around in boats". Somebody apparently wants him dead, as the price on his head at The Assassins' Guild is $132,000. but there's a chance he put that contract on himself. The Duck Man appears in several of Pratchett's books, including Hogfather, Soul Music, The Truth and Feet of Clay.
Arnold Sideways
A member noted for being completely legless. Literally; a cart ran over his legs several years ago and he now gets around on a wheelbarrow, usually pushed by the Duck Man. He carries an old boot on a stick, so muggers desperate enough to try to rob the beggars often find themselves being kicked on the top of the head by a man 3 feet tall.
Carcer
Carcer is the murderous villain of 29th Discworld novel, Night Watch, described by Vimes as "a stone-cold killer. With brains", Carcer's full name, given in a preview of Night Watch as Carcer Dun, is never revealed in the completed book. His first name is a Latin word meaning "prison".
Carcer has a talent for unnerving people, an annoying laugh (written as 'haha' in the book) and a perpetual conviction of his own innocence despite his many crimes, which include at least two murders. He claims his original crime was stealing a loaf of bread although, Vimes says, Carcer would have murdered the baker and stolen the whole bakery.
Commander Vimes chases him along the rooftops of Unseen University in a magical thunderstorm, and both Carcer and Vimes are transported thirty years into the past, about a week before the Glorious Revolution of the Twenty-Fifth of May. After murdering Pseudopolitan watchman John Keel (forcing Vimes to assume that identity and role as mentor to his younger self), Carcer climbs through the ranks of the Unmentionables, Homicidal Lord Winder's secret police, until he is brought back to the present by Vimes after pursuing him with a death squad under the orders of the new Patrician, Lord Snapcase. Carcer is captured by Vimes at the end of Night Watch and likely sentenced to death.
Christine
Christine is a pretty, thin, blonde chorus singer at the Ankh-Morpork Opera House, in the 18th Discworld novel, Maskerade who wears white and uses exclamation marks at the end of every sentence. She is an extraordinarily untalented singer, but the Opera House management favours her because of her beauty and because the financing her father provided for the purchase of the Ankh-Morpork Opera House. She lip-synchs onstage to the voice of Agnes Nitt, otherwise known as Perdita X. Nitt. Christine is friendly and kind, but not particularly bright and can be unintentionally slighting. She rarely pays attention to anyone but herself and is a beneficiary of the fact that star quality is far rarer than talent.
The 'Phantom' in the story accidentally tutors Agnes instead of Christine when Christine runs away from the ghostly voice emanating from her mirror. Agnes realizes what is happening and, in order to continue her training for a second night, slips some herbs into Christine's hot milk to make her sleepy.
Christine's father once told her that a "dear little pixie" would help her career and she thinks that Agnes might be that pixie.
Roland de Chumsfanleigh
Roland de Chumsfanleigh — pronounced 'de Chuffley', which, as Pratchett says, is not his fault — is the son of the Baron of the Chalkland. First introduced in 30th Discworld novel, The Wee Free Men, the first novel in the Tiffany Aching series. Initially a rather dull-witted individual, he gained something of a conscience upon being rescued from the Queen of the Elves by Tiffany. When he is 12 years old, Roland is kidnapped by the Queen, and does not age during his captivity since time hardly passes while in Fairyland. When a 9-year-old Tiffany finds him there in The Wee Free Men, a year has passed on the Disc since his disappearance, and so he would have been 13 in the "real" world. Roland personally apologised to Tiffany when his father made out that he had in fact rescued her, as would be expected in such a story. Tiffany was nonplussed, and claimed she needed no apology or recompense so long as he ruled justly when he became Baron.
Roland's father eventually fell very ill, and his two scheming aunts used their new position as his guardians to rob his family blind. Roland fought back as far as he could, in the process learning a great deal about surviving sieges and the art of insurgency. When his aunts block up his bedroom door to stop him from leaving, he muses that he has only been left with a false panelled hidden door, a passage behind a tapestry and a trap door in his floor. He has also been hoarding food, and rescuing much of the castle's silverware and paintings.
In Wintersmith, Roland was reluctantly recruited by the Nac Mac Feegle to perform the role of the mythic Hero in the Dance of the Seasons, to put right the damage Tiffany had caused by interfering in the dance and the proper roles of the Wintersmith and the Summer Lady. Against all expectations, he acquitted himself admirably. There are signs that his feelings for Tiffany extend somewhat beyond gratitude. He also gave Tiffany a box of watercolors, one of which was turquoise, allegedly very expensive on the Discworld. When Tiffany went to Lancre to study witchcraft in A Hat Full of Sky, Roland gave her a silver necklace in the image of the giant white horse that is carved into the Chalk; Tiffany uses the necklace as a symbol to draw on the power of her homeland in times of crisis.
By the fourth book in the series, I Shall Wear Midnight, Roland and Tiffany have realised that simply being different from those around them does not mean they are similar, and Roland decides to marry Letitia Keepsake, a good-natured if somewhat pampered aristocrat. While Tiffany is at first bitter about this, she eventually comes to terms with the situation and ultimately marries the couple herself.
Cohen the Barbarian
Ghenghiz Cohen, known as Cohen the Barbarian, is a hero in the classical sense, i.e., a professional thief, brawler and ravisher of women. Cohen is introduced in the second Discworld novel, The Light Fantastic, with significant returns in Interesting Times and then with his last appearance in The Last Hero. His name and character are an obvious echo of Robert E. Howard's Conan the Barbarian and Genghis Khan, and of the common Jewish surname Cohen.
The man who introduced the world to the concept of "wholesale" destruction, Cohen is the Discworld's greatest warrior hero, renowned for rescuing maidens, destroying the mad high priests of dark cults, looting ancient ruins, and so on.
He first appears in the series as an old man already, but still tough enough to handle anything. His opponents often underestimate him because of his age, then realize too late that a man who does what Cohen does and nevertheless survives to such an age must be very good at it indeed. Cohen does not know his exact age. In The Light Fantastic, he says he is 87 and in later books guesses that he is between 90 and 95.
A skinny old man with a long white beard that reaches below his loincloth and with a patch over one eye, Cohen's distinguishing feature is his smile, showing off his dentures made of troll teeth which are pure diamond. Cohen has outlived the heroic age and finds himself in a world where great battles and astonishing rescues rarely happen except in stories. Ironic, given that Discworld runs on narrative. One of the rare Discworld short stories, "Troll Bridge", tells of Cohen setting out to slay a troll, but ending up reminiscing with it about the good old days when everyone respected tradition. As a barbarian hero, he has great difficulty interpreting empty bravado. A man of his word, he assumes that anyone who says something such as'I would rather die than betray the Emperor' fully means it. This led to the deaths of several guards and courtiers in the Agatean Empire.
In Interesting Times Cohen became Emperor of the Agatean Empire, having conquered it with his allies, the Silver Horde. They initially intended this as a sort of retirement plan, but became bored and abandoned the Empire in The Last Hero, in which Cohen decides to express his displeasure with the modern world by "returning fire to the gods, with interest". After a rather unsuccessful attempt, he and his friends escape on horses belonging to the Valkyries and ride into the sky, to explore space.
Cohen has quite a lot of children; in The Last Hero he casually mentions that he has dozens. Only one is mentioned by name in the novels, Conina in Sourcery. She wishes to be a hairdresser, but genetics keep getting in the way, causing her to instinctively kill people who threaten her. She was last seen in an amorous relationship with Nijel the Destroyer. She says she knew Cohen and that he took an interest in her education—such as how to set a variety of traps in a length of corridor.
In The Light Fantastic, Cohen helps the other two protagonists, Rincewind and Twoflower, to save a seventeen-year-old girl named Bethan, who was to be offered as a sacrifice. Cohen and Bethan fall in love, mainly owing to Bethan's patience and skill at curing Cohen's back problems, and decide to get married, despite Rincewind's apprehensions about their age difference. At the end of the book they are not present, and it is assumed that they have left for their marriage.
Actor David Bradley played Cohen in the 2008 The Colour of Magic miniseries. The miniseries, produced by The Mob Film Company and Sky One combined both The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic, and was broadcast on Easter Sunday and Monday of 2008. In the miniseries, Bethan and Cohen show up at the docks, already married, to bid Twoflower goodbye as he heads back home. Twoflower gives them a box of Agatean money as a wedding present, which he believes to be inconsequential but which, Rincewind comments out of earshot of Twoflower, was enough to buy a small kingdom.
Conina
Conina is the daughter of Cohen the Barbarian and a temple dancer, introduced in the fifth Discworld novel, , Sourcery. Described as both beautiful and a skilled fighter due to attributes inherited from both parents, she nonetheless aspired to be a hairdresser despite her talents as a barbarian hero. By the end of Sourcery, she had fallen in love with Nijel the Destroyer, a humorously juxtaposed character who wants to be a barbarian hero but is very bad at it.
Mrs Marietta Cosmopilite
Mrs Cosmopilite is a dressmaker, who first appears in 10th Discworld novel, Moving Pictures as Vice President of Costuming and Theda Withel's landlady. Earlier in the book she is mentioned as being capable of believing the Disc is under threat from inhuman monsters, that she is a subject of derision for believing that the world is round, and that three dwarfs look in on her undressing. She is correct about the inhuman monsters and the dwarfs (although she is never told about the first one and the second is "only by coincidence"). She is noted as having (appropriate to her name) what would be seen as a contemporary view of the world. Theda claims Mrs. Cosmopilite would not mind Victor Tugelbend coming with her up to her room—assuming they would be going up for sex, but they had a different reason.
She is briefly mentioned in Witches Abroad as being venerated by some younger Ramtops monks who, on the basis that wisdom seems wiser if it comes from further away, trek down to Ankh-Morpork to hear her wisdom. This is usually "bugger off" or something similar, but since the monks do not speak Morporkian, it does not matter much. In Thief of Time it turns out that this was started by Lu-Tze, who spent some time lodging with her, and has a much better understanding of the Way of Mrs Cosmopilite than the monks who followed; he wrote down many of her sayings as guides by which to live his life. Most have double meanings, serving as both stereotypical utterances of a grouchy older working-class woman, and equally stereotypical pieces of oriental wisdom. The most notable is perhaps "I wasn't born yesterday" which, as Lu Tze points out, resembles one of the key revelations of Wen the Eternally Surprised, who, in reference to the continually destroyed and renewed nature of the universe, and the constancy of revelation, said "I was not born-yesterday!".
Sacharissa Cripslock
Miss Sacharissa Cripslock is the daughter of an engraver — who possibly appeared in Maskerade, working for Goatberger — and she became a reporter for the Ankh-Morpork Times in the 25th Discworld novel, The Truth, having originally arrived at the print-works to complain about the invention of moveable type.
Somewhat eclectically attractive, she possesses at least two features that would have made various artists from various times in history bite their easels in two—although, it must be said, that having a nose that would appeal to Rembrandt and a neck that would inspire Pablo Picasso does not, in and of itself, guarantee that the whole succeeds as a work of art. It is also implied that she has an excellent figure ("other features that are considered attractive in any time"). She tries to hide her buxom qualities, without success. However, it does mean a lot of men are happy to tell her things.
She possesses the ability to think in headlines, and has gained valuable experience as an editor, allowing her to, e.g., reduce an article's length in half merely by crossing out all the adjectives. She appears in first in The Truth, Going Postal, and Making Money. In Going Postal she wears a wedding ring and is assumed to be married, presumably to William de Worde, although she still refers to herself as Miss Cripslock. She is very respectable, meaning there is a lot of unrespectability waiting to come out.
As of Making Money, she seems to have become the Times's chief liaison to Moist von Lipwig, and she has developed a talent for asking devious questions that, if answered thoughtlessly, would make for interesting and embarrassing news headlines. Moist, for his part, regards the interviews with her as a guaranteed thrill requiring him to think quickly on his feet.
In the Sky TV adaptation of Going Postal, Miss Cripslock is portrayed by Tamsin Greig.
Pratchett has stated on Twitter that she is married to William de Worde, retaining her maiden name for professional purposes.
Cruces
Cruces is the head of the Assassins' Guild and the antagonist of Men at Arms. He is killed by Carrot and succeeded by Lord Downey.
Adora Belle Dearheart
Adora Belle Dearheart is cynical, angry, and a heavy smoker. Her father Robert Dearheart, founded the Grand Trunk Semaphore Company and was conned out of it by Reacher Gilt. Adora was forced to work and obtained a post at the Golem Trust. She appears first in 33rd Discworld novel, Going Postal, then in Making Money and Raising Steam after beginning a tentative relationship with Moist von Lipwig in Going Postal.
By the time of Making Money they were engaged. Miss Dearheart can see through most of Lipwig's conman tricks, amazing him. Out of fondness, she allows him to use the name of Spike. Adora wears what she claims are "the pointiest heels in the world" which she uses to deal with unwelcome advances.
In Raising Steam, Adora and Moist are married and living in Scoone Avenue, Ankh. Adora has returned to running the Clacks service as her father did and no longer smokes.
Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler
Claude Maximillian Overton Transpire Dibbler — usually known as Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler, C.M.O.T. Dibbler, or simply Dibbler, or even sometimes as just Throat — is a bit character described as Discworld's most enterprisingly unsuccessful entrepreneur, a 'merchant venturer' of Ankh-Morpork, most famous for selling meat by-products to unsuspecting passers-by. His first significant appearance is in eighth Discworld novel, Guards! Guards!.
His name originates from his catchphrase "... and at that price, I'm cutting me own throat". He was also an unscrupulous moving pictures producer/director, an agent for a 'Music with Rocks In' group, and editor of the Ankh-Morpork Inquirer — a tabloid published by the Guild of Engravers — for which he fabricated news stories. He also sold a strange green liquid made according to an ancient recipe by monks living on a mountain. Lance-Constable Carrot questioned this, but it turned out to be quite true; but the monks who make the liquid have no idea what Dibbler does with it.
He has also been known to sell 'fong shooey' advice, mail-order martial arts lessons under the alias 'Grand Master Lobsang Dibbler', Dibbler's Genuine Soggy Mountain Dew gin, souvenir snow-globes, and advertising space in the Ankh-Morpork Times. In Men at Arms, he briefly sold food for trolls and later for dwarfs. He is at his best selling intangibles: physical merchandise hampers his patter somewhat. He himself said he was best at 'selling ideas'. The labels on his physical merchandise range from euphemisms to outright fabrications.
When Dibbler's businesses fail, he falls back on selling (mostly) 'pies with personality' and 'pig' sausages-inna-bun on the streets of Ankh-Morpork. He is described in the books as resembling a rodent, and wears a long poacher's coat covered in pockets. He is usually seen either carrying a tray or pushing a barrow (in better times). This contains sausages-in-buns, meat pies, and probably some merchandise connected with whatever the latest Morporkian fad is, but only when other ideas have proven to be unsuccessful. His full name is mentioned in Making Money. His nickname was inadvertently suggested to him in Night Watch by the time traveling Samuel Vimes, who instantly rued it. This in itself is an ontological paradox (which was of course evened out by the history monks).
The wizard Rincewind had a theory that equivalents of Dibbler are everywhere. This theory is borne out by the appearance of several versions of Dibbler throughout the Discworld series:
- Disembowel-Meself-Honourably Dibhala sold suspiciously fresh thousand-year eggs in the Agatean Empire (Interesting Times). He discusses with Rincewind the possibilities of trade between Ankh-Morpork and the Empire. As tea and silk could be acquired from Klatch, Rincewind suggests the trade of gold, a rare metal in Ankh-Morpork but a ubiquitous one in the Empire.
- Fair Go Dibbler sold the archetypal pie floaters on the lost continent of Fourecks (The Last Continent).
- Cut-Me-Own-Hand-Off Dhblah sold disturbingly live yogurt in Omnia (Small Gods). In the Discworld II computer game, his name is spelt D'blah and he gives secrets about pyramid power in Djelibeybi.
- Al-Jiblah, a merchant in Klatch (Jingo).
- May-I-Never-Achieve-Enlightenment Dhiblang; mentioned in The Last Continent.
- Dib Diblossonson sold topless-bottomless smörgåsbord in the Hubland barbarian fjords.
- May-I-Be-Kicked-In-My-Own-Ice-Hole Dibooki apparently only gathered whale meat after a conveniently beached whale had exploded into bite-sized chunks of its own accord.
- Swallow-Me-Own-Blowdart Dhlang-Dhlang sold green beer, location unknown but suspected to be tropical rain forest, possibly Howondaland.
- Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibjla, an Aboriginal Dibbler from Fourecks in the Discworld II PC game.
Other Dibbler equivalents include Ratonasticthenes from Ephebe, mentioned in The Science of Discworld. It was previously thought they might all be related, but the Discworld Companion explains that this is parallel evolution. 'Wherever people are prepared to eat terrible food,' it says, 'there will be someone there to sell it to them.'
Dibbler appeared in the Cosgrove Hall animations of Soul Music and Wyrd Sisters, in which his appearance seemed to be modelled on Private Joe Walker, the spiv in Dad's Army. He also appears in the Discworld computer game. He also appears in Discworld 2, along with many of the other Dibblers, including D'Blah and Point-Me-Own-Bone Dibjla (who is exclusive to the game). Additionally, in Discworld Noir, CMOT Dibbler is mentioned in the game on an Octarine Parrot bill and is said to be the one who gave Lewton his imp-powered coffee machine. A character named C!Mot is briefly mentioned in The Also People, a Doctor Who Virgin New Adventures novel by Ben Aaronovitch, running a T-shirt stall in the marketplace of Whynot. Aaronovitch has confirmed that C!Mot is intended as a parallel Dibbler, although how similar he is to the original (since the People have an entirely non-capitalist society) is unknown. A character called 'Clap-Me-In-Irons Daoibleagh' appears in the webcomic Rogues of Clwyd-Rhan.
In Good Omens, after Crowley's Bentley bursts into flames over the M25 motorway a crowd gathers. There is also a man selling hot dogs, possibly a reference to Dibbler.
The Cretaceous conifer species Sulcatocladus dibbleri is named after CMOT Dibbler.
Didactylos
Meaning "Two-Fingered" in Ephebian, Didactylos is a philosopher based on Diogenes of Sinope in the 13th Discworld novel, Small Gods. He lives in a barrel inside the wall of the palace of the Tyrant in Ephebe, crafting bespoke philosophies, axioms and aphorisms for scraps. Having apprenticed his nephew Urn as a philosopher, they frequently argue over the merits of natural philosophy, specifically Urn's development of steam power. Although one of the most popular philosophers of all time, Didactylos never earns the respect of his fellow philosophers, who say he thinks 'about the wrong things'. His authorship of the scroll De Chelonian Mobile, which contradicted Omnian dogma about the shape of the Discworld, was part of the motivation for Vorbis's plan to invade and annex Ephebe. He is pictured with a lantern though blind and looking for an "honest man". He is made an Omnian bishop by Brutha, the Cenobiarch and Eighth Prophet.
There is not much mention of Didactylos before Small Gods. The main mentions are of his journeys to Omnia (where he saw a person being stoned) and to Tsort, where his attempts to educate the ruler through subliminal learning resulted in his assassination. He never went to Ankh-Morpork.
He appears to be an homage to the cynic, Diogenes, similarly disliked by his contemporaries for focusing on the 'wrong questions'.
Doughnut Jimmy
Universally known as Doughnut Jimmy, Dr James Folsom is a highly proficient horse doctor that Samuel Vimes brought in under threat to treat Vetinari in the 19th Discworld novel, Feet of Clay. Vimes knew that any human doctor would be contracted to guilds (who all resent Vetinari to some degree) and that horse doctors treat animals worth considerable amounts of money and so faced considerable trouble if their patients die. Due to his lack of experience with humans, much of his advice was flawed ("walk him round a bit on loose rein...and no oats"). A former jockey, he won a lot of money by not winning races and was highly skilled at achieving results.
Lord Downey
Further information: Lord DowneyHead of Ankh-Morpork Assassins' Guild.
Evil Harry Dread
Evil Harry Dread is the villainous counterpart to Cohen the Barbarian; an old fashioned heroic fantasy type annoyed with how the Discworld has changed; modern heroes always block his escape tunnel before confronting him. He's proud of being a Dark Lord. Heroes don't bear him any grudges; he always lets them win and in return they always let him escape (see the Evil Overlord List for the opposite of this concept). Evil Harry Dread tries to follow the 'rules': he intentionally hires stupid henchmen, invests in helmets that cover the whole face, making it easier for a Hero to disguise himself and places heroes in overly contrived, easily escapable death-traps.
He only appears in the 27th Discworld novel, The Last Hero, where he joins the Silver Horde on the quest to 'return fire to the gods' by blowing up the mountain. Harry betrays them; as a villain, he must. When they confront him they praise him for still being a reliable Dark Lord to the end. He was last seen descending from Cori Celesti with the Silver Horde's bard, whom they had kidnapped to chronicle the quest.
D'regs
The D'regs, a nomadic and warlike people who inhabit the desert regions of hubward Klatch, in particular the borderlands between Klatch proper and Hersheba, will attack anyone and anything, even themselves. Nonetheless, in a tradition echoing the Afghan law of milmastia or the ancient Greek law of xenia, they will show a guest perfect hospitality for exactly 72 hours, whereupon killing him becomes an option. Noted member 71-Hour Ahmed got his name by violating the 3-day custom, an act so unthinkable that other D'regs call him the most feared man in all of Klatch. They have very strict ideas about women fighting: they expect them to be good at it. Distrust is generally encouraged among the D'regs; Ahmed once told Vimes that his mother would be greatly offended if he trusted her, because she would then feel she had not brought him up right.
The 21st Discworld novel, Jingo, notes that 'D'reg' is a name given by others. It means 'enemy' (in this case, everybody's) and the D'regs proudly adopted it.
They share many similarities with the Tuareg people of the Sahara of North Africa.
Rufus Drumknott
Secretary to Patrician Vetinari of Ankh-Morpork, following the death of Lupine Wonse. First appearing in 15th Discworld novel, Men at Arms, he commonly is seen entering and leaving the presence of the Patrician bearing either paperwork or verbal information on the activities of other denizens of the city, or the Discworld in general, Drumknott seems not to think much about the political implications of the information he works with, believing in filing for its own sake. During The Truth he was seemingly attacked by the Patrician—later revealed to be a lookalike hired to try to get Vetinari deposed—and by the time of Going Postal, was responsible for relaying the orders of the Patrician in assigning tasks to other clerks. William de Worde described him as someone with "no discernible personality". In Unseen Academicals, he reveals that he cannot understand the fuss that is being made about football, both old and new. In Raising Steam, he develops a childlike interest in the newly-emergent railway, wishing to spend more time aboard Iron Girder, the Discworld's first steam locomotive.
In the TV adaptation of Going Postal, Drumknott is portrayed by Steve Pemberton.
Edward d'Eath
Further information: Edward d'EathElla Saturday
Ella is the daughter of Baron Saturday of Genua and Mrs Erzulie Gogol. She appears in the twelfth Discworld novel, Witches Abroad, as an attractive young woman with brown skin and blonde hair, but no knowledge of her origins. Her entire life has been controlled by her fairy godmother, Lady Lilith de Tempscire, to ensure that she marries Lady Lilith's pawn, the Duc (pronounced 'duck') (actually a frog). She spends much of her time in the palace kitchens, apparently because she enjoys being helpful, rather than because she is mistreated. Because she helps lay the fires, the palace cook nicknamed her Embers (she is, of course, the Discworld version of Cinderella, although the full nickname Emberella is referred to as sounding "like something you'd put up in the rain"). At the end of Witches Abroad, she became the Baroness of Genua.
Eric Thursley
A thirteen-year-old demonologist and the title character in the ninth Discworld novel, Faust Eric, where he lives at 13 Midden Lane, Pseudopolis. Eric inherited most of his demonology books and paraphernalia — as well as a talking parrot — from his grandfather. His parents, apparently convinced he was destined to become a gifted demonologist, allowed him free rein over his grandfather's workshop. Eric was relatively unsuccessful as a demonologist until — and with some unknown assistance, he becomes an unwitting pawn in a demonic plot to overthrow the King of Hell — he manages to summon Rincewind from the Dungeon Dimensions while trying to summon a demon to grant him wishes: mastery of the kingdoms of the world, to meet the most beautiful woman who ever lived, to live forever, and a large chest of gold. These wishes are granted in a journey across Time to the Tezumen Empire, the Tsortean War, and the beginning of the universe, albeit as forms of ironic punishment. Eric was last seen escaping from Hell with Rincewind.
Eskarina Smith
Further information: Eskarina SmithEsk is a trainee witch and the first female wizard.
Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre
Daughter of King Verence II of Lancre and Queen Magrat, Princess Esme made her debut in 23rd Discworld novel, Carpe Jugulum as a newborn about to be taken for her Christening. Her unusual middle names are the result of a Lancre tradition that whatever the priest says at the naming ceremony becomes the child's name. Magrat—who owed her own name to a combination of this tradition and her mother's inability to spell "Margaret"—was determined it would not happen again, hence the "Note Spelling".
Gaspode
Gaspode the Wonder Dog first appears in the tenth Discworld novel, Moving Pictures. Named for the Gaspode who faithfully stayed by his master's grave and whined, he and a number of other animals gained sapience and the ability to speak when the Holy Wood Dream escapes and is compelled to travel to Holy Wood to break into the nascent film industry. Gaspode does manage to become an agent for both Victor Tugelbend and Laddie, successfully renegotiating their contracts with a ten per cent commission. He and Laddie blow up the Odium picture-throwing pit during the disrupted premiere of Blown Away to kill a creature from the Dungeon Dimensions, and destroy the portal created by the "click"; left for dead, he climbs out of the wreckage and reverts to a normal dog when the Holy Wood Dream ends.
In Men at Arms, Gaspode has regained his sapience and ability to speak after too much time sleeping by the High Energy Magic Building at Unseen University. He assists newly recruited werewolf Watchwoman Angua in the Night Watch's investigation of a plot involving a 'gonne', the Discworld's only firearm, and avoids run-ins with the Dogs' Guild, a pack of feral dogs led by Big Fido. He reveals that when he was a puppy, he was put into a sack with a brick and thrown into the River Ankh. Its unwater-like qualities allowed him to chew through the sack and escape. Gaspode both resents canine subservience to humanity and yearns for masterly companionship. He is able to shout commands at dogs as would a human, much to his disgust. After lying about being a family pet, he quickly abandons the family given to him as reward for foiling a plot against Lord Vetinari after they attempt to wash him and give him a collar.
In Feet of Clay, he has become Foul Ole Ron's Thinking Brain Dog and part of the Canting Crew. In The Fifth Elephant, Gaspode helps Captain Carrot to track Angua down after she flees back to her native Überwald, where he explores his lupine nature.
In The Truth, the existence of a talking dog has become a well-known rumour as is the existence of a rightful King of Ankh-Morpork walking the streets of the city (both of which are true). Gaspode assists the newly created Ankh-Morpork Times's investigation of a plot to incriminate Lord Vetinari as an informant (going by the name "Deep Bone") and a translator for Lord Vetinari's dog Wuffles, a key witness.
Reacher Gilt
Reacher Gilt appears as the antagonist in the 33rd Discworld novel, Going Postal. He is the head of a consortium of financiers who had been embezzling from the clacks network since it was set up, and who, when it reached the point of collapse, bought the original owners out with their own money.
A ruthless businessman with a piratical appearance, including an eyepatch and a cockatoo that, instead of saying 'pieces of eight', said 'twelve and a half percent' (that is, one eighth), he was a shameless con-artist and fraudster whose business style was described as playing "find the lady with entire banks".
Under his management, the clacks network became more profitable, but less reliable. As the new owners did not really understand the clacks the way the previous management had, they worked it until it broke. He maintained his monopoly by killing anyone attempting to set up another network, including Robert Dearheart's son, John, and employing the banshee Mr Gryle as the assassin to do so. When challenged about the clacks monopoly and the lack of choice it presented, Gilt stated that customers had the choice to use the clacks or travel great distances on horseback to deliver their messages themselves. Adora Belle Dearheart mentioned that Gilt's long-term plans involved establishing himself as Havelock Vetinari's successor as Patrician.
After his dealings were uncovered, Lord Vetinari offered him the 'choice' of becoming head of the Royal Mint, or walking out a door, without a floor behind it. He chose the latter, earning the grudging respect of Vetinari for staying true to his beliefs about choice.
In the TV adaption of Going Postal, Gilt is portrayed by David Suchet.
Glenda Sugarbean
Glenda is a somewhat plump, over-breasted girl who runs the Night Kitchen in the Unseen University until the events of the 37th Discworld novel, Unseen Academicals. She is the granddaughter of the chief cook at the Assassin's Guild, from whom she has inherited a large number of secret recipes.
Having spent most of her life forced to do other people's thinking for them, she is overwhelmed with uncertainty when her dim-witted best friend, Juliet, suddenly has the opportunity to be a supermodel. Initially cautious, she eventually relents and allows Juliet to follow her dream.In a similar vein, against her own better judgment, she allows herself to be swept off her feet by an unlikely romance with a savant orc, Mr Nutt, and eventually goes off on an adventure with him to Uberwald.
Gods, spirits, and other anthropomorphic personifications
Death
Further information: Death (Discworld)The Great God Om
The Great God Om — holy horns — is the patron god of the country of Omnia on the Circle Sea, where he is the second fiddle to his eighth prophet, the novice Brutha who is the protagonist in the 13th Discworld novel, Small Gods.
The Auditors of Reality
The Auditors of Reality are formless non-beings housed under grey cloaks with no distinguishing marks. Nor can they speak: they simply re-arrange the world so that what they wish to express as actually been stated without the words being uttered... As they value their neutrality — being neither evil nor good, devoid of all emotion, depicted in their utter greyness — but they stand opposed to the chaotic love, pity, and compassion of humanity for all that it represents what they are not: the utter remorseless logically reasoned order of the universe without let or hindrance.
They are first noted in eleventh Discworld novel, Reaper Man as the antagonists to Death who is the hero of the piece — or anti-hero, as to one's perspective on the matter — when they consider that 'he' has developed too much of an individual identity and personality. To them, Death has become anathema, so 'he' is pensioned off by them.
Thereafter, the Auditors remain at great odds with Death. The concepts of identity and individuality and personality remain totally alien to them to such a point that if any of them start to exhibit any of these traits in any way, then they are consumed to flameless ash and non-existence, immediately thereupon to be replaced by a new identical blank clone.
They are supposedly of one mind, acting in concert, but more often they readily fall to disagreement and bickering with snide remarks as their unison breaks down. This occurs at the most extreme in the final encounter in 26th Discworld novel, Thief of Time — with the last of the 'Death' strand of novels — where they enter human forms, including the creation of the character Myria LeJean, (a pun on myriad + legion), in an attempt to bring down humanity on the Disc. This ultimately fails as all disagree on how to act together coherently and Ms LeJean actually defects to actively defeat her one-time comrades, whereupon 'she' kills herself by 'chocolate'.
As Death — though utterly bemused and baffled by humankind and all the other species — see the inimical presence of the Auditors as antithetical to the ongoing existence of Life and, by extension, Death — both as an idea and as an individual — actively defending humans to the utmost extent of his own 'existence'.
The Hogfather
The Spirit of Hogswatchnight at the end of the year on Discworld, who provides a minor turn at the end of the 20th Discworld novel, The Hogfather.
Bel Shamharoth
Bel Shamharoth is a chthonic god of the Underworld and the Dungeon Dimensions of Discworld who is drawn — with extra tentacles — greatly from the works of HP Lovecraft and is encountered in the first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic.
J.H.C. Goatberger
Ankh-Morpork publisher whose company printed The Joye of Snacks by A Lancre Witch and the Ankh-Morpork Almanack. Mr Goatberger prints his Almanacks on thin paper, as many families keep old editions in their privies.
In the 18th Discworld novel, Maskerade, he makes a great deal of money from Nanny's book, and is surprised she wants some of it. He also appears in Nanny Ogg's Cookbook, in a series of memos drawn to seem pinned to some pages. These form a discussion about the book between him and his head printer, Thomas Cropper. After a previous experience with Nanny Ogg's writing he wants to avoid innuendo, but is not entirely successful. His nephew has a similar exchange with Cropper in the pages of The Discworld Almanak.
His name is a play on Johann Gutenberg, with his first initials apparently derived from a phrase referring to Jesus Christ.
Tolliver Groat
Tolliver Groat is one of the two remaining employees of the Ankh-Morpork Post Office prior to Moist von Lipwig being made Postmaster in the 33rd Discworld novel, Going Postal. A very old man in a cheap wig, Groat had spent most of his career in the Post Office as a Junior Postman, since until von Lipwig's arrival none of the other Postmasters appointed by Lord Vetinari had survived long enough to promote him. Groat does not trust doctors, which is perfectly understandable since there are very few reliable doctors in Ankh-Morpork. He instead treats himself with a variety of apparently dubious 'natural' home remedies (later revealed to be, in actuality, extraordinarily effective), including concoctions made with sulfur or arsenic, and a poultice made of bread pudding.
He is a habitual speaker of Dimwell Arrhythmic Rhyming Slang, the only known rhyming slang in the universe that does not actually rhyme. In Going Postal, Groat tells Moist von Liping about his hair that, "It's all mine, you know, not a prunes". Explanation reveals that in Dimwell slang, "syrup of prunes" means wig. (In Cockney rhyming slang, the expected derivation would be "syrup of figs.") Another example given in the text is "cup-and-plate"—no definition is given, but "He's a bit cup-and-plate in the head" implies it means "not quite right."
Tolliver also had a very small part in Wintersmith. The Wintersmith approaches him to take some sulfur, so that he would become a man. This incident was reported in The Ankh Morpork Times, and a widow approached him, swayed by 'a man who knows his hygiene.' It is now believed that they are enjoying a relationship, as she was seen walking with him. His trousers and socks are confirmed as being highly explosive, as a result of the gunpowder-like solution they are treated with. His wig is believed to be sentient, and is certainly self-mobile, having escaped from a locked cupboard in the hospital. In Making Money, Groat was left in charge as acting-Postmaster General while Moist von Lipwig assumed his de facto position as chairman of the Royal Bank of Ankh Morpork.
In the TV adaptation of Going Postal, Groat is portrayed by Andrew Sachs.
Herrena, the Henna-haired Harridan
Her name says it all really. Herrena is an ex-opponent of Cohen, and his sometime lover. Inspired by Red Sonja of Conan fame, she has a prominent role in the second Discworld novel, The Light Fantastic and a small cameo in Faust Eric.
Willie Hobson
Willie Hobson runs Hobson's Livery Stable, which stables other people's horses and also rents and sells horses. For some reason it is a popular location for circumspect meetings. Hobson is a large man, who looks like a shaved bear, with a direct sense of humour when it comes to putting people with smart mouths on unbroken horses.
He appears in the 33rd Discworld novel, Going Postal although his stables was a setting in The Truth. His name is a reference to the real stable-owner Thomas Hobson, best known as the name behind the expression Hobson's choice.
Hodgesaargh
Castle falconer at Lancre, Hodgesaargh is not his actual name, but some misunderstanding has been caused due to his birds' habit of attacking him when people speak to him (i.e. "Hello, my name is Hodges...ARRRRRGH").
He first appears in the 14th Discworld novel, Lords and Ladies, where he survives an elvish invasion of Lancre castle, due to one of his birds attacking the elf. His ceremonial outfit of red and gold with a big floppy hat is usually supplemented with about three sticking plasters. One of the birds he breeds is the wowhawk, or Lappet-faced Worrier, like a goshawk but more so—it prefers to walk everywhere and faints at the sight of blood.
In Carpe Jugulum he discovered the phoenix and helped Granny Weatherwax to recover from a vampire attack, even though he clearly understood that his life was in danger.
Hodgesaargh is based on a real-life keeper of birds of prey named Dave Hodges, who lives in Northamptonshire, and is the author of The Arts of Falconrie and Hawking.
Mr Hong
Mr Hong never appears in any of the books, having (apparently) died before the start of any of the stories, but appears to form an important part of Ankh-Morpork's collective memory. In several Discworld books, a character is admonished to "remember what happened to Mr Hong when he tried to open the Three Jolly Luck Takeaway Fish Bar on the site of the old fish god temple in Dagon Street on the night of the full moon." This incident appears to act as a deterrent for Morporkians against meddling with the occult or supernatural or doing something that is patently stupid.
Though it is never satisfactorily explained exactly what happened, in Jingo it is revealed that only his kidney and a few bones were found; in the game Discworld Noir his shop was used as a location for one of the murders. The shop found boarded up, deep investigation revealed that a local thespian from the Dysk theatre was eaten there.
Stanley Howler
Stanley Howler is one of the two remaining employees of the Ankh-Morpork Post Office prior to Moist von Lipwig being made Postmaster in the 18th Discworld novel, Going Postal.
Raised by peas (no further explanation is given), Stanley has a tendency towards obsessive behaviour, coupled with violent incidents (his 'little moments') when under stress. He used to be one of the more obsessive of Ankh-Morpork's large number of pin collectors (called 'pinheads'), to the point that all the other collectors thought he was "a bit weird about pins". Fortunately his liking for pins can be used to calm him down from his, as called in the books, 'Little Moments'.
However, following the events of Going Postal, in which the destruction of his collection coincided with the invention of the postage stamp, he redirected his obsession to stamp collecting and philately. Stanley's surname was not revealed in the book, but is given in various peripheral material relating to Discworld stamps. Stanley Howler is another example of parallel Discworld-Terrestrial history: on Earth, Stanley Gibbons is a company which publishes catalogues of stamps for collectors; the howler is a type of monkey, and the gibbon, like Unseen University's Librarian, is an ape.
In the TV adaptation of Going Postal, Stanley is played by Ian Bonar.
Hrun the Barbarian
In the first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic, Hrun appears as an archetypal fantasy barbarian: hulking and muscle-bound yet slow-witted, battle-prone, alcoholic, and fond of virgins. Hrun stole his magical talking sword, Kring, after a battle, but regrets it due to the sword's talkativeness.
He meets Rincewind in the lair of Bel Shamharoth and helps him escape. Near the Wyrmberg of the Dragonriders, he was captured by the curvaceous Liessa Dragonbidder and her dragon-riders. Liessa wanted Hrun to wrest rule of the Wyrmberg so she could become queen. Hrun's payment would be her hand in marriage. Hrun successfully defeats Liessa's brothers with his bare hands, but refuses to kill them because they are unconscious. Liessa agrees to banish them instead. Liessa strips naked before Hrun to see if his desire for her will be strong enough. Before he can accept, Rincewind and Twoflower, riding upon Twoflower's conjured dragon Ninereeds, snatch Hrun and fly away with him. Hrun is extremely displeased at having been denied both the lordship and Liessa. Twoflower faints and his dragon, which existed only through his willpower, disappears. All three passengers fall. Liessa catches Hrun from her own dragon, and then the couple share a passionate kiss.
Hrun's fate after this is unknown. Interesting Times states that he eventually became commander of the Watch in an unnamed city. This could imply that Hrun split up with Liessa.
Hrun also has some fame, because Twoflower gets very excited at the prospect of meeting Hrun the Barbarian.
Imp Y Celyn
In the 16th Discworld novel, Soul Music, Imp Y Celyn (Welsh: [ɪmp ə ˈkɛlɨ̞n], lit. 'Bud of the holly', a pun on "Buddy Holly") is a bard from the Cymric country of Llamedos who is possessed by "Music with Rocks in" and becomes the Disc's greatest musician under the name Buddy in the Band with Rocks In, along with Cliff and Glod. He dies in a cart crash.
The timeline was, however, eradicated when Death intervened, and Imp was last seen working in a fried-fish stall in Quirm, a reference to Kirsty MacColl's song "There's a Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He's Elvis". In the novel, several characters comment that he seems a bit "elvish".
In the animated adaptation of the novel, Imp was voiced by Andy Hockley, and he becomes a gardener at Susan's school; their interactions are rewritten throughout the adaptation to imply a developing romantic relationship.
Sergeant-Major Jack Jackrum
A character in the 31st Discworld novel, Monstrous Regiment, Jackrum is an immensely fat, hard-bitten Borogravian sergeant major with decades of military experience. He is known, either personally or by reputation, by practically every soldier in the Borogravian Army, and boasts that he is probably quite well known by the soldiers of the enemy armies too. Jackrum has, over the years, been the sergeant in command of (or under) a number of young soldiers who then rose up to the Army's high command, and thus wields considerable influence. It is stated on several occasions that Jackrum should have actually retired long ago, with his official resignation papers constantly following him around by mail, but he always finds some excuse to get out of them; at one point in the book, he resigns his commission so that he can brutally assault an enemy soldier without dealing with military protocol and is subsequently re-enlisted afterwards. Jackrum trains Polly Perks and gradually earns the respect of all the recruits.
When confronting the heads of the Borogravian army, Jackrum reveals (after asking the other two-thirds to depart the room) that almost a third of the commanders are women, whom he uncovered during his time in the army, something that became something of a hobby for the sergeant. Ironically, Jackrum turns out to be a woman as well, having joined the army in her youth along with her lover, who died in battle, leaving the young Jackrum pregnant, something that she covered up by taking her considerable accumulated leave. When the novel ends, Jackrum has reunited with her long-lost son on the advice of Polly, although she has apparently introduced herself as his father rather than his mother, on the grounds that a fat old woman showing up claiming to be his mother would just be an inconvenience, but a distinguished sergeant-major claiming to be his father would be something to be proud of.
Bloody Stupid Johnson
B.S. Johnson or Bergholdt Stuttley Johnson — better known by his epithet Bloody Stupid — who is an inept engineer and landscape artist. His notoriety is founded from a single-minded approach to his craft, best described as 'demented'. B.S. Johnson creates some of the Disc's most impressive, dangerous, and unusual works of architecture, art, and engineering: the Johnson Exploding Pagoda and a chiming sundial that explodes every other day around noon — this by-and-large is down to his blindness or lack of understanding of the fundamental units of measurement. His most famous housing project, Empirical Crescent, tends to drive residents insane.
At the outset of the Discworld series, B.S. Johnson while well-remembered, is thankfully long-deceased.
Juliet Stollop
In the 37th Discworld novel, Unseen Academicals, Juliet Stollop is stunningly beautiful and utterly empty-headed. She becomes a society sensation overnight as a supermodel.
A scion of a family of football hooligans, she falls in love with Trevor Likely — a Likely Lad — who supports an opposing team. Eventually, Trev joins a newly formed footballing league, and Juliet embarks on a new life as a wag and fashion model.
Kelirehenna, Princess / Queen of Sto Lat
Kelirehenna or Keli is the daughter of King Olerve the Bastard of the Sto Plains kingdom of Sto Lat, appearing in the fourth Discworld novel, Mort. She is the last person between the Duke of Sto Helit and the throne and she is saved from assassination by Mort, who found himself unable to allow her would-be assassin to kill her.
Originally the universe insisted that she should be dead, which meant that most people simply refused to acknowledge her existence unless she made her presence clear. With the assistance of Ignius Cutwell, a local wizard, she attempted to be crowned Queen in a fast-tracked coronation before the reality enveloping Sto Lat collapsed. However, after Death managed to sort out the alterations to the timeline with the Gods, she became Queen Kelirehenna I, Lord of Sto Lat, Protector of the Eight Protectorates and Empress of the Long Thin Debated Piece Hubwards of Sto Kerrig.
Queen Keli still ruled at the time of Soul Music, when she ejected the Band with Rocks In from the city by royal proclamation. Sto Lat still had a queen by the time of Going Postal, though she is not mentioned by name. If it is her, she would be the first person on the Disc other than the Patrician to have her face on a stamp. The last mention of Queen Keli comes from Raising Steam, when she is noted to be at the opening of the new Rail Line between Sto Lat and Ankh-Morpork
Keli was voiced by Alice Hart in the BBC Radio Four adaptation of Mort.
Lord Sir Harry King
One of Ankh-Morpork's most successful businessmen, Mr Harry King first appears in the 25th Discworld novel, The Truth, then in Making Money and Raising Steam, is referred to in Going Postal, and is briefly mentioned in Night Watch by Lu-Tze. He started out as a mudlark and developed his career from there. His core business is 'night soil' removal but he is also does rubbish collection and recycling. His basic philosophy is that there is nothing that someone will pay to have removed that someone else will not pay to acquire. The sign outside his yard reads "King of the Golden River, Recycling Nature's Bounty." This replaces, at his wife's insistence, the original: "H. King, taking the piss since 1961." His wife's name is Euphemia "Effie" King — his pet-name for her is 'Duchess' — and their daughters are Daphne and Herminone, who have made Harry King a grandfather.
"King of the Golden River," probably is not a reference to the River Ankh, brown from centuries of dumped sewage, but it may be a scatological reference, as suggested by the previous sign. It may also refer to the classic fairy tale of 1842 written by John Ruskin, particularly since the Ruskin work is written for Euphemia 'Effie' Gray, and may also possibly play on the mystical "King of the Silver River" character in the Shannara series by American writer Terry Brooks. Harry King employs most of the city's gnolls — who spend all their time picking up trash — never forgets a debtor, and needs to take two baths just to elevate himself to the rank of dirty.
Harry keeps ferocious mongrel guard dogs on his property. He would not "buy posh foreign dogs when he can buy the crossbreeds". Harry likes it when burglars break in, as he then does not have to feed the dogs.
In Snuff, Harry King is a knight. In Raising Steam, swayed by Dick Simnel's new steam engine, Harry provides the capital to build the "Ankh-Morpork and Sto Plains Hygienic Railway" when Simnel becomes romantically involved with Harry King's niece Emily King.
At the end of the book, King is raised to the peerage, again in another pun on his epithet.
Lavaeolus
The Discworld equivalent of Odysseus, Lavaeolus had the finest military mind in Klatch and realised that if there must be war, the aim should be to defeat the enemy as quickly and with as little bloodshed as possible. Few other military minds have been able to grasp this. He became a hero by ending the Tsortean Wars, bribing a cleaner to show him a secret passage into the citadel of Tsort. He is also had a long and perilous journey home after the war.
He appeared in the ninth Discworld novel, Faust Eric and is briefly mentioned in Pyramids.
Dr John 'Mossy' Lawn
In a city full of quacks, Dr Lawn is a skilled physician and surgeon of Ankh-Morpork. He first appeared in the 29th Discworld novel, Night Watch, as a backstreet 'pox doctor' to seamstresses.
He trained in Klatch, where he learned techniques that other Morporkian surgeons distrust, but he keeps patients alive to pay the bill. He gave free treatment to those who needed it, including those who had been tortured by the Cable Street Particulars. Quiet, if a tad sarcastic, and almost unshockable, he deals with nursing staff by throwing a handful of chocolates one way and running in the other.
After his successful delivery of Young Sam, Vimes gave him a large piece of land in the Goosegate area of the city. In Going Postal this is the Lady Sybil Free Hospital. He says that when he dies, he wants a bell on his gravestone so he can be free to not get up whenever people ring. Dr. Lawn is based on an actual retired GP of the same name in West Yorkshire.
Lewton
Lewton appears in the third Discworld computer game, Discworld Noir. Lewton, the Disc's first and only private investigator, is a former member of the City Watch, which banished him for taking a bribe. Sam Vimes had an unexplained grudge against him. Lewton fell in love with a female archaeologist named Ilsa and seemed happy. However, Ilsa left and Lewton, in a depression, spent countless days drinking and took the bribe that got him permanently barred from the Watch. A few years later, he started a new life as a private investigator, but rarely had any cases.
Lewton's life changed forever when Carlotta Von Uberwald came into his life. She used him to find Mundy (whom she said was her lover but was really an informant for her cult). After he discovered this, they argued, and Carlotta kissed and bit Lewton, turning him into a werewolf. Using his new wolf abilities, Lewton managed to stop Carlotta's cult and save Ankh-Morpork from a giant god of destruction.
Liessa Dragonlady
Liessa Dragonlady, is the daughter of the lord of the Wyrmberg, and leader of the dragon-riders appearing in the first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic. An archetypal fantasy barbarian woman, she has curves and chestnut-red hair, and wears almost nothing but a chainmail harness.
After successfully poisoning her father, a traditional mode of transfer of power in her family, she still cannot become lord of the Wyrmberg as a woman and faces intense rivalry from her two brothers. But a man she married would become lord of the Wyrmberg, and she could wield real power behind the throne. As she plans this, Rincewind, Twoflower, and Hrun the Barbarian pass nearby. Hrun interests Liessa, who sees in him a strong but slow-witted warrior. She tests him by trying to stab him in his sleep, but Hrun grabs her wrist and nearly breaks it. Convinced, she tells him that if he defeats her brothers she will marry him. Hrun puts her brothers out of commission but refuses to kill them. Liessa agrees to banish them instead and tells Hrun tenderly that she did not expect such mercy from him.
Liessa seems to have genuine feelings for Hrun but still has one more test for him. She strips naked to see how much passion he truly has for her, but before anything intimate can happen, Rincewind and Twoflower, riding the dragon Ninereeds, snatched Hrun up and fly away. Liessa summons her own dragon and pursues them. Ninereeds nearly outruns her but vanishes when Twoflower loses consciousness. Everyone falls. Liess catches Hrun, and they share a passionate kiss.
Liessa isn't seen or mentioned after this. Her kingdom probably did not survive, since in the later books, the barbarian way of life has all but vanished.
Karen David portrayed Liessa in the Easter 2008 Sky One adaptation of The Colour of Magic.
Lobsang Ludd
Appearing in the 26th Discworld novel, Thief of Time, Lobsang (born Newgate Ludd) was raised by the Ankh-Morpork Thieves' Guild, but discovered by Soto of the History Monks when Lobsang performed the Stance of the Coyote, to save his own life after he fell from off a roof, which would have killed him.
He was sent to and raised in the Temple, where he confounded his teachers by knowing too much without knowing how he knows it, and still not knowing what he knows it until he is asked a specific question. Eventually he is apprenticed to Lu-Tze after his teachers cannot teach him. Due to internal politics, the monks hoped they would 'break' one another.
Lu-Tze theorised that time's hold on Lobsang was 'loose'. For example, he could demonstrate a negative reaction time—moving towards something before it starts moving, though this theory eventually proved wrong. In this time he demonstrated several unique powers: he could sense the direction of a time disturbance, balance the load of time to less than a second after a Time Crash and reacting to the Mandala, a visual display of Time, and having it react to him. After the time crash, he goes into the world to stop the second Glass Clock being constructed by his then-unknown temporal double, Jeremy Clockson, under the pretext of learning the Way of Mrs Cosmopilite.
After time stopped he made his own time, and paired up with Susan Sto Helit to stop the Clock. He finds out about his 'brother' (who is actually him but having led a different life), and, after they touch, they combine; it is then revealed that he is the son of Wen the Eternally Surprised and the personification of Time. After fusing with Jeremy, Lobsang inherits Time's powers and eventually takes over her role. Even before these events, Death could not see him, and he lives outside the influence of Death.
At the end of Thief of Time he shares a 'perfect moment' with Susan, who is also a human who inherited qualities from an anthropomorphic personification. Lobsang inherited his powers directly from his parents, whereas Susan, inherited hers indirectly from her foster grandparent, Death. But unlike Susan, who is mostly human, Lobsang is 'mostly not' human — he has the mindset and 'infuriating smile' of a god, and thinks in 18 dimensions — he claims that even seeing in only four is hard, and that makes it hard to maintain a solid form. His incarnation of Jeremy had romantic inclinations toward Myria LeJean, the first embodied Auditor, who shared his feelings but was unable to express it and thus committed suicide with a 10,000-gallon vat of chocolate at the end of Thief of Time.
Lu-Tze
Lu-Tze first appeared in the 13th Discworld novel, Small Gods, as a minor but crucial character described as follows:
People, to whom Lu-Tze was a vaguely glimpsed figure behind a very slow broom, would have been surprised at his turn of speed, especially in a man six thousand years old, who ate nothing but brown rice and drank only green tea with a knob of rancid butter in it.
His name is an allusion to the Chinese legendary figure Laozi, the sage to whom the Tao Te Ching is attributed. He is one of the History Monks and spends much of the novel in the background, disguised as a simple sweeper. He also deliberately changes the course of history because he did not like the way things 'should' go, replacing a horrific war with a century of peace.
Lu-Tze comes to the fore in a more substantial role in the 26th Discworld novel, Thief of Time, in which we learn that he is not a monk at all, but 'merely' a sweeper at the Monastery of Oi-Dong. The lack of a formal title, in fact, gives him fewer restrictions than his contemporaries. In fact, he uses the same trick (that no-one notices a sweeper) in the monastery as he does when out in the world, and has learnt as much about the nature of time as some of the higher monks simply by tidying up the classrooms. Everyone knows Lu-Tze's name as one of the best monks on the field, but few realise who he actually is. He is generally referred to just as 'Sweeper'. This is in part a reference to Martin, the pessimist philosopher and sweeper in Voltaire's Candide.
He is exceptional at martial arts when he needs to be and is the only known master of 'déjà fu', in which the hands move in time as well as space. This is best described as "the feeling you've been kicked in the head this way before". Generally, he relies on the fact that no-one notices a sweeper, a well-honed ability to talk his way out of anything, and 'Rule One', which states "Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men", since such a person is almost always a highly trained martial artist due to the Disc's law of narrative causality. It is the opinion of many that Lu-Tze uses Rule One to bluff his way out of trouble, but, if necessary, he can prove it is no bluff. He does this towards the end of Thief of Time by defeating Lobsang Ludd — then incarnated as the personification of Time — in a fair fight, in front of a crowd of higher monks. As he said, "Def'nitely give the ol' Rule One a fillip."
Lu-Tze also appears in Night Watch, Unseen Academicals, and Raising Steam in significant cameo roles. A sweeper is also referenced in The Fifth Elephant and Going Postal.
He is a devout follower of The Way of Mrs Cosmopilite, a way of life of his own devising which he created after lodging with Marietta Cosmopilite in Ankh-Morpork, some of which is explained in more detail in Lu-Tze's Yearbook of Enlightenment.
Ly Tin Wheedle
Ly is arguably the greatest philosopher on the Disc, although he is usually the one arguing for this. He comes from the Counterweight Continent, home of Rincewind's friend Twoflower. In his home country he is regarded as a great sage because of his peculiar smell, and his many sayings advocating respect for the old and the virtues of poverty are frequently quoted by the rich and elderly. He is first mentioned in The Colour of Magic.
In addition to social philosophy, Ly is also a proponent of natural philosophy. When the philosophical community came to the conclusion that distance was an illusion and all places were in fact the same place, Ly was the philosopher to make the famed conclusion that although all places were in fact the same place, that place was very big. He has also theorised on the physical underpinnings of monarchy, explaining royal succession by use of a particle known as a Kingon (or possibly Queon), musing about the possibility of a communications system based upon the systematic torture of a monarch (although at this point, he had been "thrown out of the bar").
Miss Iodine Maccalariat
Miss Maccalariat is a receptionist in the 33rd Discworld novel, Going Postal, whose voice is like that of the worst of schoolteachers.
Magrat Garlick
Further information: Magrat GarlickOne-time witch and now Queen of Lancre.
Mortimer, Duke of Sto Helit
Mortimer — shortened to Mort and so linking him to his master Death — is the title character in the fourth Discworld novel, Mort. He is first seen as the over-thoughtful son of a farmer in the Octarine Grass Country, near the Ramtops. Having proved himself unworthy as a scarecrow, he is chosen by Death to be his apprentice. Mort is described as being very tall and skinny, with muscles like knots in string. He has a shock of bright red hair, and walks as if he is made entirely of knees.
Mort starts off at the bottom, learning to accept his position while mucking out the stables, and trying to ignore Ysabell, Death's adopted daughter. When Death feels in need of a break, Mort is charged with taking over The Duty. Unfortunately for Mort, his feelings for Keli, the teenage princess of Sto Lat get in the way of his job, and he starts off a chain reaction of events by impulsively preventing her assassination. Reluctant to tell his master about his complete cock up, Mort tries various, more and more extreme, unsuccessful methods to rectify the situation. This culminates with taking Keli out of the Disc, whereupon Death brings the fiasco to an end. After fighting a duel with and losing to his master, Mort is given an extra lease of life when the Grim Reaper chooses to turn over his Lifetimer, thus allowing Mort to stay in the world of the living.
After the events of Mort, Mort leaves Death's service and marries Ysabell. The couple are given the titles of Duke and Duchess of Sto Helit, and later also become the parents of Susan Sto Helit. They subsequently meet their end after a freak accident that sends their carriage plunging into a ravine, as revealed in the opening of Soul Music. They had discussed this with Death and had turned down his offer to extend the duration of their existence on the ground that it would not be the same as actually lengthening their lives.
In The Light Fantastic, Rincewind overhears Twoflower teaching the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse — Death, Famine, Pestilence and War — how to play bridge. At one point, War refers to Death as "Mort" but we later learn that the only people in the room (other than Twoflower), were Death, Famine, Pestilence, and War ('mort' is 'death' in Quirmian/French). The name is very probably the reason as to why Death chose Mort as his apprentice.
In the Cosgrove Hall animation of Soul Music, Mort is voiced by Neil Morrissey. In 2004 BBC Radio 4 adapted Mort, with the title character being voiced by Carl Prekopp and Ysabell by Clare Corbett.
Mort is included in Wayne Barlowe's Barlowe's Guide to Fantasy.
Nijel the Destroyer
Nijel the Destroyer, son of Harebut the Provision Merchant, is a would-be barbarian hero, appearing in the fifth Discworld novel, Sourcery.
Nijel meets Rincewind in a snake pit and they escape together. He falls in love with Conina — a barbarian heroine who wants to be a hairdresser, but cannot due to her genes — at first sight, and she with him.
He is a clerk who wants to be a Barbarian Hero and is currently half-way through a book on the subject, which includes a table of wandering monsters and tends to resemble a Dungeons & Dragons manual. In addition to the standard loincloth, Nijel wears woollen long underwear — his mother insisted.
Olaf Quimby II
A past Patrician of Ankh-Morpork referred to in the second Discworld novel, The Light Fantastic, Olaf Quimby was noted for his interest in honest and accurate descriptions as well as proper standards for everything, particularly metaphor. As Patrician, he used his power to enforce laws against creative exaggeration in writing. For example, no bard was allowed to say of a hero that "all men spoke of his prowess" on pain of death; he should instead add that some people spoke ill of the hero and that still others did not know of him at all. Similarly, the phrase "her face launched a thousand ships" could only be used to describe a beautiful woman if relevant shipyard records were produced or, failing that, evidence that the woman's face resembled a champagne bottle.
As far as standardization was concerned, Quimby instituted the Ankh-Morpork Bureau of Measurements, in which is kept the standardized Blunt Stick (originally a Sharp one was on display as well, but very few things were found worse than a poke in the eye with it), the recipe for the Pie that It May be As Nice As, Two Short Planks, and the stone used in the original Moss-Gathering Trials. This Bureau is maintained by the current Patrician, Lord Havelock Vetinari, on the grounds that the sort of people whose minds work like this ought to be kept busy, or they might do anything.
Quimby's reign ended when he was killed by a disgruntled poet during an experiment to test the truth of the saying "The pen is mightier than the sword". In his memory, it was amended to read: "The pen is mightier than the sword only if the sword is very small and the pen is very sharp".
It has been noted that many Ankh-Morporkians tend to have a certain literal mindedness. It is not known if this is the result of Quimby's rule, or simply a natural trait that reached its peak in him.
Rosemary Palm
Rosie Palm is the head of the Guild of 'Seamstresses' — actually prostitutes — first appearing in the eighth Discworld novel, Guards! Guards!, though first mentioned of in the third Discworld novel, Equal Rites.
Her establishment is used as a place to stay by Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg in Maskerade — on the recommendation of 'Nev' Ogg, though Granny Weatherwax had stayed at Mrs Palm's establishment previously with Esk in Equal Rites — as well as by Lance-Constable Carrot on first settling in Ankh-Morpork (in Guards! Guards!).
Mrs Palm was considered almost a witch by Granny. Her character also appears in Night Watch in her younger days.
Her name is a play on the saying "a date with Rosie Palms," a slang term for masturbation.
Rosemary Palm is similar to real-life brothel owner, Lou Graham, whose employees were officially accredited as 'seamstresses'.
Polly Perks
Polly Perks is the protagonist in the 31st Discworld novel, Monstrous Regiment. A Borogravian girl of 16 who joined the army under the name Oliver Perks in order to rescue her brother Paul and save her family's inn. She chose her false name, Oliver, because it corresponded with the folksong "Sweet Polly Oliver", which is about a girl running off to join the army. As a member of the Cheesemongers, Private 'Ozzer' Perks serves with the colourful Sergeant-Major Jack Jackrum, a reformed vampire named Maladict, a troll called Carborundum, an Igor, and a few even stranger people, who are, in fact, all women in disguise.
By the end of the book, Polly becomes a seasoned soldier, and it turns out, not the important one in the unit. At the end of the book, Polly leaves the army, but rejoins as a sergeant when Borogravia is invaded again.
Mr Pin
Mr Pin is the brains of the New Firm, with Mr Tulip's brawn, a duo of interloping criminals in The Truth freshly arrived in Ankh-Morpork. In general Mr Pin makes the plans and decides where they are going to go and what they are going to do, but he is open to suggestions from his partner. Both men can become violent, but Mr Pin's violence is more directed and instrumental. The background of Mr Pin is much more vague than his partner, Mr Tulip.
After having an iconograph taken of him by Otto Chriek using dark light (light on the opposite side of darkness), Mr Pin experiences guilt and extreme paranoia for the various crimes committed by the New Firm. He comes to a rather sticky end when he is impaled by the desk spike of William de Worde in the offices of The Ankh-Morpork Times after being trapped in a cellar with molten lead raining from the ceiling as the building burned, killing Mr Tulip to use his body as a raft and to steal his potato (which he believed granted its possessor a path to reincarnation). Mr Pin is then reincarnated into a potato resembling his face in a look of surprise, which is chipped and deep fried.
Mr Pin and Mr Tulip are very similar in many respects to Messrs Croup and Vandemar, a violent duo in Neverwhere, written by Neil Gaiman. The two authors have collaborated before in Good Omens, and sometimes make reference to each other's works. However, Pratchett has denied any conscious reference in this case.
It is possible that Mr Pin and Mr Tulip are taken as analogues of the Marvel Comics characters, the Kingpin and the Rose, organised crime figures, or Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield from 'Pulp Fiction'.
Pteppicymon XXVIII (Teppic)
His Greatness the King Teppicymon XXVIII, Lord of the Heavens, Charioteer of the Wagon of the Sun, Steersman of the Barque of the Sun, Guardian of the Secret Knowledge, Lord of the Horizon, Keeper of the Way, the Flail of Mercy, the High-Born One, the Never-Dying King of Djelibeybi — lit. 'Child of the Djel', the Disc's version of Egypt — is the protagonist of the seventh Discworld novel, Pyramids.
Teppic, as a young prince, is the first king to leave the kingdom, where he was trained at the Ankh-Morpork Assassins' Guild. He passed his final exam by a fluke, having already decided he was not going to kill anyone.
His cosmopolitan nature clashed with the hidebound traditions of the ancient kingdom and the even more hidebound high priest Dios, and after saving Djelibeybi from destruction and shaking up its traditions, he abdicated, leaving the throne to his half-sister Ptraci I.
Ptraci I
Queen Ptraci I of Djelibeybi is Teppic's half-sister and successor. A former handmaiden and favourite of her father, she was originally condemned to death for not voluntarily dying in order to serve the previous king in the afterlife — effectively on Dios's orders as Teppic wished to grant her clemency.
The Djelibeybian priests thought she would be easy to control as the new queen. They turned out to be very wrong. Like her half-brother she is keen to get in some decent plumbing. She appears in Pyramids; by the end of the novel she is enthusiastically embracing many of the stranger regimens, such as bathing in ass's milk, favoured by Cleopatra.
Mustrum Ridcully
Mustrum Ridcully is the current archchancellor, assumed the post in Moving Pictures and held it for the rest of the novels. Unlike his predecessors, Ridcully seems to have had a very successful and, above all, injury-free career as Archchancellor. He finally put a halt to the traditional method of promotion simply by being indestructible. This is related to his habit of springing up behind would-be assassins, shouting loudly at them and banging their head repeatedly in the door. He is also known as Ridcully the Brown (a possible reference to 'Radagast the Brown' from Lord of the Rings).
When he became archchancellor, he had not been seen at the university for forty years. Having become a Seventh Level Wizard at the exceptionally young age of twenty-seven, he left to look after his family's land. He loves hunting, owns several crossbows and is much given to using the corridors of Unseen University as a shooting range. He was a Rowing Brown for the university in his youth (a parodic reference to the Blue at Oxford and Cambridge Universities).
Since wizards traditionally favour sports such as Competitive Eating and Extreme Napping, other wizards find him very tiring to be around. He is not stupid but finds it very difficult to deal with unexpected information. He generally ignores it until it goes away or becomes someone else's problem. He holds the view that if someone is still trying to explain something to him after about two minutes, it must be worth listening to and if they give up earlier, it was not worth bothering him with in the first place.
Ridcully showed the occasional flash of magical skill. In Moving Pictures, the Bursar was surprised to discover Ridcully's adeptness at using a magic mirror, which, like most Discworld scrying devices, is hard to steer. In Soul Music Ridcully improvises, at short notice and with minimal assistance, a slimmed-down version of the rite of AshkEnte to summon Death (though what he got was Susan, Death's granddaughter – not because the Rite was less effective, however; the plot of the novel was to do with Susan taking over Death's job). It is also implied that he has some degree of practical magic knowledge – instead of using a 'thaumometer' (a device that gives a numerical measurement of a magic field's strength), he licks a finger and notes the colour and size of the small spark it gives off in the air (The Last Continent). He also tends to be more practical than most of his fellow wizards such as when he revives Mr Teatime by the expedient action of hitting him on the chest before any of his fellow wizards could whip up a spell.
He gets on best with Ponder Stibbons. He never seems to understand what Ponder is saying and Ponder never expects him to, but the young man is at least doing something, more than can be said for the others. He is also quite fond of the Librarian, dismissing a rather snide question about whether it's appropriate for UU's librarian to be an ape with the response, "... he's the only one of you buggers who's awake more'n an hour a day". He also gets along with Watch Commander Samuel Vimes, despite the latter's legendary dislike of magic, as they share the belief that the most important thing about magic is knowing when not to use it.
His father was a butcher (Unseen Academicals) and his brother is Hughnon Ridcully, High Priest of Blind Io and Ankh-Morpork's religious spokesman. While priests and wizards are traditionally at odds due to philosophical differences, neither Ridcully is of a particularly philosophical frame of mind and they tend to ignore this.
In Lords and Ladies we learn he had a relationship with a young Esme Weatherwax, some fifty years before he become Archchancellor. The book suggests that in one of the many parallel universes adjacent to the one on which the Discworld novels take place, Ridcully and Esme Weatherwax are married and have children; though it also implies that they were all probably killed by the Queen of the Elves. He is deeply affected by her death (The Shepherd's Crown).
In the Cosgrove Hall animation of Soul Music he was voiced by Graham Crowden. In 2007's mini-series adaptation of Hogfather he was played by Joss Ackland and in the 2010 adaptation of Going Postal he was portrayed by Timothy West.
Ronald Rust
Lord Rust is an Ankh-Morpork nobleman who first appears in 15th Discworld novel, Men At Arms, in which he is one of the nobles who does not take seriously d'Eath's proposal of restoring the Ankh-Morpork monarchy by installing Captain Carrot as King. In this novel he seems to have keen political instincts; it is stated that the Rusts have survived by not being romantic.
Lord Rust makes more sizeable appearances in Jingo and Night Watch, wherein he appears over-bred and arrogant; a brief subsequent appearance in Monstrous Regiment suggests he still has some of the intelligence of his earlier portrayal. Lord Rust's most defining characteristic, along with his arrogance, is his unsurpassed military and strategic incompetence (or, at least, his ability to achieve goals only by simultaneously sustaining devastating losses; he is described as operating on the theory that a battle was a glorious victory if enemy casualties outnumber friendly casualties, coupled with the inexplicable ability to be repeatedly chosen to command large armies and similar organizations, hence his description as "The god's gift to the enemy, any enemy, and a walking advertisement for desertion." He is ridiculously brave, often simply charging while the weapons just miss him, every time. Also notable is his method of dealing with unpleasant occurrences. He simply mentally edits them out. In Snuff, he is portrayed as an elderly man in a wheelchair, with a sunken look. His son, Gravid, is an entrepreneur involved in a scheme in which goblins are captured in the Shires (a border region between Ankh-Morpork and Quirm) and enslaved on Howondaland tobacco plantations with the resultant cigars and snuff (as well as assorted troll narcotics) being smuggled into Ankh-Morpork; after this was discovered, Gravid is disinherited and exiled to Fourecks.
Mr Salzella
Salzella is the Director of Music at the Ankh-Morpork Opera House in Maskerade, most notable for an absolute hatred of opera. He embezzles money and murders the people who find out, blaming the murders on the Opera Ghost.
Salzella is eventually found out and proves to be just as 'infected' with operatic romanticism as everyone else in the building. Due to the Discworld's rather literal adherence to the laws of narrative convention, this is not an entirely mental issue: he is killed in an extremely operatic duel with the Ghost and spends two pages on a final monologue before keeling over. He only had a sword theatrically thrust under his armpit, but, according to the witches present, failed to notice this.
Seldom Bucket
Seldom Bucket was a big man in cheese production in Ankh-Morpork, but who, just prior to the events in Maskerade, purchases the Ankh-Morpork Opera House. He is obsessed with making money from the Opera and is horrified to learn how expensive seemingly trivial items (such as ballet shoes and musical instruments) can be.
When he starts to hear about the strange murders being committed by the 'Opera Ghost', his first concern is how expensive the murder might prove to be, though he does acknowledge the seriousness of the event as well. His relationship with Mr Salzella is one of mutual distrust and Mr Bucket has no time for Salzella's dry wit and humour, especially when Salzella is making crude comments about people having been hanged.
Mr Slant
Mr Slant is the president of the Guild of Lawyers, a position that he has held for a long time owing to his being a zombie. He is also one of the three founding and senior partners of Morecombe, Slant, & Honeyplace, Ankh Morpork's leading legal practice. Considering that Mr Slant is a zombie and that Mr Morecombe and Honeyplace are both vampires, they are old enough to have been around when many laws were first written up. Promotion is also an unlikely prospect in the firm. He is the undisputed head of any legal action in the city and is one of the major members of the civil council. But Mr Slant has also been involved in more sinister affairs. He has attempted to aid in deposing Lord Vetinari from power several times, but only through serving other clients and not from an actual desire of his own to depose of Vetinari.
He became a zombie after having been convicted of a crime and decapitated but, since he defended himself, refuses to pass on until his descendants pay the legal fees.
Lord Snapcase
The Patrician who came to power after Lord Winder following the Glorious Revolution of the Twenty-Fifth of May. Also known as Mad or Psychoneurotic Lord Snapcase. During his reign, he was considered "eccentric" rather than mad by the upper classes, but he is now known by most Morporkians, including the nobles, as the Mad Lord. He was sadistic, and extremely fond of torture, much like his predecessor.
Lord Snapcase was succeeded by Lord Havelock Vetinari. There are very few historical records of Lord Snapcase's tyranny. This may be because of Snapcase's mental disorder, which caused him to be very secretive while trying to spy on everyone else.
His obsession with his own security left him no time to govern or affect history. His one recorded act (The Colour of Magic) was to direct the Assassins' Guild to "inhume" the tourist Twoflower at the request of the Grand Vizier of the Agatean Empire, contrary to the orders of the Emperor; the attempt failed. In Men at Arms, he was mentioned as having a cruet set designed by "Bloody Stupid" Johnson (where, due to Johnson's ineptitude with geometry meant that they are used as storage silos), and in Feet of Clay, he was mentioned to have made his horse a city councillor.
Wallace Sonky
Wallace Sonky, an Ankh-Morpork tradesman who owns Sonky's Rubber Goods, and makes Sonky's Preventatives. His "sonkies", as they are known, sell for a penny a packet. Vimes considers him a saint, because without Sonky, the overpopulation and housing problems in Ankh-Morpork would be even more dire.
He manufactures a replica of the Scone of Stone in The Fifth Elephant then dies in an industrial accident. He is known to have had a brother in Überwald and appears briefly in Night Watch.
Ponder Stibbons
Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic, Praelector and Reader in Invisible Writings, the Master of Traditions, the Camerlengo of Unseen University, and, among yet other positions, keeper of Hex, the university's computer, Ponder Stibbons fulfills the role of the one person in the organisation who knows what's going on.
Originally portrayed as an obsessive geeky student who passed the university's graduation exam because he was allowed to take the test paper of the absent slacker genius, Victor Tugelbend, — which consisted solely of the question "What is your name?" — after a mishap with his own, he would become the head of the students whose experiments with High-Energy Magic would lead to the creation of Hex, and eventually a member of the Faculty where the more senior members generally treat him as the odd-jobs man. Of course, at this point he's effectively the only person who can get anything done (often without the consent of the other Faculty members) and the right-hand man of Archchancellor Ridcully.
In The Science of Discworld, Stibbons led the project to "split the thaum" (the magical equivalent of the atom). It is revealed in Unseen Academicals that, due to the number of positions he holds — because somebody has to — Stibbons has accumulated sufficient votes to technically control the University Council — causing the Archchancellor to remark "Didn't anyone notice you were getting all this power?" His entry in The New Discworld Companion states: "originally rather lazy by nature, he seems to have blossomed to become the youngest and most depressingly keen member of the faculty ... as one of the few wizards at the University with his head screwed on in any fashion, he appears, quite against his will, to be in the front line."
He doesn't support the theory of a beard as a sign of knowledge because he has been unable to grow one himself. In the film version of Hogfather he is portrayed by Ed Coleman.
Corporal Strappi
Corporal Strappi is a character in Monstrous Regiment, a thin, shouty soldier who loves to terrorize new recruits. Partway through the book he disappears with a lot of the Regiments's personal possessions. Sergeant Jackrum correctly suspects that Corporal Strappi is not what he seems; the end of Monstrous Regiment reveals him as a 'political', an officer who informs on other soldiers, who holds the rank of Captain.
Susan Sto Helit
Main article: Susan Sto HelitSusan is the Duchess of Sto Helit and the granddaughter of Death.
Captain Findthee Swing
Captain Swing is the head of the Unmentionables in the Ankh-Morpork of the past of Night Watch. Swing attempted to control crime by ordering all weapons confiscated, reasoning a decline in crime figures would follow, but failed to acknowledge that criminals do not obey the law and greatly enjoy a lack of weapons in a society.
He is described as a thin, balding man in a long, old-fashioned black coat with large pockets who supports himself on an opera cane, in reality a poorly concealed swordstick. Swing moves and speaks in an erratic, jumpy fashion, in bursts and sputters rather than a continuous flow of movement or sound. He is, however, a skilled swordsman, who does not resort to flashy swashbuckling, but actually attacks his opponent.
Swing carries with him a large set of calipers and a steel ruler, to measure the facial characteristics of those he meets, to determine their personal traits (phrenology). The reliability of the paradigm is questionable; it says that Vimes has the eye of a mass murderer (Vimes says he indeed does... in his other suit).
Vimes kills him during the fire at the Unmentionables' headquarters. He tries to apply phrenology to determine Death's character, but finds that Death has no characteristics he can measure.
The name Captain Swing has long been associated with civil unrest, being the pseudonym of the (possibly mythical) leader of the Swing Riots.
Tacticus
General Callus Tacticus was a soldier of the Ankh-Morpork Empire, and is widely proclaimed to be the greatest general of all time. In fact, on the Discworld the word 'tactics' was derived from his name. He has been dead for nearly 2000 years by the start of the Discworld series. In Jingo his name is given as Gen. A. Tacticus. In Wintersmith, however, his first name is given as Callus.
Tacticus conquered a large area of the Discworld, both around the city of Ankh-Morpork and well into the rimward continent of Klatch. The ruined fortress city of Tacticum, located in the Klatchian desert, is encountered in Jingo. Since his campaigns were as expensive as they were effective, the rulers of Ankh-Morpork tried to get rid of Tacticus in a respectful and appropriate way. When at one point the far-flung city of Genua, whose royal family had interbred itself into extinction (the last king having tried to continue the royal bloodline with himself), asked Ankh-Morpork for a Duke, Tacticus was promoted and sent there. Immediately upon becoming a Genuan citizen, he evaluated the question of the greatest military threat posed by any single other nation. Tacticus therefore declared war on Ankh-Morpork, which (it is implied) was the reason why Ankh-Morpork lost its large empire.
When Vimes got a copy of Tacticus' autobiography from the Librarian, he formulated a characteristically cynical opinion as to why Tacticus, although respected, was not much liked by history: Tacticus did not get a huge number of his men killed by his own arrogance and incompetence. Snippets of Tacticus' advice turns up in various Discworld chronicles, and it can be gathered that he was a very realistic, down-to-earth general. For example, the section of his autobiography entitled "What to Do When One Army Occupies a Well-Fortified Fortress on Superior Ground and the Other Does Not" begins with the sentence "Endeavour to be the one inside." Another good example of Tacticus' sense of pragmatism would be his maxim "It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country. This means that both he and you have exactly the same aim in mind."
Tawneee
Tawneee (pronounced with each "e" as a separate syllable) is an exotic dancer, introduced in Thud! Tawneee is, in fact, merely her stage name; her real name is Betty. She is Nobby Nobbs's girlfriend for most of the book; they met when Nobby caught her eye while slipping an IOU into her garter belt. The fact that she is Nobby's girlfriend is somewhat shocking considering his barely human appearance and her incredibly stunning good looks. However, her looks make her unapproachable, as all men have considered her out of their league; Nobby only asked because he was so used to rejection he would have simply regarded it as just another day. Despite her profession, she is as humble as a caterpillar, and has about as much brains. She was completely innocent about sex, and was completely unaware that her job could be considered "acting like a floozy"; in the end, Angua and Sally explain the facts of, well, everything. Meanwhile, Nobby considers letting her down gently because she did not know her way around a kitchen.
Jonathan Teatime
Jonathan Teatime — the surname pronounced: tee-ah-tim-ee — is an assassin of singular ability, for which he gained a scholarship to become a student at the Assassins' Guild of Ankh-Morpork to develop these skills, who is considered peculiar and induces discomfort in his contemporaries at the Guild. He has a reputation for ruthlessness and creative solutions with the singular ability of being able to conceive of ways of inhuming or killing immortal and deathless beings, such as spirits and deities.
In the 20th Discworld novel, Hogfather, he is recruited by the Auditors of Reality to inhume or assassinate the Hogfather — the Spirit of Hogswatchnight — who represents the last day of the Discworld's year and the coming of the New Year.
Theda Withel
Ginger or Theda Withel is a Holy Wood actress in the tenth Discworld novel, Moving Pictures. Using the name Delores De Syn, she starred in several movies with Victor Tugelbend, usually as the maiden to be rescued.
She is descended from the High Priestess of Holy Wood, and while sleeping, she was repeatedly possessed by an unknown force, possibly the priestess. This force used Ginger to attempt to awaken the Holy Wood guardian, which would have put a stop to the Holy Wood magic and prevented the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions from breaking through to the Discworld. Her name is a reference to Theda Bara.
Trevor Likely
Trev is a worker at the Unseen University's candle vats, though he seldom does any work, leaving most of it to the affable goblin (actually orc) Mr Nutt. Instead, he prefers to kick a tin can around, something at which he has gained an almost magical proficiency. Although seemingly destined for the game of football, he refuses to play, on account of his Mum, who saw his father, the only player to score four goals in a career, die during a game. But his mind begins to slowly change after an encounter with the lovely Juliet Stollop, and after the tactical substitution of the ball with a tin can, scores the winning goal in the inaugural game of the new football league. Appears in the book Unseen Academicals.
Daniel "One Drop" Trooper
The Ankh-Morpork official Hangman and executioner, Trooper specialises in Death by Hanging; his skill with a noose allows him to simulate an execution but leave the victim alive, as he did with Moist von Lipwig at the behest of Lord Vetinari. He supplements his official stipend, and plans for his retirement, by selling short lengths of the hanging ropes used in particularly interesting cases — such as the "Albert Spangler" execution — often signed by the victims themselves. Mr Trooper believes his work deters crime, since he never sees criminals more than once.
Mr Tulip
Mr Tulip is, along with Mr Pin, a member of the New Firm, a duo of interloping criminals in The Truth. He is something of a contradiction: a remorseless killer with the refined soul of a true fine-art connoisseur. He is differentiated from a common criminal by his habit of removing works of art from houses before committing arson, the ability to distinguish between priceless works of art and common forgeries, an encyclopaedic knowledge of hundreds of years of great artists and artisans and their works, and a refusal to use any artworks as blunt weapons or to profit from their ultimate destruction. He would not, for example, use a candlestick to knock someone out cold or steal it for its silver content. He is the muscle of the New Firm and, though an instinctive killer, recognises Mr Pin's cognitive skills and leaves the thinking to him. He also suffers a mild speech impediment, continually causing him to insert "—ing" mid-sentence, (the suffix of an action verb without the verb itself), that appears to be in lieu of swearing, but is a mocking dig at censorship. His primary skill in the New Firm is the application of his apparently unlimited supply of unspecific anger; Tulip has turned mindless violence into an art form.
Mr Tulip has a tendency to buy and consume anything sold in little bags in an attempt to acquire drugs. These tend to be rather common inert items such as chalk, pickles, and corned-beef sandwiches. The few times he's actually acquired real narcotics, they have been suitable only for trolls.
It is hinted that Mr Tulip's past was dark and fearful, a place that even Mr Tulip is afraid to remember. The place where he lived had been in the middle of a war zone. At the last, even their own soldiers were killing farmers, desperate to find any food.
He also has a superstition that those who die while holding a potato will be reincarnated. This belief, which is quite firm, is based on hearing his grandmother saying, during a famine, "You will be alright if you have your potato." He is killed by Mr Pin near the end of the novel and used for a life raft as molten lead flows around the pair. Unfortunately, Mr Pin also steals his potato shortly before killing him, but Mr Tulip manages to retain the memory of a potato in the afterlife. Death, perplexed at the concept of a soul having a strong but completely vague belief, allows him to reincarnate as a woodworm. His final thought in the novel is, 'This is —ing good wood!"
Twoflower
Twoflower is a native of the Agatean Empire, on the Counterweight Continent, living in the major sea port of Bes Pelargic where he works as an "inn-sewer-ants" clerk where he calculates the level of insurance premiums. The first tourist ever on the Discworld, he wrote "What I did on my Holidays" after his return to the Empire.
He is described as having four eyes by a beggar at the docks early in the events in first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic, who "found himself looking up into a face with four eyes", implying he actually wears glasses, although Josh Kirby's dust jacket illustrations for The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic shows him with four eyes. He also wears dentures, a concept that inspires Cohen the Barbarian to have a set made for himself made out of trolls' teeth, which are made of diamond.
His adventures begin in The Colour of Magic, when he decides to visit the city of Ankh-Morpork, where he meets the inept wizard Rincewind whom he hires as a guide. Throughout the first two novels, he is followed by the Luggage, a homicidally vicious travel chest which moves on hundreds of little legs, carrying his belongings.
Twoflower is an ever optimistic, but naïve tourist. He often runs into danger, being certain that nothing bad will happen to him since he is not involved. He also believes in the fundamental goodness of human nature and that all problems can be resolved, if all parties show good will and cooperate. Rincewind, of course, remains immovably convinced that Twoflower's IQ is comparable to that of a pigeon. He has no understanding of the Agatean/Ankh-Morpork currency exchange rate and often overpays, primarily because even the smallest denomination of Agatean coin is made of pure gold, and, thus, often pays for small items and minor services with enough wealth to buy a sizable fraction of the city. However, he introduces the concept of insurance to Ankh-Morpork (in particular to the landlord of the Broken Drum, which would prove fortunate as the city and tavern were both consumed by flame — albeit not entirely by accident — the policy allowed the Broken Drum to be rebuilt as the Mended Drum.
Twoflower also has a rich imagination as he is able to summon a dragon through his mind. The dragon, which he calls "Ninereeds" after his unimaginative master when he was apprenticed as a clerk, is very obedient to him. With the help of Ninereeds, he rescues Rincewind and escapes the Wyrmberg.
The book relating his journey across the Discworld is considered a revolutionary pamphlet in his native land as it is traditionally believed (and officially decreed) that the world outside of the Empire is a hellish wasteland populated by "bloodsucking vampire ghosts", resulting in him being imprisoned in the Forbidden City. It is revealed that he is a father and a widower; his wife died after tax collectors attacked Bes Pelargic, with his recollections of the event being the only times he has displayed anger. He attempts to avenge her by challenging the Grand Vizier Lord Hong to a duel. At the end of the novel Interesting Times he was promoted to the rank of Grand Vizier of the Empire, under Emperor Cohen. It is not known if he still holds the position following Cohen's disappearance (as told in The Last Hero) but the Discworld Atlas states that the Agatean Empire has, in that time, become the 'People's Beneficial Republic of Agatea', headed by a chairman.
He appears in the books The Colour of Magic, The Light Fantastic and Interesting Times and in the computer game NetHack as the quest leader for the tourist class. He is played by Sean Astin (alongside David Jason as Rincewind) in the two-part television adaptation.
Verence II of Lancre
King Verence II of Lancre first appears in the sixth novel of the series, Wyrd Sisters, as the court jester of the monarch of Lancre, Duke Felmet. He was previously the Fool to King Verence I, as his father and grandfather were before him. Over the course of the book, the Fool meets and falls in love with Magrat Garlick and stands up to the Duke, admitting he saw the murder of Verence I. At the end of the book Verence I's hidden heir, Tomjon, rejects the throne. Nanny Ogg then tells everyone that the Fool is Tomjon's older half-brother. It is assumed that this means he is the son of the elder Fool's wife and Verence I, and he is duly crowned Verence II. However, given how well the Queen got on with the elder Fool, there is another interpretation.
In Lords and Ladies Verence and Magrat finally marry. Verence had gone through much of the story subtly trying to deal with a major problem, namely that he was not quite sure how to actually consummate the marriage. He ordered a book on the subject ("The one with the woodcuts,") from Ankh-Morpork, only to discover (in what would have otherwise been a horribly embarrassing scene) that he'd been mistakenly sent a book on MARTIAL Arts instead (he quickly recovers from the shock and presents the book to Shawn Ogg, the castle's only guard, as if that had been his intention all along). Near the end, he consults with Casanunda, a 'ladies man' dwarf that had assisted in the defense of the kingdom. In Carpe Jugulum they have a daughter; Princess Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre.
Verence II is a very well-meaning king, who takes running a kingdom very seriously (he takes most things seriously, having learnt at a very early age that being a Fool was no laughing matter), but things seldom turn out the way he might want. The most noticeable results of his attempts at modernising the kingdom have been a Parliament that no-one attends and an invasion of vampires due to a diplomatic gaffe. It has been suggested that while his subjects appreciate his attempts to make life better, they would really prefer a king who orders them around and carouses a lot because they would know their place under such rule.
Verence was voiced by Andrew Branch in the BBC Radio 4 adaptation of Wyrd Sisters, and by Les Dennis in the Cosgrove Hall animation.
Victor Tugelbend
Student wizard turned actor, and protagonist of Moving Pictures. Victor's uncle left a legacy to pay for Victor's tuition at Unseen University, provided that Victor never scored below an 80 on an exam. Victor, however, decided that being a student wizard was greatly preferable to being a wizard, because as a student he could live a relatively safe and comfortable lifestyle while as a wizard he would face the risk of assassinations by students wishing to advance. Therefore, Victor studied extremely hard and, when finals came around each year, carefully and competently scored an 84; four points above the minimum to continue receiving the legacy, but four points below the passing grade of 88 (On one occasion he actually passed by accident, but appealed against it on the grounds that he felt he'd failed to pay adequate attention to some details and he would not feel right to pass over the more eligible candidates; he subsequently only received an 82 and an 83 in the later exams as he was trying to be careful). Eventually this caught the attention of the Bursar, who arranged for Victor to receive a special test consisting of only one question: "What is your name?" By this time, however, Victor had left Unseen University to become an actor in Holy Wood, under the stage name Victor Maraschino, and the test paper in question was, instead, received by accident by Ponder Stibbons. Victor films several movies with Ginger Withel (aka Delores De Syn), and eventually uses the magic of Holy Wood to defeat the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions with Ginger's help. Victor has not reappeared in any subsequent Discworld books.
Victor is also notable for being actively lazy; he kept himself fit because it was less effort to do things with decent muscles, and put a lot of work into avoiding work (as his University career illustrates). He was looking for a job that was romantic, but did not involve hard work, which Holy Wood provided. In "Moving Pictures", a summary given about him is a reference to Fred Astaire.
Vorbis
The antagonist of the 13th Discworld novel, Small Gods, Vorbis is the Head of the Omnian Quisition, an exquisitor who believes he is destined to become the Cenobiarch and Eighth Prophet of Omnianism, as the Great God Om has told him. However the Great God Om grows weak from the waning of belief in him, and now only the truly faithful Brutha can hear him. Vorbis plans a bloody holy war for the glory of Om on Klatch, so has orchestrated the conquest and annexation of Ephebe with the death of missionary Brother Murduck as a casus belli, and has caches of water already set up in the desert to allow the Omnian Divine Legion to invade Ephebe from this unexpected direction of the undefended.
Vorbis justifies his actions as guided by dogma and 'fundamental truth'. Brother Murduck was killed by Ephebeans unwilling to convert, he says, expressing immovable unfounded beliefs: that the Discworld is a perfect sphere, for example, and that steam-powered machines cannot exist since they do not have minds or muscles.
Sergeant Simony follows Brutha and Om through a storm with the philosopher Didactylos and his apprentice and nephew Urn. Brutha and Om find a catatonic Vorbis washed up on a desert shore and carry him back to Omnia to tell everyone what he has done, even though Om keeps saying that Vorbis is a burden who does not deserve to be saved. Once they are within sight of the citadel, Vorbis knocks Brutha unconscious, and abducting him, returns to the Citadel to be ordained as the Eighth Prophet. Vorbis tells everybody he led Brutha through the desert; Brutha questions this but Vorbis states a 'fundamentally truth' he led Brutha through a 'desert of the soul'.
Vorbis commissions a heatable iron turtle for the instruction of those who question the shape of the world, then sentences Brutha to be tortured upon it for disrupting his ordination. Vorbis reveals to Brutha in a private conversation that he does not truly believe in Om. Men, not Om, create the Church and its empire, Vorbis states.
Om falls from an eagle's claws crashing through Vorbis's head killing him outright. Before Death, to his horror Vorbis learns that what he had thought was the voice of Om was just his own voice echoing in his head, plunging him into despair.
Brutha brings his cadaver before the all generals and leaders of the invading anti-Omnian alliance in an unsuccessful attempt to prevent war. "It takes a long time for people like Vorbis to die," Didactylos says, because of their impact on the world.
Brutha becomes the Eighth Prophet and Prophet of Prophets, and eventually dies after a hundred years in power. In the afterlife he encounters a catatonic Vorbis lost in a wasteland and taking pity on him, guides him through it to face judgement.
Walter Plinge
Walter Plinge, an odd-job man at the Ankh-Morpork Opera House, an awkward nervy figure in a beret who has an Opera Ghost alter-ego. Agnes Nitt helps him combine the aspects of his personality and become the director of music. Walter writes popular operas "with tunes you can hum" and might resemble Frank Spencer of the BBC television comedy Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. Michael Crawford, the original performer of the eponymous character in Phantom of the Opera, plays Spencer.
Lord Winder
Patrician of Ankh-Morpork, and predecessor to Mad Lord Snapcase. Also known as Homicidal Lord Winder. During the last years of his reign, he was extremely paranoid, albeit with good reason. He took pride in being pathologically careful about everything, running Ankh-Morpork as a police state, with his dreaded Cable Street Particulars, under the command of Captain Swing, causing dissidents to disappear.
He was deposed as a result of the Glorious Revolution of the Twenty-Fifth of May, during which he was very nearly assassinated by the future Lord Vetinari, but died out of sheer terror instead when Vetinari, dressed all in black, walked up to him in a room full of people, none of them noticing anything. Because their code demands it, assassins have to tell their victim their name and who sent them—Vetinari answered "think of me as your future" and "the city" respectively (indicating that Vetinari already planned to become Patrician some day).
Wizards of the Unseen University
The Archchancellor
The head of Unseen University is the archchancellor, an important figure who holds a seat on the Ankh-Morpork council, although this council itself has no power either, acts as a magical advisor to the Patrician.
The archchancellor of UU is considered the leader of all wizards on the Disc (by those at the UU), the first among equals (i.e. the other eighth-level wizards). There are eight eighth-level wizards and the number becomes progressively higher as the level decreases. It is common to ascend through the ranks by assassinating superiors. This has been known as the tradition of "dead men's pointy shoes." Unseen University has existed for thousands of years and the average Archchancellor remains in office for about eleven months.
The current archchancellor, Mustrum Ridcully, assumed the post in the tenth Discworld novel, Moving Pictures and held it for the rest of the novels. Unlike his predecessors, Ridcully seems to have had a very successful and, above all, injury-free career as Archchancellor. He finally put a halt to the traditional method of promotion simply by being indestructible.
The Bursar
Professor A.A. Dinwiddie, DM (7th), D.Thau., B.Occ., M.Coll. first appears in Faust Eric as a quiet, reserved person. He took the post of university treasurer because of his affinity for numbers. (The Archchancellor describes him as "one of those idiot servants") There was less competition for the role than for other faculty posts.
The previous Bursar, Spelter, was killed trying to save the library from destruction in Sourcery. Dinwiddie expected a relatively safe office to hold since nobody else actually wanted to be bursar and dreamed of spending the rest of his life quietly adding up rows of figures. Unfortunately, shortly after he became Bursar, Mustrum Ridcully became Archchancellor. Ridcully's personality wore away at the Bursar, whose idea of excitement was a soft-boiled egg and throughout the books his sanity decreased until, by the middle of the series and the events of Reaper Man, the Bursar is almost completely insane.
He is kept barely functional by experimental dosages of dried frog pills, though the effect was sometimes erratic. Since the pills are hallucinogens, the other wizards hope they will cause him to hallucinate being sane. An improper dose causes catatonia or disorganized schizophrenia.
Hex temporarily inherited the Bursar's condition after having a "conversation" with him, until Archchancellor Ridcully remedied the matter by convincing the ant-run thinking engine it had just been administered "LOTS OF DRYD FRORG P¼LLS". The Bursar's insanity became a byword in Ankh-Morpork; "to go Bursar" is "to go crazy".
The Dean
The Dean of Pentacles — and later Archchancellor Henry of Brazeneck College of Quirm — is a senior wizard, archetypically argumentative and lazy, but when occasion arises, among the more enthusiastic and competent of his peers. The Dean is particularly susceptible to occult or semi-magical occurrences, fads, or trends – most notably in Soul Music.
He is described as very obese and Ridcully nicknames him 'Two Chairs' in The Last Continent. Unseen Academicals describes a custom double-width chair formerly owned by him. Unseen Academicals, also reveals that The Dean leaves UU to become Archchancellor of the new Brazeneck University, the first person to voluntarily resign from the university, something previously considered unthinkable; Ridcully regards him as a traitor despite their long friendship. On the Dean's first return visit to UU, Ridcully cannot decide how to address him and eventually remembers his fore-name is Henry. By the end of the novel, Ridcully is comfortable enough with The Dean's presence to refer to him as 'Dean', which Henry ignores.
Drum Billet
Further information: Drum BilletHex
First appearing in Soul Music, Hex is an elaborate, magic-powered, self-building computer (not unlike the 'shamble', a kind of magical device used by the Witches of the Discworld) featuring ants and cheese as part of its architecture, and is housed in the basement of the High Energy Magic Building at the Unseen University (UU) in the twin city of Ankh-Morpork.
Previously, other "computers" on the Disc consisted of druidic stone circles. Programmed by 'Softlore', Hex runs and evolves under the watchful eyes of Ponder Stibbons, the de facto IT manager at UU because he's the only one who understands what he's talking about.
Hex has its origins in a device that briefly appeared in Soul Music, created by Ponder Stibbons and some student Wizards in the High Energy Magic building. In this form it was simply a complex network of glass tubes, containing "ants as carriers of information". The wizards could then use punched cards to control which tubes the ants can crawl through, enabling it to perform simple mathematical functions. Owing to that, Hex carries a label that reads "anthill inside".
The Librarian
The Librarian first appeared in the second novel of the series, The Light Fantastic, where he was transformed in a magical accident into an orang-utan, as the great magical tome of the Creator, the Octavo was working a spell reshaping the world to ensure that Rincewind did not leave the Disc. On discovering that being an orang-utan had certain advantages for a librarian — he could climb up to high shelves, for example — he refused to be transformed back into a human and has remained an orang-utan ever since. The wizards are so used to this that "if someone ever reported that there was an orang-utan in the Library, the wizards would probably go and ask the Librarian if he'd seen it."
He reacts violently to being called a 'monkey'; technically, he is an ape. His vocabulary consists primarily of the single word Ook, (originally Oook), inflected for simple affirmations and negations. Nonetheless, most people seem able to understand him.
The Librarian is only referred to by his title not a name. If his name were known, he could be changed back into a human, and by the time of The Last Continent novel, he has carefully excised his name from the records of the Unseen University. The Discworld Companion hints and The Art of Discworld confirms that the Librarian was Dr Horace Worblehat, and that his fears of turning back into human are baseless at most. Rincewind is apparently the only wizard who still remembers the Librarian's name, but has agreed not to tell anyone.
The Librarian served a brief stint in the City Watch during the reign of terror caused by the dragon, and he helped rescue Sam Vimes from the Patrician's cell. He retains an honorary position with the Watch and in Thud! is considered one of the first members of the 'Specials', the Ankh-Morpork City Militia. In Soul Music, he joins the Band with Rocks In and his large hands and wide reach make him an excellent keyboard player. He remains the chief organist for Unseen University.
The Librarian is a member of a small elite group of senior Librarians of Time and Space who have the knowledge and ability to travel through L-Space, an extra-dimensional space that connects all libraries and other large accumulations of books. He uses this knowledge to save books from the great library of Ephebe in Small Gods and to enter our world via the library of Sir Francis Walsingham in The Science of Discworld II. The very strict rules that members of this group are pledged to enforce are:
- Silence.
- Books must be returned no later than the last date shown.
- Do not meddle with the nature of causality.
Men at Arms notes that the Librarian likes to be the best man at weddings because he is allowed to kiss the bridesmaids and they are not allowed to run away; in Lords and Ladies the Librarian served as the best man for Magrat and Verence. The cover of the Discworld picture book Where's My Cow? indicates that it has won the Ankh-Morpork Librarian's award.
The Librarian spends his leisure hours at the pub, the Mended Drum, on Short Street where drinks quietly unless provoked, eats prodigious quantities of peanuts, and plays a ruthless game of Cripple Mr Onion.
The Librarian appears in orang-utan form in the video games Discworld and Discworld II. In the 2008 TV adaptation of The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic by Sky One, he appears in both human and orang-utan form. His human form is played by Nicolas Tennant, who had previously played Corporal Nobbs in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather. This adaptation also establishes his name as Horace Worblehat.
Rincewind the Wizzard
Further information: RincewindLupine Wonse
Wonse is a former childhood gang associate of Samuel Vimes and later secretary to Lord Vetinari. As the Grand Master of the Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night, he summoned a dragon intending it to be killed by a king, whom he would then control. This failed and he found himself personal assistant to the Dragon King in Guards! Guards!. Following a confrontation with the City Watch, he was killed by a metaphor, or possibly the ground, after then-Constable Carrot Ironfoundersson "threw the book at him", in a literal-minded response to the order of his Captain Vimes, which sent Wonse stumbling past a missing wall on an upper floor of the Patrician's palace and down many storeys to the ground floor below.
William de Worde
William de Worde is a professional scribe as The Truth opens, who writes down interesting news of Ankh-Morpork for various monarchs and nobles abroad, which leads to his becoming the editor of the Disc's first newspaper, The Ankh-Morpork Times. He has an obsessive dislike of lying, which he has, however, learned to work around in the name of journalism. In self-imposed exile from his background of wealthy nobility, especially his father Lord de Worde, William works hard (and with varying degrees of success) to cast off the influence of his father. Lord de Worde is an arrogant speciesist and bully, who goes so far as to leave the city and live in the countryside to avoid contact with these 'lesser races'. It is implied at one point in The Truth that Lord de Worde also has 'ordinary' racism, being prejudiced against people from Klatch.
It is suggested that by Going Postal William may have married his friend and editor, Sacharissa Cripslock.
William also appears in Monstrous Regiment, as a war correspondent in Borogravia along with Otto von Chriek, and is mentioned in Thud!, Making Money, Unseen Academicals, and Snuff. According to Moist von Lipwig he is roughly the same age as Moist, who is 26 in Going Postal.
Ysabell, Duchess of Sto Helit
Lady Ysabell is the adopted daughter of Death. He saved her life after her parents died in the Great Nef desert when she was a baby. Why he did so is uncertain. "He didn't feel sorry for me, he never feels anything ... He probably thought sorry for me" Ysabell says. A sixteen-year-old girl with silver hair and silver eyes, she has been sixteen for thirty-five years; no time passes in Death's Domain. Her encounter with Rincewind is flamboyant enough to make him believe she is 'bonkers'. Pratchett says Mort would have thought she looked Pre-Raphaelite when he first encountered her, if he had only ever heard the word.
Ysabell first appears in a brief cameo role in the second Discworld novel, The Light Fantastic, and is surprised when she meets Rincewind to learn that he isn't dead. This state of affairs might not have continued long if the Luggage had not intervened.
During the events of the fourth Discworld novel, Mort, it became clear that Ysabell was competent in the family business, including 'The Duty' and 'doing the nodes'. Until Mort's arrival she shared Death's home with Albert the manservant.
She marries Mort and becomes ennobled as the Duchess of Sto Helit at the end of Mort, but does not enjoy a long life as she is killed with her husband in an accident at the opening of the 14th Discworld novel, Soul Music to be succeeded by their infant daughter, Susan.
BBC Radio 4 adapted Mort in 2004. Carl Prekopp voiced the title character and Clare Corbett voiced Ysabell.
See also
- Robert Asprin
- Discworld storylines
- International Discworld Convention
- The North American Discworld Convention
- Craig Shaw Gardner
- Turtles all the way down
References
Notes
- "Speciesism" is the Discworld version of racism, prejudice against dwarfs and trolls.
Citations
- "Love Tory". The Washington Post. Retrieved 11 June 2022.
- the expression "a big girl's blouse" is British slang for a wimp,
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. p.14 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. p.27 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. pp.58→61 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. pp.21→26 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. pp.56→58 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). Small Gods. Great Britain: Corgi. pp.346→353. ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. pp.378→381 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. pp.376→377 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- APF Chapter 3: Discworld Annotations retrieved 20 September 2007
- Pratchett, Terry. The Truth, p.240. See The Wind in the Willows
- Discworld Assassins' Guild Yearbook and Diary 2000
- a nod to the protagonist of Les Misérables),
- @terryandrob (10 November 2011). "@SarahJoHarden Sacharissa Cripslock married William de Word but keeps her maiden name for professional purposes" (Tweet) – via Twitter.
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. pp.86→88 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Watson, J., Lydon, S. J. and Harrison, N. A. (2001)."A revision of the English Wealden Flora, III: Czekanowskiales, Ginkgoales & allied Coniferales". Bulletin of the Natural History Museum (Geology Series), 57(1), 29–82.
- Lawrence Watt-Evans (July 2008). The Turtle Moves!: Discworld's Story Unauthorized. BenBella Books, Inc. ISBN 9781935618386.
- and an affectionate parody of the late Anne McCaffery's Dragonriders of Pern series,
- The effect is not fully explained, but it presumably reference to Wile E. Coyote's ability to pause in mid-air for comic effect
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. p.317 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Pratchett, Terry (1992). 'Small Gods'. Great Britain: Corgi. p.377 - ISBN 0-552-13890-8
- Annotated Pratchett File: Annotations for The Truth
- Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum, Doubelday, London 1998
- Terry Pratchett, Jingo, Corgi Books 1998 (paperback), p. 206.
- a reference to the apocryphal account of the death of the Ancient Greek playwright Aeschylus
- people usually left 'in disgrace, in a box or, in a few cases, in bits'
- after musing that "'Archchancellor' was out of the question, 'Dean' too obvious an insult, 'Two Chairs' ditto with knobs on, and 'ungrateful, backstabbing, slimy bastard' took too long to say."
- ^ Rix, Stephen (14 February 1998). "Letters : Ants online". New Scientist. Vol. 157, no. 2121. Retrieved 16 September 2022.
- ^ French, Emma (27 April 2017). "Best librarian characters in fantasy fiction". OUPblog. Oxford University Press. Retrieved 30 April 2017.
- Night Watch