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Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsWritersS08':

• Dan Greaney
• Ken Keeler
• | director = Mike B. Anderson

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsCulturalS08':

• Belle may possibly be named after Belle Watling, the owner of the burlesque house in Gone with the Wind.
• When Homer stops the destruction of the burlesque house, Reverend Lovejoy says "This house is a very, very, very fine house", a reference to the Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young song "Our House".
• The title is not only a pun on the movie title The Brother from Another Planet (The Simpsons has also spoofed this title with the episode title "Brother from the Same Planet"), but also a reference to the fact that guest stars Kelsey Grammer and David Hyde Pierce also play bickering and childishly competitive brothers on the sitcom Frasier. A title card just before the start of the second act explicitly brings up this connection.
• Cecil's guess of "Maris?" (see quotes) is a reference to Niles' never-seen wife on Frasier. According to the season 8 DVD commentary, writers for this episode ran the script by NBC executives and writers for Frasier. The only thing they took exception to was a brief scene showing a character named "Maris". Their argument was, "We don't show Maris." To which Kelsey Grammer repeats, "You can never show Maris."
• Krusty performs a 'prison special' at Springfield Penitentiary dressed in black: I slugged some jerk in Tahoe/They gave my one-to-three/My high-priced lawyer sprung me on a technicality — a reference to Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash.
• Bob concedes that the Cappadocians are the only civilization in history that has ever considered chief hydrological engineer a calling.
• Larry's line "I tell ya, I get no regard. No regard at all. No esteem neither." is a reference to Dangerfield's famous catchphrase, "I don't get no respect."
• The episode parodies the film The Untouchables, with the character of Rex Banner based on Eliot Ness (played by Kevin Costner in the film).
• The shot of the diner is a spoof of Edward Hopper's Nighthawks painting.
• Frank Grimes' way of waddling around the plant spoofs the scene from the Charlie Chaplin film Modern Times when Chaplin's character has a nervous breakdown from being overworked and begins waddling around the factory, tightening anything that looks like a loose nut with his wrenches. The only difference is that Chaplin's character didn't die in an electrocution that Frank Grimes did.
• The Japanese businessman in the Mr. Sparkle corporate video is bathing in a sentō, a communal bath. He tells the watching "American investor" that he (the investor) is interested in distributing Mr. Sparkle in his "home prefecture" referring to the jurisdictional divisions of Japan, as opposed to "home State".
• Businesses in the port include "It's a Wonderful Knife" (parodying the movie It's a Wonderful Life) and Planet Hype (parodying the real-life celebrity-owned restaurant Planet Hollywood).
• The reason Lisa choses to be a babysitter is because she reads 2 "Babysitter Twins" books an obvious spoof of the Ann M. Martin series The Babysitters Club
• Ned: Homer, I've got a Fozzie of a bear of a problem. Y'know, Maude and her mother were visiting Tyre and Sidan, the twin cities of the Holy Land. They must've kneeled in the wrong place and prayed to the wrong God, because, well, they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort.
• Homer: Militants, huh? Well, if I were you, I'd kick their asses.
• Ned: Well, any hoodily-doodle, the embassy says it's just a routine hostage-taking, but I have to drive to Capital City, fill out some forms to get 'em out. Could you possibly watch the kids tonight?
• Homer: Uh, gee, I'd reallly love to want to help you, Flanders, but...Uh, Marge was taken prisoner in the...Holy Land and uh...
• Lisa: I'll do it! I'll babysit!
• Ned: Well, I don't know, Lisa. You're awfully young, and the boys can be a handful. Todd's been pinching everyone lately.
• Lisa: But I'm smart and responsible, and my parents will be right next door!
• Ned: Well, what do you say, Homer? Can Lisa babysit my kids?
• Lisa: Please, Please, Please!
• Homer: Eh, I'll have to ask her.
• (while playing a board game with no dice, a moth comes out of the box)
• Rod and Todd: A moth! A moth! A moth! Aaaahh!
• Lisa: Calm down! A moth's no more harmful than a ladybug.
• Rod and Todd: A ladybug?!! Aaaaaaaaaaahhh!
• (Rod and Todd run upstairs to their rooms while Lisa calmly shoos the moth outside)
• Lisa (to herself): Oh, they're gonna be eaten alive in middle school.
• (at Planet Hollywood, Homer and Marge notice a car sticking out of the building)
• Marge: How cute. It looks as though a Cadillac drove right into the building.
• Hans Moleman (in the car): Help me.
• Krusty: (upon learning his sandwich-delivery was a prank call by Bart) Well, I'm not leaving until I get paid. I also get $300 for just saying "Hey, hey!"
• US Air Force officer: We just got a report that a "Lisa Simpson" spotted a UFO.
• Lisa: (frustratingly) I didn't see any UFO!
• Officer: That's right. You didn't. (waves to a doctor who puts away a hypodermic needle)
• Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby: I declare this....WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!! (everyone sees Bart in the wheelbarrow which is being pushed by Lisa)
• Helen Lovejoy: (Bart rolls out of the wheelbarrow into the ditch) She's murdered her brother!
• Sideshow Mel: (pointing to the still-caged, hyperactive Maggie) And, as a grim finale, she plans to drown that poor caged baby!
• Krusty: What kind of parents would leave their kids home with that babysitter?
• Homer: (in panic mode) NOT US!
• Lisa: (squinting to see the crowd staring at her) Where am I?
• Maude Flanders: And she's on drugs!
• Kent: Tonight on Eye On Springfield. Opening day of the worlds first two story outhouse.
• (2 men enter the outhouse.)
• Man in bottom floor of Outhouse: Oh God, stop!
• Kent: A comedy nurse who's laughing all the way to the blood bank.
• Nurse: Ok, how many of you are here for shoulder surgery, huh?.
• (Several patients in bed attempt to lift their hands.)
• Nurse: Got'cha!
• "What do you do, what do you do?" is a reference to Speed (film).
• "Reservoir Cats" the Itchy and Scratchy episode is an obvious homage to Reservoir Dogs. It features the famed ear slicing scene from the movie.
• The Homer v. Tatum bout is a reference to the film Rocky. Where a local champion faces the heavyweight champion.
• The montage of Homer's victories mid-episode spoofs Raging Bull. Some controversy has arisen about what song is exactly played during Homer's montage. DVD commentary of the episode has attributed the song to an original Alf Clausen composition. Some people alternatively have stated that it is "The Flower Duet" from Delibes' opera Lakme. However, their is no passage in "The Flower Duet" song that convincingly matches up with the boxing montage scene but it can be said that the song is done in the style and semblance of "The Flower Duet."
• Homer's theme song is "Why Can't We Be Friends?" by War. He also comes in wearing a robe labeled "Opponent"
• Happy Days – Roy addressing Homer and Marge as "Mr. S" and "Mrs. S" is a reference to how Fonzie and the teen-aged characters addressed Howard and Marion Cunningham on Happy Days. Poochie also claims to be "a third Fonzarelli".
• Joe Camel – another character Poochie claims to be based on.
• The "Wayne's World" sketches and movie – Poochie shouts "NOT!", much like Wayne Campbell.
• Three's Company – Roy's announcement that he's "moving out to live with two sexy ladies" is a reference to the ABC sitcom.
• Unnecessary addition of new characters to veteran TV shows – The addition of the Poochie character to The Itchy & Scratchy Show (and the unexplained presence of Roy in the subplot) spoofs the addition of new characters to veteran TV shows in their waning years, with the belief that viewer interest will be renewed. However, the result is often negative, and is often cited by fans as a moment when the show has jumped the shark.
• The scene where Homer hides in a closet and secretly listens to a conversation in the conference room is a reference to a 1991 incident at NBC when Jay Leno hid in a storage closet secretly listening to NBC executives discuss who would take over The Tonight Show when Johnny Carson retires.
• Wrestler Bret "The Hitman" Hart appears as himself, moving into Burns' house and addressing him as a "pencil-neck geek," an insult used by pro-wrestler and manager "Classie Freddie" Blassie. His new neighbour, The Shrieking Sheikh, is a parody of The Iron Sheik.
• Burns buys Count Chocula cereal at the Kwik-E-Mart.

The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase

• The title of the Wiggum segment is an obvious spoof of Magnum, P.I., but may have been inspired by the Hill Street Blues spinoff Beverly Hills Buntz, which similarly featured a single law enforcement character from a popular show transplanted to a completely different city to become a detective. The segment goes on to parody Live and Let Die, Miami Vice and Baywatch Nights.
• Moe's segment has a Bewitched/I Dream of Jeannie feel to it, as well as My Mother the Car. The first moments of the segment parody Cheers, but it quickly swings away from that.
• Skinner can be seen talking to Huggy Bear of Starsky & Hutch fame.
• The replacement of Lisa in the third segment with another girl reflects the recasting of Jan Brady in the Brady Bunch Variety Hour when Eve Plumb refused to participate.
• On the commentary, the producers cited several shows parodied during the variety show, including The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour and Laugh In.
• Ozmodiar is a spoof of the Great Gazoo from The Flintstones.
• The songs parodied during the third segment are:
  • "I Want Candy" by The Strangeloves
  • "Peppermint Twist" by Joey Dee and the Starlighters
  • "Whip It" by Devo
  • "Lollipop" by The Chordettes
• The Lovematic-Grandpa machine sings Daisy Daisy in a distorted manner when its electrical circuits are failing, spoofing HAL from the 1968 film 2001: A Space Odyssey.
• The "dog birthday" gag is almost word-for-word identical to one featured earlier in an episode of Married... with Children.
• The plot element of the conjoined twins from "The Thing and I" is from the film Basket Case. The attic scene is a nod to The Exorcist. The title is also a play on the movie The King and I.
• Homer crashing the flying saucer into capital dome in a nod to Earth vs. the flying saucers

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsTriviaS08':

• According to the DVD audio commentary, Dangerfield was very helpful in the writing process of this episode.
• When Homer hallucinates, Ms. Krabappel sounds like the teacher from Peanuts.
• The name of the shop where Homer purchased the bathtubs was the 'Houseware Warehouse'.
• During the St Patrick's Day parade scene, the Irish Republican Army guerrilla fighter is portrayed with "John Bull's Fish and Chip Shop" exploding due to a planted bomb. This part of the scene is usually cut out on UK television, but is left unedited in Ireland.
• The directors (particularly Matt Groening) were displeased on the DVD comentaries at the appearances of the background characters in this episode. This is most notable in the first scene at the speakeasy when Chief Wiggum and Princess Kashmir are dancing together, as the latter's breasts move in a very bizarre manner.

Homer's Phobia

• This was an extremely controversial episode. FOX was flooded with angry letters, but every station still aired the episode as scheduled. It was later praised by several gay communities of America, because Homer learns his lesson in the end.
• John wears Homer's "Pin Pals" shirt from the episode "Team Homer".
• Also, this episode was an 1997 Emmy Award-winner for Outstanding Animated Program (For Programming One Hour or Less).
• The song playing in the steel mill is the 1991 number-one hit "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" by C+C Music Factory. The Alicia Bridges hit single "I Love the Nightlife" is also featured, as part of Homer's record collection.
• The winged eyeball seen behind the John character in the shop is a tribute to the art of troubled musician Daniel Johnston. Matt Groening is a big fan and even talks about wanting to have Johnston on his show in one of the DVD extras to The Devil and Daniel Johnston.
• Running out of the basement, Bart yells "Force majeure" - a legal term which allows at least one party to be freed of responsibility due to events out of their control.
• ==Goofs==
• In the closing scene where the Simpsons are being driven away in John's car, the background of stars moves relative to the movement of the car. It should stay still as a backdrop, of course.
• ==Quotes==

• This section is a candidate for copying over to Wikiquote using the Transwiki process.

• Skinner (looking at political buttons at Cockamamie's): Hmm. These campaign buttons are all partisan. Don't you have any neutral ones? "May the better man win", "Let's have a good clean election", that sort of thing?
• Cashier: Uh no, but we do have some old shirt buttons. They're kind of kooky and fun.
• Skinner: Missy, you have just talked yourself right out of a sale! (leaves)
• Marge: Oh, Homer, look. Look, a TV Guide owned by Jackie O!
• John: Oh, you should see the crossword puzzle. She thought that Mindy lived with "Mark".
• Homer: Give her a break! Her husband was killed!
• John: Oh, I know, wasn't that awful?
• Homer: That John is the greatest guy in the world. We've gotta have him and his wife over for drinks sometime.
• Marge: Hmm, I don't think he's married, Homer.
• Homer: Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? Well, there's lots of foxy ladies out there.
• Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a little... festive to you?
• Homer: Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam.
• Marge: He prefers the company of men.
• Homer: Who doesn't?
• Marge: Homer, listen carefully. John is a ho... mo...
• Homer: Right.
• Marge: ...sexual.
• Homer: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
• Homer: Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod! Oh my god! I danced with a gay! Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone. Promise me!!
• Marge: You're being ridiculous.
• Homer: Am I, Marge? Am I? Think of the property values. Now we can never say only straight people have been in this house.
• Marge: I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us all out for a drive today, and we're going.
• Homer: Woah-ho-ho, not me! And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. He should at least have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's... that way.
• Marge: What on Earth are you talking about?
• Homer: You know me, Marge: I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming.
• (John takes the family on a tour of the sordid side of celebrity Springfield)
• John: And that's where Kent Brockman was caught cheating in the Springfield marathon.
• The Simpsons: Oooh...
• (passing in front of a plumbing supplies store)
• John: And there's where Lupe Velez bought the toilet she drowned in.
• The Simpsons: Ohhhh!
• Smithers: John...
• John: Oh, Waylon. I'd like ya to meet the Simpsons.
• Smithers: I know the Simpsons. (in John's ear) So this is your "sick mother"?
• John: Don't do this to me, Waylon.
• Homer: Hey, boy, where'd you get that shirt?
• Bart: I dunno. Came outta the closet.
• Homer: Marge, the boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
• Marge: So?
• Homer: There's only two kind of guys who wear those shirts: gay guys and big, fat party animals. And Bart doesn't look like a big, fat party animal to me...
• Marge: So, if you wore a Hawaiian shirt, it wouldn't be gay?
• Homer: Right. Thank you.
• John: ...and Helen Lovejoy, sure, she looks blonde, but I've heard cuffs and collar don't match, if you get my drift.
• Marge: I don't, but I loved hearing it!
• John: Homer, what have you got against gays?
• Homer: You know! It's not... usual. If there was a law, it'd be against it!
• Marge: Oh Homer, please! You're embarrassing yourself.
• Homer: No I'm not, Marge! They're embarrassing me. They're embarrassing America. They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just, uh...
• John: Queer?
• Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!! Well I'm taking back our word, and I'm taking back my son!
• Rosco: I want all of youse to say hello to the Simpsons.
• Steel Workers: (camp) Halloooooww!
• Homer: (screams) Has the whole world gone insane?
• Steel Factory Worker 1:Stand still! There's a spark in your hair!
• Steel Factory Worker 2: (acting girly) Eek! Get it, get it!
• Steel Factory Worker 3: (Carrying tub of molten metal) Hot stuff, comin' through!
• Bart: Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?
• Homer: (crying) I don't know! This is a nightmare! YOU'RE ALL SICK!
• Steel Factory Worker 4: Oh be nice!
• Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay! (hooter sounds) Oh my God, what's happening now?
• Rosco: (Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) begins to play) We Work hard; we Play hard.
• Moe: Where you been, Homer? The entire steel industry is gay. Eh, aerospace, too, and the railroads. And you know what else? Broadway.
• Barney: I always hoped Bart would grow up just like us. What happened?
• Moe: Aw, it ain't no mystery. The whole modern world's got a swishifying effect on kids today. And their MTVs and their diet sodas ain't gonna set 'em straight, neither. You gotta do it yourself, Homer, and you gotta do it fast.
• Homer: But what would turn Bart into a man fast? You have to think for me!
• Moe: Well, let's see now, uh, time was you sent a boy off to war. Shooting a man'd fix 'em right up. But there's not even any wars no more, thank you very much, Warren Christopher!
• Barney: Hey, better yet, Bart could shoot a deer! That's like shooting a beautiful man.
• Moe: Hey, he's right, Homer. After the boy bags a deer, all the diet sodas in the world won't turn him back. And you just sit right back and watch the grandkids roll in.
• John: Uh oh. Something's gonna die.
• Homer: Butt out, Buttinsky. What would you know about hunting?
• John: I know this much: I wouldn't wear that hideous hat. Here, take this one. It was worn by Yale Summers in Daktari.
• Homer: Hang on to it, Toy-Boy! You might need it when it starts raining naked ladies!
• Barney: Today, you're gonna be a man, Bart.
• Bart: You guys going to teach me to drive?
• Moe: Oh, yeah, let Twinkle Toes drive Betsy. Right.
• Homer: No, boy. You can't drive. You're only ten. You're going hunting.
• Moe: You ever been hunting before, there, Barty?
• Bart: Nope. Something about a bunch of guys alone together in the woods... seems kinda gay.
• Homer: That is a very immature attitude, young man.
• Barney (after the deer-hunting trip turns out to be fruitless): Aw, we should have stayed at the bar and shot some rats.
• Moe: Hey! Those ain't your rats, Barn.
• Moe: Come on, don't take this so hard, Homer. You still got that other kid, uh... Lisa. Let's, uh, take her out hunting tomorrow, make her into a man.
• Homer: Aw, she'd never go. She's a "vegetarian."
• Moe: Oh, geez, Homer, geez! You and Marge ain't cousins, are ya?
• Barney: Is it all right to come out now, Mr. Gay Man...sir?
• Moe: Yeah, we'll do anything you say! (beat) ANYthing! (shifty eyes)
• Barney: Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy.
• Moe: Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down. Oh, boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me.
• Homer: Hey! We owe this guy, and I don't want you calling him a sissy. This guy's a fruit, and a... no, wait, wait, wait: queer, queer, queer! That's what you like to be called, right?
• John: Well, that or "John."
• Lisa: This is about as tolerant as Dad gets so you should be flattered.
• John: Great! Well, Homer, I won your respect, and all I had to do was save your life. Now, if every gay man could just do the same, you'd be set.
• Homer: Amen to that.
• Homer: Son, maybe it's the concussion talking, but any way you choose to live your life is okay with me.
• Bart (to Lisa): Huh?
• Lisa: (whispers) He thinks you're gay.
• Bart: He thinks I'm gay? (We home in on Bart's head as 'Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)' begins to play. As the car drives off with the song still playing, a message appears across the screen.
• Message:Dedicated to the Steel Factory Workers of America. Keep Reaching for that Rainbow!
• Marge: (hugs Homer) Hmm...you seem a little softer than before.
• Homer: I've been tenderized.
• "Dedicated to The Steelworkers of America—Keep Reaching For That Rainbow!" (closing supertitle)
• The name that the young Rainier Wolfcastle sings is Fritz Schnackenpfefferhausen.
• The hot dog Apu has is the one that got him fired in "Homer and Apu".
• A scene and song were cut from the episode, where Patty and Selma sing "I Love to Smoke" to the tune of "I Love to Laugh" from Mary Poppins. In fact, one line from the song, "Although we'll croak by the year 2003", refers to how the writers didn't expect the show to still be on by then.

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

• The voice of Itchy and Scratchy are actually voiced by Harry Shearer (Scratchy) and Dan Castellaneta (Itchy).
• This episode, the 167th, was the episode that made The Simpsons longer-running than The Flintstones. As a result of this, when Sky One broadcast the episode, it replaced the existing couch gag (a Sergeant Pepper parody, first used in "Bart After Dark") with one in which the Simpson family encounter the Flintstone family sitting on the couch (recycled from Season 4's "Kamp Krusty"). This version of the episode was also broadcast by Channel 4 in 2006.
• The writer who speaks out and gets fired is the caricature of Simpsons writer George Meyer.

The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase

• Many of the producers, notably Matt Groening, were uneasy about this episode, feeling that its intentionally bad writing and plots would be mistranslated as actual bad sitcom writing. He also didn't like the idea of breaking the fourth wall and saying that in "reality" the Simpsons were not a family and just a bunch of actors. This issue wasn't really addressed in this episode, but the viewers are left with the impression that they are a family. In the Season 11 episode "Behind the Laughter", the fourth wall is broken again, but the Simpsons are portrayed as a family that goes into acting together.
• This episode has since proved very controversial, with some loving it, such as Entertainment Weekly which put the episode in its Top 25 Simpsons episode list, while others seem to misinterpret the intentionally bad writing and simply call it a bad episode.
• Yeardley Smith, the voice of Lisa, has only one line in this episode (not counting her giggle as she removes her Mardi Gras outfit).
• This was the first non-Halloween episode to have 3 separate stories, although "22 Short Films About Springfield" had over a dozen storylines.
• This is the second episode to feature a crossover with an airing television series, the first being "A Star is Burns" which featured a crossover with The Critic.
• The violinists on the "Springfield Philharmonic" bus are all left-handed, except for the bass.
• This episode appeared in the second season of Digimon: Digital Monsters in the episode "A Very Digi-Christmas". It appeared On Tai and Kari Kamiya's television.
• This episode aired two years prior to the Denver Broncos first of two consecutive Super Bowl victories.

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsBlackboardS08':

• | couch_gag = Everyone parachutes into the living room, except Homer who falls flat on the floor.

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsGuestsS08':

• The notion of dogs mistakenly being issued major credit cards was previously mentioned in "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming". A real-life incident followed the episode in 2004, when a man replied who signed up to an e-mail list using his dog's name received a credit card in this name.
• Marge listens to the song "You Really Got Me" by The Kinks played on the frying pan radio.
• The song played during Fat Tony's rampage of terror against food stands is the song "The Lineman."
• "You Only Move Twice" is the 2nd episode from the eighth season of The Simpsons.
• Hank Scorpio, the head of Globex Corporation and a James Bond-esque international supervillain, is on the prowl for the top nuclear technician in Springfield. After Smithers rejects his offer, his cronies move on to the person with the second longest tenure at the plant: Homer. After they win him over with a slick promotional video, the Simpsons pack their belongings and get ready to move to Scorpio's company town of Cypress Creek. After the family has difficulty selling their house, they abandon it and settle into a utopian neighborhood; however, things are not as they seem. Homer is happy with their new life; despite his destructive schemes, Hank is a dream boss, and Homer finally finds a job that he is good at: bossing other people around. However, the other family members endure various hardships: Bart is initially popular at his new school (he even meets a Milhouse-type), but when his teachers learn he doesn't know cursive or the multiplication table, they tuck him away in the special education class, which is filled entirely with Ralph Wiggum-like students; Lisa falls in love with the local flora and fauna, only to find that she's allergic to most of it; and a house that cleans itself leaves Marge with too much time to drink the company's complimentary wine. When they get sick and tired of dealing with all this they plead with Homer to take them back to Springfield, and after much soul-searching he gives in. It's just as well, as the government raids Scorpio's compound. When they arrive back in Springfield, they learn that Scorpio has taken over the East Coast, Otto and his girlfriend have been squatting in their house, and the Denver Broncos (a farewell gift from Scorpio) are on their front lawn.
• ==Allusion to Silicon Valley (and beyond)==
• Hank Scorpio bears a striking physical resemblance to Larry Ellison, the CEO of Oracle Corporation. Both men are exuberant, hyperenergetic, bearded Type A personalities with a love of sports and adventure. More supporting evidence:
• Cypress Creek looks very similar to Redwood Shores, CA, the planned community where Oracle's headquarters is located
• The writers' original name for Cypress Creek was "Emerald Caverns," but the former was chosen because it sounded more like the name of a town in Silicon Valley.
• The original town name of "Emerald Caverns" was probably a reference to Oracle's campus, which is nicknamed "The Emerald City" or "Oz" due to the shiny green glass that completely covers all of the buildings.
• The building Scorpio and Homer work in is round, just like Oracle's headquarters
• Scorpio also has been noted to resemble (physically and in behavior) former Philadelphia 76ers President and television personality/self help author Pat Croce, as well as Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Records and other Virgin Brands and Danny Bonaduce.
• The episode features many references to Ian Fleming's James Bond and EON Productions' subsequent series of films. They include:
  • Hank Scorpio is a parody of a typical James Bondian villain, specifically Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Perhaps unintentionally, his name is also similar to that of Vladimir Scorpius, the villain from the James Bond novel Scorpius by John Gardner.
  • The episode title is a parody of You Only Live Twice.
  • Additionally, Scorpio's doomsday gun room and the battle with soldiers also greatly resembles Blofeld's volcano base and climatic battle in You Only Live Twice.
  • The episode ends with a theme song sung in the style as the themes to Goldfinger and Thunderball. The song describes Scorpio's "plot to rule the world" as one of his obsessions.
  • A British secret agent, "Mr. Bont", is tackled by Homer as he tries to escape. Earlier he is strapped to a table with a laser pointed at him, referencing a famous scene in Goldfinger. Bont asks Scorpio if he expects him to talk, to which Scorpio replies, "I don't expect anything from you except to die and have a very cheap funeral." As Hank congratulates Homer for tackling Bont ("When you get home tonight, there'll be another story on your house"), in the background guards can be seen surrounding Bont and shooting him with their submachineguns. This is the second time Homer has ensured the death of a secret agent. The first was a deleted scene in $pringfield, when Homer's terrible blackjack dealing skills led to James Bond-ironically under the same thin disguise of "Bont"- losing and Ernst Stavro Blofeld dragging him away. The scene was used in the third segment of "The Simpsons' 138th Episode Spectacular", which was devoted to deleted scenes.
  • A soldier is strangled by a woman using only her thighs, à la Xenia Onatopp from GoldenEye. The solider is actually General Norman Schwarzkopf, according to the DVDs episode commentary track.

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsQuotesS08':

Bart After Dark

• Homer: If Homer Simpson wants his ten-year old son working in a burlesque house, then Homer Simpsons's ten-year old son is going to work in a burlesque house! (sees Marge) Uh, hi. Now Marge, you are going to hear a lot of crazy talk about Bart working in a burlesque house.
• TV announcer: It's eleven o'clock. Do you know where your children are?
• Homer: I told you last night "no"! (to himself) Where is Bart anyway? His dinner's getting all cold and eaten. (eats some of Bart's TV dinner)
• Lisa (after seeing news of the oil tanker): Oh no!
• Homer: It'll be okay, honey. There's lots more oil where that came from.
• Sea Captain (drunk while talking to reporters): Yar, I'm in a lot of trouble now. (to reporter) Hey, I'll give ya a hundred bucks to take the blame!
• Skinner: Ah, there's no justice like angry mob justice.
• Lenny: I'm gonna burn all the historical memorabilia.
• Moe: I'm gonna bag me a toilet!
• Willie: Agh, there'd better be two!
• (Homer answers the door wearing nothing but a grocery bag)
• Belle: Are you wearing a grocery bag?
• Homer: I have misplaced my pants.
• Marge: Now the cat needs his medication . . .
• Homer: No problem.
• Marge: . . . every morning and the furnace . . .
• Homer: Can do.
• Marge:. . . has been putting off . . .
• Homer: Right.
• Marge: . . . a lot of carbon monoxide . . .
• Homer: Uh-huh.
• Marge: . . . so keep the window open.
• Homer: uh huh, cat in furnace!
• Marge: Hmm, I think I'll take Maggie with me.
• (Burns and Smithers are having a picnic in the park when Ralph and Martin run by)
• Burns: I don't like being outside, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children.
• Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?
• Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda.
• Lisa: Oh, there's something unsatisfying about scrubbing these rocks and I think I know what it is. (a wave washes a new coat of oil on the once-clean rocks)
• Marge: Lisa, I know it's frustrating, but we made a commitment, and we have to see it through, no matter how unpleasant.
• Cleanup guy: Quitting time. Okay. Scrub up and head for the communal tarp. We're having kelpburgers, and we're going to watch a tape of Johnny Arvik, he's the Eskimo comedian.
• (Marge and Lisa pause for a moment. Scene cuts to Marge and lisa in the car, speeding away from the cleanup guy)
• Lisa: Faster, Mom, faster!
• Lovejoy: Your son has been working in a burlesque house.
• Helen: Principal Skinner saw him with his own eyes.
• Skinner (appearing from behind Rev. Lovejoy): That's true, but I was only in there to get directions on how to get away from there.
• Belle (through intercom): Who is it?
• Ned: Uh, it's an angry mob, ma'am. Could you step outside for a twinkle while we knock down your house?
• Belle: Just a minute.

Brother from Another Series

• (Cecil throws the case of money and the pistol over the cliff. It lands next to Molemans house) Moleman: Thank you God. (He picks up the pistol and points it at the sky) Now hand over the rest of it...Nice and easy... (the last few notes fall down) That's it....
• Bart: Don't you realise what you've done? That man is evil! If only you knew what he was thinking!
• (cut to Bob in his brother's car)
• Bob's brain: I hope they still make that shampoo I like.
• Bart : Guess who?
  Cecil: Maris?
• Cecil : So....when do they bring us the menus?
• Bob: Madam, your children are no more... than a pair of ill-bred trouble makers.
  Homer: Lisa too!?
  Bob: Especially Lisa! But especially Bart!
• Bob: Just the thought of all that raw power makes me wonder why the Hell I should care.
  Cecil: Because you'll be supervising the construction crew!
  Bob: I suppose it will be my job to lead the hooting when a woman walks past. "Oh, yeah! Shake it, madam! Capital knockers!
• Bart: There's only one place it could possibly be!
  Lisa: Bob's trailer at the construction site?
  Bart: ....That's even better! Lets go there..
  Lisa: What were you thinking?
  Bart: The haunted mine...
• Bob: You wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five! What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college.
  Cecil: I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.
• 
  Bob: Wait a minute! This is all because I became Krusty's sidekick instead of you! Isn't it?
  Cecil: Off the record, yes. Officially - I did it for the money! Speaking of which (points his gun at Bart) hand it over!
• Cecil: And now to do something Bob never could - Kill Bart Simpson!
  Bart: By throwing me off a dam?! Isn't that a little crude for a genius like you?
  Cecil: You know, I suppose it is... oh well. If anyone asks, I'll lie.
  
• Bob: You can't do this! I saved the children's lives, I'm a hero!
  Cecil: Tell them they'll live to regret this.
  Bob: You'll live to regret this!! Oh, thanks a lot. Now I look crazy!
• Cecil: Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan.
  Bob: I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.
  Cecil: That would be the Latour, then.
• Bob:I know I don't deserve another chance, but this is America, and as an American aren't I entitled to one?
  Man In Crowd: Probably!
• Bob: You know, in the last few years...I had some problems with...killing...people...
  Cecil (sarcastic): Goodness! I had no idea! You know, I was on Mars for the last decade! In a cave. With my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears!
• Bob: Touché, Cecil!
• Bob: Hello, Bart! He's just a little shy because I've tried to kill him so many times.
  Cecil: Ah.

Burns, Baby Burns

• Burns: I'm sorry, Larry. I can't be the family that you need.
• Larry: That's OK. I've got a wife and kids anyway. That reminds me, they're probably wondering where I am. I told them I was going for coffee. That was a week ago!
• Lisa: What a perfect outing for a beautiful autumn day.
• Marge: I feel sorry for everyone who's cooped up inside watching the seventh game of the World Series.
• Homer: Yeah, they won't learn anything about apples today.
• Burns: Well, did you meet Larry?
• Man: Oh, yes. He made light of my weight problem, then suggested my motto be "semper fudge." At that point, he told me to relax.
• Burns: How were his test scores?
• Woman: Let's just say this: he spelled "Yale" with a six.
• Burns: I see. Well, I -- ooh, you know, I just remembered, it's time for my annual donation. I wonder how much I should give.
• Man: Well, frankly, test scores like Larry's would call for a very generous contribution. For example, a score of 400 would require a donation of new football uniforms, 300, a new dormitory, and in Larry's case, we would need an international airport.
• Woman: Yale could use an international airport, Mr. Burns.
• Burns: Are you mad?! I'm not made of airports! Now get out!
• Larry: Ho, this guy's got more bread than a prison meat loaf. He's rich, I tell ya. I never seen a place with a walk-in mailbox. Hey, who am I talking to?
• Woman: Larry, you must meet my daughter the debutante. She came out last spring .
• Larry: Whoa! put her back in, she's not done yet!
• Homer: Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you. And that is a phony kidnapping.
• Larry: Yeah, right. I don't know. Maybe I should just leave town.
• Homer: Phony kidnapping...
• Larry: Nah... I know what I gotta do. I gotta clean up my act. No more joking around all the time. No more slacking off at work. And most important, no more booze! I know I can do it.
• Burns: "Your son has been kidnapped."
• Wiggum: All right, Mr. B. When the kidnappers call with the ransom demand, you tell them you'll leave the money under the big net in the park.
• Lou: And then down comes the net, right, Chief?
• Wiggum: Heyyy, I like it! I like it a lot!
• Burns: Ahoy-hoy?
• Homer: Hello, Mr. Burns. This is the kidnapper. Do you miss your son?
• Burns: Yes, I'm missing one son. Return it immediately!
• Homer: If you really love Larry, prove it, and you can have him back today.
• Burns: Oh, how much proof do you need? 5,000? 6,000? I swear, that's all I've got.
• Homer: Don't you care about your son?! This is more important than money!
• Burns: More important than money? Who is this?
• Homer: Uh... Just a second.
• Wiggum: Beautiful. Eddie, did you trace the phone number?
• Eddie: Sure did, Chief.
• Wiggum: 5-5-5... Aw, geez, that's gotta be phony.
• Marge: Homer, give yourself up.
• Bart: No dad, shoot your way out.
• (On TV, Homer runs out of the theatre and gets shot down.)
• Marge Bart and Lisa: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!
• Kent Brockman: A bloody end for Homer Simpson... is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here's how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs.
  Homer: Uh! Ah! Oh! Uh! Stop it!
• Larry: Hey, I'm looking for this guy. Anybody know who he is?
• Bart: Yeah, sure, we know him. That's Mr. Burns.
• Lisa: He tried to kill our puppies.
• Marge: He sexually harassed me.
• Grandpa: He stole my fiancee.
• Homer: He made fun of my weight.
• Larry: Okay, so there's been a little friction. Know his address?

El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)

• Homer: "Oh, Marge! We're number one! We're number one! In your face, space coyote!"
• Marge: "Space coyote?"
• Lisa: "I'm gonna go get some vegetarian chili before they get desperate and add meat."
• Marge: "Oh, look at that adorable spice rack! Eight spices? Some must be doubles. Ore-GAH-no? What the hell?"
• Homer (to Clancy Wiggum): "Well, Chief, don't quit your day job... Whatever that is."
• Homer: "Look, just give me some inner peace, or I'll mop the floor with you."
• Homer: "Huh? Golf course? Did I dream that whole thing? Maybe the desert was just this sand trap. Oh, and I bet that crazy pyramid was just the pro shop. And that talking coyote was really just a talking dog."
• Dog: "Hi, Homer. Find your soul mate!"
• Homer: "Hey, wait a minute! There's no such thing as a talking dog!"
• Dog:
• Homer: "Damn straight!"
• Homer: "We don't have anything in common. Look at these records: (derisively) Jim Nabors, Glen Campbell, the Doodletown Pipers. Now look at her records! They stink!"
• Homer: "Oh, I give up."
• Coyote's voice: "Find your soulmate, Homer. Find your soulmate."
• Homer: "Where? Where?"
• Coyote's voice: "This is just your memory. I can't give you any new information."
• Ralph: "Wait, mister, you're drinking a candle. You don't want to get wax in your mouth, do you?"
• Homer: "Maybe I do, son. Maybe I do."
• Chief Wiggum: "Afternoon, Homer. Care for some chili? I've added an extra ingredient just for you. The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! Grown deep within the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum."
• Lenny: "They say he carved it himself… from a bigger spoon."
• Homer: "Man, this is crazy. I hope I didn't brain my damage."
• Bart: (seeing a silhouette of Homer in the sky à la the Bat-Signal) "Hey is that dad?"
• Lisa: "Either that, or Batman's really let himself go."
• Homer: (Mid-hallucination) Oooooooooo.....kay, I think I'm gonna be leaving now…
• Homer: (After accidentally destroying the sun in his hallucination) Note to self: stop doing anything.
• Homer: (notices the Coyote chewing on his ankle) "Hey!" (kicks the Coyote away)
• Coyote: "Sorry, I am a coyote."
• Tortoise: (Nods at small pyramid)
• Homer: So, you want me to climb that, huh? No problemo.
• He steps forward, the pyramid grows significantly in height
• Homer: D'oh! This is because I kicked you, isn't it?
• Tortoise: (Nods and grins smugly)
• Homer: I'm a lonely insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun!
• Homer: Of course everything looks bad if you remember it.
• Homer: (Mid-hallucination) When I'm kicking you that means hurry up.
• Homer: (Mid-hallucination) Ahh, ghost train and so little time to get out of the way. Now less. Now None.
• Homer: Okay, Homer, retrace your steps. Woke up, fought with Marge, ate Guatemalan insanity peppers...
• Homer: (on the phone) Hello, is this GBM? It says in your personal ad that you're looking for a soul mate, well, I also like rainy days and movies. No, I don't like that... (uncomfortably) or that. It's not that I'm afraid, (quickly) I'm gonna hang up now, bye!

Grade School Confidential

• Martin: "I want one and all to join me in celebrating the anniversary of my portentous birth." (begins passing out invitations to his birthday party, giving one to Nelson) "Here you are, Nelson."
• Nelson: (annoyed) "A birthday party?" (blows raspberry, shoves invitation to floor)
• Martin: (picks the invitation up, puts it back on the desk) "Here you are, Nelson."
• Nelson: (raspberry, shoves invitation back to the floor)
• Martin: (picks the invitation up, puts it back on the desk once again) "Here you are, Nelson."
• Nelson: (frustrated) "I said ..." (raspberry)
• Bart (about to blow Skinner and Edna's relationship): All right crew, set your faces to stunned.
• (opens the door to show Skinner and Edna kissing. After the couple realizes what is going on, there is a beat)
• Skinner: Uh...school dismissed!
• Maude Flanders (In response to Edna's defense of her and Principal Skinner's relationship as love) : "Excuse me, Edna, but we're not talking about "love" here. We are talking about S-E-X, in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N."
• Krusty : "Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!"
• Skinner: We're not coming out until our jobs are reinstated and you acknowledge and celebrate our love.
• Chalmers: No one would like to celebrate your love more than I. But I'm a public official and am not allowed to use my own judgement in any way.
• Edna: Then let us take our case directly to the townspeople!
• Chalmers: Oh yeah, that'll be real productive. Who do you wanna talk to first? The guy in the bumblebee suit or the one with the bone through his hair?
• Sideshow Mel: My opinions are as valid as the next man's!
• Skinner: (steps outside the school) I...have a bomb! (opens his coat, revealing hot dogs taped around his chest in the style of a bomb pack)
• Chief Wiggum: Wait a minute, those are just hot dogs. Armour hot dogs!
• Chalmers: What kind of man wears Armour hot dogs?!

Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment

• Mrs. Lovejoy and all the women enter Moe's tavern.
• Wiggum: Uh-oh. This doesn't look good. I'll fix it with my old Wiggum charm. (Wiggum walks up to Mrs Lovejoy drunkly.)
• Mrs. Lovejoy: (Gasps and screams) PERVERT!!!
• Homer: (wearing a barrel on his head) Look at me! I'm the Prime Minister of Ireland!
• Mayor Quimby: "You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism."
• Helen Lovejoy: "Oh, won't somebody please think of the children?."
• Police Officer (Eddie): "I don't know why people are always badmouthing the Mafia."
• Rex Banner: "Pet shop, eh? Well, I just have one question. What kind of pet shop is filled with rambunctious yahoos and hot jazz music at one AM?"
• Moe: "Um... the best damn pet shop in town!"
• All: "Yeah!!" (At this point, everybody charges their glasses, then quickly hide them behind their backs again with a "water drop" sound effect)
• Rex Banner: Well you all remember. Baby turtles and alligators may seem like a cute idea for a pet...but they grow up.
• Mayor Quimby: "Who are you to demand anything? I run this town. You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies!"
• Mayor's Staff: "Uh, election in November. Election in November..."
• Mayor Quimby: "What? Again? This stupid country."
• Homer: "We're going out, Marge! If we don't come back, avenge our deaths!"
• Marge: "All right."
• Bart: "Dad! Knocking over gravestones is bad luck!"
• Homer: "Really? I heard good."
• Rex Banner: "Listen, rummy, I'm gonna say it plain and simple. Where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?"
• Barney: (lost) "...yes...?"
• Barney: (after Moe turns the pet shop back into his bar) "Ow. Those gears down there really hurt."
• Rex Banner: "It's not up to us to decide which laws to obey. If it were, I'd kill anyone who looked at me cock-eyed."
• Homer: (after Springfield has been sober for only .75 days) "Glad to see you're back in business, Moe."
• Moe: "Yeah, that was a scary couple of hours."
• Rex Banner: "You're out there Baron, and I'm going to find you."
• Homer: (in the distance) "No you won't."
• Rex Banner: "Yes I will."
• Homer: (in the distance) "D'oh."
• Moe: "Homer, ya gotta get me more beer!"
• Homer: "Sorry, I'm all out. How 'bout some Turpentine? Or caulk? Delicious caulk."
• Homer: (exits the basement with Bart, pushing a wheelbarrow of his beer-filled bowling balls): "Wait. I forget to check if the coast is clear. Oh, I'm sure it's clear; let's go."
• (as they walk, they see Marge and Lisa. Homer screams, dropping the wheelbarrow and revealing the balls' alcohol contents)
• Marge: "Beer!"
• Homer: "I can explain, Marge. Please let me explain! Oh God, why won't you let me explain!?"
• Marge: "You're the one the papers are talking about, the mysterious "Beer Baron" who's supplying Springfield with alcohol. How have you been getting away with this?"
• Homer: "Well, and I can explain, remember: I fill the balls with beer that I found at the dump, then I bowl them and some underground pipes carry them and bring them into Moe's."
• Marge: "Homer...that's very clever!"
• Homer: "Really?"
• Bart: "Huh?"
• Lisa: "Mom?"
• Marge: "Well it is. I've only known your father since high school and this is the cleverest thing he's ever done. Besides, he's only breaking a silly two-hundred year old law."
• Homer: "It is silly, Marge. And look at all the money I'm making!" (flashes money at Marge, who makes an impressed sound)
• Lisa: "Mom! Prohibition might be unpopular, but it's the law and we must always..."
• Homer, Marge, and Bart: "GO TO YOUR ROOM, LISA!!"
• Moe: "There ya go, Barn. That'll be forty-five bucks."
• Barney: "Forty-five bucks!? Well, this better be the best tasting beer in the world!" (takes drink) "You got lucky!"
• Homer: "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
• Rex Banner (grabbing Comic Book Guy): "Are you the Beer Baron?"
• Comic Book Guy: "Yes, but only by night. By day, I'm a mild mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper."
• Rex Banner: "Don't crack wise with me, tubby!"
• Comic Book Guy: "Tubby? Oh yes, tubby."
• Homer: (passing by with toy wagon full of beer ingredients) "Hey, Banner, how's it hanging'?"
• Rex Banner: "None of your business."
• ==Links==
• "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment" episode capsule at The Simpsons Archive.

In Marge We Trust

• Mr. Sparkle: (in Japanese) I'm disrespectful to dirt. Can you see that I am serious?
• Mr. Sparkle: (in Japanese) Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less?
• Japanese Women: (in Japanese) What a brave corporate logo! I accept the challenge of Mr. Sparkle.
• Woman #1: (in heavily-accented English) Awesoma powa!
• Akira: (On phone) Hai, Hai, Hai, Bye. (Turns to Homer, Bart and Lisa) Hi!
• Homer: Akira, can you translate this for me. (shows Akira the box)
• Akira: Ah yes, this is a product called Mr. Sparkle, Hey, he looks like you! (laughs)
• Lisa: What's he saying?
• Akira: He identifies himself as a magnet for foodstuffs. He boasts that he will banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts.
• Marge: Donny?
• Donny: What?
• Marge: Did you see a man being chased by some young hooligans?
• Donny: I see lots of stuff.
• Lisa: Did you see that?
• Donny: Yes.
• Moe: Hi. I'm calling for Rev. Lovejoy. Who is this?
• Marge: This is...uh...the Listen Lady.
• Moe: Yeah well, listen, lady! I've got so many problems I don't know where to begin.
• Marge: Why don't you start from the top?
• Moe: Okay, uh, Number One, I've lost the will to live.
• Marge: That's ridiculous, Moe! You've got lots to live for.
• Moe: Really? That's not what Rev. Lovejoy's been telling me! Thanks! (hangs up, then calls back) Hi, it's me again. This one's about my cat. (Moe's cat groans off-camera) (to his cat) Yeah, shut up! I'm askin' her!
• Agnes: Seymour, I'm tired! Tell them we're going next!
• Skinner: I'm not principal of the line, mother!
• Agnes: And you never will be.
• (Rev. Lovejoy meets Ned for the first time)
• Ned: Uh, Reverend, I have bit of a pickle here.
• Lovejoy: Well, sit down and rap with me, brother. That's what I'm here for.
• Ned: The other night I got talked into doing this dance called "The Bump", but my hips slipped and my...buttocks came into contact with the...buttocks of another young man!
• Ned (calling Lovejoy and Helen while they are in Paris): I think I swallowed a toothpick!
• Bart: Hey Dad, if they have a picture of you, that means they can see you! They're probably watching us right now!
• Marge: That's ridiculous! No one is watching us.
• (the family goes into an awkward silence as they look around at each other)
• Lovejoy: (disgruntled by letter selection while filling marquee) Can you believe it? They give you five "Q"s and only two "U"s. What a world.
• Homer: We're gonna get rid of the old Christmas tree. (shows the brown, wrinkled tree) It's starting to turn brown.
• Skinner (calling Lovejoy): Mother's gone too far! She's put cardboard over her half of the television. We rented Man Without a Face; I didn't even know he had a problem! What should I do?
• Lovejoy: Well, maybe you should read your Bible.
• Skinner: Um, any particular passage?
• Lovejoy: Oh, it's all good.
• Skinner: Alright, thanks anyway.
• (after the mystery of the Mr. Sparkle logo has been solved)
• Lisa: Hey...it was all a coincidence.
• Bart: Yep, there's your answer, fishbulb.
• Homer: (numbly) Well, it was a good ride while it lasted. Come on, kids, let's go home.
• Bart: We are home.
• Homer: That was fast.
• Reverend Lovejoy: You heathen baboons!

Lisa's Date with Density

• (As Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney come upon Nelson and Lisa kissing)
• Dolph: Oh, man! You kissed a girl!
• Jimbo: That is so gay!
• Wiggum: That's an auto-dialer machine. This boozebag used it in a telemarketing scam. Now, he's gonna rot in the slammer for the next twenty years: bread and water, icy showers, guards whompin' your ass around the clock, and the only way out...is suicide.
• Homer: (runs down the stairs after hearing gunshots): Hey, who shot my auto-dialer! (notices the police right behind him): I mean, Marge's auto-dialer (sheepishly shoves the bullet-riddled auto-dialer to the side).
• Wiggum: See you in court, Simpson! (Wiggum hands Homer a summons): Oh, and, uh, bring that evidence with ya. Otherwise, I have no case and you go scot-free.
• Mr. Largo: Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word tromboner?
• Lisa: *snicker* No, sir. I was laughing at something outside.
• Sherri: She was looking at Nelson!
• Class: Lisa likes Nelson!
• Milhouse: She does not!
• Class: Milhouse likes Lisa!
• Janey: He does not!
• Class: Janey likes Milhouse!
• Uter: She does not!
• Class: Uter likes Milhouse!
• Mr. Largo: Nobody likes Milhouse! Lisa! Detention!
• Marge: Well, Lisa, most women will tell you you're a fool to think you can change a man, but those women are quitters!
• Lisa: What?
• Marge: When I first met your father, he was loud, crude, and piggish. But I worked on him, and now he's a whole new person.
• Lisa: Mom...?
• Marge: He's a whole...new...person, Lisa.
• (A note is being passed along the tables to Nelson. He gets it and unfolds it, and reads 'Guess who likes you'. He looks back and sees Milhouse raising his eyebrows. The next scene shows being taken out of the school with a bloodied nose and broken glasses on a stretcher)
• Lisa: Oh, Milhouse, I'm so sorry!
• Paramedic: He can't hear you now. We had to pack his ears with gauze.
• Willie (watering the bushes): And that's how Willie waters. Now you take the "hoose". (sic)
• Nelson: The "moose"?
• Willie: The hoose! The hoose!
• Nelson (takes the hose): Is...this right? (begins spraying Willie)
• Willie: Ah! Turn off the "noozle"! (sic)
• Nelson: The "noodles"? What noodles?
• Willie: The "noozle" on the end of the "hoose"!
• Skinner (while searching each child's locker for Superintendent Chalmers' missing hood ornament): You kids all think this is funny, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not funny: right now, Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl!
• (the kids all break out into laughter)
• Skinner: Actually, that is pretty funny (chuckles).
• Ned(Sleepy): Howdily-diddely.
• Homer(on the phone):Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look...
• Ned: (hangs up) Oh, it's that darn recording again.
• Maude: Of course it was. It's been calling all night. Just unplug the phone. (Ned turns out the light -- the phone rings again)
• Ned: Howdily-di...
• Homer: Greetings, friends... (Ned hangs up)
• Ned: Dang!
• Maude: I told you to unplug the phone.
• Ned: But it could be my mother! (the phone rings)
• Ned: Howdy...
• Homer: Greetings, friends...
• Ned: (hangs up) Shoot!
• Maude: That is it, Ned! If you don't unplug that phone right now, you're sleeping on the lawn.
• Homer(outside his window): Will you two shut up?! People are trying to sleep!
• Apu: A Mounds bar is not a sprinkle. A twizzler is not a sprinkle. A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle, sir. Perhaps in Shangri-La they are, but not in here.

Mountain of Madness

• Homer: So, Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.
• Bart: Teamwork is overrated.
• Homer: Huh?
• Bart: Think about it. I mean, what team was Babe Ruth on? Who knows.
• Lisa and Marge: Yankees.
• Bart: Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
• Homer: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
• (This line is often quoted online as a response to internet flaming.)
• Smithers: What time is it?
• Bart: Twelve eighty. No wait. What comes after twelve?
• Smithers: One.
• Bart: No, after twelve.
• Smokey: Only who can prevent forest fires? (Bart presses a button labelled "you") You've pressed "you", referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is you!
• Lisa: Mr. Smithers! Mr. Smithers! That moose is on fire!
• Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat!
• Burns: Excellent.
• Carl (reaching the ranger station): There's no other cabin around for miles. This must be the one Burns was talking about.
• Lenny: Well, we made it first, thanks to teamwork.
• Carl: Yeah, my teamwork!
• Burns: Who knows I might be the one to get fired. (under breath) Not bloody likely.
• Smithers (pairing the workers): Simpson...and...Burns?
• Homer: Ah.
• Homer's brain: Quiet, you fool. You're on the one team that can't possibly be fired.
• Homer: Oh.
• Smithers: Sir, this can't be right. You assured me this drawing was rigged so we'd be teammates.
• Burns: Yes, well, frankly you've been a bit of a pill lately.
• Smithers: Why do we always fight on vacation?
• Homer: Oh, these sure are comfortable chairs.
• Burns: Oh yes, sitting--the great leveler. From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit?
• Burns: Well, Simpson, I must say after you've been through something like that with a person, you never want to see that person again.
• Homer: You said it, ya weirdo!
• (the two laugh, then exchange paranoid glances. They laugh again and then exchange paranoid looks once more.)
• Homer: Dear Lord, please protect this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house.
• Burns: What's a good time for a mass evacuation of the plant?
• Smithers: 45 seconds.
• Burns: And what's our time so far?
• Smithers: I don't know, sir, this stopwatch only goes up to 15 minutes.
• Homer: (gasping for air) I think I won.
• Burns: Yes, you won alright. You won more than you bargained for.
• Homer: WooHoo!!!
• Lenny: Did you hear something?
• Carl: No.
• Lenny: Did I?
• Carl: I don't know!
• (in the cabin, Burns and Homer stare at each other)
• Burns' brain: I'm trapped with a madman. Look at him, staring into me, filling my mind with paranoid thoughts.
• Homer's brain: Unn... look at his eyes! He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the good Las Vegas way!
• Burns' brain (gasp): I know what he's up to! He's thinking of killing me and riding my carcass down the mountain to safety. He's truly gone mad if he's thinking that. Well, he can't kill me if I kill him first!

Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious

• Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her...during the commercial.
• Lisa: I'll stop buying Malibu Stacy clothing.
• Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up.
• Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar. (gives a dollar bill to Bart)
• Lisa: But he didn't do anything!
• Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? Wait, he didn't! (Snatches dollar back from Bart)
• Moe (after Homer quits his Civil War reenactment society): Well, Homer's out. We gotta find a new Ambrose Burnside.
• Barney (as Abraham Lincoln): I'm not too crazy about our Stonewall Jackson.
• Apu (as Jackson, but with a turban): The South shall come again!!
• Mrs. Pennyfeather: Hello, I'm Mrs. Pennyfeather. I understand you are looking for a nanny.
• Marge: Pleased to meet you.
• Homer: Wait a minute, Marge. I saw Mrs. Doubtfire. This is a man in drag! (starts pulling at her hair as if it were a wig) You're phony! Fakey, phony broad! (runs after her) Gimme those!
• Marge: Homer, we're never going to find a nanny if you keep doing that!
• Mrs. Pennywinkle: Hello, I'm Mrs. Pennywinkle. (Homer chases her)
• Shary: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
• Homer: Did you say Mary Po—?
• Shary (quickly): No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse, or Monald Muck.
• Homer: Question one: Do you have any bad habits?
• Shary: No, I'm practically perfect in every way.
• Homer: Well, so am I. (drinks milk from carton and scratches his behind then belches).
• Homer: Question two: who was your last employer?
• Shary: Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
• Homer (whispering): Marge, do we know them?
• Marge: No.
• Homer: Come on! Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy?
• Marge: That's Carl.
• Homer: Oh, yeah! (stops whispering, back to Shary) So! I understand you worked for Carl, eh?
• Marge (after Shary glides up the railing): My, she seems too good to be true!
• Homer: I'll say. Her butt waxed the banister.
• Marge: Ooh, I can see myself!
• Mr. Burns: Bah, humbug.
• Shary: Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite. (gives him one)
• Mr. Burns: Balderdash! This is the silliest load of...(watches his kite) Oh, look at it fly! Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Look at me, Smithers! (dark clouds gather ominously) I feel practically Superduperfragicalicexpiala-d'oh! (lightning strikes the kite and shocks Mr. Burns, knocking him to the ground) What's this strange sensation in my chest?
• Mr. Smithers: I think your heart's beating again.
• Mr. Burns: Oh, that takes me back. God bless you, Shary Bobbins.
• Bart: Sing us a song, Shary Bobbins.
• Lisa: Yes, sing us a song.
• Shary: I've been singing you songs all day! I'm not a bloody jukebox!
• Shary: Bart, don't you remember? Cleaning up can be a game.
• Bart: I got a better game. It's called whipping cupcakes.
• Lisa (as Shary is floating away): Do you think we'll ever see her again?
• Homer: I'm sure we will, honey. (Shary is sucked into a passing plane's turbine) I'm sure we will.
• Groundskeeper Willie: Shary and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back, and suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
• Shary: It's good to see you, Willie.
• Willie: That's not what you said the first time ye saw me!
• Quentin Tarantino: What I'm trying to say in this cartoon is that violence is everywhere in our society, you know, it's like even in breakfast cereals, man.
• Lisa: We have suggestions for the new nanny, would you like to hear them?
• Homer: You have my undivided attention. (in Homer's brain we see a black and white segment with rubber-hose style animals dancing to "Turkey in the straw".)

The Canine Mutiny

• Willie: Yup. I bought your mutt. And I 'ate him! (Bart gasps) I 'ate his little face. I 'ate his guts! And I 'ate the way he's always barkin! So I gave him to the church!
• Bart: Oh, I see. You hated him so you gave him to the church.
• Willie: Right. And one more thing, I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug. (Bart stares at him) Ya heard me!
• Moe: Ya gotta give me back my floor! My customers are walking around on the pipes!
• Repo guy: Hey, next time pay your bills.
• Moe: But I don't want to!
• Homer: You gave both dogs away?! You know how I feel about giving!
• Random Ship's Officer/Captain: Tell them to put on more dogs.
• Ship's Chief Engineer: (In Boiler Room) More Dogs!
• Stoker: (as he puts Santa's Little Helper into a furnace) In you go!
• Homer: "Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand: squealing. You've got to squeal to every teacher and every grown-up you can find. Coming to me was a good start."
• Drederick: "I think he's a good man, I like him, I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children."
• Reporter: "They do have a mother, champ."
• Drederick: "Yes but I would assume that she would die of grief."
• Dr. Hibbert: Well, sir, you more than meet every one of this state's requirements to box, wrestle or be shot out of a cannon.
• Marge: That's what we get for living in a state founded by circus freaks.
• Hibbert: You have an absolutely unique genetic condition known only as 'Homer Simpson's Syndrome.'
• Homer: Oh, why me?
• Hibbert: Oh, don't worry, it's quite beneficial. Your brain is surrounded by a layer of fluid 1/8th of an inch thicker than normal, it's almost as if you're wearing a football helmet inside your own head. Why, I could whollop you all day long with this surgical two-by-four without ever knocking you down...but I have other appointments."
• Moe: "If you want to beat up my friend in my bar, there's a two drink minimum".
• Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, due to popular demand, we will forgo our national anthem. And now, LLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLE!!
• Homer: You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing! He's exactly as rich and as famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!
• Moe: Yeah, he was my manager. Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time.
• Homer: Why not?
• Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out forty times in a row. That, plus politics. You know, it's all politics.
• Homer: Lousy Democrats.
• Marge: Before you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor.
• Homer: No problemo.
• Marge: A competent doctor!
• Homer: D'oh!
• Moe: Okay, you're fighting a guy named Boxcar Bob.
• Homer: Brawled his way up from the boxcars, did he?
• Moe: Uh, no, not yet, he still lives at the trainyard. But he's a hungry young fighter. In fact, he's actually fighting for a sandwich. (Moe blows dust off of his boxing gloves and gives them to Homer) Homer, I want you to have my lucky mits. I hope you do better with them than I did.
• Homer: Gee, thanks, Moe. What's this?
• Moe: Ah, that's the barbed wire. We, uh, we called that the stinger. They, they don't let you use that no more.
• Barney: Man, you'd never get me into a ring. Boxing causes brain damage.
• Moe: Back then, they called me "Kid Gorgeous." Then it was "Kid Presentable." Then "Kid Gruesome." And finally, "Kid Moe."

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show

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• Lisa: Um, excuse me sir, the thing is, there's nothing wrong with Itchy and Scratchy. It's as good as ever. But after so many years, the characters don't have the same impact they once had.
• Meyers: That's it. That's it, little girl! You've saved Itchy & Scratchy!
• Blue-Haired Lawyer: Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save Itchy & Scratchy.
• Man at survey: How many of you kids would like Itchy & Scratchy to deal with real-life problems, like the ones you face every day? (kids go "Me!" "I would!") And who would like to see them do just the opposite -- getting into far-out situations involving robots and magic powers? (kids go "Me!" "I would!") So, you want a realistic, down-to-earth show...that's completely off-the-wall...and swarming with magic robots? (kids agree)
• Milhouse: And also, you should win things by watching.
• The light behind the two-way mirror switches on, revealing Roger Meyers, Jr.
• Meyers, Jr.: You kids don't know what you want! That's why you're still kids! 'Cause you're stupid! Just tell me what's wrong with the freakin' show!!
• Roger Meyers Jr. (to the "Itchy and Scratchy" writers): I have figured out how to rejuvenate the show. It's so simple, you egghead writers would've never thought of it! What we need is... a new character! One that today's kids can relate to!
• Oakley: Are you absolutely sure that's wise, sir? I mean, I don't want to sound pretentious here, but Itchy and Scratchy comprise a dramaturgical dyad.
• Krusty: Hey, this ain't art -- it's business! Whaddya got in mind? Sexy broad? Gangster octopus?
• Meyers: No, no. The animal chain of command goes mouse, cat, dog. D-O-G.
• Weinstein: Uh, a dog? Isn't that a tad predictable?
• Lady (prototype Lindsay Naegle): In your dreams. We're talking the original dog from hell.
• Oakley: You mean Cerberus?
• Lady: We at the network want a dog with attitude. He's edgy, he's "in your face." You've heard the expression "let's get busy"? Well, this is a dog who gets "biz-zay!" Consistently and thoroughly.
• Krusty: So he's proactive, huh?
• Lady: Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.
• Meyer: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. I'm fired, aren't I?
• Meyers: Oh, yes. Now, the rest of you start writers thinking up a name for this funky dog; I dunno, something along the line of say... Poochie, only more proactive.
• Krusty: Yeah!
• Oakley: So, Poochie okay with everybody?
• All: Yeah...sure. It's cool.
• Ned (after "The Beagle Has Landed"): Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of "Impy and Chimpy" I've ever seen!
• Carl: Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer, you, uh... got a beautiful home here.
• Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured I was on the internet within minutes voicing my disgust throughout the world.
• Homer: Now, kids, I know you liked the old Poochie. (Bart and Lisa look at each other) But I promise the new one will be better than ten Super Bowls! I don't want you to over-think it. Judge for yourself.
• (in the cartoon, Itchy is using a rusty chainsaw to cut up Scratchy, who is encased in ice. Poochie appears)
• Scratchy: Look who it is!
• Itchy: Hello, Poochie. You look like you have something to say. Do you?
• Poochie (in Homer's voice): Yes, I certainly do! (in Roger Meyers Jr.'s voice) I have to go now. My planet needs me.
• (the animation cel is lifted up, creating the illusion of Poochie moving up in to the sky. A handwritten note appears saying "Poochie died on the way back to his home planet")
• Bart: Wow. Poochie came from another planet?
• Lisa: I guess.
• Homer: Hey, that wasn't supposed to happen! They ripped me off!
• Krusty: Poochie's dead! (laughs as the studio audience goes wild) Well kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon characters die, they're back again the very next week. That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit that Poochie will never, ever, ever return!
• Lawyer: This document conforms to all applicable laws and statutes. (kids cheer)
• Homer: You guys liked it, right?
• Bart: Mom, can we go to bed without dinner?
• Marge: Yes, we can.
• (Marge, Bart, and Lisa run upstairs and slam their doors)
• Homer: At least I liked it, didn't I?
• Homer's brain: Well, you don't want to know what I think. Now look sad and say "d'oh".
• Homer (sadly): D'oh.
• Poochie: The name's Poochie-D and I rock the telly
• I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli
• I'm the kung-fu hippie from gangsta city
• I'm a rappin' surfer, you da fool I pity!
• Scratchy (blankly): Wow, Poochie is one outrageous dude.
• Itchy (blankly): He's totally in my face.
• Poochie: Catch you on the flipside, dudemeisters. Not! And remember, kids, always recycle, to the extreme! Busted!
• Bart: It's back to the basics, classic Itchy & Scratchy.
• Lisa: We should thank our lucky stars that they're still putting on a program of this caliber after so many years.
• Bart: ... What else is on?
• (Lisa changes the channel)
• Milhouse: Hey, quit it!
• Meyers: They like Itchy, they like Scratchy, one kid seems to love the Speedo man... what more do they want?

The Old Man and the Lisa

• Homer (while in the hospital after his first round of heart attacks): "It's all right. I understand. But we really could've used that twelve thousand dollars."
• Lisa: "Um, Dad, ten percent of 120 million dollars isn't twelve thousand dollars. It's-" *Cuts to hospital corridor where the loudspeaker goes "Code Blue, Code Blue."*
• Mr. Burns: "The whole plant is environmentally sound. It's powered by old newspapers, machinery is made entirely of used cans, and the windows are from the old liquor bottles we collected." (to Barney) "Hey! I thought I told you to stop licking my windows!"
• Barney: "I know you told me. But when I woke up this morning, I said, 'Barney, you're not gonna lick that-'"
• Homer: "See that, boy? Why aren't you making any business deals?"
• Bart: "I'll do it this afternoon!"
• Burns: People, if we meet this week's quota, I'll take you to the most duck-filled pond you ever sat by! (the old folks begin working faster)
• Grampa: Oh, hot-diggity! That's how they got me to vote for Lyndon LaRouche!
• Mr. Burns: Ooh don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel. (Lisa looks unimpressed) With enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds.
• Lisa: There's a can.
• Lisa: You haven't changed at all! You're still evil and when you try to change, you're even more evil!
• Mr. Burns: I don't understand. Pigs need food, engines need coolant, dynamiters need dynamite. I'm supplying it to the world at a tidy profit...and not a single sea creature was wasted. (very creepy) You inspired it all...Li'l Lisa.
• Bret "Hitman" Hart: Eww! This place has got old man stink!
• Mr. Burns: Ooh.
• Smithers: Don't mind him, sir. You have an enchanting musk.
• (When Lisa asks him about recycling)
• Mr. Burns: Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese.
• Mr. Burns: (checking his stocks) Ah, right where I left off September, 1929 ... oh... oh no... Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash?!
• Smithers: Um, well...sir, it happened twenty-five years before I was born.
• Mr. Burns: Oh, that's your excuse for everything!
• Skinner: (After receiving the recycling money) 32 cents! But that won't even cover the gas that I used to go to the store to buy the twine to tie up the bags!
• Recycling Hippie: Sounds like you're living for your car. Simplify...man...
• Lenny (at Burns' desk, he activates the PA): Uh, attention everyone... (pauses) Um, work harder! Bye! (sits back)
• Mr. Burns: (addressing Homer at the Simpsons' front door) Sir, we've never met before, but my name is Mr. Burns and I want your daughter to help make me rich again.
• Homer: You mean Maggie? (Maggie stares at Mr. Burns and gestures her hand like a gun aimed at him)
• Mr. Burns: Ahh -- the baby who shot me -- no, I was referring to your other daughter.
• Mr. Burns:(Mr. Burns takes down his self-portrait and approaches Bret) Uh, would it be all right if I kept this portrait? To remind me of better times?
• Bret Hart Why would I want a picture of a pitiful pencil-neck GEEK?!
• Mr. Burns Yes. Why indeed.
• Lisa: "Mr. Burns, how does your plant support recycling?"
• Mr. Burns: "Re-sy-hling?"

The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

• Bart (after lining up 15 megaphones in police HQ): "Test-"
• (Shockwave blows him backwards 20 feet and shatters every window in Springfield)
• Lisa (after passing the climbing exercise): You thought I couldn't but I could, I did, and I could do it again, let's do it again!
• Bart: It's OK, Lis, it's over! You did it! You can put your arms down now.
• Lisa: I can't, they're stuck!
• Bart: "But if you quit, it'd be like an expert knot-tier quitting a knot-tying contest right in the middle of tying a knot."
• Lisa: "Why d'you say that?"
• Bart: "I don't know, I was just looking at my shoelaces."
• Range Instructor: Since you attended public school, I'm going to assume you're already proficient with small arms. So we're gonna give you something...a little more advanced. (gives Bart a grenade launcher. He then fires and destroys four of the five targets; the fifth missile flies beyond the horizon) Four out of five, Simpson. Impressive. But you missed your last target.
• Bart (à la James Bond): Did I?
• (cut to the Springfield Elementary parking lot. Skinner stands frozen next to the smoldering crater that used to be his car)
• Nelson (inside the school): Ha ha!
• Mrs. Krabappel (on seeing Bart leave): You dream about this day for so long, then when it comes, you don't know what to say.
• Skinner: Edna, your tears say more than words ever could.
• Commandant: All right, let's go over this one more time, just to make sure I understand the situation... you're a girl?!
• Lisa: Yes.
• Commandant: I'm sorry, I just don't understand the situation. You're a girl?
• Cadet: Truth is beauty! Beauty truth, sir!
• Lisa: They're discussing poetry! We never do that at my school.
• Teacher: But the truth can be harsh and disturbing! How can that be considered beautiful?
• Marge: They sure sucked the fun out of that poem.
• Commandant: The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots. Thank you.
• Lisa (alone in bed): "I can beat this, Emily Dickinson lived alone and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry ever known... (despairing): Then went crazy as a loon!

The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase

• Chief Wiggum: Ah, New Orleans. The Big Easy. Sweet Lady Gumbo. Old... Swampy.
• Ralph Wiggum: Look, Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy!
• Big Daddy: Oh no, the Chief! It's times like these I wish I weren't so fat.
• Barney: Well, I gotta go. I got a date with the lady in front of the drug store who's always yelling things. (leaves)
• Moe: She told me she was washing her hair tonight. Sigh, I'm so desperately lonely.
• (canned audience laughter)
• Kearney: (complaining about the Love Tester) It said I was gay!
• Grampa: (complaining to Homer) You buried me naked and sold my suit to buy a ping-pong table. What kind of a son—
• Homer: (unplugs the Love Tester) Call me when you get a karaoke machine.
• Judge Snyder: I move that the last sketch be stricken from the record.
• Moe: I need help here.
• Grampa: Tell her her rump's as big as the Queen's, and twice as fragrant.
• Moe: ...Okay. (leaves, then comes back suddenly, covered in escargot) You are absolutely, positively, the dumbest haunted love tester that I have ever met!
• Troy McClure: Welcome back! I'm talking with the curator of the Museum of TV and Television, Mr. John Winslow. (leaves before Winslow can say anything)
• Announcer: Chief Wiggum, P. I. will return — right now!
• (Betty tries the Love Tester)
• Grampa: Lovelorn. You need man. Moe near now. Go near Moe.
• Betty: What?
• Moe: "Go near Moe." I'd say that's a pretty strong endorsement.
• Chef Paul Prudhomme: I guar-an-tee!
• Skinner: Will you stop saying that?
• Grampa: Ladies like sweet-talking.
• Moe: Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine.
• Grampa: Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing that walks through that door.
• (Homer suddenly enters the bar to the applause of the studio audience)
• Homer: Greetings!
• Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such TV spinoffs as Son of Sanford and Son and AfterMannix.
• Big Daddy: You know, boys, there's an old saying down on the bayou that... uh... blah! (returns Ralph to Wiggum and escapes)
• (Wiggum encounters the Simpsons at Mardi Gras)
• Wiggum: If it isn't my old friends from Springfield, the Simpsons! What brings you folks to New Orleans?
• Bart: Mardi Gras, man! When the Big Easy calls, you gotta accept the charges.
• Lisa: Chief Wiggum, I can't wait to hear about all the exciting, sexy adventures you're sure to have against this colorful backdrop.
• Wiggum: Well golly, I'd love to chat, but my son's been kidnapped. You haven't seen him, have you? Caucasian male, between the ages of six and ten, thinning hair.
• Homer: (points to Ralph and Big Daddy) Over there.
• Wiggum: (answering his phone) Who is this?
• Skinner: It's me, chief. I'm on the other extension.
• Moe and Betty: Thanks, Grampa.
• Grampa: Yeah, yeah, now how's about introducing me to that cute little pay phone out front?

The Springfield Files

• Dr. Nick: The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money!
• Leonard Nimoy: Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer - is no."
• Arcade Owner: (speaking to Donkey Kong) Sorry Donkey Kong, you're just not a draw anymore.
• (Donkey Kong replies by throwing a barrel at him and bowling him over.)
• Arcade Owner: Hey! He's still got it!".
• Milhouse is standing in front of Kevin Costner's Waterworld - the video game in an arcade
• Milhouse: 38...39...40 quarters! This had better be good!
• Virtual Kevin Costner takes a single step on screen.
• Computer game: Game over. Please deposit 40 quarters.
• Milhouse: What a ripoff! *pause* 1...2...3...4...
• Mulder: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
• Scully: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
• Mulder: (scoffs) I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
• Mulder: Agents Mulder and Scully. (sinister) FBI.
• Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. And if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called... "The Bus That Couldn't Slow
• Down."
• Jasper: Thank God it's Wednesday. (takes his pills)
• Mrs. Glick: It's Friday.
• Jasper: Uh-oh. Wrong pills. (hair covers Jasper's entire body) Uh, little help?
• Homer: The alien has a sweet heavenly voice...like Urkel. And he appears every Friday night...like Urkel.
• Wiggum: Wow, your story is really compelling Mr. Jackass, I mean Simpson. So I'll just write it up on my invisible typewriter.
• Homer: You don't have to humilate me!
• Homer leaves. A charred man flicking a cigarette lighter covered in ash enters.
• Pyromaniac: I just torched a building downtown and I'm afraid I'll do it again!
• Wiggum: Yeah Right... Just let me type that up on my invisible typewritter (Wiggum hums to himself). Fruitcake!
• Rev. Lovejoy: I remember another gentle visitor from the Heavens. He came in peace, and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was...E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. (sniff) I love that little guy.
• Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had.
• Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus?
• Grandpa:(Grandpa chasing a turtle with his dentures) OW, he bit me with my own teeth!
• Scully: No, this is much more irritating.
• Homer: I'll be happy to answer any questions about the alien. Any question at all. Dr. Hibbert?
• Dr. Hibbert: Yes. Is the alien carbon-based or silicon-based?
• Homer: Uh, the second one. Sillyfoam. Next question.
• Barney: Is the alien Santa Claus?
• Homer: Uh, yeah.
• Ned: Were you on my roof last night, stealing my weather vane?
• Homer: This interview is over!
• (slams the door shut. Ned's weather vane then lands in front of the crowd)
• Dr. Nick: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. (holds up a painful looking device) 'Til I jam this down your throat!
• Homer (holding a "Homer is Right" T-Shirt): Take a look at this, Lisa. You don't see any "Homer is a Dope" T-shirts, do you?
• Shirt Guy: We sold those out in five minutes.
• Homer: D'oh! (sees Marge wearing a "Homer is a Dope" shirt) Marge, how could you?
• Marge: These shirts are 100% cotton and look at the fine stitching on "dope".
• Homer: I'll take two.
• Bart: Leonard Nimoy, what are you doing here?
• Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near.
• Sarcastic middle-aged man: Hey Spock, what do want on your hot dog?
• Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me.
• (man slaps a lot of relish on the hot dog)
• Kent Brockman: The alien has appeared in the same area the last two Friday nights. Will it appear this Friday? The entire Channel 6 News team will be there, except Bill the boom-mic operator who's getting fired tomorrow.
• (He then gets hit in the head with a boom-mic)
• Kent (to someone off camera): Very unprofessional, Bill.
• Leonard Nimoy: And from this simple man came the truth that we are not alone in the universe. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night.
• Squeaky Voiced Teen (off-camera): Uh, Mr. Nimoy, we still have ten minutes left.
• Leonard Nimoy: Oh, uh, well, let me get something out of my car.
• (runs off camera; we then hear a car starting and driving off)
• Squeaky Voiced Teen: I don't think he's coming back.
• Bart (enters the dining room with spring eyes and a water gun): I am the Thing from Your-anus (sic)!
• Homer: Oh, it's only Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being mocked by my own children! On my birthday!
• Bart: It's your birthday?
• Homer: Yeah. Don't you know? It's the same day as the dog's.
• Lisa: Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday?! Oh, we gotta give we a present! Oh yes, we do! (hugs the dog)
• Bart (hugging the dog): We love you, boy.
• Marge: Good doggie! Good doggie!
• Homer (under his breath): Lousy lovable dog!
• Marge: Homer, it's 2 AM! Where have you been?
• Homer: I saw an alien! He appeared in front of me and said don't be afraid!
• Marge: Have you been drinking?
• Homer: No! Well, ten beers.
• Marge: (grunts)
• Frogs: Bud... Weis... Er... Bud... Weis...
• Alligator: (eats the frogs) Coors.
• Mulder: Are we alone in the universe? Impossible, when you consider the wonders that exist all around us... (much later) voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia, the unsolved mysteries of Unsolved Mysteries... The truth is out there! (in the background, Moe and his friends carry Shamu the killer whale on their backs)
• Moe: Oh God. Who would've thought a whale would be this heavy? (sees Mulder looking at them) Cheese it! The Feds! (they run off as the whale groans)
• (Scully observes Homer running on a treadmill with wires attached to him.)
• Mulder: Wait a minute Scully, what's the point of this test?
• Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight.
• Mulder: (staring at Homer) His jiggling is almost hypnotic.
• Scully: Yes, it's like a lava lamp.
• Homer: Good. If you believe me, then I'm not giving up. This Friday, we'll go into the woods and find that alien!
• Bart: What if we don't?
• Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox network.
• Bart (laughs): They'll buy anything!
• Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming too. (beat, then Homer and Bart burst into laughter)
• Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working at a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
• Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien.
• Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.
• Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the F.B.I.
• Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. There, you happy?
• (Homer is wired to a polygraph)
• Scully: Now we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes-or-no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
• Homer: Yes. (polygraph explodes)

The Twisted World of Marge Simpson

• Homer: What do you need to make money for anyway? As long as I have my earning power, this family's got nothing to worry about.
• Oww! Ohh! Call work and tell 'em I won't be in tomorrow.
• Frank : Welcome to the dynamic world of mobile pretzel retailing.
• Marge: When can I start? Where's my territory?
• Frank Ormand: Your...territory. Uh. Well, lemme tell ya. Wherever a young mother is ignorant of what to feed her baby, you'll be there. Wherever nacho penetration is less than total, you'll be there. Wherever a Bavarian is not quite full, you will be there.
• Marge: Don't forget fat people. They can't stop eating!
• Homer: Hey, pretzels!
• Bart: Cheer up, Mom. You can't buy publicity like that. Thousands and thousands of people saw your pretzels injuring Whitey Ford!
• Homer: You could call them Whitey-Whackers.
• Helen: I don't understand why they won't unload our falafel fixings.
• Lou: Ship's impounded, Ma'am.
• Wiggum: Yeah, we, uh, found a couple of barnacles on the hull; that and, uh, the deck was, uh, wet.
• Helen Lovejoy: That's crazy! And what are those men doing under my van?
• (a group of mobsters flee from the van)
• Chief Wiggum: Look, lady, if I was you, I would just leap into the air as I am preparing to do. (They both do so as the Fleet-A-Pita van explodes)
• Fat Tony: We are your business partners and as such, we are entitled to a percentage of your profits. Something in the area of 100%.
• Marge: What are you talking about?
• Fat Tony: We suggest you have a conversation with your husband. You have 24 hours to give us our money and to show we're serious, you have 12 hours. See you at 6 AM.
• Homer: I saw you pouring your heart and soul into this business and getting nowhere. I saw you desperately trying to cram one more salty treat into America's already bloated snack hole. So I did what I could. I did what any loving husband would do! I reached out to some violent mobsters.
• Edna Krabappel: Well, well, if it isn't Marge Simpson and her gangland cronies.
• Maude Flanders: Your goon squads certainly gave you the edge in the mobile snack business. But I'm afraid we've outdone you once again. Hiroshi, Yukio... Perhaps you've heard of the Yakuza -- the Poison Fists of the Pacific Rim -- the Japanese mafia.
• Agnes Skinner: They'll kill ya five times before you hit the ground!
• Cletus: Hey! Stop right there! Gimme 300 pretzels!
• Marge: See? All you need a little patience! All right, sir. That'll be $300.
• Cletus: Not so fast! I got 300 coupons!
• Marge: I should've said, "Limit: 1 Per Customer."
• Cletus: Shoulda but didn'ta. Now hands 'em over! Hey kids! We're eatin' dinner tonight! Come on out, Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dylan, Dermott, Jordan, Taylor, Brittany, Wesley, Rumer, Scout, Cassidy, Zoe, Chloe, Max, Hunter, Kendall, Kaitlin, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Ian, Lauren, Q-Bert, Phil . (Smiles at Marge)
• (After being told to go inside while the mobsters and Yakuza fighting each other)
• Homer: Aww, but Marge, the little one hasn't done anything yet, and you know it's gonna be good! (They step inside, a scream of pain is heard) Awwww.
• (The little Yakuza flies through the kitchen window, and dusts himself off)
• Yakuza: Forgiveness Please!
• (leaves)
• (During the fake ticker-tape parade)
• Chief Wiggum: Welcome back, space girl!
• (Marge arrives at the school loading zone. An unshaven and ragged Skinner appears)
• Marge: Are you sure the children will get enough nutrition from these pretzels?
• Skinner (monotonous): Yes I am sure. (a bandaged hand gives Marge money) Sure as sure can be.
• Marge: Oh my God. What happened to your fingers?
• Legs (off-camera): Bowling accident.
• Skinner: I believe it was a... boking accident. (a laser sight is aimed at his temple) I have to go now.
• Disco Stu (at his "Can't Stop the Learnin'" disco promotion seminar): Did you know that disco record sales were up 400% for the year ending 1976? Now if those trends continue...(Fonzie-style) Ayyyy! (puts his feet, clad in platform shoes, up on his desk. They have glass soles with water and dead fish inside)
• Homer: Uh, your fish are dead.
• Disco Stu: Yeah, I know. I...can't get them out of there.

Treehouse of Horror VII

• ===The Thing and I===
• Dr. Hibbert: Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You never forget anything like (dramatic tone of voice) Siamese twins!
• Lisa: I believe they preferred to be called "conjoined twins."
• Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies preferred to be called "sons of the soil," but it ain't gonna happen!
• Homer: We'll search out any place a sick solitary misfit might run to!
• Lisa: I'll start with RadioShack!
• Homer: Right!
• Dr. Hibbert (confronting Hugo): You know, Hugo, all these years you've spent here in the attic, why, you've probably never seen yourself in the mirror.
• (Hibbert holds up a mirror and Hugo looks into it. There is nothing but a frame; Hibbert then punches Hugo in the face)
• (Bart is tied down)
• Bart: Aaaaaaaaaaagh, you're crazy
• Hugo: Maybe, perhaps we all are a little crazy; I know I am. I went mad when they tore us apart. But, I'll be sane again... once I sew us back together.
• Bart: But you'll kill both of us!
• Hugo: No it's easy! Look! I've been practicing. I made a pigeon-rat. (shows Bart the pigeon-rat, which tries to fly out the window, but hits the glass, then tries to enter a hole, but fails because of its size). Now, which side do you want to be on? The right or the left?
• Homer (running up to the attic) We think we saw Hugo at the airport, he was boarding a plane to Switzerland and... (sees Hugo on the floor) ... oh.
• Dr. Hibbert (Upon seeing Hugo's scar on the left side of his body)
• What a minute! Hugo's scar is on the wrong side. He couldn't have been the evil left twin. That means the evil twin is, and always has been, Bart!
• Bart (after everyone finds he's the evil one): Oh, don't look so shocked.
• (Family is gathering at dinner table, where Dr. Hibbert is cutting some turkey)
• Dr. Hibbert: Heh, Heh. Care for a drumstick Hugo? (Hugo then engords the drumstick as well as his own napkin)
• Lisa: Mom, Hugo's eating his napkin. (Everyone at the table then laughs)
• Bart: (peeping in from the attic air duct) Hey can I have some turkey
• Marge: Ooh!!! You finish your fisheads, then we'll talk (Marge then closes the vent)
• ===The Genesis Tub===
• Bart: (walking into Lisa's room with a balloon in his hair) Hey, Lisa! Check out my science project.
• Lisa: (getting zapped by Bart) Ow! What's that supposed to prove?
• Bart: That nerds conduct electricity. (zaps Lisa again and runs out of her room laughing)
• Lisa: (looking at her tooth) Tiny little people?! Oh my God! I've created life!
• Marge: Lisa, breakfast! We're having waffles!
• Lisa: Ooh, waffles! (goes downstairs) Wait, these aren't waffles! They're just square pancakes!
• Marge: Sorry. The waffle iron's still in the shop.
• Lisa (returns to her room): Stupid waffle iron. It's been in the shop forever. (looks into microscope) So, how are my little stone age dwellers? Oh my God! They're evolving so fast, they've already reached the Renaissance. Wait, one of them is nailing something to the door of the cathedral. I've created Lutherans!
• Mayor-type figure: Welcome to our world, most gracious Lisa.
• Lisa: Your world is incredible! And you speak English?
• Mayor: We have listened to you since the dawn of time, Oh Creator, (the mayor bows a little) and we have learned to imatoot you exartly. (The audience in front of Lisa's throne bow in homage, revealing a large statue.)
• Lisa: You think I'm God?
• Mayor: But of course! You look down at us from Heaven, you gave us life, and only your divine wisdom can save us from the Devil.
• Lisa: The devil? What devil?
• Mayor: (whispering) The one you call Bart.
• (Upon hearing the name of the unholy one, the people cover their ears and moan)
• Lisa: Oh no, no, no, you don't understand. Bart's just my brother.
• Mayor: (shocked) The Devil is your brother? We find this most perplexing!
• Lisa: Oh, great. I'm stuck in this lousy tub for the rest of my life. Shouldn't you people be grovelling? (the people do) And bring me some shoes. Nice ones.
• Man: She'll want some socks, too. I'll get socks.
• ===Citizen Kang===
• Marge: I still don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet I've never even heard of.
• Homer: Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos. (he is whipped by an alien)
• President Clinton (getting abducted): Huh? What's happening? Is it noon already?
• Kodos: (as President Clinton) Ladies and gentlemen, when I was a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom! (coincidentally, Tony Blair, a fan of the Simpsons, who appeared in a later Simpsons' episode, made his 2005 election campaign slogan 'Forwards not backwards')
• Homer: Oh, no. Aliens, bio-duplication, nude conspiracies. Oh, my God. Lyndon LaRouche was right!
• Kodos/Clinton: What? Are you still here?
• Kang/Dole: I'm afraid we must dispose of you!
• (he presses a button; a large device emerges which sprays Homer with fluid)
• Homer: What are you spraying me with?
• Kang/Dole: Rum! So no one will believe your story!
• (Kodos kicks Homer out of their flying saucer)
• Kodos/Clinton: And don't come back.
• (after the aliens have been revealed to the crowd at the White House)
• Kang: It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us!
• Man: Well then, I believe I'll vote for a third party candidate!
• Kang: Go ahead! Throw your vote away! Ahahahaha!
• ( Everyone then begins to question this comment, and Ross Perot angrily removes his straw "Perot 96" hat and punches it.)
• Homer: Oh no, space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
• Kang: SILENCE! We come from by a near-by ringed planet we prefer not to mention.
• Kang: Abortions for all!
• (Crowd boos)
• Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone!
• (Crowd boos)
• Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
• (Crowd cheers and waves miniature flags)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsGoofsS08':

• Duff had an alcohol-free Duff. It was presented in Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming, when Homer downs 6 glasses after mistakenly reading sign advertising "free Duff". However, a crowd of people standing around the sign leaves, revealing the full text of the sign to be "Alcohol-free Duff: $6". This causes Homer to be charged $42. However, he pretends to faint to leave the scene.
• When Bart and Milhouse are on their "whacky shack", Milhouse points to three unsafe building signs. However, Bart throws only two out of the window. Then, when Bart asks Milhouse if it's OK, there are no more signs present.

My Sister, My Sitter

• In the newly released book; The Bart Book it claims that Lisa was born when Bart was 2 years and 6 months. However, in this episode, Bart claims he is "two years and thirty-eight days older" than Lisa. If the episode was right, then Lisa's birthday would be 9 May, but if this book was right it would be sometime between late September and early October, as it states in the same book that Bart was born on April 1. If that was the case, Bart's birthday would have been on the episode So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show.

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsCouchGagsS08':

• Kirk moves out of the Van Houten house and into "Casa Nova: A Transitional Place for Singles", where he sleeps in a race-car bed. Despite his drab new surroundings, Kirk keeps a cheery attitude toward it all... that is, until he is fired from his job at the cracker factory for being newly single (crackers are "a family food," his boss explains). Meanwhile, Luanne quickly begins her life after Kirk by starting a new relationship with Chase, who goes by "Pyro" on American Gladiators. Marge invites Homer to go see Spalding Gray with Luanne and Chase, but Homer declines, instead going out with Kirk. Kirk also has a new relationship; he begins dating a wig-wearing radio station temp named Starla who promises to help him launch his singing career, but instead steals his car. While at Moe's, Kirk mentions that he never saw the divorce coming. "One day, your wife is making your favorite meal," he says. "The next day you're thawing a hot dog in a gas station sink." Homer begins to fear that his and Marge's marriage might be next, especially when he sees that Marge left hot dogs thawing in the sink for him.
• Marge makes Bart her specialty "butterscotch chicken", but in "Blood Feud" Marge says that Bart's allergies are "butterscotch and imitation butterscotch."
• Bart After Dark is the one hundredth and fifty-eighth episode of The Simpsons.
• Bart discovers that the house is actually a burlesque house and quickly takes a new enthusiasm to his job. Meanwhile, Marge and Lisa discover that all the animal cleaning has been taken by celebrities and drive home. Homer learns about the true nature of the burlesque house, but does nothing about Bart working there. Soon, the Flanderses and Lovejoys confront him on the matter in front of Marge, who was previously unaware of Bart's form of employment.
• This episode contains one of the hints that Patty is a lesbian as she is seen exiting the house during the slide show, a fact that is confirmed in future episodes.
• Martin Prince invites his classmates to his birthday party, but the gathering – which features a mathemagician as the main entertainment – turns out to be incredibly boring. As a result, party guests Principal Skinner and Edna Krabappel strike up a conversation and discover they have romantic feelings for each other. The party comes to its merciful end when everyone becomes ill with food poisoning, as Martin insisted on serving oysters instead of a birthday cake. Vegetarian Lisa doesn't get sick, but nevertheless fakes illness to leave the party. Bart is the only other one to escape the poisoning, having fed his oysters to Martin's cat; he stays behind and spots Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel kissing inside Martin's playhouse.
• Bart learns that Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel have lost their jobs. Bart encourages Principal Skinner to stand up for himself, and he does just that. He locks down the school, calls the media and – after sitting on the roof – he and Mrs. Krabappel make their demands: They want their jobs back and the townspeople to not interfere in their relationship. However, several residents reply with their accusation about the two having sexual intercourse in the janitor's closet. Principal Skinner insists nothing of the sort happened, and that he, in fact, is still a virgin. Everyone accepts the explanation, and Chalmers agrees to reinstate Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel as though nothing happened. Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel decide to continue their relationship more privately than ever by convincing Bart that they have broken up.
• | guest_star = John Waters as John
• In music class, Lisa is caught looking outside the window at Nelson attempting to help Groundskeeper Willie, and is given detention. After school, she continues to watch Nelson ... and develops a huge crush on the bully.
• Homer ends up annoying most of Springfield with his "Happy Dude" scam, and it isn't long before Chief Wiggum catches him. Instead of confiscating the autodialer and taking Homer into custody, Wiggum gives him a citation and asks him to bring the autodialer with him to his court hearing. Homer does just that, and is ordered to apologize to everyone he had scammed. Using the autodialer, he apologizes ... and then asks for more money!
• Mountain of Madness is an episode of The Simpsons
• The characters Burns hullucinates seeing are Mao Tse Tung, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi.
• On its way down the hill, the propane-driven house kills a squirrel.
• Lisa decides to earn extra money as a babysitter. However, because of her age, no one takes her seriously. One day, Ned states that Maude has been taken hostage in the Holy Land and he must leave to get her released. Lisa offers to baby-sit. After a relatively uneventful night, Ned puts out the good word for Lisa, who experiences a business boom.
• Lisa calling 911 trying to get an ambulance fails, after Bart attempted to make several prank calls earlier that night. Then she tries to call Dr. Hibbert but has a day-dream about what would happen. She then tries to take an unconscious Bart (and a hyperactive Maggie) to Dr. Nick Riviera's clinic but fails to get an appointment. She then takes Bart and Maggie on foot to the hospital. Along the way, Chief Wiggum halts Lisa to see what kind of wheelbarrow she has (what she was carrying Bart and Maggie in). After complimenting Lisa on her excellent choice of barrow Bart falls into the river right in front of the crowded Squid Port. Everyone assumes that Lisa murdered Bart and that she is on drugs, and is about to drown Maggie. Homer and Marge are shocked at these events. The next day, Bart gets treatment, confesses it was his fault and apologizes to Lisa. She is distraught that her reputation as a babysitter is ruined; however, despite the rumors, she still gets a few requests from other families, because she's one of the only babysitters in town.
• | guest_star = Alex Rocco as Roger Meyers, Jr.
• Bart and Lisa think that there is something in the attic. Homer claims not to know what they are talking about, although he feeds the thing fish heads. Bart and Lisa investigate in the attic to find out that there really is a monster. Homer and Marge call Dr. Hibbert about the thing, which appears to be Bart's conjoined twin brother, Hugo (voiced by Nancy Cartwright as well).. Dr. Hibbert says that Hugo and Bart's birth as conjoined twins was an irregularity because one of them was pure evil (the one on the left side, since he continuously bit the one on the right side), and he had to separate them, choosing to take Bart home and let Hugo be chained up in the attic. Bart even sees the scar from the birth. The rest of the family leaves Bart at home, while they look for Hugo. Meanwhile, Hugo is actually home and takes Bart up to the attic and ties him up to a bed. Hugo decides he's going to sew himself and Bart up. When they come home, Dr. Hibbert realizes that Hugo's scar is on the wrong side, meaning that the evil twin is actually Bart, who is locked up in the attic in Hugo's stead and made to eat fish heads, while the rest of the family eats turkey.
• First Halloween episode to be the season premier.

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsWritersS08':

• John Swartzwelder (Homer's Enemy)
• Dan Greaney (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Ken Keeler (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• | director = Mike B. Anderson (Homer's Phobia, The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• | director = Steven Dean Moore (A Milhouse Divided, In Marge We Trust, The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• | director = Mike B. Anderson (You Only Move Twice)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsCulturalS08':

• Krusty: What kind of parents would leave their kids home with that babysitter? (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Hans Moleman (in the car): Help me. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Helen Lovejoy: (Bart rolls out of the wheelbarrow into the ditch) She's murdered her brother! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Homer: (in panic mode) NOT US! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa (to herself): Oh, they're gonna be eaten alive in middle school. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa: (frustratingly) I didn't see any UFO! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa: (squinting to see the crowd staring at her) Where am I? (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa: Calm down! A moth's no more harmful than a ladybug. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Marge: How cute. It looks as though a Cadillac drove right into the building. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Maude Flanders: And she's on drugs! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Officer: That's right. You didn't. (waves to a doctor who puts away a hypodermic needle) (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Rod and Todd: A ladybug?!! Aaaaaaaaaaahhh! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Rod and Todd: A moth! A moth! A moth! Aaaahh! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Sideshow Mel: (pointing to the still-caged, hyperactive Maggie) And, as a grim finale, she plans to drown that poor caged baby! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Unnecessary addition of new characters to veteran TV shows – The addition of the Poochie character to The Itchy & Scratchy Show (and the unexplained presence of Roy in the subplot) spoofs the addition of new characters to veteran TV shows in their waning years, with the belief that viewer interest will be renewed. However, the result is often negative, and is often cited by fans as a moment when the show has jumped the shark. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (Rod and Todd run upstairs to their rooms while Lisa calmly shoos the moth outside) (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Happy Days – Roy addressing Homer and Marge as "Mr. S" and "Mrs. S" is a reference to how Fonzie and the teen-aged characters addressed Howard and Marion Cunningham on Happy Days. Poochie also claims to be "a third Fonzarelli". (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Three's Company – Roy's announcement that he's "moving out to live with two sexy ladies" is a reference to the ABC sitcom. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (Several patients in bed attempt to lift their hands.) (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Bob concedes that the Cappadocians are the only civilization in history that has ever considered chief hydrological engineer a calling. (Brother from Another Series)
• Burns buys Count Chocula cereal at the Kwik-E-Mart. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Businesses in the port include "It's a Wonderful Knife" (parodying the movie It's a Wonderful Life) and Planet Hype (parodying the real-life celebrity-owned restaurant Planet Hollywood). (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Cecil's guess of "Maris?" (see quotes) is a reference to Niles' never-seen wife on Frasier. According to the season 8 DVD commentary, writers for this episode ran the script by NBC executives and writers for Frasier. The only thing they took exception to was a brief scene showing a character named "Maris". Their argument was, "We don't show Maris." To which Kelsey Grammer repeats, "You can never show Maris." (Brother from Another Series)
• Krusty performs a 'prison special' at Springfield Penitentiary dressed in black: I slugged some jerk in Tahoe/They gave my one-to-three/My high-priced lawyer sprung me on a technicality — a reference to Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash. (Brother from Another Series)
• Larry's line "I tell ya, I get no regard. No regard at all. No esteem neither." is a reference to Dangerfield's famous catchphrase, "I don't get no respect." (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Moe's segment has a Bewitched/I Dream of Jeannie feel to it, as well as My Mother the Car. The first moments of the segment parody Cheers, but it quickly swings away from that. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• On the commentary, the producers cited several shows parodied during the variety show, including The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour and Laugh In. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Ozmodiar is a spoof of the Great Gazoo from The Flintstones. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Skinner can be seen talking to Huggy Bear of Starsky & Hutch fame. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• The "Wayne's World" sketches and movie – Poochie shouts "NOT!", much like Wayne Campbell. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• The Homer v. Tatum bout is a reference to the film Rocky. Where a local champion faces the heavyweight champion. (The Homer They Fall)
• The Japanese businessman in the Mr. Sparkle corporate video is bathing in a sentō, a communal bath. He tells the watching "American investor" that he (the investor) is interested in distributing Mr. Sparkle in his "home prefecture" referring to the jurisdictional divisions of Japan, as opposed to "home State". (In Marge We Trust)
• The replacement of Lisa in the third segment with another girl reflects the recasting of Jan Brady in the Brady Bunch Variety Hour when Eve Plumb refused to participate. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• The scene where Homer hides in a closet and secretly listens to a conversation in the conference room is a reference to a 1991 incident at NBC when Jay Leno hid in a storage closet secretly listening to NBC executives discuss who would take over The Tonight Show when Johnny Carson retires. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• The songs parodied during the third segment are: (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• The title of the Wiggum segment is an obvious spoof of Magnum, P.I., but may have been inspired by the Hill Street Blues spinoff Beverly Hills Buntz, which similarly featured a single law enforcement character from a popular show transplanted to a completely different city to become a detective. The segment goes on to parody Live and Let Die, Miami Vice and Baywatch Nights. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Wrestler Bret "The Hitman" Hart appears as himself, moving into Burns' house and addressing him as a "pencil-neck geek," an insult used by pro-wrestler and manager "Classie Freddie" Blassie. His new neighbour, The Shrieking Sheikh, is a parody of The Iron Sheik. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Joe Camel – another character Poochie claims to be based on. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• "Reservoir Cats" the Itchy and Scratchy episode is an obvious homage to Reservoir Dogs. It features the famed ear slicing scene from the movie. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• "What do you do, what do you do?" is a reference to Speed (film). (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Eh, I'll have to ask her. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Homer: Militants, huh? Well, if I were you, I'd kick their asses. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Homer: Uh, gee, I'd reallly love to want to help you, Flanders, but...Uh, Marge was taken prisoner in the...Holy Land and uh... (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Kent: A comedy nurse who's laughing all the way to the blood bank. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Kent: Tonight on Eye On Springfield. Opening day of the worlds first two story outhouse. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Krusty: (upon learning his sandwich-delivery was a prank call by Bart) Well, I'm not leaving until I get paid. I also get $300 for just saying "Hey, hey!" (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa: But I'm smart and responsible, and my parents will be right next door! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa: I'll do it! I'll babysit! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa: Please, Please, Please! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Man in bottom floor of Outhouse: Oh God, stop! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby: I declare this....WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!! (everyone sees Bart in the wheelbarrow which is being pushed by Lisa) (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Ned: Homer, I've got a Fozzie of a bear of a problem. Y'know, Maude and her mother were visiting Tyre and Sidan, the twin cities of the Holy Land. They must've kneeled in the wrong place and prayed to the wrong God, because, well, they're being held prisoner by militants of some sort. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Ned: Well, I don't know, Lisa. You're awfully young, and the boys can be a handful. Todd's been pinching everyone lately. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Ned: Well, any hoodily-doodle, the embassy says it's just a routine hostage-taking, but I have to drive to Capital City, fill out some forms to get 'em out. Could you possibly watch the kids tonight? (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Ned: Well, what do you say, Homer? Can Lisa babysit my kids? (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Nurse: Got'cha! (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Nurse: Ok, how many of you are here for shoulder surgery, huh?. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• US Air Force officer: We just got a report that a "Lisa Simpson" spotted a UFO. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• (at Planet Hollywood, Homer and Marge notice a car sticking out of the building) (My Sister, My Sitter)
• (while playing a board game with no dice, a moth comes out of the box) (My Sister, My Sitter)
• (2 men enter the outhouse.) (My Sister, My Sitter)
  • "I Want Candy" by The Strangeloves (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
  • "Lollipop" by The Chordettes (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
  • "Peppermint Twist" by Joey Dee and the Starlighters (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
  • "Whip It" by Devo (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• ==Quotes== (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Belle may possibly be named after Belle Watling, the owner of the burlesque house in Gone with the Wind. (Bart After Dark)
• Frank Grimes' way of waddling around the plant spoofs the scene from the Charlie Chaplin film Modern Times when Chaplin's character has a nervous breakdown from being overworked and begins waddling around the factory, tightening anything that looks like a loose nut with his wrenches. The only difference is that Chaplin's character didn't die in an electrocution that Frank Grimes did. (Homer's Enemy)
• Homer crashing the flying saucer into capital dome in a nod to Earth vs. the flying saucers (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer's theme song is "Why Can't We Be Friends?" by War. He also comes in wearing a robe labeled "Opponent" (The Homer They Fall)
• The "dog birthday" gag is almost word-for-word identical to one featured earlier in an episode of Married... with Children. (The Springfield Files)
• The Lovematic-Grandpa machine sings Daisy Daisy in a distorted manner when its electrical circuits are failing, spoofing HAL from the 1968 film 2001: A Space Odyssey. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• The episode parodies the film The Untouchables, with the character of Rex Banner based on Eliot Ness (played by Kevin Costner in the film). (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• The montage of Homer's victories mid-episode spoofs Raging Bull. Some controversy has arisen about what song is exactly played during Homer's montage. DVD commentary of the episode has attributed the song to an original Alf Clausen composition. Some people alternatively have stated that it is "The Flower Duet" from Delibes' opera Lakme. However, their is no passage in "The Flower Duet" song that convincingly matches up with the boxing montage scene but it can be said that the song is done in the style and semblance of "The Flower Duet." (The Homer They Fall)
• The plot element of the conjoined twins from "The Thing and I" is from the film Basket Case. The attic scene is a nod to The Exorcist. The title is also a play on the movie The King and I. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• The reason Lisa choses to be a babysitter is because she reads 2 "Babysitter Twins" books an obvious spoof of the Ann M. Martin series The Babysitters Club (My Sister, My Sitter)
• The shot of the diner is a spoof of Edward Hopper's Nighthawks painting. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• The title is not only a pun on the movie title The Brother from Another Planet (The Simpsons has also spoofed this title with the episode title "Brother from the Same Planet"), but also a reference to the fact that guest stars Kelsey Grammer and David Hyde Pierce also play bickering and childishly competitive brothers on the sitcom Frasier. A title card just before the start of the second act explicitly brings up this connection. (Brother from Another Series)
• When Homer stops the destruction of the burlesque house, Reverend Lovejoy says "This house is a very, very, very fine house", a reference to the Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young song "Our House". (Bart After Dark)
• (My Sister, My Sitter)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsDirectorsS08':

• | guest_star = Tim Conway as himself (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsTriviaS08':

• Cashier: Uh no, but we do have some old shirt buttons. They're kind of kooky and fun. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: And that's where Kent Brockman was caught cheating in the Springfield marathon. (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Hey! Those ain't your rats, Barn. (Homer's Phobia)
• Skinner: Missy, you have just talked yourself right out of a sale! (leaves) (Homer's Phobia)
• According to the DVD audio commentary, Dangerfield was very helpful in the writing process of this episode. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• "Dedicated to The Steelworkers of America—Keep Reaching For That Rainbow!" (closing supertitle) (Homer's Phobia)
• Barney (after the deer-hunting trip turns out to be fruitless): Aw, we should have stayed at the bar and shot some rats. (Homer's Phobia)
• Barney: Aw, Moe, we were saved by a sissy. (Homer's Phobia)
• Barney: Hey, better yet, Bart could shoot a deer! That's like shooting a beautiful man. (Homer's Phobia)
• Barney: I always hoped Bart would grow up just like us. What happened? (Homer's Phobia)
• Barney: Is it all right to come out now, Mr. Gay Man...sir? (Homer's Phobia)
• Barney: Today, you're gonna be a man, Bart. (Homer's Phobia)
• Bart (to Lisa): Huh? (Homer's Phobia)
• Bart: Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill? (Homer's Phobia)
• Bart: He thinks I'm gay? (We home in on Bart's head as 'Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)' begins to play. As the car drives off with the song still playing, a message appears across the screen. (Homer's Phobia)
• Bart: I dunno. Came outta the closet. (Homer's Phobia)
• Bart: Nope. Something about a bunch of guys alone together in the woods... seems kinda gay. (Homer's Phobia)
• Bart: You guys going to teach me to drive? (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: (crying) I don't know! This is a nightmare! YOU'RE ALL SICK! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: (screams) Has the whole world gone insane? (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Oh! My son doesn't stand a chance! The whole world's gone gay! (hooter sounds) Oh my God, what's happening now? (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Am I, Marge? Am I? Think of the property values. Now we can never say only straight people have been in this house. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Amen to that. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Aw, she'd never go. She's a "vegetarian." (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: But what would turn Bart into a man fast? You have to think for me! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Butt out, Buttinsky. What would you know about hunting? (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Give her a break! Her husband was killed! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Hang on to it, Toy-Boy! You might need it when it starts raining naked ladies! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Hey! We owe this guy, and I don't want you calling him a sissy. This guy's a fruit, and a... no, wait, wait, wait: queer, queer, queer! That's what you like to be called, right? (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Hey, boy, where'd you get that shirt? (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: I've been tenderized. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Marge, the boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: No I'm not, Marge! They're embarrassing me. They're embarrassing America. They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had! Now they're just, uh... (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? Well, there's lots of foxy ladies out there. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod! Oh my god! I danced with a gay! Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone. Promise me!! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Right. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Right. Thank you. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Son, maybe it's the concussion talking, but any way you choose to live your life is okay with me. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: That John is the greatest guy in the world. We've gotta have him and his wife over for drinks sometime. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: That is a very immature attitude, young man. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: There's only two kind of guys who wear those shirts: gay guys and big, fat party animals. And Bart doesn't look like a big, fat party animal to me... (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Who doesn't? (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Woah-ho-ho, not me! And not because John's gay, but because he's a sneak. He should at least have the good taste to mince around and let everyone know that he's... that way. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: Yeah, and that's another thing! I resent you people using that word. That's our word for making fun of you! We need it!! Well I'm taking back our word, and I'm taking back my son! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: You know me, Marge: I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming. (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: You know! It's not... usual. If there was a law, it'd be against it! (Homer's Phobia)
• Homer: No, boy. You can't drive. You're only ten. You're going hunting. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: ...and Helen Lovejoy, sure, she looks blonde, but I've heard cuffs and collar don't match, if you get my drift. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: And there's where Lupe Velez bought the toilet she drowned in. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Don't do this to me, Waylon. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Great! Well, Homer, I won your respect, and all I had to do was save your life. Now, if every gay man could just do the same, you'd be set. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Homer, what have you got against gays? (Homer's Phobia)
• John: I know this much: I wouldn't wear that hideous hat. Here, take this one. It was worn by Yale Summers in Daktari. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Oh, I know, wasn't that awful? (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Oh, Waylon. I'd like ya to meet the Simpsons. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Oh, you should see the crossword puzzle. She thought that Mindy lived with "Mark". (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Queer? (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Uh oh. Something's gonna die. (Homer's Phobia)
• John: Well, that or "John." (Homer's Phobia)
• Lisa: (whispers) He thinks you're gay. (Homer's Phobia)
• Lisa: This is about as tolerant as Dad gets so you should be flattered. (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: (hugs Homer) Hmm...you seem a little softer than before. (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: ...sexual. (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: He prefers the company of men. (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: Hmm, I don't think he's married, Homer. (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a little... festive to you? (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: Homer, listen carefully. John is a ho... mo... (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: I don't, but I loved hearing it! (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: I'm very sorry you feel that way, because John invited us all out for a drive today, and we're going. (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: Oh Homer, please! You're embarrassing yourself. (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: Oh, Homer, look. Look, a TV Guide owned by Jackie O! (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: So, if you wore a Hawaiian shirt, it wouldn't be gay? (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: So? (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: What on Earth are you talking about? (Homer's Phobia)
• Marge: You're being ridiculous. (Homer's Phobia)
• Message:Dedicated to the Steel Factory Workers of America. Keep Reaching for that Rainbow! (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Aw, it ain't no mystery. The whole modern world's got a swishifying effect on kids today. And their MTVs and their diet sodas ain't gonna set 'em straight, neither. You gotta do it yourself, Homer, and you gotta do it fast. (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Come on, don't take this so hard, Homer. You still got that other kid, uh... Lisa. Let's, uh, take her out hunting tomorrow, make her into a man. (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Hey, he's right, Homer. After the boy bags a deer, all the diet sodas in the world won't turn him back. And you just sit right back and watch the grandkids roll in. (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Oh, geez, Homer, geez! You and Marge ain't cousins, are ya? (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Well, let's see now, uh, time was you sent a boy off to war. Shooting a man'd fix 'em right up. But there's not even any wars no more, thank you very much, Warren Christopher! (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Where you been, Homer? The entire steel industry is gay. Eh, aerospace, too, and the railroads. And you know what else? Broadway. (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Yeah, we'll do anything you say! (beat) ANYthing! (shifty eyes) (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Yeah, yeah, we'll never live it down. Oh, boy, it looks like it's suicide again for me. (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: You ever been hunting before, there, Barty? (Homer's Phobia)
• Moe: Oh, yeah, let Twinkle Toes drive Betsy. Right. (Homer's Phobia)
• Rosco: I want all of youse to say hello to the Simpsons. (Homer's Phobia)
• Rosco: (Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) begins to play) We Work hard; we Play hard. (Homer's Phobia)
• Skinner (looking at political buttons at Cockamamie's): Hmm. These campaign buttons are all partisan. Don't you have any neutral ones? "May the better man win", "Let's have a good clean election", that sort of thing? (Homer's Phobia)
• Smithers: I know the Simpsons. (in John's ear) So this is your "sick mother"? (Homer's Phobia)
• Smithers: John... (Homer's Phobia)
• Steel Factory Worker 1:Stand still! There's a spark in your hair! (Homer's Phobia)
• Steel Factory Worker 2: (acting girly) Eek! Get it, get it! (Homer's Phobia)
• Steel Factory Worker 3: (Carrying tub of molten metal) Hot stuff, comin' through! (Homer's Phobia)
• Steel Factory Worker 4: Oh be nice! (Homer's Phobia)
• Steel Workers: (camp) Halloooooww! (Homer's Phobia)
• The Simpsons: Ohhhh! (Homer's Phobia)
• The Simpsons: Oooh... (Homer's Phobia)
• (passing in front of a plumbing supplies store) (Homer's Phobia)
• (John takes the family on a tour of the sordid side of celebrity Springfield) (Homer's Phobia)
• (Homer's Phobia, Homer's Phobia)
• ==Goofs== (Homer's Phobia)
• ==Quotes== (Homer's Phobia)
• A scene and song were cut from the episode, where Patty and Selma sing "I Love to Smoke" to the tune of "I Love to Laugh" from Mary Poppins. In fact, one line from the song, "Although we'll croak by the year 2003", refers to how the writers didn't expect the show to still be on by then. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Also, this episode was an 1997 Emmy Award-winner for Outstanding Animated Program (For Programming One Hour or Less). (Homer's Phobia)
• During the St Patrick's Day parade scene, the Irish Republican Army guerrilla fighter is portrayed with "John Bull's Fish and Chip Shop" exploding due to a planted bomb. This part of the scene is usually cut out on UK television, but is left unedited in Ireland. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• In the closing scene where the Simpsons are being driven away in John's car, the background of stars moves relative to the movement of the car. It should stay still as a backdrop, of course. (Homer's Phobia)
• John wears Homer's "Pin Pals" shirt from the episode "Team Homer". (Homer's Phobia)
• Many of the producers, notably Matt Groening, were uneasy about this episode, feeling that its intentionally bad writing and plots would be mistranslated as actual bad sitcom writing. He also didn't like the idea of breaking the fourth wall and saying that in "reality" the Simpsons were not a family and just a bunch of actors. This issue wasn't really addressed in this episode, but the viewers are left with the impression that they are a family. In the Season 11 episode "Behind the Laughter", the fourth wall is broken again, but the Simpsons are portrayed as a family that goes into acting together. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Running out of the basement, Bart yells "Force majeure" - a legal term which allows at least one party to be freed of responsibility due to events out of their control. (Homer's Phobia)
• The violinists on the "Springfield Philharmonic" bus are all left-handed, except for the bass. (The Springfield Files)
• The directors (particularly Matt Groening) were displeased on the DVD comentaries at the appearances of the background characters in this episode. This is most notable in the first scene at the speakeasy when Chief Wiggum and Princess Kashmir are dancing together, as the latter's breasts move in a very bizarre manner. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• The hot dog Apu has is the one that got him fired in "Homer and Apu". (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• The name of the shop where Homer purchased the bathtubs was the 'Houseware Warehouse'. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• The name that the young Rainier Wolfcastle sings is Fritz Schnackenpfefferhausen. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• The song playing in the steel mill is the 1991 number-one hit "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" by C+C Music Factory. The Alicia Bridges hit single "I Love the Nightlife" is also featured, as part of Homer's record collection. (Homer's Phobia)
• The voice of Itchy and Scratchy are actually voiced by Harry Shearer (Scratchy) and Dan Castellaneta (Itchy). (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• The winged eyeball seen behind the John character in the shop is a tribute to the art of troubled musician Daniel Johnston. Matt Groening is a big fan and even talks about wanting to have Johnston on his show in one of the DVD extras to The Devil and Daniel Johnston. (Homer's Phobia)
• The writer who speaks out and gets fired is the caricature of Simpsons writer George Meyer. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• This episode aired two years prior to the Denver Broncos first of two consecutive Super Bowl victories. (You Only Move Twice)
• This episode appeared in the second season of Digimon: Digital Monsters in the episode "A Very Digi-Christmas". It appeared On Tai and Kari Kamiya's television. (The Springfield Files)
• This episode has since proved very controversial, with some loving it, such as Entertainment Weekly which put the episode in its Top 25 Simpsons episode list, while others seem to misinterpret the intentionally bad writing and simply call it a bad episode. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• This episode, the 167th, was the episode that made The Simpsons longer-running than The Flintstones. As a result of this, when Sky One broadcast the episode, it replaced the existing couch gag (a Sergeant Pepper parody, first used in "Bart After Dark") with one in which the Simpson family encounter the Flintstone family sitting on the couch (recycled from Season 4's "Kamp Krusty"). This version of the episode was also broadcast by Channel 4 in 2006. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• This is the second episode to feature a crossover with an airing television series, the first being "A Star is Burns" which featured a crossover with The Critic. (The Springfield Files)
• This was an extremely controversial episode. FOX was flooded with angry letters, but every station still aired the episode as scheduled. It was later praised by several gay communities of America, because Homer learns his lesson in the end. (Homer's Phobia)
• This was the first non-Halloween episode to have 3 separate stories, although "22 Short Films About Springfield" had over a dozen storylines. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• When Homer hallucinates, Ms. Krabappel sounds like the teacher from Peanuts. (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• (Homer's Phobia)
• Yeardley Smith, the voice of Lisa, has only one line in this episode (not counting her giggle as she removes her Mardi Gras outfit). (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• (Homer's Phobia)

• This section is a candidate for copying over to Wikiquote using the Transwiki process.

  (Homer's Phobia)
• (Homer's Phobia)
• (Homer's Phobia)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsBlackboardS08':

• | couch_gag = Everyone parachutes into the living room, except Homer who falls flat on the floor. (You Only Move Twice)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsQuotesS08':

• (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show, Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Agnes: And you never will be. (In Marge We Trust)
• Apu (as Jackson, but with a turban): The South shall come again!! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Barney (as Abraham Lincoln): I'm not too crazy about our Stonewall Jackson. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Barney: Is the alien Santa Claus? (The Springfield Files)
• Bart (hugging the dog): We love you, boy. (The Springfield Files)
• Bart (laughs): They'll buy anything! (The Springfield Files)
• Bart (à la James Bond): Did I? (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Bart (after everyone finds he's the evil one): Oh, don't look so shocked. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Bart: (peeping in from the attic air duct) Hey can I have some turkey (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Bart: ... What else is on? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Bart: But you'll kill both of us! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Bart: It's your birthday? (The Springfield Files)
• Bart: Mom, can we go to bed without dinner? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Bart: No, after twelve. (Mountain of Madness)
• Bart: Oh, I see. You hated him so you gave him to the church. (The Canine Mutiny)
• Bart: Twelve eighty. No wait. What comes after twelve? (Mountain of Madness)
• Bart: What if we don't? (The Springfield Files)
• Bart: Wow. Poochie came from another planet? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Blue-Haired Lawyer: Please sign these papers indicating that you did not save Itchy & Scratchy. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Bob: Touché, Cecil! (Brother from Another Series)
• Bob's brain: I hope they still make that shampoo I like. (Brother from Another Series)
• Bret Hart Why would I want a picture of a pitiful pencil-neck GEEK?! (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Burns' brain (gasp): I know what he's up to! He's thinking of killing me and riding my carcass down the mountain to safety. He's truly gone mad if he's thinking that. Well, he can't kill me if I kill him first! (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns' brain: I'm trapped with a madman. Look at him, staring into me, filling my mind with paranoid thoughts. (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: I don't like being outside, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children. (Bart After Dark)
• Burns: And what's our time so far? (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: Excellent. (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: Oh yes, sitting--the great leveler. From the mightiest pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit? (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: Yes, well, frankly you've been a bit of a pill lately. (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: Yes, you won alright. You won more than you bargained for. (Mountain of Madness)
• Carl: I don't know! (Mountain of Madness)
• Carl: No. (Mountain of Madness)
• Carl: Yeah, my teamwork! (Mountain of Madness)
• Carl: Yeah, you should be very proud, Homer, you, uh... got a beautiful home here. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Chalmers: No one would like to celebrate your love more than I. But I'm a public official and am not allowed to use my own judgement in any way. (Grade School Confidential)
• Chalmers: Oh yeah, that'll be real productive. Who do you wanna talk to first? The guy in the bumblebee suit or the one with the bone through his hair? (Grade School Confidential)
• Chalmers: What kind of man wears Armour hot dogs?! (Grade School Confidential)
• Chief Wiggum: Wait a minute, those are just hot dogs. Armour hot dogs! (Grade School Confidential)
• Class: Janey likes Milhouse! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Class: Lisa likes Nelson! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Class: Milhouse likes Lisa! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Class: Uter likes Milhouse! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Dolph: Oh, man! You kissed a girl! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies preferred to be called "sons of the soil," but it ain't gonna happen! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Dr. Hibbert: Yes. Is the alien carbon-based or silicon-based? (The Springfield Files)
• Drederick: "Yes but I would assume that she would die of grief." (The Homer They Fall)
• Edna: Then let us take our case directly to the townspeople! (Grade School Confidential)
• Grampa: Oh, hot-diggity! That's how they got me to vote for Lyndon LaRouche! (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Grandpa: He stole my fiancee. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Hibbert: Oh, don't worry, it's quite beneficial. Your brain is surrounded by a layer of fluid 1/8th of an inch thicker than normal, it's almost as if you're wearing a football helmet inside your own head. Why, I could whollop you all day long with this surgical two-by-four without ever knocking you down...but I have other appointments." (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer (sadly): D'oh. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Homer (under his breath): Lousy lovable dog! (The Springfield Files)
• Homer's brain: Quiet, you fool. You're on the one team that can't possibly be fired. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer's brain: Unn... look at his eyes! He's trying to hypnotize me, but not in the good Las Vegas way! (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer's brain: Well, you don't want to know what I think. Now look sad and say "d'oh". (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Homer: Oh, why me? (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: "Sorry, I'm all out. How 'bout some Turpentine? Or caulk? Delicious caulk." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: "Well, and I can explain, remember: I fill the balls with beer that I found at the dump, then I bowl them and some underground pipes carry them and bring them into Moe's." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: Ah. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: At least I liked it, didn't I? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Homer: D'oh! (sees Marge wearing a "Homer is a Dope" shirt) Marge, how could you? (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Hey, that wasn't supposed to happen! They ripped me off! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Homer: I told you last night "no"! (to himself) Where is Bart anyway? His dinner's getting all cold and eaten. (eats some of Bart's TV dinner) (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: I'll take two. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: It'll be okay, honey. There's lots more oil where that came from. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: No! Well, ten beers. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Now, son, they do a lot of quality programming too. (beat, then Homer and Bart burst into laughter) (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Oh, it's only Bart. I can't believe it. I'm being mocked by my own children! On my birthday! (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Oh. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: Right! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer: This interview is over! (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Uh, the second one. Sillyfoam. Next question. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Uh, yeah. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: We'll fake it and sell it to the Fox network. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: What are you spraying me with? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer: WooHoo!!! (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: Yeah. Don't you know? It's the same day as the dog's. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: You said it, ya weirdo! (Mountain of Madness)
• Hugo: No it's easy! Look! I've been practicing. I made a pigeon-rat. (shows Bart the pigeon-rat, which tries to fly out the window, but hits the glass, then tries to enter a hole, but fails because of its size). Now, which side do you want to be on? The right or the left? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Itchy (blankly): He's totally in my face. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Itchy: Hello, Poochie. You look like you have something to say. Do you? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Janey: He does not! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Jasper: Uh-oh. Wrong pills. (hair covers Jasper's entire body) Uh, little help? (The Springfield Files)
• Kang/Dole: I'm afraid we must dispose of you! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kang/Dole: Rum! So no one will believe your story! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kang: Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kang: Very well, no abortions for anyone! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kodos/Clinton: And don't come back. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Krusty: Poochie's dead! (laughs as the studio audience goes wild) Well kids, we all know that sometimes when cartoon characters die, they're back again the very next week. That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit that Poochie will never, ever, ever return! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Lady: Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Legs (off-camera): Bowling accident. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Lenny: Did I? (Mountain of Madness)
• Leonard Nimoy: Oh, uh, well, let me get something out of my car. (The Springfield Files)
• Leonard Nimoy: Surprise me. (The Springfield Files)
• Leonard Nimoy: Wherever there is mystery and the unexplained, cosmic forces shall draw me near. (The Springfield Files)
• Lisa (returns to her room): Stupid waffle iron. It's been in the shop forever. (looks into microscope) So, how are my little stone age dwellers? Oh my God! They're evolving so fast, they've already reached the Renaissance. Wait, one of them is nailing something to the door of the cathedral. I've created Lutherans! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: *snicker* No, sir. I was laughing at something outside. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Lisa: He tried to kill our puppies. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Lisa: I believe they preferred to be called "conjoined twins." (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: I guess. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Lisa: I'll start with RadioShack! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: Mom, Hugo's eating his napkin. (Everyone at the table then laughs) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: Ooh, waffles! (goes downstairs) Wait, these aren't waffles! They're just square pancakes! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: Santa's Little Helper, it's your birthday?! Oh, we gotta give we a present! Oh yes, we do! (hugs the dog) (The Springfield Files)
• Lisa: There's a can. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Lisa: They're discussing poetry! We never do that at my school. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Lisa: We should thank our lucky stars that they're still putting on a program of this caliber after so many years. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Lovejoy: Oh, it's all good. (In Marge We Trust)
• Lovejoy: Well, maybe you should read your Bible. (In Marge We Trust)
• Lovejoy: Well, sit down and rap with me, brother. That's what I'm here for. (In Marge We Trust)
• Marge: (grunts) (The Springfield Files)
• Marge: Good doggie! Good doggie! (The Springfield Files)
• Marge: Homer, we're never going to find a nanny if you keep doing that! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Marge: Lisa, breakfast! We're having waffles! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Marge: Oh my God. What happened to your fingers? (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Marge: Ooh!!! You finish your fisheads, then we'll talk (Marge then closes the vent) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Marge: Sorry. The waffle iron's still in the shop. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Marge: That's ridiculous! No one is watching us. (In Marge We Trust)
• Marge: That's ridiculous, Moe! You've got lots to live for. (In Marge We Trust)
• Marge: These shirts are 100% cotton and look at the fine stitching on "dope". (The Springfield Files)
• Marge: They sure sucked the fun out of that poem. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Marge: This is...uh...the Listen Lady. (In Marge We Trust)
• Marge: Why don't you start from the top? (In Marge We Trust)
• Marge: Yes, we can. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Martin: "I want one and all to join me in celebrating the anniversary of my portentous birth." (begins passing out invitations to his birthday party, giving one to Nelson) "Here you are, Nelson." (Grade School Confidential)
• Meyers, Jr.: You kids don't know what you want! That's why you're still kids! 'Cause you're stupid! Just tell me what's wrong with the freakin' show!! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Meyers: That's it. That's it, little girl! You've saved Itchy & Scratchy! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Milhouse: And also, you should win things by watching. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Milhouse: She does not! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Moe: "Yeah, that was a scary couple of hours." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Moe: But I don't want to! (The Canine Mutiny)
• Moe: Oh God. Who would've thought a whale would be this heavy? (sees Mulder looking at them) Cheese it! The Feds! (they run off as the whale groans) (The Springfield Files)
• Moe: Okay, uh, Number One, I've lost the will to live. (In Marge We Trust)
• Moe: Really? That's not what Rev. Lovejoy's been telling me! Thanks! (hangs up, then calls back) Hi, it's me again. This one's about my cat. (Moe's cat groans off-camera) (to his cat) Yeah, shut up! I'm askin' her! (In Marge We Trust)
• Moe: Yeah well, listen, lady! I've got so many problems I don't know where to begin. (In Marge We Trust)
• Moe: Yeah, he was my manager. Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow, I just never made it to the big time. (The Homer They Fall)
• Mr. Burns Yes. Why indeed. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: Ahh -- the baby who shot me -- no, I was referring to your other daughter. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: I don't understand. Pigs need food, engines need coolant, dynamiters need dynamite. I'm supplying it to the world at a tidy profit...and not a single sea creature was wasted. (very creepy) You inspired it all...Li'l Lisa. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Largo: Nobody likes Milhouse! Lisa! Detention! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Mrs. Glick: It's Friday. (The Springfield Files)
• Mulder: (staring at Homer) His jiggling is almost hypnotic. (The Springfield Files)
• Mulder: Worse than the time we were attacked by the flesh-eating virus? (The Springfield Files)
• Ned: Howdy... (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Ned: The other night I got talked into doing this dance called "The Bump", but my hips slipped and my...buttocks came into contact with the...buttocks of another young man! (In Marge We Trust)
• Ned: Uh, Reverend, I have bit of a pickle here. (In Marge We Trust)
• Ned: Were you on my roof last night, stealing my weather vane? (The Springfield Files)
• Nelson (inside the school): Ha ha! (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Nelson (takes the hose): Is...this right? (begins spraying Willie) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Nelson: The "moose"? (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Nelson: The "noodles"? What noodles? (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Oakley: So, Poochie okay with everybody? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Poochie (in Homer's voice): Yes, I certainly do! (in Roger Meyers Jr.'s voice) I have to go now. My planet needs me. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Recycling Hippie: Sounds like you're living for your car. Simplify...man... (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Repo guy: Hey, next time pay your bills. (The Canine Mutiny)
• Reporter: "They do have a mother, champ." (The Homer They Fall)
• Rex Banner: "You're out there Baron, and I'm going to find you." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Rex Banner: Well you all remember. Baby turtles and alligators may seem like a cute idea for a pet...but they grow up. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Sarcastic middle-aged man: Hey Spock, what do want on your hot dog? (The Springfield Files)
• Scratchy (blankly): Wow, Poochie is one outrageous dude. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Scratchy: Look who it is! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Scully: Yes, it's like a lava lamp. (The Springfield Files)
• Sherri: She was looking at Nelson! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Ship's Chief Engineer: (In Boiler Room) More Dogs! (The Canine Mutiny)
• Shirt Guy: We sold those out in five minutes. (The Springfield Files)
• Sideshow Mel: My opinions are as valid as the next man's! (Grade School Confidential)
• Skinner (monotonous): Yes I am sure. (a bandaged hand gives Marge money) Sure as sure can be. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Skinner (while searching each child's locker for Superintendent Chalmers' missing hood ornament): You kids all think this is funny, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not funny: right now, Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Skinner: Actually, that is pretty funny (chuckles). (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Skinner: Alright, thanks anyway. (In Marge We Trust)
• Skinner: Edna, your tears say more than words ever could. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Skinner: I believe it was a... boking accident. (a laser sight is aimed at his temple) I have to go now. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Skinner: I'm not principal of the line, mother! (In Marge We Trust)
• Skinner: Uh...school dismissed! (Grade School Confidential)
• Skinner: Um, any particular passage? (In Marge We Trust)
• Smithers: 45 seconds. (Mountain of Madness)
• Smithers: I don't know, sir, this stopwatch only goes up to 15 minutes. (Mountain of Madness)
• Smithers: One. (Mountain of Madness)
• Smithers: Sir, this can't be right. You assured me this drawing was rigged so we'd be teammates. (Mountain of Madness)
• Smithers: Why do we always fight on vacation? (Mountain of Madness)
• Squeaky Voiced Teen (off-camera): Uh, Mr. Nimoy, we still have ten minutes left. (The Springfield Files)
• Squeaky Voiced Teen: I don't think he's coming back. (The Springfield Files)
• Stoker: (as he puts Santa's Little Helper into a furnace) In you go! (The Canine Mutiny)
• Teacher: But the truth can be harsh and disturbing! How can that be considered beautiful? (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Uter: She does not! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Wiggum: See you in court, Simpson! (Wiggum hands Homer a summons): Oh, and, uh, bring that evidence with ya. Otherwise, I have no case and you go scot-free. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Wiggum: Wow, your story is really compelling Mr. Jackass, I mean Simpson. So I'll just write it up on my invisible typewriter. (The Springfield Files)
• Willie: Ah! Turn off the "noozle"! (sic) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Willie: Right. And one more thing, I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug. (Bart stares at him) Ya heard me! (The Canine Mutiny)
• Willie: The "noozle" on the end of the "hoose"! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Willie: The hoose! The hoose! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Willie: Agh, there'd better be two! (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: You mean Maggie? (Maggie stares at Mr. Burns and gestures her hand like a gun aimed at him) (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Lenny: I'm gonna burn all the historical memorabilia. (Bart After Dark)
• Lenny: Well, we made it first, thanks to teamwork. (Mountain of Madness)
• Moe: I'm gonna bag me a toilet! (Bart After Dark)
• Paramedic: He can't hear you now. We had to pack his ears with gauze. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Smithers: Um, well...sir, it happened twenty-five years before I was born. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• (Crowd boos) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (Crowd boos) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (Crowd cheers and waves miniature flags) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (Hibbert holds up a mirror and Hugo looks into it. There is nothing but a frame; Hibbert then punches Hugo in the face) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (Kodos kicks Homer out of their flying saucer) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (Lisa changes the channel) (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (Marge, Bart, and Lisa run upstairs and slam their doors) (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (This line is often quoted online as a response to internet flaming.) (Mountain of Madness)
• (a group of mobsters flee from the van) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• (as they walk, they see Marge and Lisa. Homer screams, dropping the wheelbarrow and revealing the balls' alcohol contents) (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• (canned audience laughter) (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• (cut to the Springfield Elementary parking lot. Skinner stands frozen next to the smoldering crater that used to be his car) (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• (he presses a button; a large device emerges which sprays Homer with fluid) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (in the cartoon, Itchy is using a rusty chainsaw to cut up Scratchy, who is encased in ice. Poochie appears) (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (man slaps a lot of relish on the hot dog) (The Springfield Files)
• (runs off camera; we then hear a car starting and driving off) (The Springfield Files)
• (slams the door shut. Ned's weather vane then lands in front of the crowd) (The Springfield Files)
• (the animation cel is lifted up, creating the illusion of Poochie moving up in to the sky. A handwritten note appears saying "Poochie died on the way back to his home planet") (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (the family goes into an awkward silence as they look around at each other) (In Marge We Trust)
• (the two laugh, then exchange paranoid glances. They laugh again and then exchange paranoid looks once more.) (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer leaves. A charred man flicking a cigarette lighter covered in ash enters. (The Springfield Files)
• The light behind the two-way mirror switches on, revealing Roger Meyers, Jr. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• ( Everyone then begins to question this comment, and Ross Perot angrily removes his straw "Perot 96" hat and punches it.) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (the kids all break out into laughter) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• (Shockwave blows him backwards 20 feet and shatters every window in Springfield) (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Oww! Ohh! Call work and tell 'em I won't be in tomorrow. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Lisa (alone in bed): "I can beat this, Emily Dickinson lived alone and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry ever known... (despairing): Then went crazy as a loon! (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Agnes Skinner: They'll kill ya five times before you hit the ground! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Agnes: Seymour, I'm tired! Tell them we're going next! (In Marge We Trust)
• Akira: (On phone) Hai, Hai, Hai, Bye. (Turns to Homer, Bart and Lisa) Hi! (In Marge We Trust)
• Akira: He identifies himself as a magnet for foodstuffs. He boasts that he will banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts. (In Marge We Trust)
• Akira: Ah yes, this is a product called Mr. Sparkle, Hey, he looks like you! (laughs) (In Marge We Trust)
• All: "Yeah!!" (At this point, everybody charges their glasses, then quickly hide them behind their backs again with a "water drop" sound effect) (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• All: Yeah...sure. It's cool. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Alligator: (eats the frogs) Coors. (The Springfield Files)
• Announcer: Chief Wiggum, P. I. will return — right now! (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Apu: A Mounds bar is not a sprinkle. A twizzler is not a sprinkle. A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle, sir. Perhaps in Shangri-La they are, but not in here. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Arcade Owner: Hey! He's still got it!". (The Springfield Files)
• Barney: "I know you told me. But when I woke up this morning, I said, 'Barney, you're not gonna lick that-'" (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Barney: "Forty-five bucks!? Well, this better be the best tasting beer in the world!" (takes drink) "You got lucky!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Barney: (after Moe turns the pet shop back into his bar) "Ow. Those gears down there really hurt." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Barney: Man, you'd never get me into a ring. Boxing causes brain damage. (The Homer They Fall)
• Barney: Well, I gotta go. I got a date with the lady in front of the drug store who's always yelling things. (leaves) (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Bart (about to blow Skinner and Edna's relationship): All right crew, set your faces to stunned. (Grade School Confidential)
• Bart (after lining up 15 megaphones in police HQ): "Test-" (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Bart (enters the dining room with spring eyes and a water gun): I am the Thing from Your-anus (sic)! (The Springfield Files)
• Bart : Guess who?
  Cecil: Maris? (Brother from Another Series)
• Bart: Cheer up, Mom. You can't buy publicity like that. Thousands and thousands of people saw your pretzels injuring Whitey Ford! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Bart: Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance? (Mountain of Madness)
• Bart: Teamwork is overrated. (Mountain of Madness)
• Bart: Think about it. I mean, what team was Babe Ruth on? Who knows. (Mountain of Madness)
• Bart: "But if you quit, it'd be like an expert knot-tier quitting a knot-tying contest right in the middle of tying a knot." (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Bart: "I don't know, I was just looking at my shoelaces." (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Bart: "I'll do it this afternoon!" (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Bart: "Dad! Knocking over gravestones is bad luck!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Bart: "Huh?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Bart: (walking into Lisa's room with a balloon in his hair) Hey, Lisa! Check out my science project. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Bart: (seeing a silhouette of Homer in the sky à la the Bat-Signal) "Hey is that dad?" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Bart: Aaaaaaaaaaagh, you're crazy (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Bart: Dad, do I have to brush my teeth? (Bart After Dark)
• Bart: Don't you realise what you've done? That man is evil! If only you knew what he was thinking! (Brother from Another Series)
• Bart: Hey Dad, if they have a picture of you, that means they can see you! They're probably watching us right now! (In Marge We Trust)
• Bart: I got a better game. It's called whipping cupcakes. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Bart: It's OK, Lis, it's over! You did it! You can put your arms down now. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Bart: It's back to the basics, classic Itchy & Scratchy. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Bart: Leonard Nimoy, what are you doing here? (The Springfield Files)
• Bart: Mardi Gras, man! When the Big Easy calls, you gotta accept the charges. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Bart: No dad, shoot your way out. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Bart: Sing us a song, Shary Bobbins. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Bart: That nerds conduct electricity. (zaps Lisa again and runs out of her room laughing) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Bart: There's only one place it could possibly be!
  Lisa: Bob's trailer at the construction site?
  Bart: ....That's even better! Lets go there..
  Lisa: What were you thinking?
  Bart: The haunted mine... (Brother from Another Series)
• Bart: We are home. (In Marge We Trust)
• Bart: Yeah, sure, we know him. That's Mr. Burns. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Bart: Yep, there's your answer, fishbulb. (In Marge We Trust)
• Belle (through intercom): Who is it? (Bart After Dark)
• Belle: Are you wearing a grocery bag? (Bart After Dark)
• Belle: Just a minute. (Bart After Dark)
• Betty: What? (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Big Daddy: Oh no, the Chief! It's times like these I wish I weren't so fat. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Big Daddy: You know, boys, there's an old saying down on the bayou that... uh... blah! (returns Ralph to Wiggum and escapes) (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Bob: You can't do this! I saved the children's lives, I'm a hero!
  Cecil: Tell them they'll live to regret this.
  Bob: You'll live to regret this!! Oh, thanks a lot. Now I look crazy! (Brother from Another Series)
• Bob: Hello, Bart! He's just a little shy because I've tried to kill him so many times.
  Cecil: Ah. (Brother from Another Series)
• Bob: You know, in the last few years...I had some problems with...killing...people...
  Cecil (sarcastic): Goodness! I had no idea! You know, I was on Mars for the last decade! In a cave. With my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears! (Brother from Another Series)
• Bob:I know I don't deserve another chance, but this is America, and as an American aren't I entitled to one?
  Man In Crowd: Probably! (Brother from Another Series)
• Bob: Just the thought of all that raw power makes me wonder why the Hell I should care.
  Cecil: Because you'll be supervising the construction crew!
  Bob: I suppose it will be my job to lead the hooting when a woman walks past. "Oh, yeah! Shake it, madam! Capital knockers! (Brother from Another Series)
• Bob: Madam, your children are no more... than a pair of ill-bred trouble makers.
  Homer: Lisa too!?
  Bob: Especially Lisa! But especially Bart! (Brother from Another Series)
• Bob: You wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five! What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college.
  Cecil: I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way. (Brother from Another Series)
• Burns: "Your son has been kidnapped." (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: Ahoy-hoy? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: Are you mad?! I'm not made of airports! Now get out! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: How were his test scores? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: I see. Well, I -- ooh, you know, I just remembered, it's time for my annual donation. I wonder how much I should give. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: I'm sorry, Larry. I can't be the family that you need. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: More important than money? Who is this? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: Oh, how much proof do you need? 5,000? 6,000? I swear, that's all I've got. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: People, if we meet this week's quota, I'll take you to the most duck-filled pond you ever sat by! (the old folks begin working faster) (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Burns: Well, Simpson, I must say after you've been through something like that with a person, you never want to see that person again. (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: Well, did you meet Larry? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Burns: What's a good time for a mass evacuation of the plant? (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: Who knows I might be the one to get fired. (under breath) Not bloody likely. (Mountain of Madness)
• Burns: Yes, I'm missing one son. Return it immediately! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Cadet: Truth is beauty! Beauty truth, sir! (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Cecil : So....when do they bring us the menus? (Brother from Another Series)
• Cecil: And now to do something Bob never could - Kill Bart Simpson!
  Bart: By throwing me off a dam?! Isn't that a little crude for a genius like you?
  Cecil: You know, I suppose it is... oh well. If anyone asks, I'll lie.
  (Brother from Another Series)
• Cecil: Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the '82 Chateau Latour and a rather indifferent Rausan.
  Bob: I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.
  Cecil: That would be the Latour, then. (Brother from Another Series)
• Chef Paul Prudhomme: I guar-an-tee! (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Chief Wiggum: Ah, New Orleans. The Big Easy. Sweet Lady Gumbo. Old... Swampy. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Chief Wiggum: Welcome back, space girl! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Chief Wiggum: "Afternoon, Homer. Care for some chili? I've added an extra ingredient just for you. The merciless peppers of Quetzlzacatenango! Grown deep within the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Cleanup guy: Quitting time. Okay. Scrub up and head for the communal tarp. We're having kelpburgers, and we're going to watch a tape of Johnny Arvik, he's the Eskimo comedian. (Bart After Dark)
• Cletus: Hey! Stop right there! Gimme 300 pretzels! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Cletus: Not so fast! I got 300 coupons! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Cletus: Shoulda but didn'ta. Now hands 'em over! Hey kids! We're eatin' dinner tonight! Come on out, Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dylan, Dermott, Jordan, Taylor, Brittany, Wesley, Rumer, Scout, Cassidy, Zoe, Chloe, Max, Hunter, Kendall, Kaitlin, Noah, Sasha, Morgan, Kira, Ian, Lauren, Q-Bert, Phil . (Smiles at Marge) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Comic Book Guy: "Tubby? Oh yes, tubby." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Comic Book Guy: "Yes, but only by night. By day, I'm a mild mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Comic Book Guy: Last night's "Itchy and Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured I was on the internet within minutes voicing my disgust throughout the world. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Commandant: All right, let's go over this one more time, just to make sure I understand the situation... you're a girl?! (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Commandant: I'm sorry, I just don't understand the situation. You're a girl? (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Commandant: The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea. They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall mountain. In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by small robots. And as you go forth today remember always your duty is clear: To build and maintain those robots. Thank you. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Computer game: Game over. Please deposit 40 quarters. (The Springfield Files)
• Coyote's voice: "Find your soulmate, Homer. Find your soulmate." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Coyote's voice: "This is just your memory. I can't give you any new information." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Coyote: "Sorry, I am a coyote." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Disco Stu (at his "Can't Stop the Learnin'" disco promotion seminar): Did you know that disco record sales were up 400% for the year ending 1976? Now if those trends continue...(Fonzie-style) Ayyyy! (puts his feet, clad in platform shoes, up on his desk. They have glass soles with water and dead fish inside) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Disco Stu: Yeah, I know. I...can't get them out of there. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Dog: "Hi, Homer. Find your soul mate!" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Dog: (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Donny: I see lots of stuff. (In Marge We Trust)
• Donny: What? (In Marge We Trust)
• Donny: Yes. (In Marge We Trust)
• Dr. Hibbert (confronting Hugo): You know, Hugo, all these years you've spent here in the attic, why, you've probably never seen yourself in the mirror. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Dr. Hibbert: Heh, Heh. Care for a drumstick Hugo? (Hugo then engords the drumstick as well as his own napkin) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Dr. Hibbert: Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You never forget anything like (dramatic tone of voice) Siamese twins! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Dr. Nick: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. (holds up a painful looking device) 'Til I jam this down your throat! (The Springfield Files)
• Dr. Nick: The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money! (The Springfield Files)
• Dr. Hibbert (Upon seeing Hugo's scar on the left side of his body) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Drederick: "I think he's a good man, I like him, I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children." (The Homer They Fall)
• Eddie: Sure did, Chief. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Edna Krabappel: Well, well, if it isn't Marge Simpson and her gangland cronies. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Fat Tony: We are your business partners and as such, we are entitled to a percentage of your profits. Something in the area of 100%. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Fat Tony: We suggest you have a conversation with your husband. You have 24 hours to give us our money and to show we're serious, you have 12 hours. See you at 6 AM. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Frank : Welcome to the dynamic world of mobile pretzel retailing. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Frank Ormand: Your...territory. Uh. Well, lemme tell ya. Wherever a young mother is ignorant of what to feed her baby, you'll be there. Wherever nacho penetration is less than total, you'll be there. Wherever a Bavarian is not quite full, you will be there. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Grampa: (complaining to Homer) You buried me naked and sold my suit to buy a ping-pong table. What kind of a son— (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Grampa: Ladies like sweet-talking. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Grampa: Lovelorn. You need man. Moe near now. Go near Moe. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Grampa: Tell her her rump's as big as the Queen's, and twice as fragrant. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Grampa: Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing that walks through that door. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Grampa: Yeah, yeah, now how's about introducing me to that cute little pay phone out front? (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Grandpa:(Grandpa chasing a turtle with his dentures) OW, he bit me with my own teeth! (The Springfield Files)
• Helen Lovejoy: That's crazy! And what are those men doing under my van? (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Helen Lovejoy: "Oh, won't somebody please think of the children?." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Helen: I don't understand why they won't unload our falafel fixings. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Helen: Principal Skinner saw him with his own eyes. (Bart After Dark)
• Hibbert: You have an absolutely unique genetic condition known only as 'Homer Simpson's Syndrome.' (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer (holding a "Homer is Right" T-Shirt): Take a look at this, Lisa. You don't see any "Homer is a Dope" T-shirts, do you? (The Springfield Files)
• Homer (to Clancy Wiggum): "Well, Chief, don't quit your day job... Whatever that is." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer (while in the hospital after his first round of heart attacks): "It's all right. I understand. But we really could've used that twelve thousand dollars." (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Homer (whispering): Marge, do we know them? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer (running up to the attic) We think we saw Hugo at the airport, he was boarding a plane to Switzerland and... (sees Hugo on the floor) ... oh. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer(on the phone):Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look... (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Homer(outside his window): Will you two shut up?! People are trying to sleep! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Homer: "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: (Mid-hallucination) Ahh, ghost train and so little time to get out of the way. Now less. Now None. (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: (Mid-hallucination) When I'm kicking you that means hurry up. (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: (on the phone) Hello, is this GBM? It says in your personal ad that you're looking for a soul mate, well, I also like rainy days and movies. No, I don't like that... (uncomfortably) or that. It's not that I'm afraid, (quickly) I'm gonna hang up now, bye! (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: (wearing a barrel on his head) Look at me! I'm the Prime Minister of Ireland! (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: Akira, can you translate this for me. (shows Akira the box) (In Marge We Trust)
• Homer: Aww, but Marge, the little one hasn't done anything yet, and you know it's gonna be good! (They step inside, a scream of pain is heard) Awwww. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Homer: D'oh! This is because I kicked you, isn't it? (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: Hey, pretzels! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Homer: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: Huh? (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: I saw you pouring your heart and soul into this business and getting nowhere. I saw you desperately trying to cram one more salty treat into America's already bloated snack hole. So I did what I could. I did what any loving husband would do! I reached out to some violent mobsters. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Homer: I'm a lonely insignificant speck on a has-been planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun! (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: Of course everything looks bad if you remember it. (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: Okay, Homer, retrace your steps. Woke up, fought with Marge, ate Guatemalan insanity peppers... (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: So, Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: So, you want me to climb that, huh? No problemo. (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: Uh, your fish are dead. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. There, you happy? (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: What do you need to make money for anyway? As long as I have my earning power, this family's got nothing to worry about. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Homer: You could call them Whitey-Whackers. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Homer, Marge, and Bart: "GO TO YOUR ROOM, LISA!!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: I saw an alien! He appeared in front of me and said don't be afraid! (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: "Damn straight!" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "Hey, wait a minute! There's no such thing as a talking dog!" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "Huh? Golf course? Did I dream that whole thing? Maybe the desert was just this sand trap. Oh, and I bet that crazy pyramid was just the pro shop. And that talking coyote was really just a talking dog." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "Look, just give me some inner peace, or I'll mop the floor with you." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "Oh, I give up." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "Oh, Marge! We're number one! We're number one! In your face, space coyote!" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "See that, boy? Why aren't you making any business deals?" (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Homer: "Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand: squealing. You've got to squeal to every teacher and every grown-up you can find. Coming to me was a good start." (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: "We don't have anything in common. Look at these records: (derisively) Jim Nabors, Glen Campbell, the Doodletown Pipers. Now look at her records! They stink!" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "Where? Where?" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "I can explain, Marge. Please let me explain! Oh God, why won't you let me explain!?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: "It is silly, Marge. And look at all the money I'm making!" (flashes money at Marge, who makes an impressed sound) (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: "Man, this is crazy. I hope I didn't brain my damage." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: "Really? I heard good." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: "Really?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: "We're going out, Marge! If we don't come back, avenge our deaths!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: (After accidentally destroying the sun in his hallucination) Note to self: stop doing anything. (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: (Mid-hallucination) Oooooooooo.....kay, I think I'm gonna be leaving now… (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: (after Springfield has been sober for only .75 days) "Glad to see you're back in business, Moe." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: (exits the basement with Bart, pushing a wheelbarrow of his beer-filled bowling balls): "Wait. I forget to check if the coast is clear. Oh, I'm sure it's clear; let's go." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: (in the distance) "D'oh." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: (in the distance) "No you won't." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: (numbly) Well, it was a good ride while it lasted. Come on, kids, let's go home. (In Marge We Trust)
• Homer: (points to Ralph and Big Daddy) Over there. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Homer: (unplugs the Love Tester) Call me when you get a karaoke machine. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Homer: Gee, thanks, Moe. What's this? (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing! He's exactly as rich and as famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too! (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: Lousy Democrats. (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: Yeah, they won't learn anything about apples today. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: D'oh! (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: Phony kidnapping... (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: Hello, Mr. Burns. This is the kidnapper. Do you miss your son? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: (runs down the stairs after hearing gunshots): Hey, who shot my auto-dialer! (notices the police right behind him): I mean, Marge's auto-dialer (sheepishly shoves the bullet-riddled auto-dialer to the side). (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Homer: (gasping for air) I think I won. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: (notices the Coyote chewing on his ankle) "Hey!" (kicks the Coyote away) (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: (passing by with toy wagon full of beer ingredients) "Hey, Banner, how's it hanging'?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Homer: Brawled his way up from the boxcars, did he? (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: Come on! Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Dear Lord, please protect this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: Did you say Mary Po—? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Didn't he, Lisa? Didn't he? Wait, he didn't! (Snatches dollar back from Bart) (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos. (he is whipped by an alien) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer: Don't you care about your son?! This is more important than money! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar. (gives a dollar bill to Bart) (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Good. If you believe me, then I'm not giving up. This Friday, we'll go into the woods and find that alien! (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Greetings! (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Homer: Greetings, friends... (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Homer: Greetings, friends... (Ned hangs up) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Homer: He made fun of my weight. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: I have misplaced my pants. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. And if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called... "[[Speed (film)|The Bus That Couldn't Slow (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: I'll be happy to answer any questions about the alien. Any question at all. Dr. Hibbert? (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: I'll say. Her butt waxed the banister. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: I'm sure we will, honey. (Shary is sucked into a passing plane's turbine) I'm sure we will. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: If Homer Simpson wants his ten-year old son working in a burlesque house, then Homer Simpsons's ten-year old son is going to work in a burlesque house! (sees Marge) Uh, hi. Now Marge, you are going to hear a lot of crazy talk about Bart working in a burlesque house. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: If you really love Larry, prove it, and you can have him back today. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you. And that is a phony kidnapping. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat! (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: No problemo. (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: No, but at least rinse your mouth out with soda. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: Now, kids, I know you liked the old Poochie. (Bart and Lisa look at each other) But I promise the new one will be better than ten Super Bowls! I don't want you to over-think it. Judge for yourself. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Homer: Oh no, space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer: Oh, no. Aliens, bio-duplication, nude conspiracies. Oh, my God. Lyndon LaRouche was right! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer: Oh, these sure are comfortable chairs. (Mountain of Madness)
• Homer: Oh, yeah! (stops whispering, back to Shary) So! I understand you worked for Carl, eh? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Question one: Do you have any bad habits? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Question two: who was your last employer? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Right. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: That was fast. (In Marge We Trust)
• Homer: The alien has a sweet heavenly voice...like Urkel. And he appears every Friday night...like Urkel. (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: Uh... Just a second. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Homer: Wait a minute, Marge. I saw Mrs. Doubtfire. This is a man in drag! (starts pulling at her hair as if it were a wig) You're phony! Fakey, phony broad! (runs after her) Gimme those! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: We'll search out any place a sick solitary misfit might run to! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer: We're gonna get rid of the old Christmas tree. (shows the brown, wrinkled tree) It's starting to turn brown. (In Marge We Trust)
• Homer: Well, so am I. (drinks milk from carton and scratches his behind then belches). (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Why not? (The Homer They Fall)
• Homer: Yes. (polygraph explodes) (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: You don't have to humilate me! (The Springfield Files)
• Homer: You guys liked it, right? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Homer: You have my undivided attention.(in Homer's brain we see a black and white segment with rubber-hose style animals dancing to "Turkey in the straw".) (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her...during the commercial. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Homer: "Maybe I do, son. Maybe I do." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Homer: uh huh, cat in furnace! (Bart After Dark)
• Hugo: Maybe, perhaps we all are a little crazy; I know I am. I went mad when they tore us apart. But, I'll be sane again... once I sew us back together. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Japanese Women: (in Japanese) What a brave corporate logo! I accept the challenge of Mr. Sparkle. (In Marge We Trust)
• Jasper: Thank God it's Wednesday. (takes his pills) (The Springfield Files)
• Jimbo: That is so gay! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Judge Snyder: I move that the last sketch be stricken from the record. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Kang: SILENCE! We come from by a near-by ringed planet we prefer not to mention. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kang: Abortions for all! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kang: Go ahead! Throw your vote away! Ahahahaha! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kang: It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kearney: (complaining about the Love Tester) It said I was gay! (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Kent (to someone off camera): Very unprofessional, Bill. (The Springfield Files)
• Kent Brockman: The alien has appeared in the same area the last two Friday nights. Will it appear this Friday? The entire Channel 6 News team will be there, except Bill the boom-mic operator who's getting fired tomorrow. (The Springfield Files)
• Kodos/Clinton: What? Are you still here? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Kodos: (as President Clinton) Ladies and gentlemen, when I was a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say we must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom! (coincidentally, Tony Blair, a fan of the Simpsons, who appeared in a later Simpsons' episode, made his 2005 election campaign slogan 'Forwards not backwards') (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Krusty : "Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!" (Grade School Confidential)
• Krusty: Hey, this ain't art -- it's business! Whaddya got in mind? Sexy broad? Gangster octopus? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Krusty: So he's proactive, huh? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Krusty: Yeah! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Lady (prototype Lindsay Naegle): In your dreams. We're talking the original dog from hell. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Lady: We at the network want a dog with attitude. He's edgy, he's "in your face." You've heard the expression "let's get busy"? Well, this is a dog who gets "biz-zay!" Consistently and thoroughly. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Larry: Hey, I'm looking for this guy. Anybody know who he is? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Larry: Ho, this guy's got more bread than a prison meat loaf. He's rich, I tell ya. I never seen a place with a walk-in mailbox. Hey, who am I talking to? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Larry: Nah... I know what I gotta do. I gotta clean up my act. No more joking around all the time. No more slacking off at work. And most important, no more booze! I know I can do it. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Larry: Okay, so there's been a little friction. Know his address? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Larry: That's OK. I've got a wife and kids anyway. That reminds me, they're probably wondering where I am. I told them I was going for coffee. That was a week ago! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Larry: Whoa! put her back in, she's not done yet! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Larry: Yeah, right. I don't know. Maybe I should just leave town. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Lawyer: This document conforms to all applicable laws and statutes. (kids cheer) (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Lenny (at Burns' desk, he activates the PA): Uh, attention everyone... (pauses) Um, work harder! Bye! (sits back) (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Lenny: "They say he carved it himself… from a bigger spoon." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Lenny: Did you hear something? (Mountain of Madness)
• Leonard Nimoy: And from this simple man came the truth that we are not alone in the universe. I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night. (The Springfield Files)
• Leonard Nimoy: Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer - is no." (The Springfield Files)
• Lisa (after passing the climbing exercise): You thought I couldn't but I could, I did, and I could do it again, let's do it again! (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Lisa (after seeing news of the oil tanker): Oh no! (Bart After Dark)
• Lisa (as Shary is floating away): Do you think we'll ever see her again? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Lisa and Marge: Yankees. (Mountain of Madness)
• Lisa: Did you see that? (In Marge We Trust)
• Lisa: Mom...? (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Lisa: What's he saying? (In Marge We Trust)
• Lisa: What? (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Lisa: Yes. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Lisa: "Mr. Burns, how does your plant support recycling?" (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Lisa: "Um, Dad, ten percent of 120 million dollars isn't twelve thousand dollars. It's-" *Cuts to hospital corridor where the loudspeaker goes "Code Blue, Code Blue."* (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Lisa: "Why d'you say that?" (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Lisa: "Either that, or Batman's really let himself go." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Lisa: "Mom! Prohibition might be unpopular, but it's the law and we must always..." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Lisa: "Mom?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Lisa: (getting zapped by Bart) Ow! What's that supposed to prove? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: (looking at her tooth) Tiny little people?! Oh my God! I've created life! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: But he didn't do anything! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Lisa: Chief Wiggum, I can't wait to hear about all the exciting, sexy adventures you're sure to have against this colorful backdrop. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Lisa: Faster, Mom, faster! (Bart After Dark)
• Lisa: Hey...it was all a coincidence. (In Marge We Trust)
• Lisa: I can't, they're stuck! (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Lisa: I'll stop buying Malibu Stacy clothing. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Lisa: Mr. Smithers! Mr. Smithers! That moose is on fire! (Mountain of Madness)
• Lisa: Oh no, no, no, you don't understand. Bart's just my brother. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: Oh, Milhouse, I'm so sorry! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Lisa: Oh, great. I'm stuck in this lousy tub for the rest of my life. Shouldn't you people be grovelling? (the people do) And bring me some shoes. Nice ones. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: Oh, there's something unsatisfying about scrubbing these rocks and I think I know what it is. (a wave washes a new coat of oil on the once-clean rocks) (Bart After Dark)
• Lisa: The devil? What devil? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: Um, excuse me sir, the thing is, there's nothing wrong with Itchy and Scratchy. It's as good as ever. But after so many years, the characters don't have the same impact they once had. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Lisa: We have suggestions for the new nanny,would you like to hear them? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Lisa: What a perfect outing for a beautiful autumn day. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Lisa: Yes, sing us a song. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Lisa: You haven't changed at all! You're still evil and when you try to change, you're even more evil! (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Lisa: You think I'm God? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lisa: Your world is incredible! And you speak English? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Lou: And then down comes the net, right, Chief? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Lou: Ship's impounded, Ma'am. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Lovejoy: (disgruntled by letter selection while filling marquee) Can you believe it? They give you five "Q"s and only two "U"s. What a world. (In Marge We Trust)
• Lovejoy: Your son has been working in a burlesque house. (Bart After Dark)
• Man at survey: How many of you kids would like Itchy & Scratchy to deal with real-life problems, like the ones you face every day? (kids go "Me!" "I would!") And who would like to see them do just the opposite -- getting into far-out situations involving robots and magic powers? (kids go "Me!" "I would!") So, you want a realistic, down-to-earth show...that's completely off-the-wall...and swarming with magic robots? (kids agree) (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Man: Oh, yes. He made light of my weight problem, then suggested my motto be "semper fudge." At that point, he told me to relax. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Man: She'll want some socks, too. I'll get socks. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Man: Well then, I believe I'll vote for a third party candidate! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Man: Well, frankly, test scores like Larry's would call for a very generous contribution. For example, a score of 400 would require a donation of new football uniforms, 300, a new dormitory, and in Larry's case, we would need an international airport. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Marge (after Shary glides up the railing): My, she seems too good to be true! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Marge Bart and Lisa: AAAAHHHH!!!!!!! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Marge: Did you see a man being chased by some young hooligans? (In Marge We Trust)
• Marge: Don't forget fat people. They can't stop eating! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Marge: Donny? (In Marge We Trust)
• Marge: He's a whole...new...person, Lisa. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Marge: I should've said, "Limit: 1 Per Customer." (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Marge: See? All you need a little patience! All right, sir. That'll be $300. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Marge: Well, Lisa, most women will tell you you're a fool to think you can change a man, but those women are quitters! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Marge: What are you talking about? (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Marge: When I first met your father, he was loud, crude, and piggish. But I worked on him, and now he's a whole new person. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Marge: When can I start? Where's my territory? (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Marge: "Space coyote?" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Marge: "All right." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Marge: "Beer!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Marge: "Homer...that's very clever!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Marge: "Oh, look at that adorable spice rack! Eight spices? Some must be doubles. Ore-GAH-no? What the hell?" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Marge: "Well it is. I've only known your father since high school and this is the cleverest thing he's ever done. Besides, he's only breaking a silly two-hundred year old law." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Marge: "You're the one the papers are talking about, the mysterious "Beer Baron" who's supplying Springfield with alcohol. How have you been getting away with this?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Marge: That's what we get for living in a state founded by circus freaks. (The Homer They Fall)
• Marge: . . . a lot of carbon monoxide . . . (Bart After Dark)
• Marge: . . . every morning and the furnace . . . (Bart After Dark)
• Marge: . . . so keep the window open. (Bart After Dark)
• Marge: A competent doctor! (The Homer They Fall)
• Marge: Are you sure the children will get enough nutrition from these pretzels? (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Marge: Before you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor. (The Homer They Fall)
• Marge: Have you been drinking? (The Springfield Files)
• Marge: He sexually harassed me. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Marge: Hmm, I think I'll take Maggie with me. (Bart After Dark)
• Marge: Homer, give yourself up. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Marge: Homer, it's 2 AM! Where have you been? (The Springfield Files)
• Marge: I feel sorry for everyone who's cooped up inside watching the seventh game of the World Series. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Marge: I still don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet I've never even heard of. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Marge: Lisa, I know it's frustrating, but we made a commitment, and we have to see it through, no matter how unpleasant. (Bart After Dark)
• Marge: No. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Marge: Now the cat needs his medication . . . (Bart After Dark)
• Marge: Ooh, I can see myself! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Marge: Pleased to meet you. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Marge: That's Carl. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Martin: (picks the invitation up, puts it back on the desk once again) "Here you are, Nelson." (Grade School Confidential)
• Martin: (picks the invitation up, puts it back on the desk) "Here you are, Nelson." (Grade School Confidential)
• Maude Flanders (In response to Edna's defense of her and Principal Skinner's relationship as love) : "Excuse me, Edna, but we're not talking about "love" here. We are talking about S-E-X, in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N." (Grade School Confidential)
• Maude Flanders: Your goon squads certainly gave you the edge in the mobile snack business. But I'm afraid we've outdone you once again. Hiroshi, Yukio... Perhaps you've heard of the Yakuza -- the Poison Fists of the Pacific Rim -- the Japanese mafia. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Maude: I told you to unplug the phone. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Maude: Of course it was. It's been calling all night. Just unplug the phone. (Ned turns out the light -- the phone rings again) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Maude: That is it, Ned! If you don't unplug that phone right now, you're sleeping on the lawn. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Mayor Quimby: "What? Again? This stupid country." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Mayor Quimby: "Who are you to demand anything? I run this town. You're just a bunch of low-income nobodies!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Mayor's Staff: "Uh, election in November. Election in November..." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Mayor-type figure: Welcome to our world, most gracious Lisa. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Mayor: (shocked) The Devil is your brother? We find this most perplexing! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Mayor: (whispering) The one you call Bart. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Mayor: But of course! You look down at us from Heaven, you gave us life, and only your divine wisdom can save us from the Devil. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Mayor: We have listened to you since the dawn of time, Oh Creator, (the mayor bows a little) and we have learned to imatoot you exartly. (The audience in front of Lisa's throne bow in homage, revealing a large statue.) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Meyer: Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. I'm fired, aren't I? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Meyers: They like Itchy, they like Scratchy, one kid seems to love the Speedo man... what more do they want? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Meyers: No, no. The animal chain of command goes mouse, cat, dog. D-O-G. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Meyers: Oh, yes. Now, the rest of you start writers thinking up a name for this funky dog; I dunno, something along the line of say... Poochie, only more proactive. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Milhouse: 38...39...40 quarters! This had better be good! (The Springfield Files)
• Milhouse: Hey, quit it! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Milhouse: What a ripoff! *pause* 1...2...3...4... (The Springfield Files)
• Moe (after Homer quits his Civil War reenactment society): Well, Homer's out. We gotta find a new Ambrose Burnside. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Moe and Betty: Thanks, Grampa. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Moe: "Go near Moe." I'd say that's a pretty strong endorsement. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Moe: "Homer, ya gotta get me more beer!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Moe: "If you want to beat up my friend in my bar, there's a two drink minimum". (The Homer They Fall)
• Moe: "There ya go, Barn. That'll be forty-five bucks." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Moe: "Um... the best damn pet shop in town!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Moe: 'Cause I got knocked out forty times in a row. That, plus politics. You know, it's all politics. (The Homer They Fall)
• Moe: ...Okay. (leaves, then comes back suddenly, covered in escargot) You are absolutely, positively, the dumbest haunted love tester that I have ever met! (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Moe: Ah, that's the barbed wire. We, uh, we called that the stinger. They, they don't let you use that no more. (The Homer They Fall)
• Moe: Back then, they called me "Kid Gorgeous." Then it was "Kid Presentable." Then "Kid Gruesome." And finally, "Kid Moe." (The Homer They Fall)
• Moe: Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Moe: Hi. I'm calling for Rev. Lovejoy. Who is this? (In Marge We Trust)
• Moe: I need help here. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Moe: Okay, you're fighting a guy named Boxcar Bob. (The Homer They Fall)
• Moe: She told me she was washing her hair tonight. Sigh, I'm so desperately lonely. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Moe: Uh, no, not yet, he still lives at the trainyard. But he's a hungry young fighter. In fact, he's actually fighting for a sandwich. (Moe blows dust off of his boxing gloves and gives them to Homer) Homer, I want you to have my lucky mits. I hope you do better with them than I did. (The Homer They Fall)
• Mr. Burns: "Re-sy-hling?" (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: "The whole plant is environmentally sound. It's powered by old newspapers, machinery is made entirely of used cans, and the windows are from the old liquor bottles we collected." (to Barney) "Hey! I thought I told you to stop licking my windows!" (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: (addressing Homer at the Simpsons' front door) Sir, we've never met before, but my name is Mr. Burns and I want your daughter to help make me rich again. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: (checking his stocks) Ah, right where I left off September, 1929 ... oh... oh no... Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash?! (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working at a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. (The Springfield Files)
• Mr. Burns: Balderdash! This is the silliest load of...(watches his kite) Oh, look at it fly! Whee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Look at me, Smithers! (dark clouds gather ominously) I feel practically Superduperfragicalicexpiala-d'oh! (lightning strikes the kite and shocks Mr. Burns, knocking him to the ground) What's this strange sensation in my chest? (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Mr. Burns: Oh, that takes me back. God bless you, Shary Bobbins. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Mr. Burns: Oh, that's your excuse for everything! (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns: Ooh don't poo-poo a nickel, Lisa. A nickel will buy you a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel. (Lisa looks unimpressed) With enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the Polo Grounds. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Burns:(Mr. Burns takes down his self-portrait and approaches Bret) Uh, would it be all right if I kept this portrait? To remind me of better times? (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Mr. Largo: Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word tromboner? (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Mr. Sparkle: (in Japanese) Out of my way, all of you. This is no place for loafers! Join me or die! Can you do any less? (In Marge We Trust)
• Mr. Sparkle: (in Japanese) I'm disrespectful to dirt. Can you see that I am serious? (In Marge We Trust)
• Mrs. Lovejoy: (Gasps amd screams) PERVERT!!! (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Mrs. Pennyfeather: Hello, I'm Mrs. Pennyfeather. I understand you are looking for a nanny. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Mrs. Pennywinkle: Hello, I'm Mrs. Pennywinkle. (Homer chases her) (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Mulder: All right, Homer. We want you to re-create your every move the night you saw this alien. (The Springfield Files)
• Mulder: (scoffs) I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that. (The Springfield Files)
• Mulder: Agents Mulder and Scully. (sinister) FBI. (The Springfield Files)
• Mulder: Are we alone in the universe? Impossible, when you consider the wonders that exist all around us... (much later) voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Appalachia, the unsolved mysteries of Unsolved Mysteries... The truth is out there! (in the background, Moe and his friends carry Shamu the killer whale on their backs) (The Springfield Files)
• Mulder: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away. (The Springfield Files)
• Mulder: Wait a minute Scully, what's the point of this test? (The Springfield Files)
• Ned (after "The Beagle Has Landed"): Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of "Impy and Chimpy" I've ever seen! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Ned (calling Lovejoy and Helen while they are in Paris): I think I swallowed a toothpick! (In Marge We Trust)
• Ned(Sleepy): Howdily-diddely. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Ned: (hangs up) Oh, it's that darn recording again. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Ned: But it could be my mother! (the phone rings) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Ned: Dang! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Ned: Howdily-di... (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Ned: Uh, it's an angry mob, ma'am. Could you step outside for a twinkle while we knock down your house? (Bart After Dark)
• Ned: (hangs up) Shoot! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Nelson: (annoyed) "A birthday party?" (blows raspberry, shoves invitation to floor) (Grade School Confidential)
• Nelson: (frustrated) "I said ..." (raspberry) (Grade School Confidential)
• Nelson: (raspberry, shoves invitation back to the floor) (Grade School Confidential)
• Oakley: Are you absolutely sure that's wise, sir? I mean, I don't want to sound pretentious here, but Itchy and Scratchy comprise a dramaturgical dyad. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Oakley: You mean Cerberus? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Poochie: Catch you on the flipside, dudemeisters. Not! And remember, kids, always recycle, to the extreme! Busted! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Poochie: The name's Poochie-D and I rock the telly (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• President Clinton (getting abducted): Huh? What's happening? Is it noon already? (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Pyromaniac: I just torched a building downtown and I'm afraid I'll do it again! (The Springfield Files)
• Ralph Wiggum: Look, Big Daddy, it's Regular Daddy! (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Ralph: "Wait, mister, you're drinking a candle. You don't want to get wax in your mouth, do you?" (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Random Ship's Officer/Captain: Tell them to put on more dogs. (The Canine Mutiny)
• Range Instructor: Since you attended public school, I'm going to assume you're already proficient with small arms. So we're gonna give you something...a little more advanced. (gives Bart a grenade launcher. He then fires and destroys four of the five targets; the fifth missile flies beyond the horizon) Four out of five, Simpson. Impressive. But you missed your last target. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Rev. Lovejoy: I remember another gentle visitor from the Heavens. He came in peace, and then died, only to come back to life. And his name was...E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. (sniff) I love that little guy. (The Springfield Files)
• Reverend Lovejoy: You heathen baboons! (In Marge We Trust)
• Rex Banner (grabbing Comic Book Guy): "Are you the Beer Baron?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Rex Banner: "Don't crack wise with me, tubby!" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Rex Banner: "It's not up to us to decide which laws to obey. If it were, I'd kill anyone who looked at me cock-eyed." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Rex Banner: "Listen, rummy, I'm gonna say it plain and simple. Where'd you pinch the hooch? Is some blind tiger jerking suds on the side?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Rex Banner: "None of your business." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Rex Banner: "Pet shop, eh? Well, I just have one question. What kind of pet shop is filled with rambunctious yahoos and hot jazz music at one AM?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Rex Banner: "Yes I will." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Roger Meyers Jr. (to the "Itchy and Scratchy" writers): I have figured out how to rejuvenate the show. It's so simple, you egghead writers would've never thought of it! What we need is... a new character! One that today's kids can relate to! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Scully: Mr. Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the F.B.I. (The Springfield Files)
• Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight. (The Springfield Files)
• Scully: No, this is much more irritating. (The Springfield Files)
• Scully: Now we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes-or-no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand? (The Springfield Files)
• Scully: This is the worst assignment we've ever had. (The Springfield Files)
• Scully: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight. (The Springfield Files)
• Shary (quickly): No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse, or Monald Muck. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Shary: It's good to see you, Willie. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Shary: Bart, don't you remember? Cleaning up can be a game. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Shary: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Shary: I've been singing you songs all day! I'm not a bloody jukebox! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Shary: Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Shary: No, I'm practically perfect in every way. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Shary: Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite. (gives him one) (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Skinner (calling Lovejoy): Mother's gone too far! She's put cardboard over her half of the television. We rented Man Without a Face; I didn't even know he had a problem! What should I do? (In Marge We Trust)
• Skinner (appearing from behind Rev. Lovejoy): That's true, but I was only in there to get directions on how to get away from there. (Bart After Dark)
• Skinner: (steps outside the school) I...have a bomb! (opens his coat, revealing hot dogs taped around his chest in the style of a bomb pack) (Grade School Confidential)
• Skinner: (After receiving the recycling money) 32 cents! But that won't even cover the gas that I used to go to the store to buy the twine to tie up the bags! (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Skinner: It's me, chief. I'm on the other extension. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Skinner: We're not coming out until our jobs are reinstated and you acknowledge and celebrate our love. (Grade School Confidential)
• Skinner: Will you stop saying that? (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Smithers (pairing the workers): Simpson...and...Burns? (Mountain of Madness)
• Smithers: What time is it? (Mountain of Madness)
• Smokey: Only who can prevent forest fires? (Bart presses a button labelled "you") You've pressed "you", referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is you! (Mountain of Madness)
• TV announcer: It's eleven o'clock. Do you know where your children are? (Bart After Dark)
• Tortoise: (Nods and grins smugly) (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such TV spinoffs as Son of Sanford and Son and AfterMannix. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Troy McClure: Welcome back! I'm talking with the curator of the Museum of TV and Television, Mr. John Winslow. (leaves before Winslow can say anything) (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Weinstein: Uh, a dog? Isn't that a tad predictable? (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Wiggum: Uh-oh. This dosn't look good. I'll fix it with my old Wiggum charm. (Wiggum walks up to Mrs Lovejoy drunkly.) (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Wiggum: (answering his phone) Who is this? (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Wiggum: 5-5-5... Aw, geez, that's gotta be phony. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Wiggum: All right, Mr. B. When the kidnappers call with the ransom demand, you tell them you'll leave the money under the big net in the park. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Wiggum: Beautiful. Eddie, did you trace the phone number? (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Wiggum: Heyyy, I like it! I like it a lot! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Wiggum: If it isn't my old friends from Springfield, the Simpsons! What brings you folks to New Orleans? (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Wiggum: That's a auto-dialer machine. This boozebag used it in a telemarketing scam. Now, he's gonna rot in the slammer for the next twenty years: bread and water, icy showers, guards whompin' your ass around the clock, and the only way out...is suicide. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Wiggum: Well golly, I'd love to chat, but my son's been kidnapped. You haven't seen him, have you? Caucasian male, between the ages of six and ten, thinning hair. (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• Wiggum: Yeah Right... Just let me type that up on my invisible typewritter (Wiggum hums to himself). Fruitcake! (The Springfield Files)
• Wiggum: Yeah, we, uh, found a couple of barnacles on the hull; that and, uh, the deck was, uh, wet. (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Willie (watering the bushes): And that's how Willie waters. Now you take the "hoose". (sic) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Willie: That's not what you said the first time ye saw me! (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Woman #1: (in heavily-accented English) Awesoma powa! (In Marge We Trust)
• Woman: Larry, you must meet my daughter the debutante. She came out last spring . (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Woman: Let's just say this: he spelled "Yale" with a six. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Woman: Yale could use an international airport, Mr. Burns. (Burns, Baby Burns)
• Yakuza: Forgiveness Please! (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Barney: (lost) "...yes...?" (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Bret "Hitman" Hart: Eww! This place has got old man stink! (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Frogs: Bud... Weis... Er... Bud... Weis... (The Springfield Files)
• Mr. Burns: Ooh. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Sea Captain (drunk while talking to reporters): Yar, I'm in a lot of trouble now. (to reporter) Hey, I'll give ya a hundred bucks to take the blame! (Bart After Dark)
• Carl (reaching the ranger station): There's no other cabin around for miles. This must be the one Burns was talking about. (Mountain of Madness)
• Chief Wiggum: Look, lady, if I was you, I would just leap into the air as I am preparing to do. (They both do so as the Fleet-A-Pita van explodes) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Dr. Hibbert: Well, sir, you more than meet every one of this state's requirements to box, wrestle or be shot out of a cannon. (The Homer They Fall)
• Groundskeeper Willie: Shary and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back, and suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Willie: Yup. I bought your mutt. And I 'ate him! (Bart gasps) I 'ate his little face. I 'ate his guts! And I 'ate the way he's always barkin! So I gave him to the church! (The Canine Mutiny)
• Homer: Can do. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: No problem. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: Uh-huh. (Bart After Dark)
• Homer: You gave both dogs away?! You know how I feel about giving! (The Canine Mutiny)
• Mayor Quimby: "You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Lisa: "I'm gonna go get some vegetarian chili before they get desperate and add meat." (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Police Officer (Eddie): "I don't know why people are always badmouthing the Mafia." (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Marge:. . . has been putting off . . . (Bart After Dark)
• Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, due to popular demand, we will forgo our national anthem. And now, LLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLE!! (The Homer They Fall)
• Moe: Ya gotta give me back my floor! My customers are walking around on the pipes! (The Canine Mutiny)
• Mr. Burns: Bah, humbug. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Mrs. Krabappel (on seeing Bart leave): You dream about this day for so long, then when it comes, you don't know what to say. (The Secret War of Lisa Simpson)
• Quentin Tarantino: What I'm trying to say in this cartoon is that violence is everywhere in our society, you know, it's like even in breakfast cereals, man. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Skinner: Ah, there's no justice like angry mob justice. (Bart After Dark)
• Tortoise: (Nods at small pyramid) (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Mr. Smithers: I think your heart's beating again. (Simpsoncalifragilisticexpialad'ohcious)
• Smithers: Don't mind him, sir. You have an enchanting musk. (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• Arcade Owner: (speaking to Donkey Kong) Sorry Donkey Kong, you're just not a draw anymore. (The Springfield Files)
• (As Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney come upon Nelson and Lisa kissing) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• (Betty tries the Love Tester) (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• (He then gets hit in the head with a boom-mic) (The Springfield Files)
• (Homer is wired to a polygraph) (The Springfield Files)
• (Homer suddenly enters the bar to the applause of the studio audience) (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• (Marge and Lisa pause for a moment. Scene cuts to Marge and lisa in the car, speeding away from the cleanup guy) (Bart After Dark)
• (Marge arrives at the school loading zone. An unshaven and ragged Skinner appears) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• (On TV, Homer runs out of the theatre and gets shot down.) (Burns, Baby Burns)
• (Rev. Lovejoy meets Ned for the first time) (In Marge We Trust)
• (Scully observes Homer running on a treadmill with wires attached to him.) (The Springfield Files)
• (Upon hearing the name of the unholy one, the people cover their ears and moan) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (When Lisa asks him about recycling) (The Old Man and the Lisa)
• (Wiggum encounters the Simpsons at Mardi Gras) (The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase)
• (after the aliens have been revealed to the crowd at the White House) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (after the mystery of the Mr. Sparkle logo has been solved) (In Marge We Trust)
• (cut to Bob in his brother's car) (Brother from Another Series)
• (in the cabin, Burns and Homer stare at each other) (Mountain of Madness)
• (opens the door to show Skinner and Edna kissing. After the couple realizes what is going on, there is a beat) (Grade School Confidential)
• He steps forward, the pyramid grows significantly in height (El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer))
• Milhouse is standing in front of Kevin Costner's Waterworld - the video game in an arcade (The Springfield Files)
• Virtual Kevin Costner takes a single step on screen. (The Springfield Files)
• 
  Bob: Wait a minute! This is all because I became Krusty's sidekick instead of you! Isn't it?
  Cecil: Off the record, yes. Officially - I did it for the money! Speaking of which (points his gun at Bart) hand it over! (Brother from Another Series)
• (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (Burns, Baby Burns)
• (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• (A note is being passed along the tables to Nelson. He gets it and unfolds it, and reads 'Guess who likes you'. He looks back and sees Milhouse raising his eyebrows. The next scene shows being taken out of the school with a bloodied nose and broken glasses on a stretcher) (Lisa's Date with Density)
• (After being told to go inside while the mobsters and Yakuza fighting each other) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• (Bart is tied down) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (Cecil throws the case of money and the pistol over the cliff. It lands next to Molemans house) Moleman: Thank you God.(He picks up the pistol and points it at the sky) Now hand over the rest of it...Nice and easy...(the last few notes fall down)That's it.... (Brother from Another Series)
• (Donkey Kong replies by throwing a barrel at him and bowling him over.) (The Springfield Files)
• (During the fake ticker-tape parade) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• (Family is gathering at dinner table, where Dr. Hibbert is cutting some turkey) (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (Homer answers the door wearing nothing but a grocery bag) (Bart After Dark)
• (The little Yakuza flies through the kitchen window, and dusts himself off) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• (Burns and Smithers are having a picnic in the park when Ralph and Martin run by) (Bart After Dark)
• (leaves) (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• ===Citizen Kang=== (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• ===The Genesis Tub=== (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• ===The Thing and I=== (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• ==Links== (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• Down]]." (The Springfield Files)
• I'm a rappin' surfer, you da fool I pity! (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• I'm half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• I'm the kung-fu hippie from gangsta city (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• Mrs. Lovejoy and all the women enter Moe's tavern. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• What a minute! Hugo's scar is on the wrong side. He couldn't have been the evil left twin. That means the evil twin is, and always has been, Bart! (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• (The Twisted World of Marge Simpson)
• Kent Brockman: A bloody end for Homer Simpson... is just one of several possible outcomes according to our computer simulation. Now here's how it would look if the police killed him with a barrage of baseballs.
  Homer: Uh! Ah! Oh! Uh! Stop it! (Burns, Baby Burns)
• "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment" episode capsule at The Simpsons Archive. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• You must add a |reason= parameter to this Cleanup template – replace it with {{Cleanup|October 2006|reason=<Fill reason here>}}, or remove the Cleanup template.
  (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsGoofsS08':

• Duff had an alcohol-free Duff. It was presented in Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming, when Homer downs 6 glasses after mistakenly reading sign advertising "free Duff". However, a crowd of people standing around the sign leaves, revealing the full text of the sign to be "Alcohol-free Duff: $6". This causes Homer to be charged $42. However, he pretends to faint to leave the scene. (Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment)
• In the newly released book; The Bart Book it claims that Lisa was born when Bart was 2 years and 6 months. However, in this episode, Bart claims he is "two years and thirty-eight days older" than Lisa. If the episode was right, then Lisa's birthday would be 9 May, but if this book was right it would be sometime between late September and early October, as it states in the same book that Bart was born on April 1. If that was the case, Bart's birthday would have been on the episode So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• When Bart and Milhouse are on their "whacky shack", Milhouse points to three unsafe building signs. However, Bart throws only two out of the window. Then, when Bart asks Milhouse if it's OK, there are no more signs present. (Homer's Enemy)

Additions to ListGenBot list 'SimpsonsCouchGagsS08':

• Bart After Dark is the one hundredth and fifty-eighth episode of The Simpsons. (Bart After Dark)
• Mountain of Madness is an episode of The Simpsons (Mountain of Madness)
• Bart discovers that the house is actually a burlesque house and quickly takes a new enthusiasm to his job. Meanwhile, Marge and Lisa discover that all the animal cleaning has been taken by celebrities and drive home. Homer learns about the true nature of the burlesque house, but does nothing about Bart working there. Soon, the Flanderses and Lovejoys confront him on the matter in front of Marge, who was previously unaware of Bart's form of employment. (Bart After Dark)
• Bart learns that Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel have lost their jobs. Bart encourages Principal Skinner to stand up for himself, and he does just that. He locks down the school, calls the media and – after sitting on the roof – he and Mrs. Krabappel make their demands: They want their jobs back and the townspeople to not interfere in their relationship. However, several residents reply with their accusation about the two having sexual intercourse in the janitor's closet. Principal Skinner insists nothing of the sort happened, and that he, in fact, is still a virgin. Everyone accepts the explanation, and Chalmers agrees to reinstate Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel as though nothing happened. Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel decide to continue their relationship more privately than ever by convincing Bart that they have broken up. (Grade School Confidential)
• First Halloween episode to be the season premier. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• In music class, Lisa is caught looking outside the window at Nelson attempting to help Groundskeeper Willie, and is given detention. After school, she continues to watch Nelson ... and develops a huge crush on the bully. (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Kirk moves out of the Van Houten house and into "Casa Nova: A Transitional Place for Singles", where he sleeps in a race-car bed. Despite his drab new surroundings, Kirk keeps a cheery attitude toward it all... that is, until he is fired from his job at the cracker factory for being newly single (crackers are "a family food," his boss explains). Meanwhile, Luanne quickly begins her life after Kirk by starting a new relationship with Chase, who goes by "Pyro" on American Gladiators. Marge invites Homer to go see Spalding Gray with Luanne and Chase, but Homer declines, instead going out with Kirk. Kirk also has a new relationship; he begins dating a wig-wearing radio station temp named Starla who promises to help him launch his singing career, but instead steals his car. While at Moe's, Kirk mentions that he never saw the divorce coming. "One day, your wife is making your favorite meal," he says. "The next day you're thawing a hot dog in a gas station sink." Homer begins to fear that his and Marge's marriage might be next, especially when he sees that Marge left hot dogs thawing in the sink for him. (A Milhouse Divided)
• Lisa calling 911 trying to get an ambulance fails, after Bart attempted to make several prank calls earlier that night. Then she tries to call Dr. Hibbert but has a day-dream about what would happen. She then tries to take an unconscious Bart (and a hyperactive Maggie) to Dr. Nick Riviera's clinic but fails to get an appointment. She then takes Bart and Maggie on foot to the hospital. Along the way, Chief Wiggum halts Lisa to see what kind of wheelbarrow she has (what she was carrying Bart and Maggie in). After complimenting Lisa on her excellent choice of barrow Bart falls into the river right in front of the crowded Squid Port. Everyone assumes that Lisa murdered Bart and that she is on drugs, and is about to drown Maggie. Homer and Marge are shocked at these events. The next day, Bart gets treatment, confesses it was his fault and apologizes to Lisa. She is distraught that her reputation as a babysitter is ruined; however, despite the rumors, she still gets a few requests from other families, because she's one of the only babysitters in town. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Lisa decides to earn extra money as a babysitter. However, because of her age, no one takes her seriously. One day, Ned states that Maude has been taken hostage in the Holy Land and he must leave to get her released. Lisa offers to baby-sit. After a relatively uneventful night, Ned puts out the good word for Lisa, who experiences a business boom. (My Sister, My Sitter)
• Marge makes Bart her specialty "butterscotch chicken", but in "Blood Feud" Marge says that Bart's allergies are "butterscotch and imitation butterscotch." (A Milhouse Divided)
• On its way down the hill, the propane-driven house kills a squirrel. (Mountain of Madness)
• The characters Burns hullucinates seeing are Mao Tse Tung, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt and Mahatma Gandhi. (Mountain of Madness)
• This episode contains one of the hints that Patty is a lesbian as she is seen exiting the house during the slide show, a fact that is confirmed in future episodes. (Bart After Dark)
• Bart and Lisa think that there is something in the attic. Homer claims not to know what they are talking about, although he feeds the thing fish heads. Bart and Lisa investigate in the attic to find out that there really is a monster. Homer and Marge call Dr. Hibbert about the thing, which appears to be Bart's conjoined twin brother, Hugo (voiced by Nancy Cartwright as well).. Dr. Hibbert says that Hugo and Bart's birth as conjoined twins was an irregularity because one of them was pure evil (the one on the left side, since he continuously bit the one on the right side), and he had to separate them, choosing to take Bart home and let Hugo be chained up in the attic. Bart even sees the scar from the birth. The rest of the family leaves Bart at home, while they look for Hugo. Meanwhile, Hugo is actually home and takes Bart up to the attic and ties him up to a bed. Hugo decides he's going to sew himself and Bart up. When they come home, Dr. Hibbert realizes that Hugo's scar is on the wrong side, meaning that the evil twin is actually Bart, who is locked up in the attic in Hugo's stead and made to eat fish heads, while the rest of the family eats turkey. (Treehouse of Horror VII)
• Homer ends up annoying most of Springfield with his "Happy Dude" scam, and it isn't long before Chief Wiggum catches him. Instead of confiscating the autodialer and taking Homer into custody, Wiggum gives him a citation and asks him to bring the autodialer with him to his court hearing. Homer does just that, and is ordered to apologize to everyone he had scammed. Using the autodialer, he apologizes ... and then asks for more money! (Lisa's Date with Density)
• Martin Prince invites his classmates to his birthday party, but the gathering – which features a mathemagician as the main entertainment – turns out to be incredibly boring. As a result, party guests Principal Skinner and Edna Krabappel strike up a conversation and discover they have romantic feelings for each other. The party comes to its merciful end when everyone becomes ill with food poisoning, as Martin insisted on serving oysters instead of a birthday cake. Vegetarian Lisa doesn't get sick, but nevertheless fakes illness to leave the party. Bart is the only other one to escape the poisoning, having fed his oysters to Martin's cat; he stays behind and spots Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel kissing inside Martin's playhouse. (Grade School Confidential)
• (Bart After Dark, Grade School Confidential, Mountain of Madness)
• | guest_star = Alex Rocco as Roger Meyers, Jr. (The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show)
• | guest_star = John Waters as John (Homer's Phobia)