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{{Short description|Figure of speech}}
{{Original research|date=February 2008}}
{{Redirect|Love–hate||Love Hate (disambiguation){{!}}Love Hate}}
{{Refimprove|date=January 2009}}


A '''love–hate relationship''' is an ] involving simultaneous or alternating ]s of ] and ]. This relationship does not have to be of a ] nature, and may be instead of a sibling one. It may occur when people have completely lost the ] within a loving relationship, yet still retain some ] for, or perhaps some ] to, each other. A '''love–hate relationship''' is an ] involving simultaneous or alternating ]s of ] and ]—something particularly common when ]s are intense.<ref>Eric Berne, ''A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis'' (1976) p. 86</ref> The term is used frequently in ], popular writing and ]. It can be applied to ], or even ]s,<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.economist.com/world/europe/displaystory.cfm?story_id=10553024 | newspaper=The Economist | title=A love-hate relationship | date=19 January 2008}}</ref><ref>{{cite web|url=http://news.cnet.com/8301-19882_3-10281561-250.html|title=Skyhook's love/hate relationship with GPS}}</ref> as well as those of a ] nature or between ] and parents/children.<ref>M. A. Skura, ''Shakespeare the Actor'' (1993) pp. 286–7</ref>


==Psychological roots==
The term ''love–hate relationship'' has been used in several books on writing as an example of the use of the ].<ref>
A love–hate relationship has been linked to the occurrence of emotional ] in early childhood;<ref>Sigmund Freud, ''On Metapsychology'' (PFL 11) p. 137</ref> to conflicting responses by different ] within the same person;<ref>Eric Berne, ''Sex in Human Loving'' (1970) p. 222</ref> or to the inevitable co-existence of ] conflicts with the object of love.<ref>Freud, p. 137</ref>
{{cite book
| title = BUGS in writing: a guide to debugging your prose
| edition = 2nd
| author = Lyn Dupré
| publisher = Addison-Wesley
| year = 1998
| isbn = 978-0-201-37921-1
| page = 221
| url =
}}</ref><ref>
{{cite book
| title = Legal writing in plain English: a text with exercises
| author = Bryan A. Garner
| publisher = University of Chicago Press
| year = 2001
| isbn = 978-0-226-28418-7
| page = 155
| url = http://books.google.com/books?id=reZf9nzoiSQC&pg=PA155
}}</ref>


] and ] have been seen as particularly prone to aggressive reactions towards love objects,<ref>Jacques Lacan, ''Écrits'' (1997) pp. 24–5</ref> not least when issues of self-identity are involved:<ref>R. D. Laing, ''Self and Others'' (1969) p. 110</ref> in extreme instances, hate at the very existence of the ] may be the only emotion felt, until love breaks through behind it.<ref>Neville Symington, ''Narcissism'' (2003) pp. 85–6</ref>
The term is used frequently in ], popular writing and ]. It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts.<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.economist.com/world/europe/displaystory.cfm?story_id=10553024 | work=The Economist | title=A love-hate relationship | date=19 January 2008}}</ref><ref>http://news.cnet.com/8301-19882_3-10281561-250.html</ref> It is sometimes employed by writers to refer to relationships between celebrity couples who have been divorced, then who reunite (notably ] and ], or ] and Kimberly Scott).


⚫ Research from ] suggests love–hate relationships may be the result of poor ].<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/the-mystery-behind-love-hate-relationships-10767.html|title=The mystery behind love-hate relationships - ScienceBlog.com|date=8 June 2006}}</ref>
A related theme is "obligatory ]", where one party usually feels indebted to another and forges a friendship but still holds a ] over a particular past disappointment or set of disappointments, while the "creditor" in the relationship agrees to the nature of the relationship often for security reasons, but remains aware of the "debtor's" grudge and feels counter-indebted until the cause of the grudge is sufficiently overcome.


==Family and development==
The concept is frequently used in teen ] where two characters are shown to hate each other but show some sort of affection or attraction towards each other at certain points of the story. The concept of a love-hate relationship is frequently used in teen novels to describe the romance between a good girl and a ].
Love–hate relationships also develop within a familial context, especially between an adult and one or both of their parents.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Fingerman |first1=KL |last2=Pitzer |first2=L |last3=Lefkowitz |first3=ES |last4=Birditt |first4=KS |last5=Mroczek |first5=D |title=Ambivalent Relationship Qualities between Adults and Their Parents: Implications for Both Parties' Well-being |journal=The Journals of Gerontology: Series B |date=1 November 2008 |volume=63 |issue=6 |pages=P362–P371 |doi=10.1093/geronb/63.6.p362 |pmid=19092039 |pmc=2749877 |doi-access=free }}</ref> Love–hate relationships and sometimes complete estrangement between adults and one or both of their parents often indicates poor bonding with either parent in infancy, depressive symptoms of parents, borderline or narcissistic pathology in the adult child, and/or parental alienation in childhood. Parents who alienate their children from the other parent frequently suffer from ] (BPD) or ] (NPD).<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Baker |first1=AJL |title=Patterns of Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Qualitative Study of Adults Who were Alienated from a Parent as a Child |journal=The American Journal of Family Therapy |date=2006 |volume=34 |issue=1 |pages=63–78 |doi=10.1080/01926180500301444 |s2cid=219638766 |url=http://www.sakkyndig.com/psykologi/artvit/baker2006.pdf |access-date=22 September 2020}}</ref> Children who experience parental alienation techniques by a borderline parent report a higher prevalence of low self-esteem, low self-sufficiency, insecure attachment styles, and higher levels of depression in adulthood. One of the development tasks for humans is to balance the primary love and hate drives as to tolerate ambivalence toward a loved object. When this task is unsuccessfully accomplished, severe psychopathology can ensue. Individuals with BPD and NPD often fail to accomplish the task of ambivalence. They are unable to be simultaneously angry at someone they love, without destroying the love (Corradi, 2013). Children are unable to tolerate the ambivalence, and are indoctrinated to choose. Despite feeling love for their alienated parent, they let go entirely of the loved object. This creates an occasion for the development of ego defenses in the child referred to as “splitting.”


As a way of understanding ], a common feature of BPD and NPD, is described as “a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation” (American Psychiatric Association, 2013, p.&nbsp;663).<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Jaffe |first1=AM |last2=Thakkar |first2=MJ |last3=Piron |first3=P |title=Denial of ambivalence as a hallmark of parental alienation |journal=Cogent Psychology |date=11 May 2017 |volume=4 |issue=1 |pages=1–15 |doi=10.1080/23311908.2017.1327144 |doi-access=free }}</ref>
⚫ Research from ] suggests love–hate relationships may be the result of poor ].<ref>http://www.scienceblog.com/cms/the-mystery-behind-love-hate-relationships-10767.html</ref>


A love–hate relationship may develop when people have completely lost the ] within a loving relationship, yet still retain some ] for, or perhaps some ] to, each other, before degenerating into a hate–love relationship leading to divorce.<ref>A. Pam and J. Pearson, ''Splitting Up'' (1998) p. 24</ref>
⚫ ==See also==


==Culture==
⚫ * ]

⚫ * ]
*The Japanese word “]” is derived from two Japanese terms: {{Nihongo|“tsun tsun”|]}} (adverb, 'morosely, aloofly, offputtingly') and {{Nihongo|“dere dere”|]}} (adverb, 'in a lovey-dovey or infatuated manner'). A tsundere character is one who frequently switches between insulting their love interest and acting lovestruck or kind toward them. Tsundere characters usually belittle their love interest at first but eventually become kinder to them over time.<ref>{{Cite web |title=tsundere {{!}} Origin and History |url=https://www.dictionary.com/e/fictional-characters/tsundere/ |access-date=2023-04-13 |website=Dictionary.com |language=en-US}}</ref>
⚫ * ]
**A more abstract term for love–hate exists, {{Nihongo|“aizō”|]}}.
⚫ * ]
*] introduced the love–hate theme into Western culture with his famous lines: "]".<ref>J. Boardman et al eds, ''The Oxford History of the Classical World'' (1991) p. 489</ref>
⚫ * ]
*The concept of a love–hate relationship is frequently used in teen ] where two characters are shown to "hate" each other, but show some sort of affection or attraction towards each other at certain points of the story.<ref>{{Cite web|title=LOVE-HATE {{!}} Definition of LOVE-HATE by Oxford Dictionary on Lexico.com also meaning of LOVE-HATE|url=https://www.lexico.com/definition/love-hate|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20201031144853/https://www.lexico.com/definition/love-hate|url-status=dead|archive-date=October 31, 2020|access-date=2021-09-29|website=Lexico Dictionaries {{!}} English|language=en}}</ref>
⚫ * ]
*The ] film genre features couples feeling intense attraction and intense conflict.
* ]

⚫ ==See also==
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== References == == References ==
{{Reflist}} {{Reflist}}


==Further reading==
* John Gottman, ''Why Marriages Succeed and Fail'' (1994)

{{Authority control}}

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Latest revision as of 01:43, 7 December 2024

Figure of speech "Love–hate" redirects here. For other uses, see Love Hate.

A love–hate relationship is an interpersonal relationship involving simultaneous or alternating emotions of love and hate—something particularly common when emotions are intense. The term is used frequently in psychology, popular writing and journalism. It can be applied to relationships with inanimate objects, or even concepts, as well as those of a romantic nature or between siblings and parents/children.

Psychological roots

A love–hate relationship has been linked to the occurrence of emotional ambivalence in early childhood; to conflicting responses by different ego states within the same person; or to the inevitable co-existence of egoistic conflicts with the object of love.

Narcissists and borderlines have been seen as particularly prone to aggressive reactions towards love objects, not least when issues of self-identity are involved: in extreme instances, hate at the very existence of the other may be the only emotion felt, until love breaks through behind it.

Research from Yale University suggests love–hate relationships may be the result of poor self-esteem.

Family and development

Love–hate relationships also develop within a familial context, especially between an adult and one or both of their parents. Love–hate relationships and sometimes complete estrangement between adults and one or both of their parents often indicates poor bonding with either parent in infancy, depressive symptoms of parents, borderline or narcissistic pathology in the adult child, and/or parental alienation in childhood. Parents who alienate their children from the other parent frequently suffer from borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Children who experience parental alienation techniques by a borderline parent report a higher prevalence of low self-esteem, low self-sufficiency, insecure attachment styles, and higher levels of depression in adulthood. One of the development tasks for humans is to balance the primary love and hate drives as to tolerate ambivalence toward a loved object. When this task is unsuccessfully accomplished, severe psychopathology can ensue. Individuals with BPD and NPD often fail to accomplish the task of ambivalence. They are unable to be simultaneously angry at someone they love, without destroying the love (Corradi, 2013). Children are unable to tolerate the ambivalence, and are indoctrinated to choose. Despite feeling love for their alienated parent, they let go entirely of the loved object. This creates an occasion for the development of ego defenses in the child referred to as “splitting.”

As a way of understanding splitting, a common feature of BPD and NPD, is described as “a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation” (American Psychiatric Association, 2013, p. 663).

A love–hate relationship may develop when people have completely lost the intimacy within a loving relationship, yet still retain some passion for, or perhaps some commitment to, each other, before degenerating into a hate–love relationship leading to divorce.

Culture

  • The Japanese word “tsundere” is derived from two Japanese terms: “tsun tsun” (ツンツン) (adverb, 'morosely, aloofly, offputtingly') and “dere dere” (でれでれ) (adverb, 'in a lovey-dovey or infatuated manner'). A tsundere character is one who frequently switches between insulting their love interest and acting lovestruck or kind toward them. Tsundere characters usually belittle their love interest at first but eventually become kinder to them over time.
    • A more abstract term for love–hate exists, “aizō” (愛憎).
  • Catullus introduced the love–hate theme into Western culture with his famous lines: "I hate and yet love. You may wonder how I manage it. I don't know, but feel it happen, and am in torment".
  • The concept of a love–hate relationship is frequently used in teen romance novels where two characters are shown to "hate" each other, but show some sort of affection or attraction towards each other at certain points of the story.
  • The screwball comedy film genre features couples feeling intense attraction and intense conflict.

See also

References

  1. Eric Berne, A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis (1976) p. 86
  2. "A love-hate relationship". The Economist. 19 January 2008.
  3. "Skyhook's love/hate relationship with GPS".
  4. M. A. Skura, Shakespeare the Actor (1993) pp. 286–7
  5. Sigmund Freud, On Metapsychology (PFL 11) p. 137
  6. Eric Berne, Sex in Human Loving (1970) p. 222
  7. Freud, p. 137
  8. Jacques Lacan, Écrits (1997) pp. 24–5
  9. R. D. Laing, Self and Others (1969) p. 110
  10. Neville Symington, Narcissism (2003) pp. 85–6
  11. "The mystery behind love-hate relationships - ScienceBlog.com". 8 June 2006.
  12. Fingerman, KL; Pitzer, L; Lefkowitz, ES; Birditt, KS; Mroczek, D (1 November 2008). "Ambivalent Relationship Qualities between Adults and Their Parents: Implications for Both Parties' Well-being". The Journals of Gerontology: Series B. 63 (6): P362–P371. doi:10.1093/geronb/63.6.p362. PMC 2749877. PMID 19092039.
  13. Baker, AJL (2006). "Patterns of Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Qualitative Study of Adults Who were Alienated from a Parent as a Child" (PDF). The American Journal of Family Therapy. 34 (1): 63–78. doi:10.1080/01926180500301444. S2CID 219638766. Retrieved 22 September 2020.
  14. Jaffe, AM; Thakkar, MJ; Piron, P (11 May 2017). "Denial of ambivalence as a hallmark of parental alienation". Cogent Psychology. 4 (1): 1–15. doi:10.1080/23311908.2017.1327144.
  15. A. Pam and J. Pearson, Splitting Up (1998) p. 24
  16. "tsundere | Origin and History". Dictionary.com. Retrieved 2023-04-13.
  17. J. Boardman et al eds, The Oxford History of the Classical World (1991) p. 489
  18. "LOVE-HATE | Definition of LOVE-HATE by Oxford Dictionary on Lexico.com also meaning of LOVE-HATE". Lexico Dictionaries | English. Archived from the original on October 31, 2020. Retrieved 2021-09-29.

Further reading

  • John Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed and Fail (1994)
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