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• Comedy
• thriller

Leanne meets a young man called Patrick in the street, and the girls go to a party at his house. The girls leave after they see a photograph in his house which includes him and the perpetrator of the murder that they witnessed. After going back to their Swindon flat, Leanne realises that she left her bag at Patrick's.

Sergeant Forrest is tricked into stripping, masturbating and singing on webcam by hitmen Appraisal and DJ Sound as Fuck, by pretending that they are an attractive young woman. The hitmen record him, and he is later shown the video on a phone by one of the gang, Ian, who confronts him in a toilet and blackmails him into sabotaging the investigation into the murders.

DJ Sound as Fuck makes a discovery that could lead him to the girls.

Forrest is confronted by an unwanted houseguest, Ian - who wants to know where the girls now live.

Sergeant Forrest is being pressured by the gang to reveal the whereabouts of the girls, and plans to flee to Spain.

The cat that hitman Gareth Pugh (known as Appraisal) stole from the old woman that they killed is discovered by his mother. The police are in Mrs Hobbs' flat when Mrs Pugh phones to say that he has her cat. Mrs Pugh is unaware that she is speaking to Detective Constable Wilton rather than Mrs Hobbs, and is also unaware that Mrs Hobbs has been murdered.

Forrest meets three members of the gang, including Ian, and gives their address to the girls. Ian stays with Forrest whilst they go the girls' flat. Forrest gets into his car, then slams the door on Ian's gun, making it fall to the floor. Ian picks up the gun and first at Forrest as he is driving towards him. Forrest repeatedly runs over Ian, killing him - then flees to the airport - where he phones the girls to tell them that the gang know their address.

DC Wilton and another police officer go to Appraisal's house, and after informing Mrs Pugh of the murder, take them to the police station. Appraisal claims that he heard of the murder and took the cat. DC Wilton thinks that Appraisal is not telling the whole truth, and wants him put under surveillance. DJ Sound as Fuck tells Appraisal that he knows about the police's visit to his house - then he shoots Appraisal.

The gang meet, where their formidable head honcho, Willy Whelan, learns that Ian was killed. DJ Sound as Fuck earns a newfound respect from the gang for murdering Appraisal, much to the annoyance of Benny. They are all ordered to find the girls.

Mrs Pugh phones Detective Wilton to report Appraisal missing. She is angry with her colleague for not having Appraisal put under surveillance as she wanted.

In Bristol, DJ Sound as Fuck phones Childline, telling them that he shot someone. They tell him to tell the police. DC Wilton asks DJ Sound as Fuck about Gareth and says that she knows that they are friends. He says that they only know each other slightly and that he does not know where he is or when he last saw him. He texts Appraisal's mother from Appraisal's mobile phone, pretending to be him and telling her that he is at a newsagent's - and the newsagent is bumming him. DJ Sound as Fuck deliberately drops the phone on the newsagent's floor. The police arrest the newsagent, a 68-year-old Asian man.

Determined to uncover the identity of Charlie Little Pockets (whom he assumes is a gang member instead of a teddy bear), Benny visits Jackie in hospital. He tells her that the girls owe him money. She tells him that she does not believe him and that she knows that they are in witness protection. She tells him that she thinks that he is one of the gang who is pursuing him. She says that she will give him the name of the man whom 'Mystique' is dating if she is paid £1,000.

Benny suggests to Whelan to pay Jackie to tell them who "Mystique"'s boyfriend is - assuming that it is Charlie Little Pockets, and that Charlie shot Jackie by mistake, while intending to shoot Benny. Whelan refuses to pay.

Rhona tells Leanne that she misread the pregnancy test.

The police continue to investigate into Appraisal's disappearance by viewing the texts on his phone. DJ Sound as Fuck phones the police from Whelan's pub The Badger to falsely claim that he saw Appraisal with an old Muslim man at the location where DJ Sound as Fuck hid Appraisal's corpse. The police go there and find the body, then trace the phone call. They find an image on Appraisal's phone of DJ Sound as Fuck holding a gun.

Posing as mourners, a disguised Leanne and Rhona infiltrate Ian's funeral, taking them to the heart of the gang and face to face with Whelan. Leanne puts on a Russian accent and pretends to be Ian's other woman, prompting a physical fight with his fiancée. Patrick recognises Leanne and she tells him that she is not pregnant, then she leaves.

The newsagent has been released without charge. DJ Sound as Fuck collides with Leanne as they are both running along a street and he recognises her.

DJ Sound as Fuck runs off after colliding with Leanne. The girls meet and tell Wilton of the stash of weapons in Whelan's house. Rhona give Wilton the gun. Whelan has the guns removed before the police arrive.

The gang have find out that Patrick has been helping the girls, unaware that they are witnesses to a murder. Whelan tells Patrick about his relationship with Leanne.

The girls anonymously give evidence in court with their voices disguised. The gunman in the first murder is convicted and imprisoned. The girls choose to be separated, but are told that they need to remain in witness protection.

Patrick sinks deeper into a life of crime - including burying a corpse with One-Pack - but a mysterious correspondent (whom he is unaware is Leanne) gives him a glimmer of hope.

One-Pack, Whelan and Patrick see Leanne in a newspaper advertisement as Julie. A hitman for the gang shoots Leanne's colleague Trish whilst she is at Julie's desk. She is taken to hospital. Rhona and Leanne decide to try to have Whelan killed by his rival gang.

DJ Sound as Fuck is not cut out for life with his unusual companions. A farmer walks in on his daughter Brigid showing him her bra, then demands that they marry.

DJ Sound as Fuck's marriage to Brigid is due to take place the following morning. Her father insists that DJ Sound as Fuck circumcise himself with scissors. He instead uses the scissors to stab her father in the leg, then runs off. DJ Sound as Fuck reaches a road, where the police apprehend him.

Patrick's unlikely online friendship with Leanne takes a romantic turn.

DJ Sound as Fuck faces up to his crimes.

Meanwhile, with gang insiders dispatched to kill him, DJ Sound as Fuck is set to meet a grim fate in the juvenile detention centre.

In the dramatic finale of Witless we discover whether Patrick really has crossed over to the dark side, if it's the end of the road for DJ Sound as Fuck, and whether Leanne and Rhona can make it out alive.

It's revealed that Patrick informed the police about everything to do with Wheelan's criminal network and plans. The police are already present at the building and instantly rescue Rhona, Leanne and Baz. All of Wheelan's illegal activities are discovered, Wheelan and his whole gang are arrested, and DJ Sound as Fuck is saved. Wheelan realises Patrick exposed him, and attempts to shoot him, but is shot dead by the police before he can. One Pack pleads guilty to all his crimes and Wheelan's whole network goes down. Patrick is put into witness protection, DJ Sound as Fuck reforms and starts revising for his GCSEs, Baz restarts his gang whilst Rhona and Leanne return home. Leanne finds Patrick in Greece and travels there to live with him, sending a photo to Rhona in Christmas to let her know she's fine.